How do I stop gossiping when everyone I know does it around me?

[melissa123456]

How do I refrain from gossiping about others when the people I hang out with all the time gossip? Even my family gossips? I think the majority of what we talk about is gossip. How do I stop gossiping without hurting the people I love by not partaking in said discussions?

 

[StrawberryJam]

How do I refrain from gossiping about others when the people I hang out with all the time gossip? Even my family gossips? I think the majority of what we talk about is gossip. How do I stop gossiping without hurting the people I love by not partaking in said discussions?

The same way you don’t (hopefully) swear, steal, lie, cheat, slander, or any number of other sins your friends and even family members may be engaged in and you may not know it. Not one of your friends or family members are perfect. Gossip is bad, and so are all the other sins you see or don’t see them do.

How are you hurting people by not partaking in gossip? Don’t scold them, just tune out.

 

[bpbasilphx]

As your mother doubtless asked you, “If everyone you know around you is jumping off the roof, would you do it, too?”

 

[goldenfrog]

Gossip - something that if we are careful about, we all do. Possibly the simplest solution to your question has to do with ATTITUDE. Specifically; Yours! If a person doesn’t want to engage in what is unpleasant to them, they could just change who the are around. And, Yes! That is not always simple to do. For those, like family, that you need to be around - develop the intestinal fortitude to speak out in support of not engaging in ‘gossip’ or whatever else doesn’t work for you.

One Man’s opinion

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I trick I used when I had room mates that loved to gossip, was use their gossip to springboard into another topic. For example. Say one person says “can you believe X and Y are living together? And they aren’t even married yet!” You could take so many directions with this, for example: “Did you know A and B got married last summer? Don’t they look so happy together!?” If you turn negative gossip to positive “gossip” (not sinful), then you can try and take it to a topic NOT related to people. Like the institution of marriage, or some other concept.

Or you could just leave the room. I found myself doing that a lot. It can cause backlash though.

 

[PlipPlop]

As your mother doubtless asked you, “If everyone you know around you is jumping off the roof, would you do it, too?”

Well, that depends on the condition of my friends after they’ve jumped, how high the roof is, what is underneath the roof, and why they are doing it.

On a serious note, though, I understand where the OP is coming from. Just tell them “no”, and don’t participate in it. It’s hard to do, but there’s not really an easy way. Good luck.

 

[fultonfish]

The idea of diverting the conversation is a good one.

Or bring up some utterly innocuous gossip, such as that you just bought the recording of that woman on Britain has talent, what’s her name?, what a great voice she has, and did you see Simon Cowell’s face when she sang for the first time and I can’t believe that no one put her under contract all this time and what was the name of that song she recorded for her church decades ago as a fund raiser. Cannot believe she wasn’t under contract. Why wasn’t she hired decades ago? What was her name again?

You can do that with almost anything. Television is my favorite. That way you can fit in and not do anyone any harm. And if anyone comes after you because you are not complaining, you don’t make any effort to defend yourself, you just divert and say nice things. That fellow Jeff Probst said that he hangs out with the other what do you call them hosts or presenters like that guy on Dirty Jobs how does he DO THAT without getting sick my god how does he do that they tried to audition people to replace him. Mike Rowe, that’s his name has a great singing voice. can you recognize people who do voiceovers on commercials by their voices like that guy who played spock.

Or if they put someone up to you in a nasty way, find something nice to say about that person. That boss who was so nasty has a real talent for preventing damage by the bureaucracy he just has a natural ability to get his budgets approved and bring in new contracts i wish i was able to do stuff like that.

That’s one way to form your own character; you adopt character traits you like even if you don’t like everything thing that someone else has. Everybody is good at something, so you adopt the good parts and just skip over the rest. Actors are good at memorizing lines. They may no know much about physics or finance. Same applies to everything else.

With practice you can become a real expert.

Just don’t go too far to dominating the conversation.

 

[Tyuiop411]

How do I refrain from gossiping about others when the people I hang out with all the time gossip? Even my family gossips? I think the majority of what we talk about is gossip. How do I stop gossiping without hurting the people I love by not partaking in said discussions?

Just hold your tongue and resist the urge to gossip. Thankfully i never had this problem and i became the person that my friends told all they’re secrets to.

 

[EmeraldWings]

Well, if your family is the type that will ignore your efforts to stop them from gossiping or laugh at your concerns with it, then i understand exactly what you’re going through,
it would probably be easier for you to talk to your friends about how bad gossiping is then it would be with your family, because your family is just comfortable with you in a way that they do not worry about how they look to you and therefore don’t care if you see them sinning in what seems to them as “little” sins, if at all.
people who gossip do it because they enjoy it, and i’m sure it wouldn’t be easy for them to give it up even if they wanted to.
so if you do say anything about it, be patient, even if they don’t stop right away, give it time, you simply need to plant the seed, and God will water it and help it grow.

if you want to admonish them, it should be done one on one with each of them, admonishing a group or even just one person in a group would result in you getting ganged up on and everyone possibly taking offense because they don’t want to look bad in front of each other.
and when you admonish someone, it should be done lovingly and gently, and should be explained in simple words with good examples,
so before you announce that gossiping is a sin, you should find out exactly why and what are some remedies for it, because even if they agree that it is wrong, it wouldn’t be very easy for them to stop without knowing how.

and if you can, just don’t speak when they are gossiping, and definitely leave the room if possible,
and most importantly, pray for them, you should pray the rosary every day and say your morning and night prayers(of course maybe you already do)
and perhaps do some penances in reparations for sins of gossip and slander,
like for example…don’t let yourself talk without necessity on every Wednesday or whatever day you choose,
or you can ask your priest about penances and what kind of things you can do to fight these and any other sins,

other then that, don’t let this stress you out, God is being patient with them, and He knows what’s best for us, so just trust in Him and know that everything will work out, all you need to do is pray and try to be good, God is obviously inspiring you to help them, so just trust that He will guide you, He wouldn’t push you into this without a plan, even if things seem to turn out horrible, God always brings good out of bad, so just be patient and i’m sure things will get better.

ok, hope this helps you, tc.

 

[kage_ar]

Joey is dating Sally!

That is gossip.

In and of itself, gossip is not a sin. What ARE sins are detraction and calumny:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#2479

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of *detraction *who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279
• of *calumny *who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:
Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280 [2479](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2479.htm’) Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

 

[teachccd]

I usually say, “Top lip, meet bottom lip” and have them hold hands for awhile…

 

[puzzleannie]

How do I refrain from gossiping about others when the people I hang out with all the time gossip? Even my family gossips? I think the majority of what we talk about is gossip. How do I stop gossiping without hurting the people I love by not partaking in said discussions?

easy, just say no, as in, sorry I don’t talk about people behind their back, and leave the room. you will soon get a reputation as someone who can be trusted, who keeps legitimate confidences, who has a mind set on things besides other people’s business, and who is a good friend to have.

 

[mdgspencer]

There can be harmless gossip, as if you simply mentioned that you saw someone at the store. But detraction and calumny are sins. If we are even a part of destroying someone’s reputation, we are flirting with disaster. This is the choice most people face at one time or another,.of whether or not to be a friend to our acquaintances and an enemy to God. I hope you aren’t in such a situation where this could happen.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Joey is dating Sally!

That is gossip.

In and of itself, gossip is not a sin. What ARE sins are detraction and calumny:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#2479

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of *detraction *who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279
• of *calumny *who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:
Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280 2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

Thanks kage! That was helpful to distinguish what’s okay from what’s not okay. Over the holidays, we often get together with family and friends. Sometimes we talk about others who aren’t there and share what they’re up to, (like if someone moved, got married, or had a new baby, etc.) While the word “gossip” generally has a bad connotation, It’s not always bad or sinful to share information about other people with other people.

 

[jen71]

Joey is dating Sally!

That is gossip.

In and of itself, gossip is not a sin. What ARE sins are detraction and calumny:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#2479

I struggle with the gossip thing. It is difficult to remember what all has been said in conversation throughout the day sometimes.

For example, if I’m at work and Y comes in to say that X made this stupid mistake which caused a problem, then this is gossip?

I am totally paranoid that I have gossiped by talking about wrongs people have done to me or to others. It is almost impossible not to gossip when trying to explain certain family, relationship, and friendship troubles.

I often think it would be easier if I could just give God some of my free will back just so that I had a greater likelihood of making the right choice all the time.

 

[mdgspencer]

It can be all-right to reveal the faults of others if you need sympathy or advice. But if you have much trouble about gossip, it might be better to totally lay off speaking of what you know about others. Perhaps too it will help confessing such things at confession, and God them may give you the grace that will help you. I have had much trouble over the years about a particular kind of sin and only now after some decades have I begun to well deal with it. So don’t give up.