How do I stop hating my daughter's murderer?

  • Thread starter Thread starter kathleen_morgan
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

kathleen_morgan

Guest
Seventeen years ago my daughter was murdered. She was 17 at the time. This year I have been struggling more than ever with hatred for the person who killed her. She has now been dead as long as she was alive and I find myself consumed with hatred. My parish priest said I should go to confession each week to express this hatred, but it doesn’t help. In fact, I think it keeps it more alive because I focus on it each week (well, honestly, each day). Nothing makes the hatred go away, and I am truly at the end of the proverbial rope. How can I stop hating? There must be a way. I am quite desperate.
 
I am so sorry to hear of your daughter’s death and your own continuing pain and sorrow. I will pray for your intentions and I ask the readers of this post to stop and say a prayer for you as well.

I have never experienced a tragedy similar to yours, so I cannot presume to guess your feelings or pass judgment on them. I can only assure you that you don’t have to feel forgiving toward your daughter’s murderer. All God asks of you is that you *choose to forgive *that person. We often do not have control over our feelings (and so do not sin when we struggle with feelings we cannot control), but we can make choices in spite of those feelings because choice is an action of the will.

Perhaps whenever the feelings of hatred well up in you, you might pray, “Lord, you know I feel so much hatred toward this person, but I know that you want me to choose to forgive him. I choose this day to forgive this person, and I pray that you grant that I may one day no longer hate him.” I do not presume to know how difficult this will be, and can only make the suggestion. If you cannot yet say “I choose this day to forgive this person,” perhaps you might say, “Grant me the grace to be able to choose to forgive this person.”

Some resources that might help:
  • A crucifix to meditate upon, during which you might ask God to help you see your daughter’s murderer through his eyes, and ask for forgiveness for your own share in the sins that put God’s own Son on the cross to suffer and die.
  • The Lord’s Prayer. You might want to pray it slowly, focusing your meditation on the passage, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
  • A book or DVD on the life of [St. Maria Goretti (CatholicSaints.Info » Blog Archive » Saint Maria Goretti), a young girl who forgave her killer on her deathbed and whose intercession brought about the conversion of her murderer and the reconciliation of her murderer and her mother.
  • The [Pastoral Solutions Institute (http://www.catholiccounselors.com), a Catholic counseling apostolate, which may be able to offer you telephone counseling or a referral to a counselor in your area.
May God be with you and may your daughter rest in peace. Amen.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top