In thought, word, and deed my sin is always before me! How can I stop, what can I read that will make me fed up with my sins to the point I’ll stop? I’ve had compunction before, but I just can’t feel agony over my sins anymore and I don’t know how to quit?
In other words, how do I develop a deep conscience?
Your conscience is not an emotional. It does not compell you from doing wrong. Your conscience only tells you the difference between right and wrong.
You are not going to stop sinning on your own or overnight. It is humanly impossible. Even our motivation tends to be more out of spiritual pride rather than authentic love of God. It is important to remember that through God’s grace, we are made perfect. Until we have reached perfection in love, we cannot go to Heaven. That is why Purgatory gives us such great hope. That’s why we should regularly receive the sacraments, especially confession.
What you are asking for is more perfect contrition over your sins. Often we think the more emotionally distraut we are about our sins, the greater our repentence, but often the emotional distraut is just the result of false humility which is really spiritual pride. Our contrition is found more in our actions. What do we do after confession? How soon do we take the sin up again? That is when we face the reality over how imperfect our contrition is, and how enslaved we are to sin. That is also when we come to appreciate the sacrament of confession as not merely being forgiven, but a sacrament of spiritual healing.
So what should you do? 1. Read CS Lewis’ Mere Christianity especially Beyond Personality “Is Christianity Hard or Easy?” 2. Learn about St. Therese’s Little Way 3. Live a Sacramental life 4. Pray the Litany of Humility “That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…”
Your part is to open yourself to God’s grace and to use whatever strength you have, plus the strength you gain through God’s grace, to turn away from the opportunities to sin. Focus on your acheivements though repent and confess your failures. Do not fall into despair over the fact that you do fail because you’re failing in that moment of despair as well.