How do I tell a biased dad that I am becoming Catholic?

[mskathryn]

I have been an extremely devout Christian my whole life. In school my friends would not invite me to parties because I was the GOOD girl. My dad had an extremely beautiful transformation beginning when I was 5years old. He for the next couple of years would have a wonderful protestant evangelical man witness to him over and over again. We began going to a small independant Christian church, Bethel Christian Church in Maine. I just knew from that young of an age Jesus loved me and I would dedicate my life to him. I have maintained that devotion - being one of the youngest members to be baptized [the protestant faith I was apart of baptized by full-immersion at the request of the member], I participated in every extra class/play/band everything that I could. I went to Bible camps in the summers, took correspondence courses and read the Bible often. As we grew older, my family moved around the country. Each place we went, we were active in some Christian church. Street witnessing to people was second nature to me. The denominations didn’t mean anything to me, that was my dad’s job as spiritual head of the household to determine where we worshipped, I just went willingly and participated as God lead me. When I went off to college, I found a start-up church [as somewhere in the back of my head I heard my dad saying that denominations twisted Christianity and non-denominational churches allowed the Spirit to truely lead them] and got involved immediately. I was the acting music minister and felt God’s call to continue forward. There were issues there, and in fashion, the next year I went back to school, I started worshipping at a different church. Long story short, I continued at that church for 2 years, then felt lead to an Assemblies of God Church for my senior year of college. Most of the churches I have participated in have been of the pentecostal variety. When I moved to the Boston area for graduate school, I was blessed with an opportunity to use my talent for God and receive compensation. I began singing at a Congregational church. One of the first of this denomination in the New World. It was a beautiful New England setting and the people in the church embraced me with open arms and love. I have been there for the better part of 12 years. I never truly embraced the faith of the Congregational, but that was my ministry. Then 4 years ago, I met and fell in love with my current boyfriend - a Catholic. In the beginning of our relationship, I felt that God brought us together to help him find refuge from the controlling Catholic faith - lead him to “true Christianity”. I was called to move to Texas to be with him [for a short time he worked there] and while we were there, I went to Mass every week with him. I was depressed that I wasn’t accepted. That I wasn’t “good enough” for them to participate fully in the Mass. It was hard, my heart was broken, how could this God that I loved my WHOLE life leave me out to hang. To be in this terrible place of un-wanted feeling. As time has gone by through much prayer and study, I have felt that we weren’t brought together to heal him, but to heal me. I am nearly completed in my RCIA class. I have found my Aunt and Uncle [very devout and evangelical Catholics] to be my Godparents. I have spoken to my mom…she supports my decision and loves me no matter what. She was “forced” to leave the Catholic faith by my dad to save her marriage after my older brother was born. Her father treated my dad harshly as he was not Catholic and my mother’s whole family has been Catholic for generations. He has had previous ill-feelings for the Catholic faith as his mother was also treated terribly by her family when she fell in love with a protestant man. I truely believe that all Christianity has merit. That the evils brought against my grandmother and my mother were NOT that of true Catholic belief. My dad has not forgotten the tears that my mother cried, that his mother cried as their families cut them off. There was not enough Love passed around - just judgement and intollerance. I have prayed and been able to move beyond - to understand that “men” make mistakes. God is perfect, Jesus was perfect, the Spirit is perfect, outside of that - we are all trying. Trying to love Him the way that we can. We cannot hold the Church responsible for the sins of her people. I am very afraid that my dad with continue the pattern that he has seen - only in the opposite direction. Does anyone have any insights on how to discuss this transformation with him? The Easter Vigil is rapidly approaching… THANK YOU in advance.

 

[rfournier103]

Sounds like quite a conundrum… Hopefully you will get great advice from other converts who have been in your situation. May God bless you in your journey.

 

[jmcrae]

I I am very afraid that my dad with continue the pattern that he has seen - only in the opposite direction. Does anyone have any insights on how to discuss this transformation with him? The Easter Vigil is rapidly approaching… THANK YOU in advance.

Just be straight with him about what happened and how you feel right now. He either loves you or he doesn’t - you can’t control how he will react, but he does have the right to know.

 

[SilverCamellia]

I too have the problem of a biased dad. He is anti-Catholic, calling them ‘hypocrites’, ‘holier-than-thou’ and ‘do-gooders’. Like you I am in RCIA and will be Confirmed at the Easter Vigil. He is otherwise agnostic/ atheist. A couple of weeks ago I told him I was going to be Confirmed and he strongly advised me against it, giving various reasons such as people at the church were exploiting me; Catholicism is all about control; men can’t forgive sins; Catholics were wolves in sheeps’ clothing, etc.

He was talking about a related topic to religion so that is when I announced it.

For a few days after, I was very doubtful about my decision to be Confirmed. I was thinking that perhaps I could put it off like he suggested, did I need to be Confirmed etc. But I worked out my reasons as to why I want this to happen and I am again firm in my decision.

The way I see it, the resistance from friends and family is a cross we must bear. I am glad you have the support of your boyfriend and your aunt and uncle. I will be the only Catholic (and indeed the only practising Christian) in my family. It can feel very lonely, but I believe it will be worth it

And if you can still edit your post, it would be good if you could insert paragraphs as it is a bit hard to read at the moment.

 

[Julia_Mae]

Does anyone have any insights on how to discuss this transformation with him? The Easter Vigil is rapidly approaching… THANK YOU in advance.

My advice is always to write it in a letter. Then you can announce and explain and he has time to react and then think. I wouldn’t mention that your mom already knows, but I would tell her you are going to inform him.

You may or may not be able to discuss this with him at all. But he does need to know what you are doing and why. If discussion might profitably take place, my feeling is an exchange of letters will be more productive than talks.

Write to him from your heart and pray.

 

[misspriss]

I feel for you, it sounds tough.

I was raised Baptist, by my devout mother and my dad, who I have never been sure about, but my situation was different. I was outside of church for about 5 years before I started going to Catholic church. My mom, who was really sick at the time, asked where I was going to church when she saw me leave one day, so I told her. She was not able to speak at the time, so we did not talk about it much. She did say something to me about faith and works, so we talked about James, but that is all she ever said. I hope that she wasn’t too disappointed in me, I think she really believed there was something wrong with the Catholic church, but she never pressed the issue. She passed away this summer, so I’ll never know.

Her dad, however, my grandpa, thinks the Catholic church is pretty much pure evil. He has said something to me about it before. In fact, the only thing he said to me at my Mother’s funeral was “You need to get back in church…in a Baptist church.” He has actually written anti-Catholic books and had them printed. He hasn’t said anything since though. To be honest, it kept me from visiting my grandparents for a while, because he probably is not going to change his mind at all.

I wish I could help you more, but I don’t really no what to say. None of my family is Catholic. My husband came to the Easter Vigil for me, and no one else. I didn’t invite them though either. I assume from your post that you are an adult, since you went to college. For me, I just had to remind myself that I was an adult, and this was my decision to make. So far my immediate family has seemed to respect that, although my grandparents really haven’t.

 

[mskathryn]

He was talking about a related topic to religion so that is when I announced it.
…
The way I see it, the resistance from friends and family is a cross we must bear. I am glad you have the support of your boyfriend and your aunt and uncle. I will be the only Catholic (and indeed the only practising Christian) in my family. It can feel very lonely, but I believe it will be worth it

And if you can still edit your post, it would be good if you could insert paragraphs as it is a bit hard to read at the moment.

Thank you for your insight of your own conversation - I feel blessed that regardless, I can take solace in the fact that my Dad and I believe in the same God - the same faith. Your situation is hard.

And - unfortunately - I cannot edit and add paragraphs. Sorry.

One thing that I can tell you for your own situation - Catholics do NOT believe that Men forgive you. You confess your sins to the priest who provides you with penance and tells you that you are absolved, but THEY are not offering forgiveness. They are simply the condit to Christ’s forgivness - ONLY CHRIST can forgive - and only “you” know whether or not you are truely sorry for whatever you have done. This is an objection I expect to hear from my dad. All of the things that he has said & that others have said negatively about the Catholic church are usually mis-understandings of true Catholic doctrine.

May God continue to bless you with confidence in His Grace in your journey.:hug3:

 

[Loving_disciple]

This really isn’t advice and doesn’t sound good really, but it is written to rejoce in affliction and give thanks to God. Jesus will be with you so you have nothing to fear for everything will be good in the end.

 

[Cathhsmom]

I have spoken to my mom…she supports my decision and loves me no matter what. She was “forced” to leave the Catholic faith by my dad to save her marriage after my older brother was born. Her father treated my dad harshly as he was not Catholic and my mother’s whole family has been Catholic for generations. He has had previous ill-feelings for the Catholic faith as his mother was also treated terribly by her family when she fell in love with a protestant man. I truely believe that all Christianity has merit. That the evils brought against my grandmother and my mother were NOT that of true Catholic belief. My dad has not forgotten the tears that my mother cried, that his mother cried as their families cut them off. There was not enough Love passed around - just judgement and intollerance. I have prayed and been able to move beyond - to understand that “men” make mistakes. God is perfect, Jesus was perfect, the Spirit is perfect, outside of that - we are all trying. Trying to love Him the way that we can. We cannot hold the Church responsible for the sins of her people. I am very afraid that my dad with continue the pattern that he has seen - only in the opposite direction. Does anyone have any insights on how to discuss this transformation with him? The Easter Vigil is rapidly approaching… THANK YOU in advance.

I would basically tell him what you just told us. Start by talking about how you know that his mother was hurt by her family cutting her off because of who she married’s faith and how your mother was too. Let him know that you realize how hurtful that was to him as well as his wife and his mom. Say something to the effect that since he knows how hurtful it is when families don’t understand and aren’t supportive, you are hopeful that since he has seen this that he will keep an open heart and mind to your journey with your faith life. Share with him the wonders and joys that you have found in the church. Apologize for those in the family who twisted the faith in such a way that he and your mom and grandma got pushed away rather than drawn closer in love. Do this gently. If you can’t do this in person, due to distance and ability to get there to tell him, then write it in a loving letter. Give him the time that he will need to absorb this. He may surprise you. He also may be really upset at first but calm down with some time to think. Whatever he does, just remember to come back later and remind him that you love him no matter what. You have the choice of continueing the tradition of being pushed away or stopping it by being the better person and continueing to reach out the hand in love until the reach back. I will pray for you and all of your family.

 

[SilverCamellia]

I would basically tell him what you just told us. Start by talking about how you know that his mother was hurt by her family cutting her off because of who she married’s faith and how your mother was too. Let him know that you realize how hurtful that was to him as well as his wife and his mom. Say something to the effect that since he knows how hurtful it is when families don’t understand and aren’t supportive, you are hopeful that since he has seen this that he will keep an open heart and mind to your journey with your faith life. Share with him the wonders and joys that you have found in the church. Apologize for those in the family who twisted the faith in such a way that he and your mom and grandma got pushed away rather than drawn closer in love. Do this gently. If you can’t do this in person, due to distance and ability to get there to tell him, then write it in a loving letter. Give him the time that he will need to absorb this. He may surprise you. He also may be really upset at first but calm down with some time to think. Whatever he does, just remember to come back later and remind him that you love him no matter what. You have the choice of continueing the tradition of being pushed away or stopping it by being the better person and continueing to reach out the hand in love until the reach back. I will pray for you and all of your family.

What a beautiful post!

I will be able to apply some things to my own problems with my dad too (post # 4)

 

[LSK]

I have been an extremely devout Christian my whole life. In school my friends would not invite me to parties because I was the GOOD girl. My dad had an extremely beautiful transformation beginning when I was 5years old. He for the next couple of years would have a wonderful protestant evangelical man witness to him over and over again. We began going to a small independant Christian church, Bethel Christian Church in Maine. I just knew from that young of an age Jesus loved me and I would dedicate my life to him. I have maintained that devotion - being one of the youngest members to be baptized [the protestant faith I was apart of baptized by full-immersion at the request of the member], I participated in every extra class/play/band everything that I could. I went to Bible camps in the summers, took correspondence courses and read the Bible often. As we grew older, my family moved around the country. Each place we went, we were active in some Christian church. Street witnessing to people was second nature to me. The denominations didn’t mean anything to me, that was my dad’s job as spiritual head of the household to determine where we worshipped, I just went willingly and participated as God lead me. When I went off to college, I found a start-up church [as somewhere in the back of my head I heard my dad saying that denominations twisted Christianity and non-denominational churches allowed the Spirit to truely lead them] and got involved immediately. I was the acting music minister and felt God’s call to continue forward. There were issues there, and in fashion, the next year I went back to school, I started worshipping at a different church. Long story short, I continued at that church for 2 years, then felt lead to an Assemblies of God Church for my senior year of college. Most of the churches I have participated in have been of the pentecostal variety. When I moved to the Boston area for graduate school, I was blessed with an opportunity to use my talent for God and receive compensation. I began singing at a Congregational church. One of the first of this denomination in the New World. It was a beautiful New England setting and the people in the church embraced me with open arms and love. I have been there for the better part of 12 years. I never truly embraced the faith of the Congregational, but that was my ministry. Then 4 years ago, I met and fell in love with my current boyfriend - a Catholic. In the beginning of our relationship, I felt that God brought us together to help him find refuge from the controlling Catholic faith - lead him to “true Christianity”. I was called to move to Texas to be with him [for a short time he worked there] and while we were there, I went to Mass every week with him. I was depressed that I wasn’t accepted. That I wasn’t “good enough” for them to participate fully in the Mass. It was hard, my heart was broken, how could this God that I loved my WHOLE life leave me out to hang. To be in this terrible place of un-wanted feeling. As time has gone by through much prayer and study, I have felt that we weren’t brought together to heal him, but to heal me. I am nearly completed in my RCIA class. I have found my Aunt and Uncle [very devout and evangelical Catholics] to be my Godparents. I have spoken to my mom…she supports my decision and loves me no matter what. She was “forced” to leave the Catholic faith by my dad to save her marriage after my older brother was born. Her father treated my dad harshly as he was not Catholic and my mother’s whole family has been Catholic for generations. He has had previous ill-feelings for the Catholic faith as his mother was also treated terribly by her family when she fell in love with a protestant man. I truely believe that all Christianity has merit. That the evils brought against my grandmother and my mother were NOT that of true Catholic belief. My dad has not forgotten the tears that my mother cried, that his mother cried as their families cut them off. There was not enough Love passed around - just judgement and intollerance. I have prayed and been able to move beyond - to understand that “men” make mistakes. God is perfect, Jesus was perfect, the Spirit is perfect, outside of that - we are all trying. Trying to love Him the way that we can. We cannot hold the Church responsible for the sins of her people. I am very afraid that my dad with continue the pattern that he has seen - only in the opposite direction. Does anyone have any insights on how to discuss this transformation with him? The Easter Vigil is rapidly approaching… THANK YOU in advance.

Just like this - you have a beauiful story and you obviously love your dad. Tell him just like you told us. And put the results of your decision into the hands of the Holy Spirit…and Welcome HOME:thumbsup:

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I wouldn’t go into too much explaining at first. Give your reasons and let him digest it. If he is keen to understand why you are converting you could go more in depth as time goes by. In this way he will slowly get used to it and hopefully accept your decision withought picking fights. Whatever happens, stand your ground. Be loving towards him and repeat the same story a million times if necessary. Maybe it will reach him at some point. But be prepared for the possibility that he will never change his mind about the church.

Most converts go through this, either with family or friends, or both. God bless and good luck.

 

[Joshua_Shorter]

I had to tell me dad, who is one of my best friends and a co-worker. It was incredibly difficult. I lost sleep over it for months fretting about the conversation. I basically asked him how he would tell someone he loves something he knows will disappoint them. That led to me telling him, in tears, that I was so worried about losing him as a friend and that he would hate me. He reacted perfectly. He took me in his arms, told me that even though he disagrees with me that I am his son and he will always love me. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. He has not treated me any different since that day and I could not have imagined that at all.

 

[rfournier103]

I think a visit to him and a nice conversation would be the best way. He may ask you some tough questions (about Sacred Tradition, the Real Presence, Apostolic Succession, faith & works) and I think as long as you have good answers, things will go well!

 

[mskathryn]

Thank you all for you insights and your welcomes. I have been on this journey for over 3 years and it has been long, sometimes confusing, & sometimes beautiful. I hope everyone is safe this weekend. I am coming close to the Easter vigil, please continue to pray for me. Thank you!