How do I tell my cousin I will not be a bridesmaid in her non-Catholic wedding?

[sarahmy]

My cousin, who is like a sister to me, wants me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She met a man two years ago and they are getting married in September by a pastor from her fiance’s church (a non-denominational church). She has told our family that she is no longer Catholic and will not be marrying in the Church. She has been living with her fiance for almost a year now (as well as sleeping together) and I do NOT approve of him or their relationship.

How can I tell her that I will not attend her wedding because I do not support her decision to marry outside the Church, as well as her decision to reject the Church and its teachings? She is a VERY headstrong person and her fiance is very negative towards any and all Catholics. I fear that this is going to be a “great divide” in our family.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Just tell her in a straightforward manner and as kindly and gently as possible. You might say:

I’m sorry, but I am unable to be a bridesmaid in your wedding and am unable to attend. I’m sure you understand why.

If she insists that she doesn’t “understand why,” you might say:

You know that I cannot approve of the choices you’ve made in this area of your life. For the sake of our relationship, it might be better for us simply to agree to disagree.

If she keeps pressing, keep repeating yourself or say:

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to discuss this further.

If this woman truly considers you to be like a sister, she will respect your right to make your own decision. If there is a “great divide” in your family, it will be because of her inability to accept that her family can both love her and refuse to support or condone the problematic life choices she has made.

Recommended reading:

What are the rules for attending weddings?