How do I tell my husband that I’m pregnant at 45

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My husband and I were not Catholic when we got married (I was raised Baptists and he Lutheran, and we usually attended some kind of Protestant service together.) He didn’t actually want any children, but I figured the idea would grow on him eventually. Eventually, he did agree not to “interrupt coitus” and we had our first child when I was 31. While we were expecting our second, I ended up converting to Catholicism.

He’s been a good sport about practicing NFP even though I’m pretty sure he just “takes care of his own business” when it’s my fertile time or if I’m not amorous. I don’t cycle while breastfeeding, so we’ve been able to avoid pregnancy a lot, but we’ve still ended up with four (very awesome) children. We do have special needs— two children on the autism spectrum.
My husband is not really into being a father. He doesn’t like to do things with the kids and prefers to watch TV. He gets very irritated with them and yells most of the time. By now he is just irritable most of the time. I don’t totally blame him— he works hard to earn money but he doesn’t have a degree so there is a limit. Each new child doesn’t bring a pay raise, so here we are with four children in a three bedroom house. Now I just found out I am expecting again at age 45! I am almost done with my bachelors degree but I guess I am not going to be able to start a career yet. I know my husband feels very frustrated and unhappy and I don’t know how to tell him I’m pregnant again! Is there a way to do it gently? I am afraid some day he is just going to get sick of it all and leave.
 
Are you asking how to tell him or how to help him deal with the information?
 
Actually, I just didn’t know what to tell him. We have a big communication problem, and I hate when he gets upset or angry, so we generally circle around situations. I told him I scheduled a doctors appointments because I was missing my monthly visitor, and I’m not sure if I understood what I meant. Maybe if they give me a referral to the OB I’ll just hand him that and let it sink in.

I’m such a coward! He’s never been violent or abusive, but he does tend to roll his eyes at me and talk to me like a child, so I usually just try to talk to him about neutral topics. At least we have therapy this week! Hahaha I guess we need it!
 
Congratulations. I found that adding a child doesn’t really add much financial stress, as by the time you’re at four you just let them play with one another, wear hand-me-downs, and share outgrown toys. Babies don’t cost much at first. I found one alone harder to deal with.

It sounds like your main problem is your husband’s unhappiness. Perhaps the therapist can work on that with him. People are generally as happy as they make up their minds to be.

It’s too bad he doesn’t enjoy the children more. He has such an important role in their lives, and can influence them so much for good or ill. Perhaps it might be something to discuss, keeping in mind that daughters will find men who treat them as their fathers did-- if he treats them with respect, they will expect it. And sons of course will copy him in everything.

What would I say? If you don’t want to bring it up in therapy, (which might be a good idea) you could just pick a time when he’s in a good mood and say, “Joe, i’ve got something to tell you, and I’m nervous about it. I don’t know how you’re going to feel, and I’m not sure how I feel. . . .I’m pregnant.”
Then again, I don’t know your husband. I’m sure you will find the right words.
 
rubberbaby said:
I’m such a coward! He’s never been violent or abusive, but he does tend to roll his eyes at me and talk to me like a child, so I usually just try to talk to him about neutral topics. At least we have therapy this week! Hahaha I guess we need it!
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While not physically abusive I consider that abusive behavior.

Can’t advise you on how to tell him. I don’t think there is a way to tell him that will make him accept it.
 
Warmest congratulations ! Remember that this is wonderful news and a blessing from God !
 
As a father of four myself, I very much understand your husband’s concerns about finances. As you say, his company won’t automatically give him a raise just because you have another child. And I love being a father, but I also get irritable and sometimes want to watch TV instead of spending time with the kids, just because I am worn out. So I identify with your husband in some ways, but it makes me sad to hear that he is “not really into being a father.”

Regarding the pregnancy, I don’t know how you should tell your husband other than just telling him directly. Make sure to tell him how much you love him and how much you appreciate everything that he does to provide for the needs of your family. Tell him how much confidence you have in him. Let him know that you are excited about this news, even if it wasn’t what you expected or planned.

If my 40-something wife told me that she was pregnant with our fifth child, first I would be worried because she has health issues that would make another pregnancy risky, but I would also be very happy and hopeful. I hope and pray that your husband can find some happiness over this news, even if it takes him some time to adjust to this new situation.
 
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congrats , well if your husband is not being supportive w your children ,may I suggest ,you do what my mom did and raise them , even tho he is there you raise them ,and for this child , raise it love it , be there for it ,and if your husband don’t like it tuff … you are a good women keep it up
 
Thanks— that’s very inspirational. Almost made me cry. I’m sure it’s the hormones!!
 
You will have to tell him eventually you know. You could just put some baby clothes on his pillow. No don’t that is an awful idea.
 
The oldest is how old? The OP doesn’t say whether she’s got them pitching in around the house but if they’re not, they should be.
 
Congratulations! This new little baby is a blessing for sure .Love this baby with all your heart and you’ll find the strength to do all you need to.Praying your husbands heart will just get bigger.Take care and God bless
 
I would be very excited that a new baby is coming. A new child, a gift of life, would be enough to drown my misgivings about expanding the family. Every new face is a blessing, a parent’s flesh and blood, which is to be cherish.

Money is not everything but a new life is.
 
Really? 😃 Some replies never cease to amaze me.I guess you would have advised me to give my four away 🙂 This is a capable mother who is just asking for some advice on breaking the news that should be joyous in any family to her husband who should be excited at a new member .
I can’t help chuckling at the crazy thought of preparing to split the family up by giving the youngest member away.
 
teddy1 said:
If the husband doesn’t feel like he can handle it, they must make that adult decision. It would be better for the child not growing up in a broken home. I would advise her to talk to her husband about putting the baby up for adoption.
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Are you just incredibly out of this world or a teenager? They are married. So they are open for god giving them a child. The OP never said she has parenting issues or mental health problems, no major issues for giving away a child. They won´t starve I think, as they seem to be in the US, and the husband needs to deal with it. Not more and not less. You comments are disturbing.
 
Putting a baby up for adoption when the couple is unmarried is one thing. But this is a married couple who has no reason to give up their baby after he or she is born.

Why do you believe they should put this baby up for adoption, teddy1?
 
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