How do i tell the adoptive parents I changed my mind?

[Jlyn]

I’m 15 and about to have a baby. i picked out a wonderful couple to adopt. they’ve been trying for kids for years but it didnt happen and they have had a couple of failed adoptions. They’ve been great, payed for everything and are so excited. they have a beauiful nursery and a name picked They are amazing people and everything in my brain says they should adopt her but my heart says no. I want to keep My baby, but how do I tell them? it will break their hearts.

 

[hoping4more]

Did you tell your grandma? Is she on board with you keeping the child?

 

[misstherese]

Do you think you are capable of raising the child? Before making any decisions, you should understand what goes into caring for a child, especially for someone still in high school.

After reading your previous post, I’ve come to notice how similar your situation is to my own sister’s. She had a baby at age 19 and the father was into drugs. No lawyers were needed, and though it was threatened, custody wasn’t an issue. Probably just a scare tactic for whatever reason. Whatever you do, if you decide to keep the child but do not want anything to do with the father or want any financial support, don’t put his name on the birth certificate.

 

[Viki63]

Adoption is hard. I have two adopted children and love them to pieces, but there is still a sore spot in each of their hearts knowing that their parents could not keep them.
But most importantly: What is the best thing for your child? To have a stable family, a married father and mother, or a struggling teenager raising him or her?
Have you considered an open adoption? Would the couple be willing to have you visit regularly so that you could share in the child’s life? Some people would be okay with that, since a child cannot have too many people that love them.
Please talk it over with your grandmother, She would be doing a lot of the work if you keep the child. Raising a child is hard work. Have you considered what you would do about your studies, getting a job, and forming a future family?
God bless.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Children have a right to their natural parents.

Last post you were dealing with your boyfriend being a jerk and his criminally neglectful mother.

Has that changed?

Adoption is hard, but so is raising a child.

Your grandmother is not young anymore. Even if they also had babies young she’ll soon be in her 60’s if she’s not already there. Is she really able to help you raise this child? Your boyfriend is a neglected, if not abused, child himself. Are you prepared for 18+ years of dealing with him?

Open adoptions are incredible. You can see your child as much as the parents and you agree to. You could be a babysitter. You can attend birthday parties and ball games…again whatever all of you decide on. Today, adoption does not mean that you will never see your child.

I was taken from my parents as an older child. I was lucky to be adopted at my age. What I endured before that is unspeakable. At 15, with only your grandmother as family, with an boyfriend who’s family is also shattered to pieces, you’d have to work incredibly hard to ensure your child has a good life. You may be giving up getting married. All of that is up to you and a valid choice for your life. But things could go wrong and without support your child could end up in a very bad situation.

 

[Legend]

If what you said in your other thread is accurate, you are only about two months along! Even if its closer to three, you have some time. Is your grandmother going along with your decisions? It may be difficult, but you must tell your prospective adoptive parents what you have decided.

My opinion only: you should think long and hard about an open adoption. That way, you get to see and care for the baby, but your child will have a stable home in which to live. You really should get more education, before becoming a full time Mom.

Whatever you decide, be honest with all involved parties, and have your mind made up by the time your baby is born. And pray about it. God bless you and your child!

 

[TechieGuy]

You have another five or six months before you give birth, right?

Why not just chill a while and see how you feel then. No need to make any rash decisions…

 

[tafan2]

You are 15 years old, you need to seriously consider what is best for the child, not what you want.

 

[Cruciferi]

They are amazing people and everything in my brain says they should adopt her but my heart says no.

Your brain is correct. Logically, adoption is right for your situation. Since they’re such a wonderful couple, I’d advise proceeding with the adoption.

Some will consider this cold; nevertheless, it must be said: Thoughts and feelings can betray you. Calmly and logically thinking through the situation will reveal the answer. Stay the course with your initial decision.

 

[tafan2]

This may be the one chance you have of giving your child a good and happy life. You must talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision. There is NO room for your “heart” in this process.

 

[AdamP88]

If the adoptive parents would do an open adoption, I would go for that.

Then you can still have a relationship with your baby and the baby will have a stable family situation.

 

[Gwendolen]

I am coming at this from a different perspective, based on different life experiences.

My advice – do not make a decision about adoption now.

Giving birth is an experience that cannot be described. It changes you as a person. You will not be the same person after you give birth than you are now. Allow yourself that experience. When you develop a close relationship with potential adoptive parents you start to feel like you “owe” them a baby, and you are somehow responsible for “fixing” their fertility issues. This is made deeper when you are a religious person having a baby out of wedlock. Sometimes that situation can be manipulated into thinking this is how you can “pay” for this sin and make it right. Then if you give birth, and find you cannot or do not wish to relinquish your baby, it can make things incredibly complicated.

Notice how very few people that advise women to relinquish their child for adoption, open or otherwise, are women who have done just that. You are asking strangers on the internet to decide what is best for you and your baby. And yes, the baby’s needs are extremely important, but your needs matter as well.

Here’s the deal. YOU are the mother of this baby right now. You may eventually chose not to parent that baby, but right now you are the decision maker. Take all the time you need. If your primary reason for considering adoption is that you fear you could not provide for the child, but really do want to parent, talk to a NEUTRAL therapist (NOT SOMEONE FROM AN ADOPTION AGENCY) and see if resources can be pulled together. Let someone help you examine your heart (yes that counts!) AND your mind to undercover your true desires, motives, and resources.

Talk to women who have relinquished newborns. As you can, with a variety of takes on it. Talk to those who were at peace with their decision, and those who regret it, and everyone in between. Talk to people with successful and not so successful open adoptions.

Talk to other teen moms in your area to get an idea of reality of being a teen parent. Talk to moms in their 20s and 30s who were teen parents to see how things turned out for them and their kids, and what factors contributed to, or detracted from, success.

You may indeed come to a decision that open adoption is the best option for you. But not because you need to “fix” another couples infertility, or because a stranger on the internet thought it would be better for the baby to have a stable two parent family, but because after examining your heart, mind and resources without pressures, YOU decided this is what is best for the baby and yourself.

As far as the POTENTIAL adoptive parents goes, it sounds like it is relatively early in the pregnancy. If you are having doubts, I would just bow out, and say that you are leaning towards adoption, but not ready to make a decision, and minimize contact and not set expectations you are not sure you can keep. It is OK to distance yourself for a while.

God bless you.

 

[Allegra]

I think this is the best advice. It sort of seems odd to me that theprospective parents have already set up a nursery when you are only a few months along. Please take your time making this decision and try not to let their eagerness put pressure on you.