How do men participate in NFP?

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Contra_Mundum_1

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The way my husband and I use NFP is one-sided. It is something that I do: I chart and he waits for me to tell him where in the cycle I am so we can be intimate. He has no interest in learning about it because he doesn’t understand what purpose that would serve: I would still have to chart based on the signs of my body.

He is a non-believer and he finds NFP both a trial and an enigma. I’ve tried to explain that we can bond through this practice and grow together as a couple, but he sees it as an obstacle to his enjoyment and a set of weird rules, and just an alternative form of contraception that religious people use. At the same time he is supportive of me using this method but doesn’t understand what he could do with it, how he can participate. I don’t know what to tell him. Since the spiritual benefits mean nothing to him, I struggle to find an explanation that he will understand.

Any thoughts on how to approach him are most welcome.
 
Thank you for the link, I’ll have a look.

Anyone out there? 😃 Any ideas on how to engage my husband in this? I’m sure there are experienced people reading this and bursting with desire to tell me what to do. 😉
 
Guys like gadgets (gross generalization I know, but often true 🙂 ) You could get him a ladycomp that has all those bell and whistles, red, green, and yellow lights. Guys like shinny lights 😃 All he would have to do is take your temp in the morning. If you are doing some kind of sympto-thermal method, you could use the temperature measurements in your own charting.

I am not suggesting switching to ladycomp if the charting is working for you, but as a way to get him involved. He has his gadget, you have your charting. It could also be a good way to cross check your interpretations with those of the machine (with the proviso that your interpretation should take precedence in a disagreement - for example, the machine gives you a green light, but the interpretation of your cycle from your charting gives you a red light).

In terms of justification, for a non believer, I would tend to focus on concerns over side effects of various forms of contraception, or practical ineffectiveness of some other forms. Make it a health issue rather than a spiritual issue. You can also focus on the unnaturalness of some forms of contraception and sterilization.

Other things to focus on would be the way NFP requires and nurtures self control and discipline. These are important aspects of a marriage that should be clear to even non-believers I think. Perhaps you could talk about it opening up the door to other ways of expressing affection and love.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head.

God bless,
Ut
 
Mine doesn’t, and won’t be in the future. I have zero interest in having him participate in the collection or recording of the data. It’s my body, and I prefer to handle it. I tell him if it’s a “no” or a “go” and he listens.
 
Honestly, my DH doesn’t get into the nuts and bolts of the method itself. He enjoys it as a source of humor (as a way of coping with the abstaining)… lots of jokes about “How’s your sticky-licky-thicky nonsense going?”, and the like. He doesn’t get upset or put pressure on me (not like I can actually control the hormones), so he’s a good sport and handles it all in good humor. We laugh about the whole thing a lot… it helps!
 
JackieMom said:
Mine doesn’t, and won’t be in the future. I have zero interest in having him participate in the collection or recording of the data. It’s my body, and I prefer to handle it. I tell him if it’s a “no” or a “go” and he listens.
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👍

My husband’s participation is listening to me when I say its a “no.”

(Yes, he can read my chart and he does. But I do all of the collecting of information.)
 
Thank you for the replies.

When I read the NFP threads I get an impression that it is crucial that the couple engages in it, and not just the woman. I could never really understand how that works, and from the replies so far it seems that emotional support is a big part of it.

My husband supports me because he knows well that I will not use contraception, but NFP would never be his preference if he had the choice. If I decided to go on ABC he would support me in that as well, and his encouragement would probably be more genuine. So I don’t really have proper support that many people here have, but it could be worse. At least he agrees to it. 🤷
 
Contra_Mundum said:
The way my husband and I use NFP is one-sided. It is something that I do: I chart and he waits for me to tell him where in the cycle I am so we can be intimate. He has no interest in learning about it because he doesn’t understand what purpose that would serve: I would still have to chart based on the signs of my body.

He is a non-believer and he finds NFP both a trial and an enigma. I’ve tried to explain that we can bond through this practice and grow together as a couple, but he sees it as an obstacle to his enjoyment and a set of weird rules, and just an alternative form of contraception that religious people use. At the same time he is supportive of me using this method but doesn’t understand what he could do with it, how he can participate. I don’t know what to tell him. Since the spiritual benefits mean nothing to him, I struggle to find an explanation that he will understand.

Any thoughts on how to approach him are most welcome.
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Sigh. DH is a believer in NFP and would never consider using contraception.

But the chart keeping, and the “gate keeping” is really up to me. He hasn’t come to the classes, but he’s read the book, and he can interpret the chart, which he looks at occasionally.

If you ask him what method we use, he’ll say, “NFP” we use Creighton. We used to use Billings. I’m not sure he knows the difference or if there is a difference.

I would like to be able to practice it as suggested by every NFP source I’ve read --daily discussions, with him being as aware or almost aware as I am. But no.

I’m the gate keeper, even though it’s not so much of having to tell him “No we can’t” but more like, “Yes, we can”. It isn’t ideal really. At least he is basically comfortable with the level of intimacy.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I would like to be able to practice it as suggested by every NFP source I’ve read --daily discussions, with him being as aware or almost aware as I am. But no.
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When I really think about it, I’m not sure I want to have daily discussions about my mucous :o It just seems a bit too much. I guess keeping this a bit private is not a bad thing, it helps keep the magic alive.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Thank you for the replies.

When I read the NFP threads I get an impression that it is crucial that the couple engages in it, and not just the woman. I could never really understand how that works, and from the replies so far it seems that emotional support is a big part of it.

My husband supports me because he knows well that I will not use contraception, but NFP would never be his preference if he had the choice. If I decided to go on ABC he would support me in that as well, and his encouragement would probably be more genuine. So I don’t really have proper support that many people here have, but it could be worse. At least he agrees to it. 🤷
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Mine is Catholic, and would go get a vasectomy tomorrow if I okayed it. I just tell him that this is the way it is, and he goes along with it. It would be nice if he were totally opposed to ABC, but I’ll take that he doesn’t complain (too much!) about NFP. I don’t see his lack of enthusiasm as a huge deal.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
When I really think about it, I’m not sure I want to have daily discussions about my mucous :o It just seems a bit too much. I guess keeping this a bit private is not a bad thing, it helps keep the magic alive.
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👍

Some things are just private. Mucus is one of them.
JackieMom said:
Mine is Catholic, and would go get a vasectomy tomorrow if I okayed it. I just tell him that this is the way it is, and he goes along with it. It would be nice if he were totally opposed to ABC, but I’ll take that he doesn’t complain (too much!) about NFP. I don’t see his lack of enthusiasm as a huge deal.
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My husband isn’t Catholic and would get a vasectomy tomorrow if I OK’ed it. He is generally against ABC, but only the chemical stuff. He would have no problem with the mechanical stuff.
 
I have to say I feel better about this now. Thank you for commenting on this thread.

I think my main challenge is that I have a non-Catholic, atheist husband. Living the faith with such a spouse can be very lonely and hard. And that includes NFP. I guess I just have to put this at the foot of the cross and pray.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
When I really think about it, I’m not sure I want to have daily discussions about my mucous :o It just seems a bit too much. I guess keeping this a bit private is not a bad thing, it helps keep the magic alive.
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I mean more like, today is a green sticker day, today I start prometrium, It seems like there’s a lot of baby stickers this month. Stuff like that.

Part of Creighton is checking for a double peak due to stress. The DH is supposed to remember if there was a greater stressor than normal around the first peak. DH wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t remember off hand. He’s too distracted.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I mean more like, today is a green sticker day, today I start prometrium, It seems like there’s a lot of baby stickers this month. Stuff like that.

Part of Creighton is checking for a double peak due to stress. The DH is supposed to remember if there was a greater stressor than normal around the first peak. DH wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t remember off hand. He’s too distracted.
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OK, I see what you mean.

I use Billings and am not very enthusiastic about it. But I have no recourse to Creighton, ie finding an instructor. Do you think I can learn it from a book?
 
Contra_Mundum said:
OK, I see what you mean.

I use Billings and am not very enthusiastic about it. But I have no recourse to Creighton, ie finding an instructor. Do you think I can learn it from a book?
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No. It has to be through a course with a certified Creighton teacher. The book is only available through Creighton.They might have teaching by phone.

I moved to Creighton due to health issues. Billings was fine before I had health problems. The chart is practically the same.
.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
When I really think about it, I’m not sure I want to have daily discussions about my mucous :o It just seems a bit too much. I guess keeping this a bit private is not a bad thing, it helps keep the magic alive.
Click to expand...
Honestly - for us the magic is kept alive by having good humor over the whole thing. Sure we talk about my mucous and my cervix… I look at him all lusty-like and ask if he wants to check my cervix… he plays it up with a big drama of “OH LORD I don’t want to be hearing about that nonsense!”, all dramatic like… really keeps things very light and humorous, while still keeping the communication open - works well for us. 👍
Contra_Mundum said:
I have to say I feel better about this now. Thank you for commenting on this thread.

I think my main challenge is that I have a non-Catholic, atheist husband. Living the faith with such a spouse can be very lonely and hard. And that includes NFP. I guess I just have to put this at the foot of the cross and pray.
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That would be hard - I’m sorry you carry that additional burden.
 
I see. I guess I will just stick with Billings for now and see if I want to switch to something else if an opportunity arises.
 
I do not chart. My husband does. I observe my signs throughout the day, and every evening he records. In the mornings he writes down my temp. So he tells me when I am infertile or fertile. We keep the chart handy for either of us to check and see where I am in my cycle. I will not play gatekeeper in this. I insisted it must be a joint effort. He was totally in agreement that it would not be fair for all the responsibility to be on me to chart AND then on top of it, be the one who has to say whether or not physical intimacy may occur. That was a recipe for disaster for our marriage, so we have to share the burden and the sacrifice together every step of the way. Not all couples need to do it that way, but we DID, and it has worked beautifully for us.
 
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