How do poor people afford children?

[Kelfa28]

Kids for the first couple of years are so cheap!

Why you ask? You need to be creative and to sacrifice.

I stay home with my kiddo…no expensive daycare.
I cloth diaper…I literally spend $12 a month on disposable diapers (I’m NOT joking, I get the cheap wal mart diapers and use one per overnight).
I breast feed. That’s free…but people don’t want to BF past 6 months…for whatever reason.
I use hand-me-down clothes and do a little extra laundry…plus I have grandparents that love to buy stuff for her.
I make ALL of her baby food…the only pre-made food she eats is rice wafers. It’s so much cheaper. Why spend a dollar on a small jar of baby food that won’t last one sitting when I can spend $3.00 on buttermilk squash that I peel and cook myself and will last a whole week.

I’ve had way too many women try to scare me from having kids…saying they are SOO expensive.

My husband is recently unemployed and we make enough on his checks to live comfortably…meaning the mortgage is paid and dinner is on the table and we can have an inexpensive date night every couple of weeks.

We are saving for their Catholic school education now…including the babies God hasn’t blessed us with yet.
We don’t have cable and my husband doesn’t have a cell phone right now. Our cars are long paid off.

I can’t wait to have more. Kids are NOT that expensive…I don’t understand where this logic comes from?

If you can’t afford where you live…then move.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

They are definitely a gift and a blessing… But has one of your kids ever seriously pursued ballet???

No, I have 2 sons. Thank God. I’d be a lot broker if I had had girls.

 

[PaulinVA]

No, I have 2 sons. Thank God. I’d be a lot broker if I had had girls.

My three (boy, two girls) have combined to spend at least $8000 in the last ten years on sports. Baseball, softball, basketball, swimming. One daughter is now playing college rugby. She’s already running through money (and doctor’s visits - it’s rugby, after all).

That’s not counting the $8000 on chorus and band. Wow. I have to go sit down somewhere.

Oh, our 1st is in heaven where sports are free.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

No, I have 2 sons. Thank God. I’d be a lot broker if I had had girls.

I know one family where more of the boys are serious about ballet than the girls.

 

[Eleanor61]

My son in law makes about $28,000 as a catholic elementary school teacher. My daughter had a baby last spring, stays home during the day and tutors at night, making $300 a week. As a catholic high school teacher with a masters and certification she made $10,000 more than her husband, but they both want her home with the baby. They live in an extremely expensive area, and get by by renting a house with roommates. It is a huge sacrifice but they will not move. We live one state to the southwest, about 40 miles away, and houses are half the price, real estate taxes one fourth.

Sme of the comments on this thread explain something to me I have never understood. My husband makes $120,000. We had five kids, three are still at home, one in college, the youngest still homeschooling. We put the older three through college and in some cases grad school. We buy new cars (Hondas) and drive them for 10+ years. We never have any extra money and yet it seems like that is a fortune. We don’t have any debt. Between tuitions and adoption expenses we will have spent nearly $200,000. We have a nice house by the standards of 1975, lots of little rooms, no granite countertops or ceramic tile floors, but a beautiful 2 acre wooded yard. I understand better why we aren’t further ahead. It was really important to us that our kids not have college debt. If our daughter and son in law had student loans they could never have afforded to get married and have a baby right away. We see all around us how student loans dictate the course of people’s lives for many years, far beyond the value of the degree in many cases.

 

[EphelDuath]

Thank you very much for all of the responses.

11 years ago, I was your age, had a 33k salary, 2 kids, $700 / month student loans and was renting for 700 / mo… Doing the math doesn’t make sense, but we did it.

Well it sounds like I’m in essentially the same position: about the same salary, higher rent but no student loans. No kids yet though and I’m going to be thoroughly wiped out of savings after the honeymoon. How did you get by?

God bless!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

http://photos.mris.com/nfs/photos02/1/0/3/3/4/6/10334646788_1_M.jpg

This is a 200k home in Silver Spring, Maryland. One floor and one basement, just a driveway.

I suppose my question should be, how do people in my area afford children.

We living in the DCMetro area also, and have managed to have and raise children. Different parts of the area have their own micro-economies as I am sure you well know. You also don’t have to have your own, detached home to have a baby. Start your family while you are still in an apartment or townhouse.

Also, costs for the things are highly inflated in those magazine articles and lists. Each child doesn’t need a top-of-the-line stroller, crib, or high chair. Even a very safe car seat comes in many price ranges.

Clothes and toys can be second-hand or simpler than many lists include.

Baby food can be mashed table food rather than from a jar, breast feeding instead of formula.

Babies also don’t need their own room, and young children can easily share a room. So a new, bigger house is not always necessary with each birth.

Living close to work has some definate advantages, so moving out to the way outer 'burbs in order to have a huge house is not always worth it. Of course, living in the city itself can be very expensive in other ways. Silver Spring is actually a good location.

 

[JackieMom]

We living in the DCMetro area also, and have managed to have and raise children. Different parts of the area have their own micro-economies as I am sure you well know. You also don’t have to have your own, detached home to have a baby. Start your family while you are still in an apartment or townhouse.

Also, costs for the things are highly inflated in those magazine articles and lists. Each child doesn’t need a top-of-the-line stroller, crib, or high chair. Even a very safe car seat comes in many price ranges.

Clothes and toys can be second-hand or simpler than many lists include.

Baby food can be mashed table food rather than from a jar, breast feeding instead of formula.

Babies also don’t need their own room, and young children can easily share a room. So a new, bigger house is not always necessary with each birth.

Living close to work has some definate advantages, so moving out to the way outer 'burbs in order to have a huge house is not always worth it. Of course, living in the city itself can be very expensive in other ways. Silver Spring is actually a good location.

I think those are good ways to save a little money here and there, but the massive expense comes with private school and the activities the kids end up taking an interest in. It is VERY important to us that our kids learn to play a musical instrument well. Those lessons from highly skilled teachers (not the piano lady down the road) are crazy expensive. We pay over $400 a month for lessons for our older two and we’ve got three coming up. Some people would call that a luxury, and you know, compared to food and health insurance it is, but it’s also something we feel will make our children more well-rounded, interesting and skilled people. We know the time to capitalize on those talents is now.

I’m not one to have kids dabble in YMCA activities and sports - if you’re going to do something, you do it well and go all-in. My oldest is very serious about ballet and that means four times a week lessons at the studio, costumes and proper equipment. Again, this is important to us that our kids learn to take on a task and give it everything they have. We feel our job is to help our kids have success in the areas in which they excel. For us that means each kid studies music and each kid is involved with an athletic pursuit.
Keeps them out of trouble long term, gives them confidence and a sense of accomplishment and an appreciation for hard work and discipline.
And those things, while not absolutely necessary, are a very important part of our family life and cost a lot of money. For parents like us, you have to take that into consideration.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My son in law makes about $28,000 as a catholic elementary school teacher. My daughter had a baby last spring, stays home during the day and tutors at night, making $300 a week. As a catholic high school teacher with a masters and certification she made $10,000 more than her husband, but they both want her home with the baby. They live in an extremely expensive area, and get by by renting a house with roommates. It is a huge sacrifice but they will not move. We live one state to the southwest, about 40 miles away, and houses are half the price, real estate taxes one fourth.

Sme of the comments on this thread explain something to me I have never understood. My husband makes $120,000. We had five kids, three are still at home, one in college, the youngest still homeschooling. We put the older three through college and in some cases grad school. We buy new cars (Hondas) and drive them for 10+ years. We never have any extra money and yet it seems like that is a fortune. We don’t have any debt. Between tuitions and adoption expenses we will have spent nearly $200,000.** We have a nice house by the standards of 1975, lots of little rooms, no granite countertops or ceramic tile floors, but a beautiful 2 acre wooded yard.** I understand better why we aren’t further ahead. It was really important to us that our kids not have college debt. If our daughter and son in law had student loans they could never have afforded to get married and have a baby right away. We see all around us how student loans dictate the course of people’s lives for many years, far beyond the value of the degree in many cases.

That’s where we’re at, too. Young people seem to think that they need/want/have a right to a big house with all the expensive fittings right out of the gate, right after college. There’s little sense of earning your way toward the nicer things in life - just go into debt and have it all NOW! And they are straddled with debt from college which costs WAY too much in relation to the degree you get (many degrees) and the job prospects. I’m not sure I’d even advise kids to go to college - the trades can be profitable and no 4 year delay to get married, etc.

 

[EphelDuath]

That’s where we’re at, too. Young people seem to think that they need/want/have a right to a big house with all the expensive fittings right out of the gate, right after college. There’s little sense of earning your way toward the nicer things in life - just go into debt and have it all NOW! And they are straddled with debt from college which costs WAY too much in relation to the degree you get (many degrees) and the job prospects. I’m not sure I’d even advise kids to go to college - the trades can be profitable and no 4 year delay to get married, etc.

Well, not me. My current apartment complex rips me off, is infested with bugs and the neighbors are criminally noisy. I just want a house so I can have some peace and quiet.

 

[JackieMom]

That’s where we’re at, too. Young people seem to think that they need/want/have a right to a big house with all the expensive fittings right out of the gate, right after college. There’s little sense of earning your way toward the nicer things in life - just go into debt and have it all NOW! And they are straddled with debt from college which costs WAY too much in relation to the degree you get (many degrees) and the job prospects. I’m not sure I’d even advise kids to go to college - the trades can be profitable and no 4 year delay to get married, etc.

My husband is a lawyer, and his advice to new law school grads is, “Don’t buy the sportscar!”

And you’re right. There is this whole mentality of, “I have a bachelor’s degree, I’m not going to work for $12.00 an hour! That’s barely worth it!” So many young people can’t find work because they think they’re too good to not be making 75k right off the bat (adjusted for their area.)

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Oh I understand. But the OP isn’t at that stage yet. My daughter took 7+ classes a week in ballet and danced in 3 full-length performances a year.

However, public schools are very good here (as in Silver Spring, MD) so we didn’t have to pay for private school for them to get good educations.

I agree about being involved in activities, but we have also found ways to do it well without spending a fortune. We have a wonderful vocal coach - top student at St Olaf’s, guest conductor for honors choirs throughout the state. But she is not one of the “popular” coaches who does tons of advertising. Other parents do not recognize her name, but when my daughter got to college the choir directors there knew her. That’s what counts, right?

In the meantime, my children are receiving an excellent vocal education with a person they like, who is flexible with her schedule, and reasonably priced. Guess what? She’s a faithful Christian who is working from home to raise a family. It pays to shop around even for private tutors and coaches.

Sports I understand are a different matter - there are only so many teams to be on. But when your children are involved in performing arts, or many individual sports (like tennis) where you have more flexibility, being with the “big name” and expensive studios or private instructors doesn’t always mean you are getting the very best.

I think those are good ways to save a little money here and there, but the massive expense comes with private school and the activities the kids end up taking an interest in. It is VERY important to us that our kids learn to play a musical instrument well. Those lessons from highly skilled teachers (not the piano lady down the road) are crazy expensive. We pay over $400 a month for lessons for our older two and we’ve got three coming up. Some people would call that a luxury, and you know, compared to food and health insurance it is, but it’s also something we feel will make our children more well-rounded, interesting and skilled people. We know the time to capitalize on those talents is now.

I’m not one to have kids dabble in YMCA activities and sports - if you’re going to do something, you do it well and go all-in. My oldest is very serious about ballet and that means four times a week lessons at the studio, costumes and proper equipment. Again, this is important to us that our kids learn to take on a task and give it everything they have. We feel our job is to help our kids have success in the areas in which they excel. For us that means each kid studies music and each kid is involved with an athletic pursuit.
Keeps them out of trouble long term, gives them confidence and a sense of accomplishment and an appreciation for hard work and discipline.
And those things, while not absolutely necessary, are a very important part of our family life and cost a lot of money. For parents like us, you have to take that into consideration.

 

[PatriceA]

This is it. The Grace of God. We raise cattle for a living. We dont have a gaurenteed paycheck every week. Many times I wonder where the money will come from. God always provides. Sometimes in very strange ways. We could never do it on our own. Trust in the Lord. It is not a cliche.

This. Having babies when society will tell you how expensive children can be is putting all you confess to believe about God to the test. Like someone already mentioned, don’t believe those figures about how much it takes to raise a child, its nonsense. God provides, God provides, God provides. He says so over and over again in scripture. He is not lying.

In the meantime, you pray for your finances, you take classes or read up on budgeting and what not. You educate yourself with all the information you can about money matters. You live frugally and modestly. You don’t live like other people and some may call that lifestyle “poor” but its being smart with the money God provides.

You will profess to be open to life when you take your vows. Believe what you profess and God will provide the rest.

 

[ffg]

Thank you very much for all of the responses.

Well it sounds like I’m in essentially the same position: about the same salary, higher rent but no student loans. No kids yet though and I’m going to be thoroughly wiped out of savings after the honeymoon. How did you get by?

God bless!

Make a list of needs and wants, and then see how many needs can be moved to the wants side. You’ll be surprised.

We got by because first God’s means have been plentiful as we continued to have kids. My Salary always increased each time we had a new kid, and even with this one we are expecting this month, I’m in the middle of an interview process for a promotion. Second, my wife and I are on the same page financially.

My Wife is a genius on spending. She uses once-upon-a-child to trade up for clothes, we used to get hand-me-downs from friends and family. We give away what we can now. (Though we still have tons of boxes of clothes I’d like to get rid of)

Someone above mentioned nursing - we nurse exclusively for the first 6 months and then introduce food while nursing for the remainder of year 1. She might buy 1 or 2 cans of formula and when she does, only with an $11 coupon that you get with the gifts from the hospital at birth.

Food - Aldi is the answer (discount / off brand). Also, you have to set aside any desire for premium food, it’s all a crock anyway. We went through a lot of pasta (and still do).

Another item - If you have a $100+ / mo cell phone bill, that’s problem #1. T-Mobile sells 1000 prepaid minutes with a year deadline for $100. We’ve had 2 of these phones for many years. I can go almost the full year without using all the minutes, she might need 2 fill-ups a year, so that’s $300 / year max for phones.

As some have mentioned, it’s important to understand it takes time, sacrifice and hard work to get to a comfortable point. Don’t close doors just because you want to live in one particutar place, or neighborhood, or other things that can fog needs vs wants.

 

[Cat]

How do you all keep from getting fat eating so much pasta?

Sigh.

I’m guessing—small portions?

Sigh sigh.

Isn’t it funny? Those of us who are a little better off financially envy those who are poor and eat pasta. And many of the poor envy those who are better off and eat lean meat and vegetables.

 

[Litcrit]

This is fascinating.

I don’t live in the USA.

I earn the equivalent of 8600 US dollars a year and this is what my family lives on. We have two children, ages 6 and 3.

We don’t have debt (I inherited a smallish apartment, and all our kids will share one bedroom and know they’re lucky to have a “children’s room” in the home. Many young couples here live with their parents, even their grandparents).

University education is free for good students here, so no college debt for me. I didn’t have to pay for my postgraduate studies either. Healthcare is also free, as well as schools.

We have a car (bought a used, but solid one, cash. We’d saved).

We only buy clothes if it’s really necessary. We used mostly hand-me-downs when our kids were younger and sometimes get clothes as gifts for them for their birthdays.

We don’t buy products supposedly needed for children, like bouncy seats and baby swings and high chairs. Bought a crib (barely ever used, we co-slept), bought a very cheap umbrella stroller (used a few times), got a sling as a gift and wore my babies in it (much more practical, especially for city life), got a hand-me-down but barely used car seat, gave kids real food like mashed banana or veggies from my plate. I breastfed.

Farmer’s market is cheap here if you want fresh veggies and fruit and eggs and cheese, which you can live on and be healthy. We also buy milk and a bit of bread and some meat and fish. I’ll often steam a mix of veggies, add a couple of eggs, stir, maybe put a bit of cream in as well. Cheap and healthy.

We never eat out.

We go on a seaside holiday every summer.

And it all somehow works out. I suppose it almost always does. Not ALWAYS, though, or no child anywhere would ever starve, and they do.

 

[Litcrit]

I keep thinking about Cat’s point about people wishing they were rich enough to buy vegetables and lean meat instead of pasta. It’s fascinating to me how so many poor people in the US are also overweight. There’s something strange and kind of suspicious there. It doesn’t happen when people eat cheap real food made from scratch in modest amounts, which is what the really poor do here. Any kind of real, unprocessed food, including pasta and potatoes.

Where I live, it’s cheap to eat healthy. Fresh vegetables are very cheap. Beans, cabbage, and potatoes are staples for the very poor here.

It’s not expensive to add a few eggs or some dairy or a bit of lean meat and add it, chopped, into any veggie mix. Healthy, cheap, and delicious.

Instead of expensive and unhealthy sugar-coated cereals, for breakfast I have a mix of whole grain flakes I get by the kilo in a brown paper bag at my local health food store (these have cheap items here, like corn kernels for popping and peanuts and almonds sold by the kilo - also cheap sources of protein and good fats).

I spend about a dollar a month on my breakfast.

 

[ffg]

How do you all keep from getting fat eating so much pasta?

Sigh.

I’m guessing—small portions?

Sigh sigh.

Isn’t it funny? Those of us who are a little better off financially envy those who are poor and eat pasta. And many of the poor envy those who are better off and eat lean meat and vegetables.

That’s an interesting way of interpreting. I don’t think you understood my point. It’s about money management.

The OP and husband are in their early 20’s. They are not poor on 55k salary. I was not poor on 33k salary. I lived and continue to live well. There isn’t a cut-off of “poorness” to eating right. Pasta isn’t eating wrong, especially in your early 20’s.

It’s the quick, easy thing to do, and quick easy thing to write. That didn’t discount eating lean meat or veggies.

All food can be found for good prices. What I meant by premium food, was the $5 gallon of milk people will buy because it says it’s only from handsome cows. That’s all a crock, the cheap milk at aldi still has stickers with no hmo or whatever the pricey stuff claims. That kind of thing.

 

[PaulinVA]

Litcrit, Well, I think that being overweight is not a function of how much money you make or, in some cases, how well you shop or cook your food.

Yes, a healthy diet is important. Access to that healthy food is important. Knowing what to do with that healthy food is also an issue. It’s a lot of factors - you can’t just say that “poor” people are overeating and therefore overweight.

 

[GraceUnderFire]

I keep thinking about Cat’s point about people wishing they were rich enough to buy vegetables and lean meat instead of pasta. It’s fascinating to me how so many poor people in the US are also overweight. There’s something strange and kind of suspicious there. It doesn’t happen when people eat cheap real food made from scratch in modest amounts, which is what the really poor do here. Any kind of real, unprocessed food, including pasta and potatoes.

Where I live, it’s cheap to eat healthy. Fresh vegetables are very cheap. Beans, cabbage, and potatoes are staples for the very poor here.

It’s not expensive to add a few eggs or some dairy or a bit of lean meat and add it, chopped, into any veggie mix. Healthy, cheap, and delicious.

Instead of expensive and unhealthy sugar-coated cereals, for breakfast I have a mix of whole grain flakes I get by the kilo in a brown paper bag at my local health food store (these have cheap items here, like corn kernels for popping and peanuts and almonds sold by the kilo - also cheap sources of protein and good fats).

I spend about a dollar a month on my breakfast.

Have you ever heard of food deserts? There are literally some poor neighborhoods where liquor and convenience stores are high and access to fresh fruits and veggies is low. Also, fruit and veggies can be expensive but you can get a box of twinkies for a buck. Since poverty goes along with low level of education, these people may not understand that a tub of oats is cheaper/healthier than a box of lucky charms. I don’t know about you, but whole foods and trader joes are not cheap.