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phil19034
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How do priests go to confession?
- Thread starter HomeschoolDad
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Cirdan_XII
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Having a confessor is not limited to priests. From my understanding for example kings have in the past, and maybe in some cases still today, have confessors. I don’t think a confessor is even your personal priest but just one you have a special trust relationship with.
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phil19034
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Agreed.jesusmademe:
Having a confessor is not limited to priests. From my understanding for example kings have in the past, and maybe in some cases still today, have confessors. I don’t think a confessor is even your personal priest but just one you have a special trust relationship with.
NOTE: I just want to note that sometimes, Spiritual Directors (who are priests) don’t want to be your confessor.
In other words, spiritual director and confessor are two separate jobs. Sometimes they are both fulfilled by the same priest, and other times it’s two seperate priests in order to avoid the Spiritual Director from being biased by the confessions.
This is how it was with my former Spiritual Director. He didn’t want to hear my confession because he didn’t want confessions to bias his direction.
God Bless
They are probably the easiest mortal sins to fall into, and the hardest ones to be freed from, least of all when they become habitual, or when they are accompanied by an illicit relationship where one has become invested emotionally.HomeschoolDad:
They make a lot of promises, including baptismal vows, and violating any one of them, sexually or otherwise, is a sin. Sexual sins are not a special class of mortal sin.
That is your opinion. I like to see authority figures set good examples. “You can tell, but cannot teach, unless you practice what you preach”.HomeschoolDad:
There’s no “but” here. It’s a private matter. If you’re worried that your priest is failing to “set an example,” pray for him. If it’s more severe than that, talk to your bishop. But stay assured that priests are required to confess like the rest of us. That’s really all we need to know.
I would like your priest very much.
I have always understood that priests are held by Our Lord to a higher standard, precisely because they are priests.
Agreed.
On more than one occasion, I have sought out a priest I knew I would never see again.
That is a good idea. It’s a potential conflict of interest.
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PetraG
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My sense is that offenses against holiness and mercy are the worst a priest can fall into. We need to all pray for our shepherds. It is a noble call, but a costly one that requires courage every day.
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RolandThompsonGunner
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I’m not sure this is true. Sexual sins may be easy to fall into, but at least you know when you’ve committed them, which is why I think we focus on them so much. If I have sex with a woman who isn’t my wife, it’s pretty obvious to me what I’ve done. But what about a sin against charity or mercy, etc. Discerning those sins can be trickier because it’s not always glaringly obvious where you went wrong.
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Diaconia
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Indeed. I think the First Commandment (you shall not have any strange gods before me,) is the most broken in our country: Our culture is one that is constantly marinating in materialism, selfishness, ego-centrism, and vanity. All these strange gods are ubiquitous in our daily lives.
Deacon Christopher
PS: To a previous questioner - all clergy (bishops, priests and deacons), as well as all those in Consecrated Life have spiritual directors; most of the time they are different people than their confessors.
blackforest
Well-known member
But be careful with personal projections. It isn’t the same for everybody. We all struggle with different sins.
Who in this thread does NOT want to see priests set good moral examples?
Wanting good moral examples is one thing. Speculating about their private confessional habits is quite another. I hope nobody is doing likewise with me . . .
I, for one, am grateful they’re going to confession.You wouldn’t be alone. He’s well loved.
How unfortunate that I can only contribute one heart to this statement!
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InThePew
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In general, scheduled times aren’t all that helpful either because they clash with mass or because the priest is himself scheduled to hear confessions at the same time. Aside from that, sometimes it’s easier just to phone up another priest I know and ask if he’d mind if I pop over.
Although in theory there’s nothing to stop them but like you say it can be all a bit too awkward. Other than those staffed by religious orders who may have their own arrangements, few parishes have more than two priests - making it all the more awkward. Also, one of the most common subjects I hear in the confessional is interpersonal relationships - something which priests certainly aren’t immune from. Mostly though, it comes down to personal choice.
That’s certainly part of it - priests are, after all, only human!
It depends on the individual priest - we’re not mandated to go any more often than anyone else, strictly speaking. Personally, I try for at least once a month (more if needed) but obviously that’s not happening right now!
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- Is it common for priests to drive to the “next parish over” in town, or a rural area, to confess to the priest there?
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That happens quite a bit and is actually quite humbling!
Sins against charity or mercy can be mortal or venial. The uncharity that a typical person may commit, who is overall seeking after holiness, is probably venial. I really don’t think that this same typical, faithful Catholic really sins against mercy all that often. People in our times are generally pretty mellow, tolerant, and forgiving.HomeschoolDad:
I’m not sure this is true. Sexual sins may be easy to fall into, but at least you know when you’ve committed them, which is why I think we focus on them so much. If I have sex with a woman who isn’t my wife, it’s pretty obvious to me what I’ve done. But what about a sin against charity or mercy, etc. Discerning those sins can be trickier because it’s not always glaringly obvious where you went wrong.
Sexual sin, however, poses problems for many, many people, and people who otherwise love the Catholic Faith (both Catholic and non-Catholic), admire it, try to live by its teachings, find peace in its liturgy, and so on, nonetheless find the Church’s teachings on sexual morality to be a stumbling block. Fornication, adultery (in the sense of being involved with divorced people with no annulment), contraception, self-gratification, pornography, divorce and invalid “remarriage”, homosexual activity (for those who are so inclined — their only alternative is celibacy) — these sins have countless people in their clutches. Many of these sins are difficult to give up, once indulged. Many people in our time just cut to the chase and make up their minds “this is no sin”. That kind of thinking is as old as Eve and the serpent — “you shall not die!”.
Deacon, with all due respect to your holy orders, I think most people are just trying to get by, trying to make ends meet, and that’s pretty difficult to do these days. If they are materialistic, it is because they have to be — many people have unwittingly overextended themselves financially, homes they can’t really afford, ill-advised student loans (often they’ve had no choice, if they were ever going to be able to go to college), and so on.
The “go-to guy” sounds like an excellent idea — at the monthly meetings, all of the priests are there anyway. I hadn’t thought of that.
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jesusmademe
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The Priest in this video wants (or accepts) to end spiritual direction mettings with Confession: Franciscan University Presents: The Nature and Purpose of Spiritual Direction - YouTube
I don’t have time to watch a one-hour video just at the moment, so I don’t know whether they cover this or not, but in Orthodox spirituality, penitents normally have a “spiritual father”, a priest who takes the time to know them well, help them with their spiritual life, knows their foibles, and so on, and from what I am told, this works very well. I wouldn’t mind seeing this in the Catholic Church.phil19034:
The Priest in this video wants (or accepts) to end spiritual direction mettings with Confession: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n1neFonjas&t=2786s
And yes, I realize priests are woefully over-extended and, in an idealized Catholic world, wouldn’t even begin to have the time to do this for all the faithful. I can only say that with more holiness, and more grace, and more people seeking after the things of God, there would be more vocations. The medieval ideal was for one-third of all people to be priests or religious, one-third married, and one-third single. Sadly, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
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TheLittleLady
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Could you please give me the source, canon law, for this?
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RolandThompsonGunner
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Is this a “must”? I’ve always understood it to be a helpful practice but not a requirement.
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VonDerTann
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One thing I wish Catholicism would borrow from certain sects of Protestantism is the concept of “church elders,” mature laypeople who can and do offer all sorts of guidance to younger folks.
Unfortunately I think too often the default setting for advice when someone needs it is “go talk to a priest.” That’s problematic to me because priests often have little or no training in certain areas: if I have a problem with my wife or with childrearing, I’m sorry, a unmarried childless priest is very low on the list of people I’d go to for advice. That’s where more mature laypeople would really, really come in handy: whether to ask for advice as to business; money; relationships; whatever.
Unfortunately I think too often the default setting for advice when someone needs it is “go talk to a priest.” That’s problematic to me because priests often have little or no training in certain areas: if I have a problem with my wife or with childrearing, I’m sorry, a unmarried childless priest is very low on the list of people I’d go to for advice. That’s where more mature laypeople would really, really come in handy: whether to ask for advice as to business; money; relationships; whatever.
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RolandThompsonGunner
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I agree with the thrust of your post, but I’d add two things. Priests may not have direct, personal experience in dealing with a spouse or raising kids, but they still had a family of origin. They still have married friends, and they probably counsel a lot of couples. They’ve got more exposure to these issues than the average layman. The other thing I’d add is that this is a gap filled by permanent deacons in a lot of parishes. They can provide spiritual guidance, counseling, a friendly ear, etc.
It may depend a bit on the individual person, but my SD is actually quite good at it. I figure he must have learnt something from all the conjugal difficulties people tell him about.
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TheLittleLady
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I see a neurologist and an orthopedic surgeon who do not have dwarfism, yet, they are experts in dwarfism.
A priest has received substantial training in seminary (they don’t just do Bible study and Catechism drills all the time). They do a year in a parish as a deacon, then when ordained they talk to more people about their marriages than I ever could.
There are also married priests.
Marriage is a sacrament and my priest was the first person I went to for advice on my marriage.
A priest has received substantial training in seminary (they don’t just do Bible study and Catechism drills all the time). They do a year in a parish as a deacon, then when ordained they talk to more people about their marriages than I ever could.
There are also married priests.
Marriage is a sacrament and my priest was the first person I went to for advice on my marriage.
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VonDerTann
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The neurologist and surgeon you describe are experts because of intense study including on-the-job training. Priests are not experts in marital issues; child rearing, etc., because they don’t study these things intensely.
Priests who were once married, or who have kids, are very, very far from the norm.
I knew a former nun for many years before she passed away. She told me that one of the biggest differences between lay folks and religious was the almost total lack of life skills in the religious she observed. She said many nuns not only couldn’t balance a checkbook but actually didn’t know how a checking account worked. She said food shopping with other nuns could be described as “buy whatever you want.” I’ll never forget her telling me that seeing them shop was how she learned what lobster newburg was: she said they bought whatever they wanted irrespective of price. I’m not putting anyone down; this was just one person’s experience and I take her at her word. But this default, “go see a priest” for essentially every problem really IMHO does a disservice because priests just aren’t trained to solve problems in marriage, childrearing, or for that matter financial matters - the way, say, more mature business owners; folks who’ve been married 30 years; etc, are - whether by education or by experience.
…In other words “church elders.”
To add by editing: it’s an awful lot to lay on a priest essentially every type and kind of problem. It’s also that it’s wrong of us to expect them to do so. Priests shouldn’t be expected to have the world’s problems handed to them.
Priests who were once married, or who have kids, are very, very far from the norm.
I knew a former nun for many years before she passed away. She told me that one of the biggest differences between lay folks and religious was the almost total lack of life skills in the religious she observed. She said many nuns not only couldn’t balance a checkbook but actually didn’t know how a checking account worked. She said food shopping with other nuns could be described as “buy whatever you want.” I’ll never forget her telling me that seeing them shop was how she learned what lobster newburg was: she said they bought whatever they wanted irrespective of price. I’m not putting anyone down; this was just one person’s experience and I take her at her word. But this default, “go see a priest” for essentially every problem really IMHO does a disservice because priests just aren’t trained to solve problems in marriage, childrearing, or for that matter financial matters - the way, say, more mature business owners; folks who’ve been married 30 years; etc, are - whether by education or by experience.
…In other words “church elders.”
To add by editing: it’s an awful lot to lay on a priest essentially every type and kind of problem. It’s also that it’s wrong of us to expect them to do so. Priests shouldn’t be expected to have the world’s problems handed to them.
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