Have you been through the 8/10 years of training that priests go through? Think about a pastor of a parish with 50 - 5000 married couples and the children of both married and single parents, not rarely also being a school administrator.
It sounds as if this nun had experience with cloistered nuns. Nuns also teach from grade school to post grad, many of the nuns I know hold at least a Masters.
A while back, my (married) priest was asked for his advice by a couple who had been invited to give a talk to seminarians. They asked him what he thought it was important to talk to seminarians about. This talk was to be to a group of men who were going to be Latin Rite celibate priests. He advised the couple to tell these seminarians that they should spend time with and get to know the families with children in their parishes. They needed to understand busy-ness and craziness of a life that is, by its nature, not going to be ordered and predictable. They needed to go deep into this life, to accept a dinner invitation and be witness to and a part of the struggle to get dinner on the table, get dishes done, get the homework done, get the little ones to bed. Having experienced this as a child gives you a particular perspective. Seeing adults when they are in the throes of raising child give you a completely different perspective. It was the opinion of my pastor that the vast majority of celibate priests do not have a realistic perspective of family life.
WE have this in the Catholic Church. Just not everyone takes advantages. We call it “Spiritual Directors”jesusmademe:
I don’t have time to watch a one-hour video just at the moment, so I don’t know whether they cover this or not, but in Orthodox spirituality, penitents normally have a “spiritual father”, a priest who takes the time to know them well, help them with their spiritual life, knows their foibles, and so on, and from what I am told, this works very well. I wouldn’t mind seeing this in the Catholic Church.phil19034:
The Priest in this video wants (or accepts) to end spiritual direction mettings with Confession: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n1neFonjas&t=2786s
And yes, I realize priests are woefully over-extended and, in an idealized Catholic world, wouldn’t even begin to have the time to do this for all the faithful. I can only say that with more holiness, and more grace, and more people seeking after the things of God, there would be more vocations. The medieval ideal was for one-third of all people to be priests or religious, one-third married, and one-third single. Sadly, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
I don’t know where the source is, it might be the rubrics for a Sacrament? Anyway, I heard a priest talk about it. He said clergy, Religious & seminarians must tell the confessor their state (if the confessor doesn’t already know) and that lay people SHOULD (not must) say whether they are married, single, etc.phil19034:
Could you please give me the source, canon law, for this?
It is a must for the clergy, Religious & seminarians.phil19034:
Is this a “must”? I’ve always understood it to be a helpful practice but not a requirement.
OK, I found it (for Lay People). It is in the “Rite of Penance” – Section IV, Subsection A, Paragraph 16phil19034:
Could you please give me the source, canon law, for this?
Here is a PDF version published by the Bishops of England & Wales
Never said otherwise. I’m only saying what I’ve heard a few priests say and what is in the Rite.
Technically, you used the phrase “must tell”. Perhaps use the phrase “I have been told that it is recommended” or something.
No I said:phil19034:
Technically, you used the phrase “must tell”. Perhaps use the phrase “I have been told that it is recommended” or something.
HomeschoolDad:
Well, first - a Spiritual Director doesn’t have to be a priest. A Spiritual Director can be anyone with a strong faith & the appropriate training to do so. Some are Deacons, Religious Sisters/Brothers, and even lay people.
No we’re not but at the same time, we are by default. Certainly, a priest needs to know when to refer a problem on to a professional but sometimes that help isn’t available or the person doesn’t know where / how to avail themselves of it. When I was in the seminary we were told that we’d have lawyers and accountants and other professionals on our finance committees - all well and good when you’re in an affluent urban parish but outside of that setting not so helpful. To be a diocesan priest is to be a general practitioner - a jack of all trades knowing a little about a lot - but also to be involved in some of life’s intimate and emotional moments and it’s there, on the job, the the most learning happens. Things most people might experience only once, we’re exposed to time and time again - from preparing couples for marriage to comforting families facing the serious illness or death of the loved one and it’s that familiarity which is the most helpful.
While that might be true of some priests many of the more recently ordained I know have more life experience (one even has children himself). Speaking for myself, I’m well aware of the busyness and craziness of family life, I’m also well aware that, by its nature, it’s not predictable or ordered. I know this from talking to relatives and friends, from being at their places for meals, from listening to them and seeing things first hand.
This. In general, a person’s state in life isn’t all that important when hearing their confession (sometimes, like when hearing confessions at a school, it’s obvious). Priests (and religious) on the other hand are different because of their particular calling and witness that it provides.
Father, what should those of us in lay Orders do?
It’s really a matter for you. If you think it would be helpful for the priest to know (for example if you’re struggling with commitment to your prayer life) then by all means tell him.
Thank you!
