How do umarried young men live chaste lives?

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Madaglan:
Hey,

I’m about 22 years old, single, and don’t have any girlfriend or anything, and I wonder how guys can remain chaste at this age. When I say chaste I mean living a sexually pure life–no masturbation, no sex outside of marriage, no lustful thoughts after anyone except a marriage partner, etc.

I mean, whenever I’m out in public, I feel like I’m burning on fire whenever I see girls about my age. And then whenever I see movies with my friends, it usually has some really hot girl, and even if she is not nude, it still excites me. I go running to try to get the excitement away from my mind, but that’s only temporary, and I can’t run at 11 p.m. at night!

Worst of all, I have more mojo than most guys my age, methinks :o

Can anybody please help me with advice? I oftentimes feel like the Catholic teachings on sexual attraction and so forth are masochistic, or at least overly-ascetic. They certainly make you go crazy trying not to think of girls, which comes naturally. What do you think?
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I know what you mean brother in Christ. Check out on this same forum a thread someone started called: “How to Help Guys who Want to Live More Chaste Lives” or somthing like this.
Good luck, God bless. Do you go to weekly confession and pray your daily Rosary??? You may want to consider.
 
Paul's Wife:
My husband and I just got married and he also struggled with this. He was exposed to impurities by his friends at a very young age and struggled with it since then. I remember when he talked to me about it and I was almost hysterical because I couldn’t believe that my very Catholic boyfriend had these problems. Then I learned how so many men do and it broke my heart. Maybe it will motivate you to think about how hurtful it is to your future wife/girlfriend when you have impure thoughts. I felt like he was cheating on me.I lost a lot of trust for my then boyfriend and it took a long time for me to realize that he truly was fighting the temptations. I’m sure though that you would never want your future wife to go through the pain and hurt that I had to go through. Once you do have a girlfriend- I would suggest talking to her about it once the two of you are serious because her prayers are very valuable and it will bring the two of you closer when you are fighting the battle together. Of course, the graces from marriage are also a huge blessing. Fight it hard- my husband says. He also said that he avoided anything that would be a temptation and tried to hang out with guys and do activities that weren’t an occasion to sin. Pray the St. Michael prayer every day for the intention to be pure. God Bless You!
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Excellent advice!! I myself was ver hurt (I am a male, 34 years old) who though is not hyper-sexual, I almost did fall into these sins with a 25 year old woman not so long ago after I had went up to her apartment at her invitation. Yes, I could have said no, but I felt so so so lonely at the time, I have not had a girlfriend in years. Well, I called my female friend whom I have known since 1998, and is like my sister, because I needed to tell someone, I needed to talk: and she (my friend) had always known me as an orthodox very catholic guy) was so shocked!!! She said “Is this the same guy I knew back in New York” (she now lives in Los Angeles) “How could have you said YES to go up to her apartment, YOU”??? Anyway, I did agree with her, and she lectured me a bit, but I was so hurt by her lack of understanding that we can all fall at any minute from grace (I do admitt I was not in GRACE at the time)and that MERCY is God’s. I don’t even think she probably wants to even hear from me, though she ended the conversation well. PEOPLE do struggle with this, and I think more than sexual, it is an inner void, this lonliness that a person can feel even if around others.
I too was exposed by friends at an early age to all that, and when I was about 7or 8 an older (by about 7 years) woman became sexual with me, though not extreme. This happened TWICE in my life. And I have never told anyone, to embarrased, and it would surface much pain in my family. So amny years blaming myself. I am 34 now. I have NEVER understood why somone would take advantage of another person.
Well, God has healed me in many ways.
Sincerely, misericordie.
 
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Madaglan:
Hey,

I’m about 22 years old, single, and don’t have any girlfriend or anything, and I wonder how guys can remain chaste at this age. When I say chaste I mean living a sexually pure life–no masturbation, no sex outside of marriage, no lustful thoughts after anyone except a marriage partner, etc.

I mean, whenever I’m out in public, I feel like I’m burning on fire whenever I see girls about my age. And then whenever I see movies with my friends, it usually has some really hot girl, and even if she is not nude, it still excites me. I go running to try to get the excitement away from my mind, but that’s only temporary, and I can’t run at 11 p.m. at night!

Worst of all, I have more mojo than most guys my age, methinks :o

Can anybody please help me with advice? I oftentimes feel like the Catholic teachings on sexual attraction and so forth are masochistic, or at least overly-ascetic. They certainly make you go crazy trying not to think of girls, which comes naturally. What do you think?
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Great topic:)
 
I know your problem, I am a young man also.

There are 2 ways to persevere in chastity:
  1. castration
    2)prayer
I would suggest number 2.

It is really a hard thing, but remember who you are staying chaste for also. It is done for God, but also think of the woman you want to marry eventually and how beautiful it is to give her a gift by deciding to wait for her no matter what your status is not, virgin or not. Later, this will be much of the strength of the marriage…this “denial of self” for the one you love can work miracles in a relationship…
If you are looking for people to pray to, for this help from Jesus ask our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and Jesus Himself. The Holy family is as pure as you can get. Jesus was a virgin for 33 years and was a man, He and St. Joseph had all the same temptations as us, but prayer is what pulls them through it.
I use to think prayer would not help, but now that I have attempted it (for this very reason) I have made great strides in the ways of chastity…and without prayer and the wisdom of things like the Proverbs (not to look upon a shapely woman…etc…) I’d be regretting MANY relationships right now or probably be just like every other male who can’t figure out how to refreain from sex.
 
I was a young man, 20 years ago. Here’s my 2 cents:
  1. Pray
  2. Exercise a lot. Go to bed tired as a result of physical exertion, not because you’ve stayed up too late.
  3. Pray
  4. When you see a girl and your mind turns on you, ask yourself how you would wish your mother to be regarded by the men who see her.
  5. Better yet, allow your mother’s face to pop into your head.
  6. Even better, the Blessed Mother’s Face.
  7. Pray
  8. Go to confession once a week, even if it’s only venial sins. Knowing that you’re going to have to tell your priest that you did this or that often prevents you from doing this or that.
  9. Pray
  10. Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet
  11. Pray
  12. Pray the Rosary
  13. Pray
  14. Cold showers are not to be sneered at.
  15. Pray
Did I mention pray?
 
YUP, pray, don't stare to much at the provacative dressed women, and EXERCISE!!! If it gets too much, then maybe a doctor can prescribe anti-anxiety medication.
 
I think this is such an important thread for all to read. I think women underestimate how their immodest dress and actions lead men into sin. It’s sad. My mother always told me that I need to be careful about how I dress as boys look at a tight sweater/jeans in a much different way than girls do. I try to pass that along to my daughters. God bless all of you who are trying so hard to remain chaste in a world that does not encourage such a virtue. I will keep you all in my prayers.

God Bless
Giannawannabe
 
I also think it is important to keep in mind what a lack of chastity could steal away from you. You might get a sexually transmitted disease, you might cause a young lady that you like very much to have a negative opinion of you, you could become agressive and turn women off, you might become a father long before you (or mommy) are ready, you might fall into the terrible pit of believing that someone with whom you’ve been illicitly romantic must become your spouse, and be unhappy for a lifetime, or, worst of all, you might lose out on the person that God would send into your life for marriage and companionship, because you are too occupied with sexual sin to recognize His intentions for you.
Our society has not only lied to youth about the “need” for sex, but it has also lied to them by letting them think that any kind of sexual gratification is a “relief”. It is not, and there can be humilation and shame (see some of the above answers), bad habits, and numbing addiction that can result. All the while. the real need; for intimacy and friendship, for adult responsibility, and the groundwork for good parenting, are all lost on those who are preoccupied with sex and sexuality.
In effect, you are not losing out to something good, but rather, holding out for the very best. Find others ti hang out with and stay the course, you won’t be sorry
 
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iserve:
I also think it is important to keep in mind what a lack of chastity could steal away from you. You might get a sexually transmitted disease, you might cause a young lady that you like very much to have a negative opinion of you, you could become agressive and turn women off, you might become a father long before you (or mommy) are ready, you might fall into the terrible pit of believing that someone with whom you’ve been illicitly romantic must become your spouse, and be unhappy for a lifetime, or, worst of all, you might lose out on the person that God would send into your life for marriage and companionship, because you are too occupied with sexual sin to recognize His intentions for you.
Our society has not only lied to youth about the “need” for sex, but it has also lied to them by letting them think that any kind of sexual gratification is a “relief”. It is not, and there can be humilation and shame (see some of the above answers), bad habits, and numbing addiction that can result. All the while. the real need; for intimacy and friendship, for adult responsibility, and the groundwork for good parenting, are all lost on those who are preoccupied with sex and sexuality.
In effect, you are not losing out to something good, but rather, holding out for the very best. Find others ti hang out with and stay the course, you won’t be sorry
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This is so great!!! I totally agree. I thank God my Guardian Angel has saved me from those dangers, though in my past, I ALMOST fell in these: I WOULD HAVE BEEN MISERABLE.
 
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santaro75:
I am still so lustful and I know of only one cure. The one that will lead me to hell.
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You have gotten much good advice… don’t despair.
One antidote to regarding a woman with lust is to substitute the lustful thought with a good thought… not to beat yourself up with, but as a substitute. So if you start thinking of a woman as an object, substitute the thought of her as the beloved of Christ, how he loves her, how he wishes her to be regarded. Again, don’t beat yourself up. Let the the bad be pushed out by the good, and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit.

Likewise, when you find yourself desiring “the cure”, substitute the apparent good in what you’re considering with the bad you are choosing to forget. Find another activity to distract you. (This is why cold showers and shooting hoops are so famous!)

Do not worry yourself or punish yourself that this temptation is constantly thrown in your face. This is being done to you, not just something you do to yourself. You are being tormented by a temptation… don’t punish yourself for that. Ask for help, rather, in fighting off the seige. And always give thanks when help comes! Grace comes one day at a time. Each day you resist is a victory.

Fight the good fight and don’t give up the war, even when battles are lost here and there. God is merciful. Though a thousand fall at your right and ten thousand at your left, he will save you from death.
 
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