How do you act around priests?

[llenadegracia]

Yeah, that’s the worst part about being a female - you don’t want to give the appearance of impropriety. One associate pastor we had would only shake my hand while my husband and I were dating/engaged. Once we were married, he felt comfortable giving me “side hugs”, but only when my husband was around.

That is so true.

There definitely was a shift with my friends in seminary. I give my friendly hugs to all my friends and family. But with my friends in seminary, I try to watch my behavior just to make sure I’m not giving off a bad image.

They will be the first people I will have known before ordination…I think it’ll be an easy adjustment to calling them Father _____ though! But if it was one of my brothers? Not sure if I could ever call them Father…

 

[cmscms]

My second eye-opening experience: My husband (an atheist who attends mass with me) became very good friends with one of our priests. They play tennis at least once a week and often watch sports on TV together. It’s not uncommon to find him sitting with my husband on the back porch, shirtless, drinking a beer after a tennis match. Freaked me out the first time that happened.

So, around our house I just talk to him like one of the guys (although I still call him “Father.” My DH calls him by his first name.) At church I’m a bit more respectful. Although I would NEVER go to him for confession.

I am with you on that one. I remember once I was at a public swimming pool and I heard someone call my name and say ‘hi’. I nearly died that the priest who heard my confessions saw me in my bathing suit. Also, once I was in line at the grocery store and I felt someone forcecully nudge me to cut in front of me, it was this same priest joking around.

I see a few priest/guys wanting to be priests at bible studies. At first I found it odd to see them joking but was really grateful when one heard my confession and put on his serious side. Now, I only find it odd when the ones that are quiet by nature starts to goof off but I think I would say that about any quiet person.

My favourite priest was 54 years older than me. Sadly he has passed. But I miss the times when every Sunday I would see him at church and say ‘Father get a dispensation, I want to marry you’. He was a good guy and I could joke with him. Then again, not everyone is as wild as me

CM

 

[R_C]

Apparently, you’re not supposed to tell your priest that he’s like the little brother you never had but always wanted.

That’s not what I meant to say, I’m confused

 

[bck4g37as]

I don’t know how to act around priests. I don’t usually interact with them much outside of Mass, and it’s usually just a handshake as I exit the church. I know priests are people, too, but somehow I feel they’re different, more holy and somehow outside of and above the secular world. I’m usually a pretty social guy, but I have to admit that I get more silent, self-conscious, and awkward when I’m around a priest.

What has your experience been?

I always thought priests were so far more holy than other people just like the Saints in the Catholic Church – that they were people that were a different category all-together. Turns out, they’re people; they’re not superhuman, that is they’ve made plenty of very foolish decisions, bad decisions, some good decisions, and very good and wise decisions along their personal paths in life.

So I just look at them and wonder, ‘why are you guys still wearing robes when its the XXI Century?’

Priests are of the people, for the people. They weren’t born into a separate category and nothing and no one pre-destined them. Why? Because think about it. Was anyone pre-destined to be born with cancer? HIV-AIDS? Syphilis? Chlamydia? Or were they meant to grow up nice and healthy and then die young by being hit by a train, being told an overly funny joke, or being killed in a car accident?

 

[R_C]

Well, there are excellent reasons for which priests are called to wear robes. If in a century - as trends in fashion seem to indicate - we were to wear almost no clothes, would you expect the ordained ministers of Christ to dress in a similar fashion? Do you think that senators, presidents, CEOs should be wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts at top-level meetings? How much more truthful this is for a minister of God acting in the person of Christ the Head.

Yes, priests are people, but indeed, by virtue of the Holy Orders and thus of their office, they are in another category all-together, far above the lay faithful. A priest receives the continuity of the apostolic succession and offers the pure sacrifice, and it is to priests that Christ endowed the authority to absolve and retain sins.

In fact, consecrated life is a calling or vocation, just like married life, and indeed they are pre-destined to that office: “You have not chosen me - says Christ - I have chosen you. For many are called, but few are chosen.”

Your question regarding evil in the world is rooted on very erroneous beliefs that reflect a doctrine that lacks a great deal (if not all) of the sacred tradition. I exhort you to learn more about the reason for which evil is present in the world, and about the mystery of innocent suffering. Remember that already the teachers of the Law thought that people were born sick by God’s will because of their sins or their parent’s sins, but Christ answered in a most mysterious way, stating that it was not so, but it was “so that the work of God might be displayed in his life”.

Having been made in the image and likeness of our Creator, we were endowed with a major property that we are unworthy of possessing: free will. Free will is very precious and frail, for it allows us to become cause of harm to others. God did this so that we may chose to do good and follow Him spontaneously and rationally, yet many abuse and desecrate this gift and employ it in a most irrational fashion to not do what is good and to harm others for their own selfish interests. Because of this, many suffer and die seemingly for no reason at all. Because of this, evil has achieved a certain degree of power over the world, and because of sinfulness many grave issues and illnesses strike the world. None was meant to be born ill, to become sick, to die young. However, this happens. Millions starve to death. Millions are denied medical treatment. Was this God’s will? Do you think that this is what God wanted? That this is the reason for which God took flesh and came to call sinners to repentance, and willfully chose to experience a most sorrowful passion and death to spare it to us?

People suffer, and always will. But Christ came and changed the world forever by giving a good news unheard of before: he approached the sick, the starving, the hopeless, and told them: behold, you are not accursed but blessed, for it is not my will that you suffer, thus you will be paid in full, and a hundredfold, for all the unjust sufferings, You are entitled to my grace more than anyone else: it is to you that the Kingdom belongs. And to the healthy and wealthy He said: behold, you shall be judged according to how you treat these little ones, for whatever you do to the least of these you do to me, the living God.

Many on the last day of their lives will find that they had no decent work to bring before His glorious majesty to show their faith (for faith is shown by our works), but great shall be their surprise when they will be granted mercy through the merit of the suffering innocents. To not understand this is to ignore the greatness of God’s wisdom.

Do not dwell on predestination: for, see, we cannot, if barely, understand the things of this lowly world…how could we thus dare to try and understand the heavenly things, or understand the divine thoughts of God?

 

[Phemie]

I’ve always found that it depended on the priest. Over the years there are some I’ve been on a Fr. Surname basis with and would not have been comfortable with them outside of a religion context; others I’ve been on a ‘no title, first name’ basis with and able to go out to a bar with and have a drink, and still others were even more familiar and were in and out of my house when it was a mess and I wasn’t embarrassed because they knew I spent all my time with the kids and not on vacuuming. And some I’ve just called ‘Boss’ .

 

[R_C]

He said he missed that…that regular human connection. Because he’s a priest, it didn’t mean he wasn’t a normal man, too, living in our world and our society and wanting to share thoughts, feelings, and observations with others that isn’t only church-related.

That is true and most natural, however it comes along with the vocation to consecrated life.

Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. …] I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. …] I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

It makes sense, to some extent, that the faithful expect the priests to be specifically concerned about the things of the Church - about doing the Father’s business and working every day. They aren’t your average 9-to-5 worker: for them, life and work are one and the same.

It makes perfect sense, however, to not act awkward around a priest and feel free to talk about common things of life, without exceeding in worldly things. After all, even St. Francis of Sales in his famous Treatise on the Devout Life recommends to converse only about things that enrich the spirit and make us feel closer to God

 

[bck4g37as]

My post on this subject was much, much longer and a lot more thorough, as well as covered more topics. Somehow it got truncated.

Anyway, it was on free will and God’s ‘plan’/pre-determination.

For the sparknotes version, I wrote there was no plan (i.e. you make your own choices in life as does everyone else) and you’re fully accountable for those choices whether or not they are good or bad, and whether or not you realise it or not, and also regardless if there is something subsequently effecting that perception of the realisation of right and wrong, like a mental illness. That is, if you rob a bank because voices told you to rob a bank, you still robbed a bank and still did _____ with that money; the harm was still done and the money still used.

I wrote there is no plan because there would be no free will, i.e. everyone would be born with a pre-set job/career and interests, and into a pre-set family, with pre-set friends and relatives, as pre-determined by an external force. It would all be ‘perfect’ – everyone would get along because they would all be designed to get along; they’d all be the same – they’d be robots because they would be built to get along. Instead, you make your own choices in life based on what influences or doesn’t influence your thinking (i.e. teaches you what’s right or wrong and what happens subsequently) – with a few omitted and pertinent details that I don’t feel like getting into because this is a lot of sparknotes, that is God’s ‘plan’ for humanity.

 

[Demetra2]

How do I act around priests? In general I am polite, friendly, respectful and helpful and try to show gratitude for their dedication. My husband and I have even invited our priest to dinner both at our home and out at a restaurant and found it to be a good experience for all. Priests are extremely busy these days but they all appreciate the offer of a good meal even if they can’t always find time to accept the offer. Priests are people and some are going to click with your personality better than others but they all need and appreciate parishioners who can volunteer to help out and be involved in the parish.

 

[R_C]

My post on this subject was much, much longer and a lot more thorough, as well as covered more topics. Somehow it got truncated.

Moderators moderate It happens to all of us every so often.

I totally agree in the way you put it, that is, on the fact that we make free choices and are fully accountable for those choices. That is why we don’t believe in such things as destiny. We do, however, believe in predestination - a totally different business, that is based on the simple fact that God is omniscent and outside of time. It is rather mysterious

I do not see it as there being a “plan”: I instead think that God in His infinite wisdom traces a path that we may or may not chose to follow, and endows us with particular graces and gifts to be successful in that path. However, it would not be proper to assume that we are our own masters, that we can somehow act beyond God’s omnipotence, that we escape His authority. While He freely chose to give us free will, we are ultimately His creatures, and it is His divine prerogative to take all evil and wrongness and turn them in mysterious ways into light, in order that the adversary and his rebellious hosts may be scorned and fall into their own snares.

Remember the prophetic words of Christ and the strong actions of Peter to prevent them from becoming true, to the extent that Christ was forced to humble him in a most embarrassing way: before daytime you, my most faithful disciple, will betray me three times. Yet - he added - I have prayed for you, and when you have returned, confirm your brothers.

Was Peter endowed with free choice? Of course. Yet, ultimately he fulfilled God’s will.

Several passages in the Scriptures on the topic:

Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed. (Job 14:5)

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5)

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

Sure, there are things we don’t understand. After all, we are but finite creatures So we trust in God, no matter what.

 

[ContactR3ality]

Haha. that’s an interesting question.

I used to act really different around priests from the way I act around them now. I’ll give you this though.

I’m still a teenager, and without a doubt, I have the utmost respect of the priests at my church. But at the same time, I could easily connect with the priests at my parish. They were really nice, and, surprisingly, tried to stay with the youth. I suppose it helps that they were also very young priests. I’m not sure. We even got into a, quite frankly, violent game of soccer at one of our youth group meetings.

I would say it depends on the priest. But try to approach them. They will either be very open or very closed, I’ve just been fortunate to meet so many priests that are outgoing and very faithful to their chosen lifestyle. If I’m honest, my close relationship with these priests is probably why I’m so into my faith

 

[Catholic_Wife]

That’s not what I meant to say, I’m confused

Sorry to confuse you. My reply was in response to your comment that "a priest is someone to be treated with reverence due to his office, regardless of anything else." I told our current priest that he’s like the little brother I never had but always wanted. Our organist heard me say this and told me I needed to show Father more respect because he’s a priest.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

My pastor has an incredible sense of humor, and has been a source of great healing and counsel as he helped me through the last throes of my mental illness.

Every week after Mass, when the others have left the sacristy, he and I will chat about everything and anything, and we will do it like two kids enthusiastic to tell each other about a new toy. It may be my new theory that he needs to check me theologically. It may be something unrelated to religion. Lately he’s been telling me some hilarious off-color jokes that they used to tell each other when he was in college, and in seminary. He’ll get this evil grin, then look around quick, and tell them to me. He is amazingly funny, and the Holy Spirit is merciful to me that I don’t remember any of them by the time I get home.

Actually when he does tell jokes, clean or not, they always have a connection to whatever we were talking about, which half the time is a spiritual dilemma. He’s actually very purposeful and he doesn’t say things unless he has a reason for saying them.

This Sunday he and I exchanged a couple comments that we knew what we were talking about but my daughter and several others were standing there talking and Father announced with a grin, “Alan, you and I are going to hell.” That got the attention of those around us. Then he said he used to tell people, “if you go to hell, don’t worry; you’ll have a chaplain.”

Alan

 

[emeraldocean]

Jesus, as per the Catholic religion, was half humanQUOTE]

For the record, this is not correct - in the Catholic faith and most Christian denoms. Jesus is fully human and fully God - He has a dual nature, this is called the hypostatic union.

And yeah it depends on the priest…our pastor is fantastic and it is much easier to talk to him about everyday or non-religious things than it is some other priests. But I do get a little quieter around priests in general because I figure if I say less, there’s less chance of saying something awkward and being embarrassed. lol…

 

[AnnArbor]

The same as I act around anyone else, I think. I do let them take the lead in whether or not we’re going to be on a formal or first-name basis – if they call me Ms. Surname or Mrs. Surname, then I call them Father. If they call me Ann, I call them by their first name.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I don’t know how to act around priests. I don’t usually interact with them much outside of Mass, and it’s usually just a handshake as I exit the church. I know priests are people, too, but somehow I feel they’re different, more holy and somehow outside of and above the secular world. I’m usually a pretty social guy, but I have to admit that I get more silent, self-conscious, and awkward when I’m around a priest.

What has your experience been?

Every relationship I’ve ever had with a priest began with a handshake as I left Mass.

My behavior around priests, like that of others who have responded, depends upon the priest. I avoid behaving how I think they might want me to behave, however. I am who I am, and I’m better at being myself than trying to be someone I’m not.

My pastor has a relaxed, casual relationship with The Husband. They talk about everything like buddies. Though he has known me longer and sees me much more often, Fr. B’s relationship with me is formal and businesslike. I work for him, however, so maybe that’s the difference—he is my boss. The closest thing I have to a relaxed, casual relationship with a priest within my parish is with our parochial vicar, but he’s like that with everyone. Plus we’re partners in crime (long story).

Fr. B has a twin brother who is the pastor of a nearby parish. (Yes folks, twin priests. ) We don’t see each other very often, maybe twice a month or so. Nevertheless, he and I get along like a house on fire, though our friendship is not nearly as familiar as the one between The Husband and my pastor.

Generally speaking priests don’t make me nervous, but that might be due to my frequently being around them. I don’t think they are constantly sizing up my orthodoxy or piety or what have you. That would make me nervous. They are different by virtue of their vocation, and I have yet to meet a priest who wasn’t more holy than I am. But what I have found most often is a normal human being, with normal human being qualities, faults, likes, dislikes and interests, who is also a priest.

I call all priests “Fr. [surname],” even if they call me by my first name, unless they specifically request otherwise.

 

[cominghomeCC]

It does depend on the environment.

Before/After mass, it’s always cordial, and some what formal, yet always warm.

When I’m working behind the office doors, the relationship is some what changed. Our head pastor, is much like a teasing uncle. There is lots of teasing banter and laughter, yet always respect, he things nothing of hugging any of the adults, patting your back, etc. Our associate pastor is much like a brother to me, and I’ll miss him immensely when he transfers. I work with the associate pastor often as I am planning leader for our high school youth group (not sure how that came to be), so it’s quite casual. There is mutual respect, genuine concern/affection and fun teasing. I once commented that he was ‘showing his age’ in front of the other youth leaders who are in university. I felt immediately disrespectful, as it was with others present. And Fr. looked at me winked and told me I’d always be older than him(4 years older…lol). Our newest pastor, I don’t know and it’s quite formal at this time, but others who know him, laugh and joke with him, so it’s relationship based.

Now, my 18yo son, does not go to church regular, and is struggling with the whole concept of religion and faith. I’m ok with this as Fr. said, we all go through these things. Just keep praying. And he recently started dating a lovely girl. She ends up being a catholic girl so he has to be respectful with comments toward religion, as he can be rather negative at times. He was invited to her dad’s birthday. And she gave him a heads up that her ‘uncle’ and godfather would be there. Turns out he’s a priest! The irony. Anyway, he was a little nervous. Her dad told her that when he got there, bring him a beer, and he’s got a friend for life. It’s what he did, and he patted ds on the back, told him ‘good man’, and the ‘guys’ all went to watch the football game. The experience has changed his perspective some what.

So, how you treat them or interact with them, really depends on your relationship with them. If he is simply your pastor, then it’s a more formal relationship. However if there is a friendship, or working relationship, or family connection, it changes the dynamics somewhat.

 

[AllSeasons]

Thank you all for the replies. I have a related question. If you know a priest on a personal level, do you still go to him for confession? Or does that make it a bit awkward?

 

[ProdigalSon1211]

I don’t know how to act around priests. I don’t usually interact with them much outside of Mass, and it’s usually just a handshake as I exit the church. I know priests are people, too, but somehow I feel they’re different, more holy and somehow outside of and above the secular world. I’m usually a pretty social guy, but I have to admit that I get more silent, self-conscious, and awkward when I’m around a priest.

What has your experience been?

I’ll be honest. Sometimes I get nervous around Priests due to their Holiness and vocation. I feel like I have to be at my best behavior if I am around them. I usually say a “Hi” or shake their hand when I am around Church.

The question is HOW DO YOU ACT AROUND YOUR BISHOP !?

 

[ProdigalSon1211]

Thank you all for the replies. I have a related question. If you know a priest on a personal level, do you still go to him for confession? Or does that make it a bit awkward?

Aren’t these what regular confessors/spiritual directors do?