How do you buy an engagement ring?

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Congratulations to the OP! I hope you will be very happy together.

I quite like second-hand jewellery and in the UK you often get bargains buying that way, but I agree with the poster above about pawn shop rings. It’s sad to think that someone was so hard-up that they had to sell the few valuable things they owned.

My husband had gone out and bought the ring himself when he proposed to me and I do wear it all the time. It is a solitaire diamond on a twisted band in white gold, quite unusual and probably not something I would have picked out myself, but I love it all the same - mostly because he chose it for me.

I would agree that independent jewellery shops are much better to buy from than big chain stores. The latter often keep very little in stock, and if you order something in another size you might get a completely different ring to the one you looked at in the shop, as they tend not to re-size the rings themselves. Remember that if your girl is right-handed, her left-hand fingers will be slightly smaller as a rule than those on the right-hand!

For our wedding rings, we bought online from a ring manufacturer, as my husband has extremely large hands. I can recommend this, as they often send you returnable silver samples first so you can make sure the rings are exactly the right size and they have loads of choice in terms of designs, the metal you want, everything. Whatever you decide, I wouldn’t buy the wedding rings now as I’m sure she might want a say in the sort of wedding ring you wear, too!

Good luck!
 
Unless you find a true set of engagement ring/his/hers bands, don’t buy the bands. If my husband had attempted to buys bands to match the engagement ring he bought me, I’m not sure it would’ve gone well. lol My ring style was hard to find a band that looked good with it.

Plus, it gives the two of you the enjoyment of going together to look for your bands. We had a blast shopping for ours!
 
When it seemed like my daughter and her then steady boyfriend we getting very serious and talking about marriage, we offered him my grandmother’s engagement ring. Well my daughter’s boyfriend came to us one year and asked for the ring. He surprised her with it one Valetine’s Day about three years ago. They got married in Oct, 2012 and just gave birth to our first grandchild on Dec. 27th. He loves the ring because he didn’t have to buy one, but my daughter loves it because it belonged to her great grandma. I told her I didn’t mind if they reset the diamond, but even though it is an old fashioned setting, she still loves it.
 
I love my engagement ring, and my husband was able to buy it very inexpensively (I found out accidentally how much it cost - I was actually rather impressed that my husband didn’t break the bank for it!). The diamonds were from his grandmother’s ring, and they were reset in a ring for me. The diamonds aren’t huge, but they are very beautiful, which has the added bonus of making the ring practical to wear every day. I remember my mom’s ring was set so high it caught on everything when she wore it. She only wore it on special occasions. I like being able to wear mine everyday. 🙂
 
EasterJoy said:
Oh, and my husband bought a stone that was just slightly smaller than the “cut-off” between sizes. At that time, at least, there was a jump in price per carat at 0.25, 0.50, 0.75, 1.0 and so on. It was economical to choose a stone that was at 0.24 or 0.49 or 0.74, et cetera, and the smaller stone is indistinguishable from one in the “next size up” category. I don’t know if that is still true, though.
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Yep, still true. Mine is “technically” 0.50, but actually looks closer to 0.75.

OP, I agree with everyone who said do not buy the bands at the same time. That’s something fun to do together. Oh, and the two months’ salary thing is absurd. Buy what you can afford. And only put it on a payment plan if you’re sure it will be paid off before the wedding.

My husband got mine from a chain jewelry store, and it has a lifetime warranty as long as I bring it in every 6 months to get it inspected. I’m not sure if smaller, local stores offer that as well, but I like the peace of mind.

As far as how he chose it- he had a pretty good idea of what I liked, and we occasionally had gone into jewelry stores previously where I pointed out rings that I liked. He just went in, gave the salespeople an idea of what he was looking for, and they showed him some diamonds and settings separately. He chose one of each, and picked up the ring a few days later. He did a fantastic job, my ring is exactly what I would have chosen for myself.

I am sure you will choose something lovely. Good luck!
 
Here are some thoughts:
  1. As everybody says, keep the budget reasonable. People do often lose rings (my grandma did). Don’t borrow a dime. You’ll need that money later.
  2. If diamonds are forever, why is it necessary to buy a new one?
  3. There is no law that says that there has to be an engagement ring.
  4. I didn’t have an engagement ring, and I used to wear a plain gold wedding band, right up until my first pregnancy when it started to be difficult to take on and off. I haven’t worn it for years. At some point, I need to either lose a lot of weight or resize it, but as people have mentioned upthread, it’s not at all unlikely that a woman will stop wearing it at some point as an everyday item (and this is particularly likely if she’s not a jewelry person).
  5. I like the idea of shopping for the wedding bands together.
  6. Don’t be offended if the engagement ring you pick out is not her thing at all, even if she says she’s not picky.
Bonus funny engagement ring story:

My very good friend had a very busy dating career before she met her future husband. When they got engaged, the engagement ring was made from an old family diamond from his family (it’s the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen) and the gold was paid for by trading in all of her old boyfriend jewelry.
 
For the OP: gia4cs.gia.edu/en-us/the-diamond-4-cs.htm I agree with looking for a smaller, independent jeweller. My guy went into NYC regularly, and could get good prices.

I spent way more than I would ever be comfortable spending now on it, but I wasn’t ready to be so, uh, counter-worldly (if that is a word) at the time. I had the cash at the time, too. By this I mean there are people starving in the world, and I am going to drop a couple grand on a stone? Not sure I would be comfortable with that today, although at the time I totally was. Sheesh.

In addition, my bride-to-be had mentioned she would have been happy with a pearl engagement ring, I think it was. I think that would have also come with, oh, ten years of disdain from the extended fam. If you are doing the engagement ring thing, except in very rare circumstances, it should be a diamond in this culture.

Also for perspective, friends of ours, who I would now describe as reverts with a very inspiring story, still have the smaller engagement ring he could afford right out of college when they got engaged. He is now a VP in a big company, with the commensurate salary, and could afford a much grander ring. She still prefers the littler one he got when it was all they had starting out.
 
DH (dear husband) and I picked out my ring together. We had been discussing getting engaged for quite a while, but he had not formally proposed. We went to a chain store and picked out a beautiful engagement ring for me - a white gold band where one end was above and the other below a set of three diamonds, which we felt represented me, DH, and my stepdaughter (his daughter from a first, annulled marriage). I didn’t want something very showy, and the staff told me it was a good buy for a nurse (I am one) because the diamonds were set right into the band, so they would not fall out or scratch a patient. I think DH paid around $200-300 for it. It doesn’t fit on top of my wedding ring, so I don’t usually wear it, but I have it saved. My wedding ring is a white gold with 10 small diamonds set into the front of the band.
 
My husband and I picked out my ring together. My husband wasn’t comfortable choosing one on his own since I would be the one wearing it. It turned out that we were both drawn to the same set which was kind of cool. We went to a jewelry store that was owned by some friends of my parents, where we always get our good jewelry.
 
My husband and I picked out my engagement ring together. There is a wonderful website, Gemvara, that has quality jewelry for good prices. They have very unique styles as well as traditional ones. You can customize the stone used and sometimes the size of the stone. I always wanted a sapphire engagement ring so I picked out a ring with a sapphire surrounded by 2 diamonds. It was not ridiculously expensive. We didn’t follow the “however many months of salary” rule because once we searched for rings within that range on Gemvara, they started to get very um…flashy.

No matter where you decide to shop, I really do recommend picking out the engagement ring WITH your girlfriend, and then making the proposal itself the surprise. I’ve heard the advice several times that you shouldn’t be getting engaged if she has no idea it’s coming, and I agree with that. Picking out the ring together is a wonderful experience, plus you’ll know she likes the ring.
 
Thank you for the advice so far. I went to a few local jewelers today; also went to Costco. I like one of them so far, and their price was the most reasonable. For those who are knowledgeable about diamonds, do you think this is a good deal?
  • Size: 1 carat (center diamond)
  • Shape: Round Brilliant
  • Setting: 3 stone, white gold, 0.33 carats (side stones)
  • Color: G
  • Clarity: SI1
  • Cut: Not sure; going to call them on Monday to find out. Assuming “Very Good” or “Good”
  • Certification: GIA (Gemological Institute of America)
  • Price: $6400 (diamond & setting)
Thank you in advance!
 
AllSeasons said:
Thank you for the advice so far. I went to a few local jewelers today; also went to Costco. I like one of them so far, and their price was the most reasonable. For those who are knowledgeable about diamonds, do you think this is a good deal?
  • Size: 1 carat (center diamond)
  • Shape: Round Brilliant
  • Setting: 3 stone, white gold, 0.33 carats (side stones)
  • Color: G
  • Clarity: SI1
  • Cut: Not sure; going to call them on Monday to find out. Assuming “Very Good” or “Good”
  • Certification: GIA (Gemological Institute of America)
  • Price: $6400 (diamond & setting)
Thank you in advance!
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Ouch on the price! Just my opinion, but I would’ve never wanted my husband to spend that kind of money on a ring! I’d have killed him, & he knew it. lol In fact, he told me when we were shopping for our bands that he was between the ring he bought (1/2 carat, excellent color/clarity, etc for $1000), & another that was a bit larger in size but equal in all other aspects that would’ve cost between $4-5k. No ring is worth that kind of money, IMO.
 
_Jenn said:
Ouch on the price! Just my opinion, but I would’ve never wanted my husband to spend that kind of money on a ring! I’d have killed him, & he knew it. lol In fact, he told me when we were shopping for our bands that he was between the ring he bought (1/2 carat, excellent color/clarity, etc for $1000), & another that was a bit larger in size but equal in all other aspects that would’ve cost between $4-5k. No ring is worth that kind of money, IMO.
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I agree. Yikes! That really is a lot of money. I guess it depends on how you think she would feel about it. Personally, if it were me I’d rather have a good chunk of that $6400 go toward a down payment on a house or something. So unless you are really wealthy or already have a home or enough to buy a home I’d go with something cheaper.

Also, make sure she wants something flashy with three stones. I personally only wanted one diamond, no side stones. My taste is simple. Think about who she is and what you can see her enjoying. Or better yet, ask her (maybe you already have, in which case pay no attention to this!)
 
The advice I got came from the deBeers commercials, ironically. “A diamond is forever.”

Which is true: I bought my wife’s from a small jewelry repair shop that sold estate jewelry, and the owner told me that it’s virtually impossible for even an expert to tell the difference between a “new” diamond and a “used” diamond.

In other words, I saved a lot of $$ by buying a “used” diamond. The stone I bought came from an engagement ring. The gold band had been worn down so much that it was almost worn through. I thought that was a good omen. The woman who had owned it had obviously worn it day after day for many, many, many years. I bought only the stone and had it set into a new band.

It was nearly 20 years ago, I paid $680. I don’t recall the size, I think it’s 1/4 carat.
 
AllSeasons said:
Thank you for the advice so far. I went to a few local jewelers today; also went to Costco. I like one of them so far, and their price was the most reasonable. For those who are knowledgeable about diamonds, do you think this is a good deal?
  • Size: 1 carat (center diamond)
  • Shape: Round Brilliant
  • Setting: 3 stone, white gold, 0.33 carats (side stones)
  • Color: G
  • Clarity: SI1
  • Cut: Not sure; going to call them on Monday to find out. Assuming “Very Good” or “Good”
  • Certification: GIA (Gemological Institute of America)
  • Price: $6400 (diamond & setting)
Thank you in advance!
Click to expand...
That’s too high…keep looking…
Peace,
Clare
 
I was thinking the same thing. FIL is a jeweler so I’m used to bargain prices but over $6K sounds way too high. I would be upset if Dh spent that much on a ring. I’d much rather use it toward a down payment on a house.
 
Just to be clear…I’m was only displaying the link as an EXAMPLE of appropriate pricing…I’m not associated with or advocating the site…
Peace to you!
pianist
 
680 twenty years ago for a 1/4 carat stone seems to be just right. My stone 17 years ago cost about 2.000. Its slightly larger than a carat. The setting was about another 1000. It s 18 karat any his 2 baguettes that equal .5. My stone was also old. It was cut in the1930’s if I remember.:

Gold right now is very high. So while the cost of the op’ s ring seems high, it has to do with inflation and gold prices. Some cuts look bigger than the round cut. But round tends to be brighter because of the symmetry.

Going slightly below 1 ct. might blower the cost.
on_the_hill said:
The advice I got came from the deBeers commercials, ironically. “A diamond is forever.”

Which is true: I bought my wife’s from a small jewelry repair shop that sold estate jewelry, and the owner told me that it’s virtually impossible for even an expert to tell the difference between a “new” diamond and a “used” diamond.

In other words, I saved a lot of $$ by buying a “used” diamond. The stone I bought came from an engagement ring. The gold band had been worn down so much that it was almost worn through. I thought that was a good omen. The woman who had owned it had obviously worn it day after day for many, many, many years. I bought only the stone and had it set into a new band.

It was nearly 20 years ago, I paid $680. I don’t recall the size, I think it’s 1/4 carat.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you for all the advice so far. I talked to my girlfriend/fiance, and she, too, thinks it’s too much. I can afford the ring, but I want to respect her opinion, and give her exactly what she wants. She wants something that she can wear everyday, which means it can’t be too cumbersome/bulky, and she wants a smaller stone. Most girls these days would only ask for a larger stone; the fact that she’s actually asking for a smaller one shows me that she’s indeed a real keeper! That said, I guess it’s back to the drawing board, as far as ring/diamond hunting is concerned.
 
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