How do you change?

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There are a number of things about myself that I would like to change. I was wondering how to go about doing so? These things seem to be a part of my personality since so many people comment on it. I want to have faith in more people. I am an extreme cynic. I took one of those personality tests (fisheaters.com//quiz1.html/) and I was told I was a choleric. After reading the description, the funny thing was, every sentence nearly described me to a tee, and I hated it. So how does one go about change?

Thanks. (BTW, I understand that online quizzes usually are never based on fact but it was uncanny the similarities).
 
My favorite tool is Shad Helmstetler’s “Self-Talk Solution” the book and, even better for busy commuters, the audio tape.

Any Brian Tracy book is good.

But the all around classic is the incomparable, original version of “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, a plastice surgeon who would fix people’s looks only to find their eyes saw the same old person; thereby starting Maltz’s search for the way to change how people perceive themselves.

It is entirely possible to change your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. I’ve done it.
 
If you know what changes are desired, try the following
  1. Ask God to help you change in prayer.
  2. Take positive steps towards the change everyday (If this takes writing instructions to yourself and leaving them all over the place, do it.)
  3. Tell those close to you what you are attempting so they might help you.
  4. Periodically assess how you are doing and change the positive steps for the next stage.
 
Holy Moly! That quiz was right-on with me too. I’m “Melancholic”. Interesting.

You have already been given good advice. I would like to add:

-Spend some time, after morning prayer, to meditate on the virtues you wish to possess (in place of the vices and imperfections you want to erradicate) and after evening prayer to reflect on your day (examination of conscience) and think about how you could have reacted differently in various circumstances. After doing this day after day you, hopefully, will see many improvements. It helps one to be more mindful of the ways in which one reacts to things.

-I’m a firm believer in the recitation of the rosary for this purpose, especially proceeding evening prayer and the examination, and meditate on the spiritual fruits of each mystery. You may want to focus on whatever set of mysteries contain the “spiritual fruit” you need most to work on. rosary-center.org/joyful.htm

-Regular confession can help tremendously also, even if the things about yourself you are trying to change are not actual sins (the Holy Father goes weekly). Confession brings a tremendous grace to help overcome even our smallest imperfections. If possible, going weekly can be a great benefit. Some priests may say it’s “scrupulous” to go so often, especially when not confessing serious sin, but no doubt it is beneficial to overcome these imperfections by the grace attained through the sacrament.

-And of course, try to receive communion as often as possible, or, at the very least (or in addition to), to pay a visit to Our Eucharist Lord as often as possible - whether in exposition or in the tabernacle.

-Thank you for this fantastic reminder. I need to heed my own advice more often!:rolleyes:

Godspeed!
~donna
 
Hey, just an hour ago, a friend and I were in conversation discussing choleric temperaments. Her son is an extreme example of one. She said the book she was reading on temperaments said that it was very important for cholerics to have spiritual directors. However, due to their temperament, they seldom see the need for one.
 
The biggest engine for change in my life was going to Daily Mass. I used to have a variety of problems that were hard to overcome, and I got over the “hump” of those addictions by going to Daily Mass for about six months straight.

I also, during that intense purgative period, went to Confession weekly for the first two months, every two weeks for about two months, and every three weeks thereafter.

I’ve been spiritually healed for some time, but still go to Mass three days a week and now go to confession monthly for spiritual maintenance.

This is my best advice.

Also, this is probably the QUICKEST method.
 
Always remember that you can change with the help of God. It take time.

Write a list of the things you would like to change
Pray about them, perhaps figure out which patron saint you could ask to pray with you.

To change you have to be willing to give sacrifice some habits or comforts.

I will give you a true story:

Like many young women I was pulled into gossip very easily. Once one woman started talking, I would talk too. I realized that it was making me feel ugly and guilty. I prayed for God to help me, went to confession and it took a few years of serious practice to get rid of the habit. I could literally feel the Holy Spirit working in my life, guiding me. The more “in tune” you are to listening to that guiding voice of the Holy Spirit in you heart, the easier it is to recognize and listen to. The struggle to give up sin brings us into a relationship with God.

There is an unexpected beauty in giving up a bad habit, vice or sin. It brings you closer to God. By humbling yourself to go to confession and asking God for forgiveness, you are giving God an invitation to come into your life and transform you into the the person He created you to be. You gain so much more than you give up. Now when I hear or am tempted to gossip It feels like God puts up a huge stopsign in front of me, and I feel much stronger than the temptation. I have changed.

Our personalities can make us have a tendancy toward certain things, but with practice and God’s help we can change. I am a much much better person than I was 10 or 15 years ago, and I can’t take credit for any of it, it was all the Lord transforming my life, I just had to accept it and follow God’s Will, and be willing to put God ahead of any of the bad habits I had, whether it be tellign white lies, makign myself look better than I was out of a sense of self pride, gossip, being selfish in friendships, whatever, God changed that and still isn’t finished with me yet!

You can change.
 
I still haven’t made up my mind about whether it is possible to change personality in fundamentals. But I think we can change the way we react to inflammatory trigger situations and people, and I think we can change the way present ourselves every day to others in the home or in the world.

for instance, I have struggled with bouts of depression all my life, and have learned to take meds when necessary, get therapy etc., But as you know sometimes it is a real effort even to make the most basic decisions and actions. so I decided a while back to act pleasant, and act as if I am pleased with life and what is going on around me, so as not to inflict my bad mood on others, especially my family. It sometimes a monumental effort, but has really paid off in family dynamics.

I also decided a while back not to mention when I am in pain to family members and coworkers, unless I actually need help, and try to keep my expression pleasant. believe me, none of this comes naturally, but is worth the effort.

what helped the most was counselling and therapy to find out why I was so angry for so much of my life. I thought I knew but the answers surprised me. A lot of my spiritual effort has been in dealing with anger, and now that I have moved through a lot of it, I can see things much more clearly. also that has enabled me to start forgiving. It will take a lot more work to finish forgiving, but it is like a dam bursting and the rivers of life flowing again.
 
I am not sure that you can change your personality. But the flaws in your character that you may not be happy with you can change.

Write your list as suggested in the earlier post. Pray about which one to work on first. Saw one tree at a time. If you try to saw the whole forest you will get tired and fail. Make small changes and get them in your routine before you add another change.
 
When we have a broken arm, yes, we pray; but we also go to a doctor, because a doctor’s God-given skills set the bone straight.

When we have a psychological stumbling block, yes, pray; but go to a counselor, because the counselor’s God-given skills and knowledge can set our thinking straight.

God wants us to use both.
 
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