How do you cope with long absences from your spouse?

  • Thread starter Thread starter twiceblessed
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

twiceblessed

Guest
My husband has to be away very long hours due to work. It is hard because I love and miss him so much and was just wondering how others cope with long absences from a spouse? Specifically the emotional aspect of being without the other. Also, I cannot get out of the house much due to illness, our families live 8 hours away, and we are unable to have children. So these things amplify the loneliness and sadness of my husband being away so long. Any suggestions/advice from those who have been there (or who are in a similar situation) would be most helpful. Thank you so much. 🙂
 
***(((hugs))) to you twiceblessed…

I can relate to the long absences, as my husband has a job that requires him to have to close down one of the satellite locations for disney, and so he gets home late at night. I am grateful for his job, and I work also–but our schedules are complete opposites. I work during the weekdays, home by 5:30, and off on weekends. My husband has off two days during the week, so the weekends can be lonely. In some ways, I have grown used to it…I pray A LOT during the time apart, and because I have kids, I’m often occupied with what they have going on. I clean (sometimes:D) and cook…learn new recipes, spend time on CAF, and exercise. I know that you mention you are battling an illness, I’m so sorry to hear that. I am wondering if you would consider starting a Bible study within your home…maybe a few ladies you trust within your parish could come over, and that would be a good use of time apart.

I told my husband the other day, that there are times when I feel like a single mom…often, he can’t make it to mass, and I feel people looking over…‘where is that woman’s husband?’ Maybe I’m just paranoid, but it saddens me that sometimes, he has to work overtime, and can’t make it to mass, even. Grateful for his work…praise be to God. But, I would be lying if I said it never bothered me. I am a very independent woman, but I miss my husband on the weekends the most, because I am home, not working…and wish he could be with the kids and me. It was such a blessing–he took off on Friday last week, and we celebrated my daughter’s birthday at disney. It was such a special day.

I will say this, when you don’t have a lot of time together, you make the most of the time you do have. Our time is really quality time, no petty arguments (there’s no time! lol) and we cherish the moments together. I marvel at army wives and husbands who are apart for looooong periods of time at a shot. My fullest admiration to them.

I know it can be hard, but keep praying…and cherishing the time you do have together. Maybe it won’t always be like that twice? I know my husband really likes his job, but he doesn’t like the time apart from the kids and me either, so he is going to start sending his resumes out. I will pray for you twice…please pray for me too…that we remain strong and close to Christ, during those times when we are feeling lonely. :o***

:gopray::console:
 
I got a kitten! 👍 She keeps me company while DH is at work during the days, since I work evenings and overnights, and am usually alone during the day.
 
Call me odd but I kind of like it when my husband is away for longer times. Perhaps I am used to when he was a cop, worked long hours and I had a lot of time alone with the kids. I did feel like a single mom at times but I got used to it. Now that the kids are in their 20’s and hardly ever home themselves, I really appreciate the time alone. My husband is a very needy person and when he is home it sometimes drains me. I am basically a high introvert and cherish quiet, while he has to be talking all the time.
 
My husband drives a semi truck and is gone for about a week at a time then home for 2 days(give or take). And while we try to make the most of his time at home it’s still difficult. We usually talk at least 3 or 4 times a day but it’s not the same. We did get some inexpensive web cams so that we can see each other when we talk, sometimes, if he’s parked where he can get internet access. That is especially nice for the kids. They really miss daddy.

I know how you feel too whatevergirl, it’s often just the kids and I at Mass and I also feel self conscience thinking that everyone is staring and pitying me. I know it silly because when he is home we all go together. But somtimes its hard to turn off the inner critic.
 
Whatevergirl! :hug1: Thanks so much you are so sweet. I guess we are in this together hon. :o You have some great suggestions there. I know I need to pray more, maybe that’s why I’m feeling so lonely, but most times praying is TOO quiet and makes me think about being lonely all the more. That’s why I like it here. It’s faith-based, but it’s not as quiet as praying. I still feel like I’m with people and good people at that. I would start a group like you suggested, but I don’t know anyone at church. We have a very large family type church and I am the only infertile person I know of. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but large families, young growing families, and pregnant mothers make up a good majority of our church. I just don’t fit in really there at all. 😦 Back home I would have known more people to do such a thing with. So I guess me starting a group in CA groups was kind of my ‘home bible study’ for now. 😉

Gracedupon: I don’t know what I’d do without our two dogs. You are right on that they are great company. 🙂

Joannm: You aren’t odd, there’s plenty of others like you. You have different personality type is all. One that thrives off of being alone. I have a more dependent personality type so thrive off of being with people I know and love. I NEED others to feel whole and complete, without them I feel like a part of me is missing. :sad_yes: That’s why this can be so especially hard for me at times.
 
I’m not married yet, but I thought I’d chime in and say I understand where you’re coming from. I’m a really really social person, and I live alone. My boyfriend lives in another country, and I’ve seen him twice this year (for which I’m profoundly grateful). If I were home alone with not much to do, I’d go absolutely insane. Our strategy (both of us) is to stay incredibly busy, so we don’t have time to miss each other. I work seven days a week (I’d prefer it to be six, but my boss still can’t find anyone but me who’ll work Sundays) in a social job (teaching) so I don’t have time to focus on being apart. I’m an independent kind of girl - I can take care of myself, although I thrive on interaction with others - so it’s not like there’s anything I can’t do for myself without him… I just wish he wasn’t gone.

For me, the solution is definitely to keep myself occupied. When I’m alone and unoccupied, I’m really quite self-destructive. I imagine horrible ways our relationship could end. I get tempted to sin. I skip meals or stay awake late into the night. Working seven days a week is insane, but my projects take my mind off our separation. Writing books is a productive project for me - I write textbooks before work every day, which means I’m not obsessing over how long it’s been since our last phone call and guessing when we’ll next be able to talk without interruption.

I’m already planning what projects I’m going to undertake once we’re married. All the careers he’s discussed embarking on (he’ll have to quit his job with the police when we move to Canada) involve travel and long hours, so I’m aware that I’ll probably spend a lot of time alone. We’re planning for me to be a stay-at-home mom, but I know I’m going to need a home-based business or something to keep me occupied.

I know you said you had an illness that makes it hard to leave the house - is there something you can work on from home, something productive that would give you a sense of accomplishment and pride in what you do while he’s away? Making rosaries or crafts, writing a book, studying something? Just throwing ideas out there for things to distract you and keep you occupied while your hubby is gone.
 
I’m a military wife whose husband is currently deployed and I don’t expect him to be home before the end of July at the earliest. When he was here, though, he worked rotating shiftwork and it was just me and the kids most of the time.

I think the biggest thing to do is to keep busy. You mentioned that you’re ill, so I would recommend taking up a hobby or taking a satellite class from a college. Once you’re feeling better, you could start volunteering. Hospitals frequently can use volunteers. You could volunteer with Meals on Wheels. The clients of such organizations love a little bit of company and it would warm your heart.

For longer term absences, get in a schedule and stay in one. With 4 kids, that isn’t hard for me! LOL! Each week is marked by the passing of various things. I have to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to take the trash out every week. Seeing my church family every Sunday punctuates my week.
 
I ditto the pet idea. I have 2 dogs, but the one we got last yr keeps me entertained. She’s a doll!
 
twiceblessed said:
Whatevergirl! :hug1: Thanks so much you are so sweet. I guess we are in this together hon. :o You have some great suggestions there. I know I need to pray more, maybe that’s why I’m feeling so lonely, but most times praying is TOO quiet and makes me think about being lonely all the more. That’s why I like it here. It’s faith-based, but it’s not as quiet as praying. I still feel like I’m with people and good people at that. I would start a group like you suggested, but I don’t know anyone at church. We have a very large family type church and I am the only infertile person I know of. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but large families, young growing families, and pregnant mothers make up a good majority of our church. I just don’t fit in really there at all. 😦 Back home I would have known more people to do such a thing with. So I guess me starting a group in CA groups was kind of my ‘home bible study’ for now.

Gracedupon: I don’t know what I’d do without our two dogs. You are right on that they are great company. 🙂

Joannm: You aren’t odd, there’s plenty of others like you. You have different personality type is all. One that thrives off of being alone. I have a more dependent personality type so thrive off of being with people I know and love. I NEED others to feel whole and complete, without them I feel like a part of me is missing. :sad_yes: That’s why this can be so especially hard for me at times.
Click to expand...
***Hi again, twice…

You know, in reading what you say here, I often think it’s because we live in such a busy society…everyone is running here and there, that we run from silence! 😃 As if silence was a bad thing…silence, while it can sometimes remind us of our loneliness, we really get the most connected to God. I pray throughout my day, little moments here and there, in the car, at work…with my kids…but, I feel most connected and close to God, in the utter silence of my day. In really listening to what He is trying to tell me. I think feeling lonely isn’t a bad thing sometimes too…it helps us grow close to Christ, when He was deserted from His friends, and followers…remember when He felt such despair? I sometimes think about that when I’m praying alone. Instead of pin-dropping silence when you pray next time, maybe find some soft meditative music, and just sit in a room alone, breathe deeply, and ask God to reveal to you, what He wants you to do…we are His servants, and we are listening! :o I find such time, very beneficial, and it can even reduce stress.

Feel free to pm me anytime if you need a hug or someone to chat to…I know how you feel, I sometimes embrace the quiet times, but then there are moments, when I feel lonely with the difference in my husband’s and my schedules. :hug1: ***
 
Thank you again to all who posted. These are all very helpful ideas. I’m sorry y’all have had to go through this too. Sometimes I feel like a pioneer woman, back in the days where the woman was all alone in her home with just the farm animals for company. If she was blessed there were kids too. The husband would be gone all day and most of the evening and many overnights just to make ends meet. Maybe I should get my Little House Books down and re-read how they coped with the long absences. 😉

And to the poster who was asking, my health issues are permanent. They won’t ever go away without a miracle of God. 😦 Thanks again to all who replied. :hug1:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top