How do you deal with difficult demanding parents in a youth ministry?

[princesswei18]

I am a volunteer youth leader of our parish and we often encounter students from different schools who need to render certain number of hours as “parish involvement.” We try to get the students involved in different youth organizations in the hope that they will continue to become involved even after their required number of hours.

I recently came across a family that was trying to get a certificate without following the set procedures and without completing the required number of hours and other requirements. After receiving the certificate in a signed and sealed envelope meant for the school, they opened it and complained about their grade and became very angry and began shouting, calling me names and demanded that they get a higher grade. They were basically trying to cheat their way into getting a better grade. They called me rude and inconsiderate because I would not change the grade for their daughter who was an honor student. They even threatened to leave our community and stop going to Church there.

Did I do the right thing by refusing to change their grade because it was really not deserved and I feel that it would be teaching the student the wrong values (cheating, not accepting consequences for actions etc) or would it have been more Christian to give in so that they would not have ill feelings towards our parish?

 

[KCT]

Where I work, I’d explain the situation to the pastor and let him handle it.

 

[princesswei18]

Thanks! That’s what I will do as soon as he gets back next week. It is unfortunate that this happened when he was away. I did mention to the family that he was away and I would forward this to him as soon as he returned but they said they needed to submit it the next day.

 

[puzzleannie]

I
Did I do the right thing by refusing to change their grade because it was really not deserved and I feel that it would be teaching the student the wrong values (cheating, not accepting consequences for actions etc) or would it have been more Christian to give in so that they would not have ill feelings towards our parish?

it is not your call, first it is up to the youth minister, DRE or whoever administers the program or is your direct supervisor, but even they do not have authority to change the requirements set by the pastor. ultimately, if the certificate is something required of all parishes in the dioceses by the bishop, only he directly or by delegation to the pastor can exempt anyone from the requirements, for good cause.

You don’t say whether or not this is a confirmation program. When a sacrament is involved only the pastor has jurisdiction but he will certainly ask the DRE, catechist or whoever he has delegated to administer confirmation preparation for (name removed by moderator)ut, as well as the parents.

did you do the right thing? if you applied the same standard and requirements equally to all students in the program, yes you did. If the rules say that a student can advance to the next level only after a standardized test, and you only gave the test to some of the group, that would be a problem, for instance.

Where you made your mistake was getting into an argument with the parents, and not referring them to the pastor the first time they made a complaint.

Believe me this is every day stuff for me. Mercifully our diocesan rules do not allow us to force a candidate to rack up a set number of “service hours”, one of the most abused and misapplied “fake confirmation requirements” ever foisted on a hapless youth ministry volunteer.

 

[Catholic90]

Mercifully our diocesan rules do not allow us to force a candidate to rack up a set number of “service hours”,** one of the most abused and misapplied “fake confirmation requirements” ever foisted on a hapless youth ministry volunteer**.

:sad_yes:

 

[1ke]

How would I deal with them?

I would hang up the phone (or walk away if in person) after telling them to call back when they could speak respectfully and rationally to me, and there will be no grade change.

 

[vsedriver]

After receiving the certificate in a signed and sealed envelope meant for the school, they opened it

 

[puzzleannie]

princesswei18;8572726:

The easiest way to avoid this whole situation is to put into your policy that all certificates would be mailed directly to the school.

I would also pull out the requirements list and show them exactly what you have recorded their daughter completing. Sign up sheets, events attended, etc. facts are facts and if she failed in completing the requirements documentation will show that.

yes, all the record keeping will add another few hours a week to your volunteer time commitment, but hey, working for the church gets you into heaven faster, right?

and of course, the parish is going to pay the postage for mailing all those certificates