How do you deal with someone who

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How do you deal with someone who mistreats you and blames your reaction to their mistreatment rather than their own mistreatment of you?
 
I wouldn’t accept this type of treatment from anyone other than my wife or children.

If it were one of them I would try and talk to them about the issue, then maybe suggest counciling if it persisted.

If this is a issue with a superior at work, that is a whole separate issue.
 
Welshrabbit said:
I wouldn’t accept this type of treatment from anyone other than my wife or children.
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Whether it is a family member or not is irrelevant in my mind, and is only an indication of tribalism…we can forgive family members, but not strangers?

Acceptance and empathy are two different things…Acceptance is judgmental, empathy includes understanding.

Whether we accept or not, we should understand, and leave judgement to God.
 
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By acceptance I meant allowing that person to remain in my life. Only my spouse and/or my children have that unconditional relationship with me.

I can forgive anyone. That doesn’t mean I want them to be a part of my life.
 
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Welshrabbit said:
Only my spouse and/or my children have that unconditional relationship with me.
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The gospel might indicate otherwise “Who is my mother and my brother? …whoever here does the will of God is my mother and brother” (Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3:31-35, and Luke 8:19-21)T
 
You’re welcome to cherrypick bible verses to try and make your point.

Show me in the Catechism where it clearly states that I must keep toxic people in my life…otherwise find someone else to start an argument with.
 
Welshrabbit said:
Show me in the Catechism where it clearly states that I must keep toxic people in my life…otherwise find someone else to start an argument with.
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You are under no obligation to keep toxic people in your life, no matter who they are. Catholic doctrine teaches that we are to honor our mother and our father, but that doesn’t mean we have to allow them to hurt us (in fact, we’re not even required to love them). You can cut your parents out of your life but still honor them by acknowledging who they were and praying for their conversion on a daily basis.

You are allowed to leave and even divorce an abusive spouse. The Church will never let you remarry (don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; the annulment process is stacked against abuse victims), but you are under no obligation to allow that person to keep hurting you. The same goes for children; you are obligated to provide for minors’ physical and spiritual needs, but you can do that from a distance and once they’re adults you can cut them all the way out of your life if need be.

As for other relationships (supervisors, friends, etc.) you’re under no obligation at all beyond seeing to your own temporal needs – for example, if you don’t have any savings, you may have to put up with a toxic supervisor long enough to find another job. But that’s the longest you would have to do so.
 
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There are some variables:

your relationship with the person (is this your little brother or someone who works in the next cubicle or is it your doctor who tells you that vaping is causing your health problems)

Your age (if you are 14 and this is your parent vs you are an independent adult)
 
Exactly my point. You don’t ever have to unconditionally accept abuse.

Personally, I will accept it from my wife and my kids on a very limited basis. YMMV.

But back to the OP’s question: how do you deal with people like this?
 
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Welshrabbit said:
Show me in the Catechism where it clearly states that I must keep toxic people in my life…
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Catechism? The Catechism is a reference book, scripture is the word of God.

Try, Matthew 22:37-40

We are called to love all, even those who are toxic (like enemies)…see also Matthew 5:46 and Luke 6:32.

While I respect your opinion, I am not accepting your premise that I am cherry picking scripture.
 
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Not scripture…the Catechism.

Show me where the Catholic Church teaches that you must keep toxic people in your life.

Protip: you can’t and I’m done discussing this with you.
 
Welshrabbit said:
Not scripture…the Catechism.

Show me where the Catholic Church teaches that you must keep toxic people in your life.

Protip: you can’t and I’m done discussing this with you.
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Let’s work backwards…okay, you’re done, and I will close our dialogue with this post, without malice and only with fraternity.

Show me somewhere in the Catechism that the Church teaches we are to shun those we feel are “toxic” in our lives.

Scripture is a primary source, as the sacred Word of God; the Catechism is not…the Catechism points to scripture, but scripture does not point to the Catechism.

Peace and blessings to you!
 
There a difference between “shunning” someone and refusing to deal with toxic people.

The Catechism is church teaching. Church interprets scripture. They have the authority…you and I do not.

Again, I’m done with you. Go argue with someone else.
 
I would actually try to get an honest second opinion to figure out if I’m really seeing it the way I think it’s happening, and to se if there’s any validity to their claim.

My next step would depend on who the person is and how often I have to deal with them and how high the stake are (ie annoying neighbor I see twice a year vs co-worker who’s stories are about to get me fired.)
 
People are not “toxic”, every person is created in God’s image and is given dignity.

Actions and words can be “toxic”.
 
This is a personal decision. I personally stay away from such people because one of my weaknesses is I can easily be provoked to anger and come to regret my words. I trust God knows my heart and understands. But there were saints who were mistreated mightily and endured patiently, still engaging with toxic people around them.
 
My pastor and assistant both told me personally that you do not have to keep people with toxic “words and behavior” in your life. Pray for them, forgive them, do not speak ill of them, but no, you do not need to spend time with them.
 
bclustr9 said:
How do you deal with someone who mistreats you and blames your reaction to their mistreatment rather than their own mistreatment of you?
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If possible I’d just leave and never talk to them ever again.
 
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By the way, OP, blaming you for what they do, that is called gaslighting, I think.
 
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