How do you deal with temper?

[water]

At the minute you are about to explode, what do you say to yourself? what do you pray?

Thanks!

 

[Just_wondering]

I take a deep breath, push my feelings down, and remind myself that it’s not about me. People are not deliberately running around trying to make me angry, so I remind myself that I control my own reactions.

Then, at least twice a week, I let it all out and kick and hit things. Within the confines of martial arts, of course. I highly recommend a physical hobby to relieve stress. In fact, I just bought my boyfriend a punching bag for Christmas so he can try my method.

 

[MarieVeronica]

Dear water… I have a situation, that is very difficult. I care for my elderly mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s. It can be extremely “trying” at times. My patience sometimes runs very thin.

Through God’s grace, however… I have been able to realize… that the difficulty is within me… and not my mother. It sounds like (with God’s help) you’ve been able to recognize your own anger, as well. I think, that is often the first step. Keep in mind, that we’re all “works in progress”. God isn’t finished with us, yet. There are going to be times, when we fall down. But this might help.

One thing I’ve done… when I feel myself about to “pop”. I ask Our Lord, to help me to recognize Him… in my suffering mother. And then, I go to her… close my eye’s and give her a big hug… but in my minds eye… I imagine, that I’m embracing Our Lord Himself (and I believe, that I really am!).

This method might be a bit harder to use… with say, your boss. Or a nasty neighbor… for example. But it could work… if we learn how to envision Our dear Lord… in our day to day lives. (maybe not the hugging part. lol. Our bosses might slug us!) Let me know if this helps you. God bless.

 

[water]

Then, at least twice a week, I let it all out and kick and hit things. Within the confines of martial arts, of course. I highly recommend a physical hobby to relieve stress. In fact, I just bought my boyfriend a punching bag for Christmas so he can try my method.

Punching bag seems to work for some, but I might have problem with this. After all, when we are angry, we punch things. What if the punching bag is not around when we are angry.

This method might be a bit harder to use… with say, your boss. Or a nasty neighbor… for example. But it could work… if we learn how to envision Our dear Lord… in our day to day lives. Let me know if this helps you. God bless.

You reminded me of my friend who talked with me about this about 5 months ago that he wanted to see Jesus in others when difficult situation arised.

I definitely want to learn this way.

Thanks Just Wondering and Marie Veronica!

 

[TOP]

You have to train yourself to stop reacting. Stop, think it out. Punching bags are for letting out steam, but don’t stop the reaction of a temper. It will take will power. Tempers are from frustration. Don’t let it bother you. Realize it is not that important at that second, you have time to come back to it later. Just walk away from it for a while. Hope this helps. Tim

 

[PhilotheaZ]

At the minute you are about to explode, what do you say to yourself? what do you pray?

Thanks!

“Please, Lord, help me!” That’s all I have time for in the heat of the moment.

If I’m only at a “slow boil,” I may say something along the lines of, “Lord, help me not to be more upset over this than You are.”

 

[Dempsey1919]

I also suffer from a bad temper and sadly I can’t control it most of the time. I just explode and then feel really guilty about it afterwards. I need to learn to control my emotions because nothing good comes from being angry. I’m hoping prayer helps.

 

[pete_29]

My temper was terrible. I would go off on rant for 15 minutes or more. Then I found out I suffered from depression. I still get mad, but with medication, its just a flash then its over. Get checked out. If its depression, there is help.

 

[rpp]

I use my one phone call to talk to my lawyer.

 

[rpp]

I use my one phone call to talk to my lawyer.

Just kidding there!

Seriously, the way that I deal with my temper starts before I even get myself into a position where I may lose it.

I learn what my hot buttons are. Then I work on them, trying to find peace about them, one at a time. I come up with a plan when the “button” get pushed and I start to feel the heat rising. At those times, I focus on following the plan and temporarily turn off my feelings. This technique is similar to one I was taught when learning to fly airplanes. In case of emergency, stay busy following procedure and flying the plane. That way you will not have time to panic.

The St. Francis Prayer of Peace is very helpful and I pray it each evening. A habit of prayer, adoration and meditation make a huge difference. They provide me with both the grace and mental rest I need to be able find peace in difficult situations.

 

[grandfather]

At the minute you are about to explode, what do you say to yourself? what do you pray?

Thanks!

You need to learn to get ahead of things and recognize what is coming long before the minute you are about to explode. Patience is a virtue that is learned. It is practiced. You need to learn to recognize the signals very early, of anger, fury, or whatever else that triggers an outburst. The outburst is the expression or manifestation of something that is already disordered within, before it comes out, like lust. It is what is in the heart. Saint Paul speaks of fury. Read about it.

We are commanded by Jesus to love others, even our enemies. If you have charity, love of neighbor, temper takes care of itself. Pray to God and ask for charity. Charity will lead to patience.

 

[Just_wondering]

Punching bag seems to work for some, but I might have problem with this. After all, when we are angry, we punch things. What if the punching bag is not around when we are angry.

Ah, see, I don’t use the punching bag in the moment of anger. I focus my mind and calm myself down in the moment (which is, of course, what you are wanting to learn how to do). My point was just that if you consistently bury your anger, you put yourself at risk of exploding sometime.

Imagine that your negative emotions are contained in a big vat of acid. Every time someone makes you mad, you allow them to approach your vat and put a little more acid in it. It’s your responsibility to make sure that your vat isn’t going to overflow on them. Therefore, you have to remove the acid from your vat when nobody is around but you. That’s when the punching bag comes in. As long as you consistently empty your vat, or keep its level low, then you will be able to accept negative emotions safely. If you go a long time without expressing those emotions, you risk hurting someone.

With a physical hobby, you can call up all those feelings of frustration and pour them into something constructive. If I don’t have a punching bag nearby, and I’m at my limit for anger absorption, I take a long walk - like six hours. At first, I’m stomping my feet and trying to keep from crying. Then I settle into a rhythm, and I talk myself through what’s bothering me. I remind myself that I control my own reactions. Finally, when I haven’t got the energy to walk any longer, my emotions are well under control, and I have the peace of mind to continue to control them under pressure for at least a couple of weeks. Then I have to take a bus back to where I started. The bus fare can actually get pretty expensive sometimes!

 

[Teelynn]

I remember reading in a book by Mother Angelica that St. Jerome suffered from a terribly short temper. He would punch himself everytime he lost his temper. Said if that were her, she’d already be dead. I just wonder if frustration is one of the crosses we carry that we must deal with.

 

[grandfather]

I remember reading in a book by Mother Angelica that St. Jerome suffered from a terribly short temper. He would punch himself everytime he lost his temper. Said if that were her, she’d already be dead. I just wonder if frustration is one of the crosses we carry that we must deal with.

Frustration and temper are not the same thing. Uncontrolable anger is not a cross. Sins are not crosses. A cross is something we suffer like cancer, poverty, our house buring down or anquish over a sick child. If I am a serial adulterer and now raging with lust dreaming about my new secretary and know it is wrong, this is not a cross. Jerome suffered a bad temper and mortified his body, punished it as a way to acknowledge the sin and maybe overcome it. If you had a dying child you can offer this suffering, or cross, to Jesus to combine it wth His sacrifice and offer it to the Father. You don’t offer Him your bad temper.

 

[Sagefrakrobatik]

This made me think of a book one of my professors mentioned last semester called “Managing the Heart” by sociologist Nancy Chadrow. The books is about how we as people take specific steps to manage the emotions we decide to present to others.

In addition some people are so skillful at managing their emotions they get paid for it. This is called the “Labor of Emotion.” Customer Service representatives, debt collectors, police officers are just a few examples of professions where people have to keep their true emotions in check. When i have some time I’ll post some relevant quotes from Chadrow. In the meantime i will bestow upon you some wise words from His Holiness, no not the pope, the dala lama;

**“One person becomes verbally abusive, (is) a clear sign of the fragility of their position.”

“The least annoyance can take on undue proportions and upset me considerably.”

“The less calm we are, the more likely we are to react negatively.”

, Patience,…acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger—the greatest threat to our inner peace.”**