How do you define a mid-life crisis?

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***My dd and I were talking about this recently, one of her friend’s parents are going through a divorce…my dd asked what happened, and her friend said that her mom has been shouting to her dad about having ‘midlife crisis.’ My dd asked me what it means, and I explained to what I have understood it to mean…sort of an identity crisis. (am I quasi-right on that?) When a person might feel at ‘mid life,’ that he/she has not seen enough, done enough, accomplished enough…whatever, they might have a breakdown of sorts–a desire to look for something to make them happier than they see themselves. And also I said to her, if a person has a strong foundation with their faith, they look to God for their worth, not seeking something outside of self for pleasure, happiness…peace.

I think more than happiness, we are all seeking to be at peace with ourselves…within our lives. I am not sure if some of you might have a different outlook on what a midlife crisis is.

I turned 40 last year, and frankly, it was one of the best days of my life…I feel like life and God has revealed so much to me…I am grateful to be at this age. 🙂

So…just curious as to your definition of a mid life crisis, and do women have them, or is it something mainly men go through? :confused:***
 
Personally, I think the whole idea of a “midlife crisis” is something made up by Phil Donahue, or some 1970s psycho-babble person to give the appearance of acceptability for what it really is: selfishness.

You are 100% right-- when properly formed in the faith it’s not about “me” but about sacrifice for others. A man, or woman, properly formed in what it means to be in the image of Christ does not leave his marriage to go “find himself.” He finds himself where Christ told us we would-- in the faces of the least of our brethern. We cannot fill ourselves up with whatever it is he thinks he will find out there-- sex, happiness, etc. We can only be filled by God.

The idea of an identity crisis, a midlife crisis, etc, is-- IMHO-- a result of the humanist worldview which is based on subjectivity and relativism.
 
***haha, Phil Donohue! Yes, I agree…I think that overall, many people have God-shaped holes within their lives, and think that a new woman/man, car, job, adventure will fill it…and for some reason …we have time limits on such things…‘the 7 year itch’ pertaining to marriage, and ‘mid life crisis,’ at 40 or so…:o

I think that nothing will ever beat a strong relationship with Christ. 1ke, you make sense, as always. ;)***
 
I know what your mean by the Donahue psycho-babble, but there might be something to it.

Often times, (and I paraphrase this by saying I am only 29) when we reach “middle age” we might think about what passed by us…regret and sadness. We also see our parents aging, maybe even a death in the family or friendship. We think about our legacy, our children…it’s a bit unfair to call it part of the “humanist worldview”

And I agree 100%- Christ can carry us over anything.
 
I think “mid-life crisis” is very real, although I am not particulary fond of that name. Most people I know have gone through some sort of “change” in their 40’s and 50’s. My husband bought a motorcycle - he never showed any interest in motorcycles before his forties. My dad bought a racing boat during his “crisis.” A priest friend of mine bought a Mustang GT convertable that he pampers like crazy. I know some sisters who left their communities in their late 40’s. I went back to school for a doctorate. A woman I know started to get involved in missionary work. I know several people who left their marriages or who had affaris. This “mid-life” thing can be manifested in many ways, positive or negative. I think a lot of it has to do with seeking what is percieved as missing in your younger years or that you feel you haven’t fulfilled something that you always wanted in your life. For those of us who are married and have kids, the kids are getting older, they don’t need us as much, and we have more freedom…also thoughts of our mortality begin to become more clear. Some folks want to make up for lost time or never achieved dreams before they get too old to do anything about it. I once heard that the word “crisis” in Chinese also means “opportunity.” Since I don’t speak Chinese I don’t know if that is true but it is a good way to look at a crisis, mid-life or otherwise.
 
I think a mid-life crisis as Joannm describes it is true for most people. It’s a time of reflection on one’s life (family, career, personal goals) at around the time that it is likely to be half over. In particular, it’s a time that many people have actually achieved some of their goals and then start to question whether or not they have further value. (Achieving a goal can be extremely stressful and/or depressing for people since pursuing goals tends to be what gives meaning to their lives.) Children are growing up and moving out. Workers may feel their years of experience are not appreciated by new young employees who have skills with technology that didn’t even exist when the older employee began working. People wonder whether they are physically able to do the things they didn’t have the time or money to do when younger.

For married people it can be particularly difficult because they likely approach this part of life from a different perspective from each other. One person may perceive this as a time to do more things away from the home and family. The other might be wanting to spend more time with the home and family.

People who don’t have God at the center of their lives and relationships are obviously going to have a much tougher time than those that do. They are going to be much less likely to see their lives as empty and needing “fullfillment” by have an affair or to spending the family’s retirement money on something frivolous.
 
SMHW said:
I think a mid-life crisis as Joannm describes it is true for most people. It’s a time of reflection on one’s life (family, career, personal goals) at around the time that it is likely to be half over. In particular, it’s a time that many people have actually achieved some of their goals and then start to question whether or not they have further value. (Achieving a goal can be extremely stressful and/or depressing for people since pursuing goals tends to be what gives meaning to their lives.) Children are growing up and moving out. Workers may feel their years of experience are not appreciated by new young employees who have skills with technology that didn’t even exist when the older employee began working. People wonder whether they are physically able to do the things they didn’t have the time or money to do when younger.

For married people it can be particularly difficult because they likely approach this part of life from a different perspective from each other. One person may perceive this as a time to do more things away from the home and family. The other might be wanting to spend more time with the home and family.

People who don’t have God at the center of their lives and relationships are obviously going to have a much tougher time than those that do. They are going to be much less likely to see their lives as empty and needing “fullfillment” by have an affair or to spending the family’s retirement money on something frivolous.
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***I agree, that is interesting insight, (your last paragraph) ***
 
Hmmm…it doesn’t feel all that great to hear others call what I’m going through right now as psychobabble and not real. Granted, I do not think it’s an excuse to have an affair, etc, but it is a trying time nonetheless. I have been through two careers (accounting/business and teaching)…both of which ultimately disappointed me or disillusioned me. I’m 42 and it does not look like I will get pregnant, so what I thought would be the next logical step in my life (SAHM) doesn’t look like it will come to fruition. I have come to terms with that, but that fact along with the fact that I do not know what my next step is supposed to be right now is very trying.
 
baylee said:
Hmmm…it doesn’t feel all that great to hear others call what I’m going through right now as psychobabble and not real. Granted, I do not think it’s an excuse to have an affair, etc, but it is a trying time nonetheless. I have been through two careers (accounting/business and teaching)…both of which ultimately disappointed me or disillusioned me. I’m 42 and it does not look like I will get pregnant, so what I thought would be the next logical step in my life (SAHM) doesn’t look like it will come to fruition. I have come to terms with that, but that fact along with the fact that I do not know what my next step is supposed to be right now is very trying.
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I’m sorry baylee…I think that we all go through seasons, varying in degrees from one another. Jesus asks us to carry our crosses and follow Him. This is one of those times for you–and I have had (and some days, still do) my fair share of crosses.

I think the problem for many, is that they view suffering as having no redemptive qualities…and thus, seek out something secular to wash away their pain…maybe it’s an affair, maybe it’s seeking pleasure in making money…buying a new gadget or car, or becoming obsessed with the way one looks. The list varies for many, and I think none of us are immune…but the ‘secret’ to living a happy and balanced life, is to take up our crosses, and ask Jesus for help in bearing our burdens.

When people turn to something else to wash away their pain, something secular…they really just inherit more pain, sadly. I remember searching for something outside of myself 10 years ago, when I announced to my dh that I didn’t want to be married anymore. All the while, I was searching for what Christ offers…true and lasting peace. But, to me, at that time, I thought something secular could solve the problem…maybe divorce would solve my problems. Thank God I did not divorce my husband, thank God he knew waited for me. :o So, I speak from experience…

I don’t think anyone is saying that it’s mere psychobabble…but, it seems to be catch phrase of our century, when someone is suffering.

I will keep you in my prayers, baylee. :o***
 
I think that everyone has a “crisis” of the soul so to speak.

I think middle age is just the mean or mode or whatever the mathematical term for most is.

Some people experience them very young. After the initial crisis of teenage years, that is. Many people aren’t thinking about their identity for many years after, but then realize all of the sudden it may be a shocker, causing a crisis.

People do strange things beucase they loose the intensity of youth. They give up the dreams they had in their heads. Its a time of both renewal and grief of self.
 
purplesunshine said:
I think that everyone has a “crisis” of the soul so to speak.

I think middle age is just the mean or mode or whatever the mathematical term for most is.

Some people experience them very young. After the initial crisis of teenage years, that is. Many people aren’t thinking about their identity for many years after, but then realize all of the sudden it may be a shocker, causing a crisis.

People do strange things beucase they loose the intensity of youth. They give up the dreams they had in their heads. Its a time of both renewal and grief of self.
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So well said, I agree with this.

I think it’s often said when we see a man who is say 60 leave his wife of 30+ years for his secretary…(it still happens, apparently) ‘he is having a mid life crisis.’

The reality is, that we don’t get a ‘do over’ in this life, so nothing you can do at 60, or 50, or 40…or whenever, is going to take you back to the ‘good old days’ of being in your late teens/early 20’s. Live life to its fullest everyday, placing God first…and you’ll have no regrets when you hit middle age, and thereafter. (I’m just using this as an example–there are many examples of what people ‘do’ when they are going through a crisis)***
 
whatevergirl said:
***I agree, that is interesting insight, (your last paragraph) ***
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Looking at that last paragraph I think I could have worded it better. The “they” in the last sentence was supposed to refer to people who DID have God as the center of their lives. But I think you got that. 😃
 
baylee said:
Hmmm…it doesn’t feel all that great to hear others call what I’m going through right now as psychobabble and not real. Granted, I do not think it’s an excuse to have an affair, etc, but it is a trying time nonetheless. I have been through two careers (accounting/business and teaching)…both of which ultimately disappointed me or disillusioned me. I’m 42 and it does not look like I will get pregnant, so what I thought would be the next logical step in my life (SAHM) doesn’t look like it will come to fruition. I have come to terms with that, but that fact along with the fact that I do not know what my next step is supposed to be right now is very trying.
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I agree that there are times in our lives that are more trying than others. And because of the rarity of these times, ‘seasonal depression’ just doesn’t seem to add up.

I’ve heard it said that we may go through 3-4 adjustments in life. But with the way we live, I would not be suprised to hear that people go through many mini-crisis.

I am coming off a 6 months of crisis- I moved, got married, changed jobs and am looking at moving again. It was a time of sharp questions, aloof moments, and painfully obscure days.

I think that we ought not to say that a life season cannot be a crisis. Can we not have a season of prolonged crisis? God delivers answers on his time, and must answer them on our own time.

I pray for this man and for all those undergoing changes that seem beyond the realm of control. Blessings and peace upon them, may God keep and deliver each of them through the trials of the years.
 
How do you define a mid-life crisis?
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A mid-life crisis is something I have yet to experience. And from what I have seen on it I hope to avoid it altogether.

another no help post brought to you by the good people of … Among Strangers
 
Life is a series of events, crises in some cases.

I am in no way disparaging people’s very real crises they experience in their family, vocation, finances, etc., and the very real feelings that accompany those crises.

I am commenting on the late 20th century phenomenon known as the “midlife crisis” which is a culturally induced phenomenon of people thinking they need to “find themselves” or that it is cathartic to attempt to capture what they “missed out on” in youth by buying things, breaking relationships/committments, and generally behaving badly. The “midlife crisis” is induced by the “me” culture.

This comes from the humanist philosophy of individual experience as the arbiter of truth.
 
Joannm said:
My husband bought a motorcycle - he never showed any interest in motorcycles before his forties. My dad bought a racing boat during his “crisis.”
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Most of the guys riding Harleiy’s are in the 60’s!

People seem to have an identity crisis which begins at age 16 and ends at age 30. They’re not entitled to another one until age 65.
 
JimG said:
Most of the guys riding Harleiy’s are in the 60’s!

People seem to have an identity crisis which begins at age 16 and ends at age 30. They’re not entitled to another one until age 65.
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For men, it seems to involve buying expensive ‘toys.’ lol My own husband wants a mustang convertible…I’m like…oh boy. lol 😛
 
1ke said:
Life is a series of events, crises in some cases.

I am in no way disparaging people’s very real crises they experience in their family, vocation, finances, etc., and the very real feelings that accompany those crises.

I am commenting on the late 20th century phenomenon known as the “midlife crisis” which is a culturally induced phenomenon of people thinking they need to “find themselves” or that it is cathartic to attempt to capture what they “missed out on” in youth by buying things, breaking relationships/committments, and generally behaving badly. The “midlife crisis” is induced by the “me” culture.

This comes from the humanist philosophy of individual experience as the arbiter of truth.
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I think you have the cart before the horse. I think the “condition” came first, and then someone thought up a name to describe it. I know I am going through it right now. I’m 54 and constantly ask myself “Is this it??” All the things that I had dreams of doing as a young person are very likely never going to happen. I once dreamed of moving to Hawaii to live. At 54, I doubt it. I was going to write children’s books. Possible but not likely. You get the picture. I didn’t need anybody mentioning “mid life crisis” these feelings just came on me slowly and built. Every morning I get up and think “Groundhog Day” (see the movie if you haven’t 🙂 ) because every day is the same. Last year I broke out just a bit and went to a Sci-Fi convention in Toronto. Just because! So I don’t think people are behaving this way BECAUSE someone coined the term “mid life crisis”. I think this way of thinking occurs naturally when we get to a certain age and realize those dreams we had are never going to happen and this is it.
 
Many people get married in their 20s, have children, dutifully raise them unselfishly and have no time for themselves. Then the children go off to college, join the Navy and get married. Suddenly, you have lots more time on your hands. Some people use this extra time to volunteer, join organizations, join the choir at church, or pursue a hobby they put on hold to raise their children. Other people seem to go off in the direction of sinful behaviour… including extramarital affairs, spending more money than they can afford on fast cars or boats, etc.

You really can have two main reactions to mid-life:
  1. You can say "Hey, this is great, I have more time to be with my spouse and pursue good things
  2. You can say “Now what do I do?” and allow temptation to lead you away.
 
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