I donât know if the term âmid life crisisâ points to a real phenomen. But I have most of the symptoms. And it is brutally hard to live with - regardless of whatever nomenclature you use to categorize it.
I doubt my relationship to my wife. She is now an agnostic, and has completely abandoned Christianity. She is deeply narcissistic, and really cares nothing about me or our marriage. I strongly suspect that she will abandon and divorce me, when the time is right for her.
My daughter has abandoned Catholicism, and now attends an evangelical church. I wonder all the time what I did wrong, to cause this. I suspect that my daughter is doing this to rebel against her parents; admittedly, I and my wife have been overprotective of her.
My son is mentally and physically sound, and I have at least some hope for him. He may have some Christian faith - but it is hard to tell. He too is going through his rebellious phase, where he will do anything to get out of the home, and break free from his parents.
My career and ministries, by and large, are failures. I have some successes, but I really feel like I have underachieved.
My physical health is OK, but I suspect that it wonât by like this forever. I am approaching 50, which is when my mother started having physical breakdowns. And I continue to struggle with emotional and psychological problems (mostly anxiety and depression), that I have battled for much of my adult life.
Essentially, I look back at the past 44 years, and I see promises that I never kept, dreams that are unfulfilled, and so much time that was wasted. I think this is why many middle-aged people go through these âcrisesâ.
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I suspect that I could spend the rest of my life lonely, divorced, estranged from my family, in failing health, and bankrupt. It is a real possibility. That is exactly how my mother spent much of the last 15 years of her life. (I and my sister did what we could to help her. I was living a thousand miles away at the time. I ended up paying much of her bills. When you have a parent who suffers in old age, it makes you dread the thought of growing old.)
Could I end up just like her? It is a real possibility. And yes, it frightens me.
Our civilization is not kind to senior citizens. And when you enter later middle age, the stark reality of that can hit you in the face, like a 2-by-4.
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Willie Lohman, the lead character from Arthur Millerâs classic play, âDeath of a Salesmanâ, faced the exact same predicament. He too was confronted with a failed marriage, family, and career. He chose the easy way out - suicide. He was a man lacking in Christian faith, which is why he took the route of the coward, by asphixiating himself. There are no such options, for those of us who are true Christians.
I think I can survive anything, through my faith in Christ. I could even endure what Willie had to. But that doesnât mean it will be easy. The next 20-30 years could be extremely hard. That is why I only place my faith in the next world - the current world holds no promise for me.
That is great.
My sister said the other night, she is tired of the âbusiness trainâ that sheâs onâŚand she wants off! She is 53, and she too said she was thinking of becoming a missionary. Thatâs ironic. I (secretly) have always ALWAYS wanted to be an archaeologist. I never pursued that dreamâŚreally no money in it, unless you discover a bone from an alien or something. lol I watch a lot of archaeology documentariesâŚand say to myselfâŚthat could be you sharon. I donât know what stops meâŚoh yeah, I have a husband, kids, a jobâŚbills. I almost forgot.
I saidâŚis this your midlife crisis? lol I said, some men want corvettesâŚyou want cows.
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