How do you detach from a persistent material desire?

[leonie]

I want to detach from material desires–workin’ on making room for Christ! I don’t want to say, “no room at the inn.” to the infant Christ.

But, I have a specific material desire that is very strong. I’ve always dreamed of a big house. And, now with a large family, my desire for that big house is becoming much stronger.

So, how do you detach?

 

[newf]

You make the house you live in the very best it can be.

Get rid of extra stuff you have that you don’t need. It will make your place feel bigger. Maybe you could redecorate…paint a new color on the walls, get some new curtains, etc…

In other words, bloom where you are planted.

 

[Karianne]

I want to detach from material desires–workin’ on making room for Christ! I don’t want to say, “no room at the inn.” to the infant Christ.

But, I have a specific material desire that is very strong. I’ve always dreamed of a big house. And, now with a large family, my desire for that big house is becoming much stronger.

So, how do you detach?

Listen, this house thing with you is just getting to be TOO much!
I live in area where a lot of folks are tearing down perfectly nice houses and building themselves McMansions, wherever I see one I think TWO things…one is that it must be hell to try to keep one of those things clean, and two, when the kids grow up, who NEEDS all that room? (unless you’re in an area where you can make it into a bread and breakfast type thing)
In YOUR case, I think that you want a bigger house so that your kids will have more room, and I fully understand that, each new human wants to have a certain number of material items of their own, so, in your case, that means that your house has to contain items from EIGHT different people! It must overwhelm you at times!
In my opinion, you deserve a bigger house because you have given your husband the amazing gift of six children-something he never would have had if he had stayed single. That’s six years of your life in bringing forth their lives and who knows how many in bringing UP the children.
If your husband won’t get you your house then I think that you need to figure out how to get the house on your own-and the best way to do that is to:

1. Learn your own financial situation, maybe you can persuade him from a financial point that the investment would pay off in the long run.
   2.Take an online course in real estate so that you know the details.
2. Ask St Joseph to help you out here, after all, he was a carpenter.
   4.Figure out a way to bring in more money and then save it.

I know that you’re asking how to get rid of your desires but, in this case, I can see why more room might be necessary.
It just occurred to me that you might try to downsize by putting some of your stuff in storage, that might give you more room and then you might feel better about your house.
If you and the kids try to add-on to your house, all of you will learn something and those skills will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
As I said in another post, I would start with a den for your husband, that might make him feel better about the whole thing.

 

[leonie]

Listen, this house thing with you is just getting to be TOO much!
I live in area where a lot of folks are tearing down perfectly nice houses and building themselves McMansions, wherever I see one I think TWO things…one is that it must be hell to try to keep one of those things clean, and two, when the kids grow up, who NEEDS all that room? (unless you’re in an area where you can make it into a bread and breakfast type thing)
In YOUR case, I think that you want a bigger house so that your kids will have more room, and I fully understand that, each new human wants to have a certain number of material items of their own, so, in your case, that means that your house has to contain items from EIGHT different people! It must overwhelm you at times!
In my opinion, you deserve a bigger house because you have given your husband the amazing gift of six children-something he never would have had if he had stayed single. That’s six years of your life in bringing forth their lives and who knows how many in bringing UP the children.
If your husband won’t get you your house then I think that you need to figure out how to get the house on your own-and the best way to do that is to:

1. Learn your own financial situation, maybe you can persuade him from a financial point that the investment would pay off in the long run.
   2.Take an online course in real estate so that you know the details.
2. Ask St Joseph to help you out here, after all, he was a carpenter.
   4.Figure out a way to bring in more money and then save it.

I know that you’re asking how to get rid of your desires but, in this case, I can see why more room might be necessary.
It just occurred to me that you might try to downsize by putting some of your stuff in storage, that might give you more room and then you might feel better about your house.
If you and the kids try to add-on to your house, all of you will learn something and those skills will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
As I said in another post, I would start with a den for your husband, that might make him feel better about the whole thing.

Thanks, Karianne, to be honest, we don’t really have anything extra to put in storage. In fact, we could use a little more furniture (currently, we have seven dining room chairs for the 8 of us ). But, that’s a great idea.

It is so sweet of you to encourage me. Sometimes, I get so tired of feeling bad about myself. I do have some excellent kids! I’ve never really had anyone say to me that I deserve a nicer house. Usually, everyone says I need to let it go and be satisfied with what I have. Embrace poverty and all that…

But, I think about the house thing alot! I wish I could stop thinking about it.

But, even considering the merits of needing a bigger house, how do you let go of a persistent material desire? What if it were a mansion I was dreaming about or a hummer?

 

[Karianne]

Thanks, Karianne, to be honest, we don’t really have anything extra to put in storage. In fact, we could use a little more furniture (currently, we have seven dining room chairs for the 8 of us ). But, that’s a great idea.

It is so sweet of you to encourage me. Sometimes, I get so tired of feeling bad about myself. I do have some excellent kids! I’ve never really had anyone say to me that I deserve a nicer house. Usually, everyone says I need to let it go and be satisfied with what I have. Embrace poverty and all that…

But, I think about the house thing alot! I wish I could stop thinking about it.

But, even considering the merits of needing a bigger house, how do you let go of a persistent material desire? What if it were a mansion I was dreaming about or a hummer?

If you find out, let me know, I’m trying to detach from smoking (only cigarettes and they’re legal).
This is how I see it, any woman tough enough to bring up six kids in this day and age can easily figure out how to get a better house. By virtue of the kids alone you have established that you and your husband are very creative folks. Creative people can always figure out a way to get things done.

I am pretty sure that you’re gonna do this thing, unless Number 7 comes along and you’re thrown off task for awhile.

I get ALL my furniture from second hand places, but in the DC area folks get rid of really nice stuff so it doesn’t look too bad.

I can’t stand spending money on furniture that’s going to get shabby anyway after awhile, also, I went to an Estate sale once, the apartment was owned by an older lady who died. Everything was pristine, it was like a store or something…everything was also very expensive, but…it had NO soul. I also went to an Estate Sale in Takoma Park where another lady had lived and
there were really old magazines in the basement, unfinished craft projects all over the house, empty dog bowls for water and food by the front porch…terrific old books…when “I” die I would rather have lived in a house like the Takoma Park one…the other was simply too sterile.

 

[baltobetsy]

There’s a line in Psalm 16 that expresses it all for me. (This translation is the Book of Common Prayer - beautiful language)

My boundaries enclose a pleasant land;
Indeed I have a goodly heritage.

And then there’s the first line of Psalm 138:
I thank you, Lord, with all my heart.
Gratitude for what you have is the key to controlling your desire for something more. God bless you and your lovely family this Christmas!

Betsy

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I want to detach from material desires–workin’ on making room for Christ! I don’t want to say, “no room at the inn.” to the infant Christ.

But, I have a specific material desire that is very strong. I’ve always dreamed of a big house. And, now with a large family, my desire for that big house is becoming much stronger.

So, how do you detach?

Consider the real reasons for wanting to move into a larger home. Is it out of necessity, because of the size of your family? If so, then the desire is not inordinate, and nothing wrong with pursuing this.

If it’s for reasons of pride or ego, to impress friends and relatives, then it is inordinate.

Also consider what will purchasing a larger home involve of yourself? As Henry David Thoreau said, “the true cost of a thing, is how much life we have to sacrifice to obtain it.” Will the larger home bring a larger mortgage, which will require a larger income, resulting in longer hours worked? If so, you’ll be sacrificing your life for this purchase, would it be worth it? Also, won’t taking this time away from your family be worse than staying in the home you have now?

Most families today are slaves to their homes. How many people do you know, who own their own homes? In all my years, very few, and those that do, are not far from going into nursing homes.

Learning the value of living a simple life is the best way to detach yourself from inordinate desires. The love of the spirit of poverty, doesn’t mean living in destitution, but learning what really matters in life.

God Bless and Have a Nice Christmas
Jim

 

[ldv]

You put it in God’s hands. There is nothing wrong in praying for blessings. Now how or when your prayers are going to be answered is up to God. Nothing is ours when we give ourselves to the Lord. They are all blessings that can be given and taken at anytime and we must always give thanks to our Lord.

I hope this helps and if i am wrong please correct me.

Seek The Truth!

 

[Dorothy]

Thanks, Karianne, to be honest, we don’t really have anything extra to put in storage. In fact, we could use a little more furniture (currently, we have seven dining room chairs for the 8 of us ). But, that’s a great idea.

It is so sweet of you to encourage me. Sometimes, I get so tired of feeling bad about myself. I do have some excellent kids! I’ve never really had anyone say to me that I deserve a nicer house. Usually, everyone says I need to let it go and be satisfied with what I have. Embrace poverty and all that…

But, I think about the house thing alot! I wish I could stop thinking about it.

But, even considering the merits of needing a bigger house, how do you let go of a persistent material desire? What if it were a mansion I was dreaming about or a hummer?

I would think the first thing you need to think about is can you afford a bigger house? If there is a way you can get one – such as a great bargain that needs minimum fixing up, then I’d say go for that.

My husband and I moved into a 30 year old home with just two bedrooms, and 1 1/2 bathrooms. We managed to make it work for the first five children, and then we added two more bedrooms, as we had the property. Then we had three more children and my husband did some work in the basement, fixing up a room down there. I was 35 years old when we had eight children in the house, the oldest being in high school.

Now, my youngest is 32 and my oldest is 49. We have family reunions about once every three years, and when we get together we laugh so hard at all the antics and funny things that happened growing up in that house. They are none the worse off for never having a brand new bike or expensive toys for Christmas. We always managed to get good, used bikes and baby furniture from relatives and friends. And, we used garage sales a lot for furniture as they were growing up.

I think what gave me the acceptance (I too wished I had a bigger house, but it was financially impossible) of the size of the house was the fact that I was so impressed by my grandma who raised 7 children in a three-room apartment and shared a bathroom with three other families. She always had such a peaceful and serene way about her, and I wanted to be just like her. All of her children (my aunts and uncles) grew up as a close knit family who cared about each other, and there were no divorces. So, I figured that a lot of material things or surroundings don’t necessarily factor in bringing up a family with the right values.

I wish the best for you…may the Lord give you the desire for what He knows you need and should have.

 

[water]

I want to detach from material desires–workin’ on making room for Christ! I don’t want to say, “no room at the inn.” to the infant Christ.

But, I have a specific material desire that is very strong. I’ve always dreamed of a big house. And, now with a large family, my desire for that big house is becoming much stronger.

So, how do you detach?

First of all, you are blessed with many children. There is nothing wrong about dreaming to have a big house for your large family. What you do with a big house is important. Some people have big house so that they can have many parties; others just want to show off; etc…

If you dream of having a big house for family activities and to get everybody closer to God, then it is great.

By the way, don’t let this dream get all over your mind and you forget to give thanks to God for what you currently have.

God bless!

 

[buzzcut]

St. John of the Cross presents a detailed explanation of the need for detachment from worldly and sensual matters. Sorry but I don’t have the book with me so I can’t look it up.

 

[leonie]

St. John of the Cross presents a detailed explanation of the need for detachment from worldly and sensual matters. Sorry but I don’t have the book with me so I can’t look it up.

really, I’ll try to find it.

Thanks for all the replies. I probably have some grounds for wanting a bigger house, but what I want to get rid of is the desire for it which sometimes dominates my thoughts all day.

bad, bad, bad. It makes me resentful and distracted.

Thanks for all the practical advice, but I’m sort of stuck here because my dh won’t move. Also, improvements are out of the question because I don’t have the know how or time and my dh isn’t interested.

I probably shouldn’t have included the thing that is occupying my thoughts. My real question is how to detach.

 

[contemplative]

My real question is how to detach.

Read about mortification and asceticism. Then read about your favorite saints who used these ways to be closer to God. I don’t think you should use mortification or asceticism for anything other than a means to be closer to God. Make your goal God’s Will…not yours. Pray to God first in all that you do.

 

[leonie]

Read about mortification and asceticism. Then read about your favorite saints who used these ways to be closer to God. I don’t think you should use mortification or asceticism for anything other than a means to be closer to God. Make your goal God’s Will…not yours. Pray to God first in all that you do.

Do you think that if I become closer to God, my persistent material desires will go away? Or, do I have to get rid of my desires to get closer to God?

does trying to detach from one thing actually focus your attention more on it? Bad analogy: I eat more when I am trying to diet than when I’m not focused on food.

 

[contemplative]

Do you think that if I become closer to God, my persistent material desires will go away? Or, do I have to get rid of my desires to get closer to God?

But for this training to be effectual it is not sufficient to restrain these desires of the flesh only when their demands are unlawful. They represent a twist in the nature, and must be treated as one treats a twisted wire when endeavouring to straighten it, namely, by twisting it the opposite way. Thus in the various departments of ascetic observance, earnest Catholics are constantly found denying themselves even in matters which in themselves are confessedly lawful.

source

Many saints clearly battled their flesh till the moment of death. St. Gabriel of Possenti and St. Rose of Lima were among the many saints who on their death beds wished to be placed in less than comfortable positions. It is important to read the lives of these saints to understand why they did such things. Read about the lives of saints. They are an inspiration for us all.

(I believe that St. Francis of Assisi asked to be stripped naked when he was near death. His brothers in Christ insisted that St. Francis accept being draped with the robe of another as an act of humility. St. Francis obeyed as one final act of humility and obedience)

 

[Karianne]

really, I’ll try to find it.

Thanks for all the replies. I probably have some grounds for wanting a bigger house, but what I want to get rid of is the desire for it which sometimes dominates my thoughts all day.

bad, bad, bad. It makes me resentful and distracted.

Thanks for all the practical advice, but I’m sort of stuck here because my dh won’t move. Also, improvements are out of the question because I don’t have the know how or time and my dh isn’t interested.

I probably shouldn’t have included the thing that is occupying my thoughts. My real question is how to detach.

I can’t see a thing wrong with having a dream.

I think that detachment is over-rated. I watched the Dalai Lama last night on Barbara Walter’s special and he is completely detached but he also found a lifestyle that suited him. He was ‘attached’ to the notion of ‘detachment’. However, at LEAST he’s happy!

I remember reading some of Teresa of Avila’s writing. Everytime she conquered a demon she worried about ‘vainglory’ which I interpreted as pride, how on EARTH was that woman EVER happy!

Of course, she didn’t have children to help her keep her feet on the ground, there’s nothing like a kid to keep you humble.
(I was very proud of my little brother, I was introducing him to my boss, I glanced over at my bro and he was picking his nose!)

 

[contemplative]

I can’t see a thing wrong with having a dream. Well dreams are nice but constructive well-thought out plans are even better…especially if these plans are an absolute necessity.

I think that detachment is over-rated. Oh my!

I remember reading some of Teresa of Avila’s writing. Everytime she conquered a demon she worried about ‘vainglory’ which I interpreted as pride, how on EARTH was that woman EVER happy!
You might benefit from reading more of Teresa of Avila’s writing as well as biographies of other saints. I can’t think of a single saint I’ve read about that didn’t exercise some way, shape or form of mortification or asceticism.