How do you discern God's Plan for you?

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I am a 36 year old woman. I have always thought that I would someday get married. However, I was recently reading a Catholic book about discerning a Catholic spouse. The first couple chapters were about discernment in general. I started trying to think about what God really is calling me to do.

Does the fact that I am not and have never really dated anyone mean that I am supposed to be a Sister/Nun? Whenever I think maybe I am supposed to be a sister, I start to feel very sad :(. I really don’t know what to do next. If I knew for sure what God wanted me to do, I would do it. I am very afraid of making a mistake. If I wait forever to meet the man God wants to send me, but it turned out I wasn’t supposed to get married anyway, I know I would regret it. On the other hand, if I “gave up” and became a sister and God really wants me to get married, I would regret that too.

How do you really figure this stuff out?😊
I appreciate all of your help.
 
Well, I’m not a woman, but when I was discerning my vocation (and still am 👍 ) I ask the Lord for three signs. I knew the number 3 had a great signifigance in salvation history, so I asked for three signs to my vocation. The first sign he gave me was that the hour that I prayed the priest at my church sent out a vocation email! The second sign I had was that out of the blue one day my dad sat me down and talked to me about becoming a priest. The third and final sign I had was at my grandfathers funeral, when God put the thought in my head that I was going to be a priest! 🙂 I am still discerning what kind of priest he wants me to be 🤷 But all you have to do is ask God for signs and keep on praying! I will also be praying for you!

-SHF
 
Marriage doesn’t have a novitiate–the religious life does.

Even if you prove to have a “temporary” religious vocation, no time would’ve been wasted. We’re always learning.

Here is a link for a women’s discernment group:

groups.yahoo.com/group/womenindiscernment/

And another: Phatmass Phorum:

phatmass.com/

Scroll down and click the vocation station link.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
The religious life is not something you do because you have not found a spouse. It is not “second place.”

The fact that you feel sad when you think about becoming a sister…wouldn’t you say that in itself is a sign from God, that you are not being called to religious life? I once read a priest saying that your vocation should give you sense of peace.

My advice is to talk to a priest or a sister, even several. Listen to what they have to say. Discernment really is not a solitary activity.
 
I am a 36 year old woman. I have always thought that I would someday get married. However, I was recently reading a Catholic book about discerning a Catholic spouse. The first couple chapters were about discernment in general. I started trying to think about what God really is calling me to do.
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I think probably knowing God’s Overall Plan for the whole of life is not so common…rather God’s Will unfolds over the days, and a discernment process is an unfolding proces.
Does the fact that I am not and have never really dated anyone mean that I am supposed to be a Sister/Nun?
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No…the vocation to religious life is not a default position. And a most rare and exceptional case if it was asking spiritual advice before entering into religious life itself.
Whenever I think maybe I am supposed to be a sister, I start to feel very sad :(. I really don’t know what to do next.
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Pray about it and be patient…Love is patient.
If I knew for sure what God wanted me to do, I would do it. I am very afraid of making a mistake.
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The very fact that you fear making a mistake will probably hold you back from making one. A vocation and call from God comes in many ways, but a conviction of some kind and level is present that one is following God’s Will…getting spiritual direction is the best move. The next best move, is to allow the discerning to unfold in the days with prayer and patience. Ask God to make His Will clear to you and persevere in that prayer without anxiety.
God’s Will can be revealed in strange ways indeed…I know of two long professed very happy nuns that started out not wanting to enter religious life at all…now jolly glad that they did.
If I wait forever to meet the man God wants to send me, but it turned out I wasn’t supposed to get married anyway, I know I would regret it. On the other hand, if I “gave up” and became a sister and God really wants me to get married, I would regret that too.
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Lots of “what if’s”…trust God. Rare indeed it would be that one would get married and hence feel it was God;'s Will…and then find out later it was not although this is not an impossibility. The same applies for entering religious life. But I really think you need spiritual direction more than these Forums can give which tend more to be opinions including mine.
How do you really figure this stuff out?😊
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Prayer and patient trust…spiritual direction. With these, things tend to figure themselves out given time, prayer, patient trust and spiritual direction.

You are very wise and indeed prudent (if overly so with the prudence, lapsing into fear) to make you choice for the rest of your life a quite serious matter. Prayer,. patient trust, perseverance in prayer and spiritual direction…
Keeping you in prayer…

Blessings - Barb:)
There are three indications of vocation:
Attraction to the life
Absence of imediments
Acceptance into the life - with religious life this means acceptance by a Religious Order and with marriage it means getting married. Actualy getting married is probably a more serious matter (not a good way to put it!) since marriage is a Sacrament in The Church. One can be dispensed from vows in Religious Life and leave for secular life. One cannot be dispensed from marriage vows, unless there are reasons present for annulment.
 
Discern with lots of prayer and a good spiritual director.
The single life is also a vocation.:blessyou:
 
allhers said:
Discern with lots of prayer and a good spiritual director.
The single life is also a vocation.:blessyou:
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Thank you alhers:thumbsup: …indeed the single life can be a vocation and call from God…and may The Good Lord :blessyou:and all also…

A recent post I put into another thread:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=220971
At 62 years and completely ‘straight’ all my life, I am now well beyond procreation, but at the time of making private vows (under priestly direction) to poverty, chastity and obedience, I was able to bear children. I had impediments to religious life due to illness, and a discernment process led me to making private vows and living a particular lifestyle under those vows.

The single celibate chaste state chosen
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in order to serve The Gospel can be a vocation and particular call from God - one does not have to have impediments to religious life and can still be able to bear children to be called to the single state. Of course, those who wish to marry but are still single are obliged to live a celibate chaste life. No matter our state in life we are called to chastity…not all states in life to celibate chastity i.e. marriage.
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zes1 said:
Does the fact that I am not and have never really dated anyone mean that I am supposed to be a Sister/Nun? Whenever I think maybe I am supposed to be a sister, I start to feel very sad :(. I really don’t know what to do next. If I knew for sure what God wanted me to do, I would do it. I am very afraid of making a mistake.
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Barb, you’ve written several things which prompt replies.
  1. Have you explored why you’ve never really dated–(what does this mean?)–I had no social skills whatever and still don’t have many–but I dated and married. Have you looked? Have you talked to a counselor about this? I did both of those things, as religious life was not an option for me as an adult (vs. as a teenager).
  2. *Whenever I think maybe I am supposed to be a sister, I start to feel very sad. *
I think that this a clue that you’re not supposed to be a sister. I think you regard religious life as maybe second best and an admission of failure. There is nothing wrong with being single. There are a lot of mature women out there–usually divorcees–who are very happy being single.
    • I am very afraid of making a mistake.*
This statement really strikes a chord with me. I have a brother-in-law who had missed out on many of life’s opportunities. He is very timid and is dominated by his aged mother.* He, too, is very afraid of making a mistake.* (He has said so). If you at least consider religious life, visit places and talk to religious, you’ll get a lot of useful feedback which will help you avoid the mistake of entering religious life, if indeed it would be a mistake.
 
Barb, you’ve written several things which prompt replies.
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I think probably the statements which prompted your replies should be addressed to zes1 and the opening poster…
 
I’ve been studying vocation as a theologian for some years now, and have recently finished a book, which I am seeking to have published by regular channels, but have temporarily published through Lulu; if you’re interested you can browse it on this Lulu webpage.

It’s hard to give specific advice over the internet. But some general points may help: (1) There’s really only one vocation, to love God and our fellow human beings; wherever we will be most capable of living out this love, that’s our vocation; (2) It is love that makes human beings truly happy. So if we’re sad at the thought of living some way of life, it can be a sign that it’s not the best way for us to live that love. It’s quite natural to feel some apprehension at the thought of committing oneself to a way of life, but to feel sad at the thought is a problem. Would you marry a person if you were grew sad as you thought about marrying him? (3) What is most important is living well today, living in love now. “Tomorrow will be anxious for itself” (Mat 6:34). If it doesn’t seem that you will find a spouse for a long time, maybe you should think about how you will best live right now as a child of God. I don’t mean to imply that you haven’t done this; I don’t know your situation well enough, and am just trying to give general principles.

On a personal note, I thought for a long time that I was called to a religious community. But after encountering many obstacles to the pursuit of this path, I realized that God by his providence was showing me a somewhat different path. I will be entering a diocesan seminary this Fall.

Joseph

Web page I’m working on: goodcatholicbooks.org
 
CathPhilosopher said:
I’ve been studying vocation as a theologian for some years now, and have recently finished a book, which I am seeking to have published by regular channels, but have temporarily published through Lulu; if you’re interested you can browse it on this Lulu webpage.

It’s hard to give specific advice over the internet. But some general points may help: (1) There’s really only one vocation, to love God and our fellow human beings; wherever we will be most capable of living out this love, that’s our vocation; (2) It is love that makes human beings truly happy. So if we’re sad at the thought of living some way of life, it can be a sign that it’s not the best way for us to live that love. It’s quite natural to feel some apprehension at the thought of committing oneself to a way of life, but to feel sad at the thought is a problem. Would you marry a person if you were grew sad as you thought about marrying him? (3) What is most important is living well today, living in love now. “Tomorrow will be anxious for itself” (Mat 6:34). If it doesn’t seem that you will find a spouse for a long time, maybe you should think about how you will best live right now as a child of God. I don’t mean to imply that you haven’t done this; I don’t know your situation well enough, and am just trying to give general principles.

On a personal note, I thought for a long time that I was called to a religious community. But after encountering many obstacles to the pursuit of this path, I realized that God by his providence was showing me a somewhat different path. I will be entering a diocesan seminary this Fall.

Joseph

Web page I’m working on: goodcatholicbooks.org
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Hi Joseph…Your post above appealled to me. I liked the description of the book on Lulu also. I dont have a credit card, is there any way I can purchase your book without a credit card? I have registered on Paypal (through ‘following the bouncing ball’), but am way out of my depth as to how to use it and a bit afraid of it hence - not all that aufait at all with upbeat modern ways especially technology.:o
I bought a modern TV with video/dvd player for the purposes of other people and still cannot turn it on even myself…that is how backward I am! :o
Perhaps your book is going to be published through booksellers at some point? and if so, what date do you anticipate? Blessings - Barb:)
 
Dear Barb,

Send me an e-mail and we should be able to work something out. I do hope that it will be published through regular booksellers, but I don’t yet have any contract with one. And since regular publishing takes a long time, it probably will not be out for one or two years.
God bless - Joseph

goodcatholicbooks.org
 
Proverbs 3:5,6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Life is lived daily. Live today following God’s will in all things you already know to do such as the commandments, the precepts of the church and the beatitudes.
I heard a pastor once ask this question,“why would God give you new light when you don’t follow the light you already have?”

God’s promise in the proverb says the same thing. "In ALL your ways… "

When I lost my wife suddenly about 3 years ago I had no idea what to do with the rest of my life. I was 46 at the time and thought my life’s work was to be her husband for 30 more years or so. When I found myself a widower I thought about what the next stage in my life should be.

I thought priesthood but with the help of my dear sister I realized I am not the warm fuzzy pastoral type so that was out. The diaconate has never held any appeal to me so I thought of becoming a monk. I began to realize that the monastary was appealing to me because of the order and serenity I envisioned there.

I had never thought remarriage to be an option so gave it zero thought.Then God intervened and through a very unlikely set of circumstances met a wonderful woman and am now engaged.

My point in all this is this…You don’t have to figure out the 30 year plan. Live today and God will lead you through opening this door and closing that one to where you need to be.

Life is a divine dance. He leads and we follow and HE doesn’t make mistakes.

The point of any vocation is how can we best give our lives away to God and others? Being single and celibate isn’t just flying a holding pattern until we discern a REAL vocation.It IS your vocation at the moment but God could switch gears on you this afternoon!

P.S. I didn’t mean to write an encyclical here!! LOL
 
I think it’s harder being single because at least when you’re married or you’re a priest/nun, you KNOW, because you’re already there… you can’t change your mind to be single or become a nun/priest. But if you’re single, there is always the option of marriage or religious life - and it will always be there until you die, basically. So I think the single vocation is hardest because there’s probably no feeling of being sure because there are always two options out there floating around.
 
I heard a pastor once ask this question,“why would God give you new light when you don’t follow the light you already have?”

My point in all this is this…You don’t have to figure out the 30 year plan. Live today and God will lead you through opening this door and closing that one to where you need to be.

The point of any vocation is how can we best give our lives away to God and others? Being single and celibate isn’t just flying a holding pattern until we discern a REAL vocation.It IS your vocation at the moment but God could switch gears on you this afternoon!

You make a lot of good points. I guess I have been trying to figure out the whole thing all at once. I am learning to try to just live each day according to God’s will as much as I can.

I guess I am a bit concerned about finding my vocation so that I can best seve God. I am concerned that by just living each day, that I may somehow NOT be following God’s will (if he wanted me to be a nun/sister, just living my single life each day would in a way not be following God’s will).

I am learning that perhaps I am in the position/situation that I am because that IS wher God wants me to be. I need to learn to trust that God will lead me in the right direction when the right time presents itself.
 
Hallelujahhh said:
I think it’s harder being single because at least when you’re married or you’re a priest/nun, you KNOW, because you’re already there… you can’t change your mind to be single or become a nun/priest. But if you’re single, there is always the option of marriage or religious life - and it will always be there until you die, basically. So I think the single vocation is hardest because there’s probably no feeling of being sure because there are always two options out there floating around.
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YES! This is EXACTLY what I have been thinking! There ARE these two options/directions I can go in. And, each option requires preparation and work. For example, if I am called to the religious life, I can’t just wait until I wake up one day and just become a sister. I will have to discern which order I will best fit in, and take other steps to prepare.

So, while I am trying to live my current single life according to God’s Will, I also want to be prepared for the next step when or if it comes up.
 
jpjd said:
The religious life is not something you do because you have not found a spouse. It is not “second place.”

The fact that you feel sad when you think about becoming a sister…wouldn’t you say that in itself is a sign from God, that you are not being called to religious life? I once read a priest saying that your vocation should give you sense of peace.

My advice is to talk to a priest or a sister, even several. Listen to what they have to say. Discernment really is not a solitary activity.
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I don’t mean to imply that religious life is “second place”. I mean, maybe I haven’t found a spouse because God doesn’t intend for me to EVER find one. I am trying to figure out if maybe my desire to get married would be AGAINST God’s Will.

I hope this clarifies my discernment situation.

Thank-you to everyone who has been posting to this thread. A lot of you are giving me very good advice.
 
I want to thank everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut. Many of you have suggested spiritual direction. Can any of you give me an idea of what exactly spiritual direction is? I know some people have a spiritual director that they also see for Reconciliation. How does one find a Spiritual Director?
Thank you for your advice.🙂
 
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