How do YOU do it?

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105lynne

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I’ve been trying to become a more patient, kind person (especially with my husband and kids). I’m struggling. I’m not a morning person, I’m impatient about the littlest things. How do you all combat this? Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with! Thanks!
 
I’ve found the praying the rosary works wonders for me. Actually, I pray three every day… the Rosary, Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and Chaplet of St. Michael. 🙂

Tony
 
I pray for patience. A lot. Then I work really hard to control my temper. As a paralegal, (who by the way does most of the work) I cannot take out my frustration with the clients on the clients - so I journal it. Looking at your feelings on paper really helps you to look at it. Then I pray for patience again… And again. In the heat of the moment, I stop, breathe, and pray. Also, “talk” to yourself. Tell yourself, aloud if necessary - “Do not get angry. Do not over react. Calm down. Don’t think about it. Let it pass.” You’ll feel silly at first, but eventually it will sink in, even if you don’t think so. Then, look at yourself as you are. Seriously. Don’t fudge it over and try to underplay it in your mind. Then look at who you want to be. Then think about how you can accomplish that. Write down your goals and check them off if you succeed. Try to humble yourself. Do something nice for someone once a day. Anyone. Then, reward yourself. Eventually, it will become second nature to you and you won’t have to think about it anymore. Lastly, most of our frustration comes from disappointment in ourselves to change things. We want to control. It’s natural. Look at what you’re disappointed in in yourself. Make goals and change it. And above all, rely on God. Ask for forgiveness when you lash out or think about lashing out, pray for patience and understanding. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Hope this helps. God bless. You can succeed.
 
It sounds like you are feeling a little frustrated with your own impatience with others, and I guess that it would be just as difficult to be patient with yourself. I think the previous post, about spending time in prayer, is most helpful.

In addition, there is a practice called “non-violent communication” and a book of the same name by Marshall Rosenberg, which I highly recommend. The book helps me to “plug in” to my own feelings and needs, so I can also be more aware (and more patient) with the needs of others. NVC is a practice, it is a means of gentle and empathetic communication.

God Bless you and your family.
 
105lynne said:
Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with!
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The above quote shows that you already have an idea or three, and they are ones that will bring good fruits.

This is a reading from S. Josemaria that pertains to introductions escrivaworks.org/book/christ_is_passing_by/point/134

He talks about commitment and conviction and you should have confidence in this relationship. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “The goal of a virtuous life is to become like God.” (CCC 1803) There is no other mode to go into this relationship. For Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh to the Father, but by me.” (Jn 14:6) And he is, with his Son, the one who will give you his Holy Spirit to impart his seven-fold Gift. These gifts Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Counsel, Foritude, Piety (this is primarly the one, not independently, that will help most with what you wrote), and the Fear of the Lord will dispose themselves in your soul perfecting you understanding, will, and sensitive appetites so that you may perform virtues thereby to be made joyful.

Mass is the source of Habitual grace, Jesus himself, the interior life for what I am talking about. Develop a love of prayer, and pray constantly (ask for help by his mercy, his spirit in you prays while you work ever which when it is developed by your faithfulness) if you still want to become like God, our humble Servant. Read Sacred Scripture and the Catechism so that God has something to work with from your part. He said his words and what he passes on are “spirit and life” (Jn 6:64). The bible alone will not do provide the promises.
 
105lynne said:
I’ve been trying to become a more patient, kind person (especially with my husband and kids). I’m struggling. I’m not a morning person, I’m impatient about the littlest things. How do you all combat this? Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with! Thanks!
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Think about Mary and how she handled herself with Jesus and Joseph.

Just 1 thought.
 
105lynne said:
I’ve been trying to become a more patient, kind person (especially with my husband and kids). I’m struggling. I’m not a morning person, I’m impatient about the littlest things. How do you all combat this? Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with! Thanks!
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I pray (especially if I start feeling stressed) as this is like a deep breath and a step back for me mentally. The most important thing is to think about what is at stake, am I going to hurt this person, would I want to be treated the way I may treat them.

I do admit this has been a long, hard, and even costly road for me. I have learned to overlook rather than react, to try to forgive and love above all.

God Bless you!
 
I pray the Divine Mercy chaplet every day and the Rosary on occasion. This has helped me with my temper and feelings of frustration and anger generally. I can definitely see a difference in myself that I never thought was possible.
 
Make sure you are working on the right Virtue. I’ve found that my acting less irritable and patient is helped more by consecrating my prayer on gratitude and realizing how thankful I would like to be. I also ask for guidance in when to do what is right for my health (when to go to bed, if/when I should have coffee etc.) Rather than just always knocking on the “give me patience please” door.
 
Change may come slowly. Keep praying, and be patient with yourself. Persevere and you will change.

A priest once taught me if I wanted to be a patient person I should not pray “God give me patience”.

Instead, I should pray “Lord Jesus Christ be my patience.”

The priest said that when we pray for patience, God sends us things that we will have to practice patience with, and that it is better to ask Him to be our patience. That helped me realize it is His strength that sustains me in His peace, and I can rely on Him, in me, to act.
 
I used to see people that were struggling eventually just give up fighting whatever it was they were struggling with and become lazy or run from the problems. I always told myself I was stronger than that and continuously fought to control all aspects of my life so as to not have these struggles other people had but God had a different plan.

Once I learned I could not control everything I still struggled with how to “let go and let God”. We have all heard this and it sure is much easier to say than do. As a matter of fact, it is much easier to do than to explain.

No one wants to look like a failure to the outside world or not be true to oneself by becoming lazy or relying on drugs/medications to get by – but here’s the thing. Can anyone, other than yourself and God, know your true intent? As only God knows true worship, he also only knows true intent of oneself. Meaning I had to stop wanting to please others with my actions and completely submit to Him. I’m sure this manifests differently in all peoples but for me it was a matter of not worrying about a paycheck, not worrying about spending my last dollar from savings, not worrying that my child may not be asserting herself as I know she should…

To some (in the past me) this may look like I became lazy, non-caring, or even irresponsible but I knew God could see the difference. I knew I was doing everything I could to raise my child proper according to the Church. I knew my faith was/is the true faith and other family members that tried to lure me away were teaching falsely. I knew that nowhere in scripture it said I must make and save more & more money. I knew having everything the Jones’ have is not necessarily what God’s plan is.

I felt as long as I continue to pray, work hard at everything, and do ALL things for God, I would either be blessed or broke and miserable. Today I am far from miserable.

PS: the book – *“Abandonment to Divine Providence” *by Jean-Pierre De Crussade ia a very good read on this subject

Hope this helps,
Peace!!!
 
I prayed for patience for many years and still do. I work a stressful job. Every time I feel like I’m about to lose it I pray a Hail Mary to calm me down. I don’t care where I am, I stop and pray. During mass I pray for more patience and right before communion I pray 3 Hail Mary’s and the act of contrition. I have have gotten a lot better doing this.
 
105lynne said:
I’ve been trying to become a more patient, kind person (especially with my husband and kids). I’m struggling. I’m not a morning person, I’m impatient about the littlest things. How do you all combat this? Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with! Thanks!
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So much good advice already…I hesitate to add any more…But…:whistle:

Your mentioning specifically not being a “morning person” makes me think that mornings (getting ready for school, work etc…) are of particular concern right now…Is this correct?

If I am correct on this then the only advice I can offer you is - “morning person” or not…drag your keester out of bed earlier - at least 30 minutes - so that you are not so rushed and perhaps even have time to say some prayers as you move about.
I do not wish to sound negative - but since you ask for how to overcome this problem…
This is it…Mass, prayer, adoration, all of these things are good, but will do little if you do not act upon the graces they provide.
This means making positive changes that either remove certain problem areas or allow you more time (less pressure) in which to work and hopefully maintain your own peace longer.

Hope this helps a little…

Peace
James
 
My old tactic was to grit my teeth, and close my eyes. That didn’t work.

Now I say a prayer, and listen to music. Tallis really works.
 
105lynne said:
I’ve been trying to become a more patient, kind person (especially with my husband and kids). I’m struggling. I’m not a morning person, I’m impatient about the littlest things. How do you all combat this? Prayer, Mass, Eucharistic adoration? Give me some tips on how to blossom into a person my family likes to live with! Thanks!
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I assume you have an active spiritual life and are living in the state of grace. Because that is the first step. Without that you will never be at peace and that will be the root of ugly things that " pop out " in your personality. Next, get a good physical exam. Often our attitudes may be rooted in a physical illness of which we are unaware. Next, if you can find the time and you know where to go, a good spiritual retreat accompanied by spiritual counseling would be great. Next, are you sure your family isn’t simply too demanding? If so start assigning tasks to the other members of the household, including hubby. You should find time each day for some spiritual reading and reflection. One of the finest books I ever read which sort of relates to your situation is " Man the Saint " by Fr. J. Urteaga Loidi. Another is " We Die Standing Up " by Dom Herbert Zeller ( I actually attended a conference given by him), one of my favorites. There are others of course, these :tiphat:just popped into my head. And remember you aren’t the only saint in training who had trouble with temper, etc. St. Jerome was noted for a nasty temper.

My Best
 
Confession! It’s not just for mortal sins, but for venial sins and anything that hinders your relationship with God. The sacramental grace you receive for the particular sins you confess is extremely helpful in overcoming them. Tell the priest you understand these are not serious sins so he knows you are not scrupulous, but that you are trying to grow in virtue.
 
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