How do you feel about annulments?

[Galnextdoor]

I have an annulment and recently joined an on-line Catholic dating service. I was surprised when one man told me that he didn’t believe in divorce under any circumstances. Another guy told me in so many words that I was still married; I had just gotten out of it on a technicality. So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

 

[fermat]

I have an annulment and recently joined an on-line Catholic dating service. I was surprised when one man told me that he didn’t believe in divorce under any circumstances. Another guy told me in so many words that I was still married; I had just gotten out of it on a technicality. So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

If someone says that you are ‘still married’, they don’t have a good grasp of what an annulment is. An annulment is a decree of nullity stating that the marriage never took place. You were never married, hence you are not ‘still married’.

Personally, I have not met anyone who holds that attitudes, but we usually don’t discuss it either, so who knows?

 

[dulcissima]

Isn’t it nice the way the ones who are super judgmental and completely lacking in empathy have come right out and identified themselves? What a relief to not have to give them another thought.

 

[Rence]

My family priest says these people are holier than the Pope, or think they are.

Don’t give them another thought Galnextdoor There are plenty of normal people out there!

 

[Cactus]

Guys like these give dating services sites a bad name.

 

[mjs1987]

I have two points on this:

first, these guys might have been trying to say they werent interested or something along those lines.

Second, some might feel that annulments are just a technicality because of the way some bishops allow for annulments on very weak grounds. Sometimes annulments DO happen because of a canon law technicality. These days some annulments are given under questionable circumstances which will contribute to a feel of it being still married. Annulments now are far more common in the church than ever before. For older people, this may be difficult to come to terms with.

 

[Joan_M]

I have two points on this:

first, these guys might have been trying to say they werent interested or something along those lines.

Second, some might feel that annulments are just a technicality because of the way some bishops allow for annulments on very weak grounds. Sometimes annulments DO happen because of a canon law technicality. These days some annulments are given under questionable circumstances which will contribute to a feel of it being still married. Annulments now are far more common in the church than ever before. For older people, this may be difficult to come to terms with./quote]

I’m older and have no difficulty in coming to terms with annulments. I have encouraged a number of people to look into the possibility of getting one. I believe the difficulties some may have with this is a lack of understanding.

Annulments are, as you said, far more common in the Church than ever before, but this is mainly because, in the last 30 - 40 years, along with so much secularity and poor catechesis, many people are getting married without properly understanding what the sacrament means. I know a very solid priest who spent years on the Marriage Tribunal in my diocese who made it clear to me and others that this was the case. Perhaps with more intense marriage preparation this will decline in the future.

One man, shortly after I said to him (in a friendly and polite manner) that I would not be able to congratulate him on his up-coming wedding, since I knew he had been married before and I was under the impression that he had not received a declaration of nullity, sent me a message that he was applying for one. I do not know whether he got it or not. I was happy that he was looking into it. The person through whom he sent me the message ended up looking into one for herself.

 

[Seatuck]

I have an annulment and recently joined an on-line Catholic dating service. I was surprised when one man told me that he didn’t believe in divorce under any circumstances. Another guy told me in so many words that I was still married; I had just gotten out of it on a technicality. So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

I feel that we do have too many of them today. Not because they are “shady” but because we as a church and society in general have created a world where they are necessary .

These men are entitled to their opinions as misguided as they are . Be grateful they are honest up front. Wish them well and be on your way.

 

[missyfatcat]

Don’t take any of it personally. Everyone has a right to their beliefs, or conscience.

I used to date divorced and annulled when I was younger, but for some reason grew uncomfortable with it as I got older. I’ve had mixed feelings about it. One of which is because these days I hear divorced people talk as if an annulment is a right or that it’s an absolute that their marriage will be annulled. More so for me personally, I knew that just because a man had an annulment didn’t mean that he wasn’t a skirt chaser. In other words, he may have been the reason for the breakdown of the marriage or lack of the sacrament.

I believe that there are legitimate annulments. But, I also believe that there are far too many that may not be.

Again, please don’t take my words personally or those of the men on the dating site. Remember, they don’t know you or your situation. They may be simply judgmental or they may have seen someone go through a bad experience. Or, regardless of the church, they may just not believe in annulments. Just like there are Catholics who use birth control and think it’s okay even though the church teaches against it.

And those are my personal beliefs that I won’t argue or debate over with anyone.

 

[lutherlic]

Faithful Catholics recognize and accept the authority of the Church. These people question that, preferring their own judgement. You are better off avoiding them.

 

[Rascalking]

My family priest says these people are holier than the Pope, or think they are.

Hear, hear! We should all remember this-let’s try to be humble.

As to that guy who said that thing- pat those type of people on the head and say, “Your entitled to your beliefs, you lost out on getting to know a super cool girl”.

 

[1ke]

I have an annulment and recently joined an on-line Catholic dating service. I was surprised when one man told me that he didn’t believe in divorce under any circumstances. Another guy told me in so many words that I was still married; I had just gotten out of it on a technicality. So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

It doesn’t matter how anonymous people on the internet ‘feel’ about decrees of nullity. It matters what the Church teaches. These two men are, of course, out of step with Church teaching. They are, it seems, ‘more Catholic than the Pope.’ You don’t want a man like that!

Regarding people you meet in online dating (or in your local community for that matter), you will meet people wtih a variety of ideas about the person they want to date or marry. Some will not want to be involved with a previously married person, no matter their current canonical status and freedom to marry.

I had a guy on Ave Maria Singles reject me because I am a convert. He would only date women who were cradle Catholics. Whatever, I didn’t waste one second on that after he said ‘no thank you.’ His loss.

Move on, don’t try to rationalize it or spend any time worrying about it. The **right **man for you will think none of those things that these other two men articulated to you.

 

[Galnextdoor]

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I’ve decided to drop off that site and join a different one. There seems to be quite a few older men on it who have never been married and are looking for a woman who has never been married.

 

[Janechantal53]

You will find a few pharisees in every barrrel. Don’t waste your time on them! They purport to know Jesus and the laws of His church but lack love and compassion. You can’t have one without the other.

 

[shannyk]

Isn’t it nice the way the ones who are super judgmental and completely lacking in empathy have come right out and identified themselves? What a relief to not have to give them another thought.

Amen to that. When you meet a man like that, run like the wind in the opposite direction. You have to wonder what these kinds of people will say to Jesus when they’re face to face with Him someday…

 

[ContegoFides]

I have an annulment and recently joined an on-line Catholic dating service. I was surprised when one man told me that he didn’t believe in divorce under any circumstances. Another guy told me in so many words that I was still married; I had just gotten out of it on a technicality. So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

I wouldn’t pay attention to feelings, but rather to the Truth. The absolute Truth is that Jesus gave his Church the authority to bind and loose. Matthew 16:19. That means if the Church has ruled definitively that you were never married in the first place, then you may rely on the fact that you were never actually married in the first place. In the secular sense you may have been, even had children, but you are not and were not ever married to that man before God.

Guys who say things like that don’t understand what they are talking about. Personally, I would cite Matthew 16:19 and try to set them straight, but that’s just me. Certainly, I would avoid anyone who was spewing judgemental stupidity at me.

 

[rpp]

GalNextDoor,

There are many people who claim to be Catholic yet believe in abortion. Just because someone claims to be Catholic does mean that they actually conform their hearts and minds to the teachings of the Church.

With regard to annulments, there are many people out there who are quite self-righteous. The excuse cited for rejecting what the Church has adjudicated is that there are too many annulments granted when compared to precious decades or centuries. Both Pope John Paul II and our current Holy Father have expressed concerns regarding the large numbers of annulments granted. I have been married and divorced twice and have received declarations of nullity from both attempts at marriage, yet I too am concerned about the large number of divorce. I am concerned that some tribunals have become so liberal that they are not actually investigating and adjudicating nullity petitions correctly.

However, ultimately for each person it does not matter whether tribunals are doing things correctly or just rubber-stamping nullity petitions. What does not matter is that the petitioner and the witnesses are honest and sincere. If a tribunal were to declare a marriage invalid when it was, in fact valid, and they came to this decision through negligence or willfully ignoring Church teachings or law, the petitioner would not be held responsible by God. After all, if you act in good faith, if you are honest, if your intent is to follow the Church and her judgments, then you not culpable for the sin of others.

Many of the “more Catholic than the Pope” crowd either do not or refuse to understand this.

 

[ContegoFides]

There are many people who claim to be Catholic yet believe in abortion. Just because someone claims to be Catholic does mean that they actually conform their hearts and minds to the teachings of the Church.

With regard to annulments, there are many people out there who are quite self-righteous. The excuse cited for rejecting what the Church has adjudicated is that there are too many annulments granted when compared to precious decades or centuries. Both Pope John Paul II and our current Holy Father have expressed concerns regarding the large numbers of annulments granted. I have been married and divorced twice and have received declarations of nullity from both attempts at marriage, yet I too am concerned about the large number of divorce. I am concerned that some tribunals have become so liberal that they are not actually investigating and adjudicating nullity petitions correctly.

However, ultimately for each person it does not matter whether tribunals are doing things correctly or just rubber-stamping nullity petitions. What does not matter is that the petitioner and the witnesses are honest and sincere. If a tribunal were to declare a marriage invalid when it was, in fact valid, and they came to this decision through negligence or willfully ignoring Church teachings or law, the petitioner would not be held responsible by God. After all, if you act in good faith, if you are honest, if your intent is to follow the Church and her judgments, then you not culpable for the sin of others.

Many of the “more Catholic than the Pope” crowd either do not or refuse to understand this.

Quite right!

The only bit I’ll add, and it’s a twist on the same statement, is that the Church’s decision is binding in Truth. If it’s an official decision, and you are totally faithful and honest, then any “mistake” is on the tribunal - not you. Even if it would be considered a “mistake” by some future hindsight, it is still binding and (again if you were honest, candid, and faithful) you may rely on it.

 

[rpp]

Quite right!

The only bit I’ll add, and it’s a twist on the same statement, is that the Church’s decision is binding in Truth. If it’s an official decision, and you are totally faithful and honest, then any “mistake” is on the tribunal - not you. Even if it would be considered a “mistake” by some future hindsight, it is still binding and (again if you were honest, candid, and faithful) you may rely on it.

Thank you for this amplification.

 

[SwizzleStick]

My family priest says these people are holier than the Pope, or think they are.

Don’t give them another thought Galnextdoor There are plenty of normal people out there!

Faithful Catholics recognize and accept the authority of the Church. These people question that, preferring their own judgement. You are better off avoiding them.

Great responses, these. Ignore the “confused” (I’m trying to be kind here) among us and remember that faithful Catholics accept the authority of the Church. If you have a declaration of nullity, then you were never married. Period. If it is good enough for Holy Mother Church to say a marriage is invalid, as a Catholic, it is good enough for me and I accept it as Truth.