How do you feel about death? Do you have fears?

[KindredSoul]

I chose “Somewhat,” but it would be more accurate to say “Sometimes.”

Sometimes I fear death, and sometimes I would welcome it. And in a couple of different ways, I feel some mixture of the two.

I fear death, sometimes, because of doubt and because of fear of hell. Even though I have every reason, both philosophically and experientially, to believe that death is not the end, what if, on some off chance, I’m wrong? What if I cease to exist, which is the worst possible fate imaginable (no, worse, UNimaginable!) to me? What if I end up in Hell, which is the close second to that as the worst fate? How will it feel if I do make it to Heaven, but realize that I will have a lesser reward, for all eternity, because I could have and should have done more here on Earth for God’s Glory? Will I feel that God “favors” or even loves me less if that happens, a fate that will then be unalterable for all eternity? And what will happen to those who love me, if I die young? My wife and (as yet unborn) child, or any future children if they’re conceived by that time? Do I even have a right to welcome death, knowing it would cause pain to my loved ones, or is that selfish? All of these fears sometimes prey on me.

That said, sometimes I do welcome death. To finally be with God for all eternity, free of worry, anxiety, pain, fear, and every other unpleasant thing, is the very definition of bliss, and who could help but look forward to that? When I am finally dead, all of the above fears will melt away: I will know that there is life after death, I will know that I (hopefully) am not in danger of Hell, I will know that–whatever my place in Heaven may be–I will be happily united with God and will not feel “sad” about whatever reward (or lack thereof) I receive for eternity. I will finally have peace. No more worry, no more scrupulosity, no more anxiety, no more living in a world whose dominant culture is so often diametrically opposed to what is right and good. When I focus on these comforting thoughts, then the thought of dying can make me almost ecstatic with excitement and paradoxically gloomy with wistfulness for that day. So much so that it has sometimes been a source of great consolation to me to imagine what it would be like if some accident or even murderer (though I would not be glad that someone was sinning, of course) should–preferably in the least painful way possible, of course–end my life.

Yet other times still I feel a strange mixture of the two: I do look forward to death, but “not yet.” At times like these, I look forward to my death for all of the reasons in the last paragraph, but I want to post pone it until after I’ve led the life I want to live. I am somewhat sad to say that sometimes I am so attached to the life I want in this world–being able to experience a full lifetime of marriage with my wonderful wife, owning a nice home someday soon, have a career I love someday, watch my children grow up and have grandchildren, experience a nice full lifespan–that I get somewhat sad if I think that I would die, or even that Christ will return, before I get to do all of those things. I usually don’t like feeling this way, because when I’m in this state of mind I feel that I’m lacking faith that the goodness of Heaven will outweigh all of the things I’ll “miss out on” here on Earth. Don’t get me wrong: All of those blessings in this life are good gifts, but surely none of that should compare to the Beatific Vision of God Himself! But alas, my shame is that I am sometimes so attached to my blessings this side of eternity that I would almost even tell Heaven itself to “wait a while” rather than give those things up “just yet,” which simply isn’t what a person with the faith of a saint would do. It’s a struggle sometimes.

Then there are those precious moments when I have what I personally think is the best of attitudes toward death: Like the previous paragraph, I look forward to death (again, for all the reasons stated earlier) but “not yet.” Unlike in the previous paragraph, however, my “not yet” at those times is simply because, since I am as yet alive, God clearly doesn’t want me to be dead yet. Whereas in the previous paragraph I want to delay death to meet my own will, in this case I want to delay death because that is evidently God’s will. I look forward to death, because to die is to be with my Lord. I also look forward to the blessings of this life, because for as long as I have them, God evidently wills those too. And I hope, at such times, for the courage to face the sufferings of this life, as surely if they come then He wills even that. I may rightly look forward to death even then, but at such enlightened moments as these, I do not will it to come to me until God wills it…likewise, I may rightly appreciate and enjoy the blessings of this life even then, but at such moments I do not will to remain here on Earth to enjoy them any longer than God wills me to remain. Such moments of resignation to God’s will are not my constant state, unfortunately, but they are a taste of Heaven on Earth.

Yes, yes, I know: I pack a whole lot of meaning into one little vote of “sometimes!”

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[GratefulFred]

I know I am going to die someday, somehow.

I do not want to stop carrying my responsibilities. I am grateful for them, as see them as God’s Will for me because I know I am here to serve God. [Thank you Baltimore Catechism]]

But I take nothing for granted. I do worry that I could mess up and find myself dying NOT in the State of Grace. So one of the prayers I fashioned and say after receiving Holy Communion is:

**"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, **
**grant me the grace of a happy death. **
May my last conscious thoughts be of You, Sweet Jesus."

 

[PeterGStanley]

Most people are unable to cope with death because it hidden in society especially in North America - its not part of our culture - we don’t want to know about it.Even Cancer care once you reach the point of being terminal back off because they only want success story’s none of their funding goes to palliative care and thats all of the cancer groups.Because of this some family members can’t cope with the death of a loved one and are unable to support that person at there time because we never talk about it. I’ve been with many people who have died in the last few years and I continue to do it - one of the main reasons is how alone some of these people are - their familys unable to comfort them because they can’t cope with death. I won’t tell anyone that I do this anymore because the response I get is a look of horror - and that look of whats wrong with me that I would do this.I had a friend look at me and ask why?Why would I do this?
Yes it hurts - yes I cry for days sometimes - but I learned it not about me or how I feel its all about the person dying thats whats important - that someones there - that someone cares - that they won’t be abandoned when they need comfort.
As for how I feel about my own death - there will always be some fear but if its my time theres really nothing I can do to change it and worrying about it is pointless - theres a part of me that want to go that want to see the other side - theres a part of me thats tired of this life and the struggles involved tired of seeing all the hatred greed and violence of this world - tired of fighting the temptations of this world. Sometimes I believe its the only place I will find peace.The race continues and hopefully I’ll run a good race .

 

[JRKH]

Most people are unable to cope with death because it hidden in society especially in North America - its not part of our culture - we don’t want to know about it.Even Cancer care once you reach the point of being terminal back off because they only want success story’s none of their funding goes to palliative care and thats all of the cancer groups.Because of this some family members can’t cope with the death of a loved one and are unable to support that person at there time because we never talk about it. I’ve been with many people who have died in the last few years and I continue to do it - one of the main reasons is how alone some of these people are - their familys unable to comfort them because they can’t cope with death. I won’t tell anyone that I do this anymore because the response I get is a look of horror - and that look of whats wrong with me that I would do this.I had a friend look at me and ask why?Why would I do this?
Yes it hurts - yes I cry for days sometimes - but I learned it not about me or how I feel its all about the person dying thats whats important - that someones there - that someone cares - that they won’t be abandoned when they need comfort.
As for how I feel about my own death - there will always be some fear but if its my time theres really nothing I can do to change it and worrying about it is pointless - theres a part of me that want to go that want to see the other side - theres a part of me thats tired of this life and the struggles involved tired of seeing all the hatred greed and violence of this world - tired of fighting the temptations of this world. Sometimes I believe its the only place I will find peace.The race continues and hopefully I’ll run a good race .

Peter,
Bless you for the work that you do.
I am caring for my terminally ill wife and can attest to what you say about the isolation. Not only are terminally ill people isolated, but often times their caregiver - their spouse or other loved one(s) - can become isolated.

What you say about death being hidden in our North American society also is quite true. Between hospitals, and nursing homes, relatively few people die at home. Children are kept away either because the facility won’t let them in or the parents worry that they will be traumatized in some way…

I was fortunate to have been raised in a close family with lots of relatives around. I went to funerals from the time I was fairly small and made any number of hospital visits with my family as well. My grandmother was cared for my my mom and dad (and my mom’s sister too) and passed away peacefully in their house. My dad likewise was kept at home during his long battle with Alzheimer’s, cared for my mom and assisted by us kids as well as health care professionals.

During these long illnesses, the children, young and old, were not kept away. They saw their grandparent decline when the death came, they all went to the funeral. None of us (so far as I know) were traumatized by the experience. Death was simply seen as a part of life.
Sad? Yes of course…but not something to be avoided or feared.

Thank God for my wonderful family.

Peace
James

 

[wcknight]

Most times, death does not bother me… but every once in a while I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that my time has come and I am terrified that I am not yet ready for it. But after saying a prayer or two, I tell God that I’m ready to see what lies on the other side.

I used to worry about disappearing into nothingness. But after hearing so many stories about folks experiencing a loved one message after death, that no longer bothers me. IF it were not for my faith, I would still be terrified of death.

Now my only fear is that I may not be worthy of eternal life. That of the billions of souls in the world, God may find many more who deserve Heaven more. For the most part I fear for my family and friends more. Some have fallen away from the Church and others have never accepted Christ into their lives. I pray for all of them constantly. Somehow, I find it hard to imagine Heaven without all of my friends and family being there.