How do you feel about sleep-overs?

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Other Eric:
as the likelihood of sexual abuse is concerned, regrettably, I know the opportunity for this outrage presents itself at a host of situations - not just sleep-overs. One cannot sequester one’s child away from every possible risk. What we can do is minimize the risk by controlling the risk factors as much as is reasonably possible.
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I agree completely. In thinking of situations that could pose a possible danger, this one seemed the most dangerous. It was one of the only situations where I would be leaving my child under someone else’s close control and supervision; I’ll probably homeschool, youth events at church are heavily supervised, won’t be using daycare or babysitters - I guess there are still things like dance or music lessons, but they seem less dangerous because of the environment. What got me thinking about this was the combination of another thread and two recent Dr. Phil episodes (I know, I know…but I just love the guy :o ) with two teenage boys who were child molestors. My fear is less so that a sibling would molest my child, but maybe a siblings friend who also happens to be sleeping over.

Now that I’m trying for motherhood all those protective insticts are working overdrive…😦
 
I hate sleepovers! The kids never get enough sleep and they’re crabby the next day.

My kids have only done a few and that’s been with either relatives or families we know very well. I’ve gotten some grief about it, but that’s the way it is.
 
When I was a child, sleep-overs were one of the most fun things we did. We would build tents in the backyard and have friends over to sleep out. We would have slumber parties down our basements in the rec rooms. We never watched TV. We told ghost stories, ate popcorn, laughed and got silly. I don’t see the harm in it if you know the parents and family.

My children are eight and six and have had many sleepovers. They only go to houses where we know the families, so I’m not concerned about sexual abuse.

In fact, our best friends who have children of similar ages switch kids with us once a month. Then we don’t have to hire a babysitter and have the whole night to ourselves. Our kids look forward to these nights and so do we.

I think some people here are constantly living in fear and are way too over-protective. You will be sorry when your children rebel.
 
My wife was abused by her friend’s older brother on a sleep over. The parents were close friends and children were close but obviously they were not the only ones to consider. With the high acceptance of sexual behavior who says that you can even trust your childs friends to not abuse your child. Giggle fests will often turn much darker when preteens and teens turn on the internet or cable television late at night. What they wouldn’t do as individuals becomes possible in the darkness within a group.

Sleep-overs are never a good idea.

God Bless
 
I agree with the statement that one can be overprotective. But times have changed. I keep a close eye on my kids and still find myself surprised by what seems to be acceptable behavior. I don’t blame other people’s kids. I don’t believe there are any bad kids. But the world is full of absent parents and so many kids are learning their morals by default on the playground, online, and from tv. I have stopped allowing sleepovers here after several bad experiences that prove to me that I, at least, do not know anyone like the families you describe. For now, I’ll keep hosting playdates and making kids feel as welcome as possible, including making dinner, helping them w/ homework, and driving them home. But when they say, “can I stay for a sleepover?”, I smile and say, “no, let’s try and get together again during the day. We love having you come over and visit!”.
I am nostalgic for the innocent days when I was a kid. But times have changed. Oh my, have they changed.
 
I have always been against sleepovers as a casual thing, did not make me a popular mom. we did not obsess about sexual predators back then, but in our urban neighborhood many of kids friends lived in homes with undesirable situations of various kinds. Stock response to request was: we like SuzyQ and she is always welcome to play here, and her parents are our good neighbors, and they have a right to do anything they want in their own home, but we do not always agree, so I would prefer you do not play over there, or sleep over there.

to be consistent and non-discriminatory, I banned sleepovers except for GS camp (where I was in attendance as a volunteer or leader) or similar arranged group occassions with oversight by adults I knew and trusted, and these were very rare.
 
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SeekerJen:
Depends on the kids and parents involved, as well as the ages of the kids and the size of the group. And definitely NO co-ed sleepovers! What are parents thinking, allowing this?
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I would say it’s that they’er* not *thinking. Seems like most parents just let the shcool do most of that ‘stuff’.
 
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SeekerJen:
Depends on the kids and parents involved, as well as the ages of the kids and the size of the group. And definitely NO co-ed sleepovers! What are parents thinking, allowing this?
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I would say it’s that they’er* not *thinking. Seems like most parents just let the shcool do most of that “stuff”.
 
Lil':
I agree with the statement that one can be overprotective. But times have changed. I keep a close eye on my kids and still find myself surprised by what seems to be acceptable behavior. I don’t blame other people’s kids. I don’t believe there are any bad kids. But the world is full of absent parents and so many kids are learning their morals by default on the playground, online, and from tv.
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I second that. There are too many parents who buy their kids any video games they want regardless of the content, allow cable tv in their rooms (who KNOWS what they’re watching while they are staying up all night), allow them unrestricted internet access, and the list goes on. We can be overprotective, but we can be underprotective as well. I’m sure as a parent I’ll fall on the overprotective side, but we all need to do what’s best for our kids.
 
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Deacon2006:
My wife was abused by her friend’s older brother on a sleep over. The parents were close friends and children were close but obviously they were not the only ones to consider. With the high acceptance of sexual behavior who says that you can even trust your childs friends to not abuse your child. Giggle fests will often turn much darker when preteens and teens turn on the internet or cable television late at night. What they wouldn’t do as individuals becomes possible in the darkness within a group.

Sleep-overs are never a good idea.

God Bless
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I agree. When I did an internship for behavioral therapy while still in school, I met with a young man who at a sleepover several years prior had been forcibly pinned down and made to endure his “friend’s” genitalia being stuck in his face. It went further then that, and it was extremely traumatizing to this young man who experienced many issues with intimacy, sexual and otherwise.
 
The only people’s house my daughter has slept over at is people I’ve known at least half my life (with one exception). I really don’t have a problem with it. I was allowed to go to sleep overs as a kid and also have kids stay at our house, I always thought of it as part of the fun of being a kid.
I realize in theory there is a small possibilty of abuse, but your child doesn’t have to sleep over for that happen. I do not allow my child over anyones house where the atmosphere is questionable.
 
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newf:
We are in prom season now and in our area ‘coed sleepovers’ are very popular.

In past years, I’ve had parents call me and ask why my child cannot attend the boy-girl sleepover at thier homes.
This year my youngest daughter knows there will be no coed sleepovers after prom and no hotels, either. But that’s another topic…
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This by far is the most daunting and frightening prospect of sleepovers in the future. We can all expect to be responding to a request to attend one at some point. How in the world did these ever get started and become so common instead of the exception?!

As far as elementary-age, same-sex sleepovers…we have allowed them on a limited basis, but only between cousins or kids of our friends–never a home where we are barely acquainted with the family–no matter how friendly the kids are with each other. Personally–they drive me a little crazy–I feel like my space, quiet time and privacy have been invaded. But…my kids love them and we compromise occasionally to keep them rare and special treats.
 
When I was about 10, back in the “olden” days, my girlfriends and I had sleepovers at each others houses. They were so much fun! Of course, then we knew nothing at all about predators, abuse, etc. (the late 1950s)
Our respective parents interacted with us by playing board games, telling stories and letting us eat snacks. My, what an innocent time that was.
I allowed my daughter to do the same because still no one knew anything about the negatives. And my boys never asked to do sleepovers anyway - they saw that as sissy’s activity.
I doubt now that I’d allow it unless I felt totally comfortable with the parents. Times have changed so terribly much - for the worse.
Anyway, I guarantee, there’d be no sleepovers at Michael Jackson’s house.
 
I must admit, being a 14 year old Briton, America sounds like a terrible place to live! People compare Western countries all the time but there are no fears of these nightmare sleepovers, drunken parties etc. you see on all the films here in the UK.

It sounds like all the teens just go on rampages all the time - it makes Britain sound so peaceful - the only problem you have is when they group up on street corners and harrass other people!

What’s a “co-ed sleepover” anyway? We don’t have them her ein the UK.

Michael
 
Micheal: Coed means people of both genders are there.

I don’t think coed sleepovers are appropriate, but I was always allowed to go to sleepovers at other girls’ houses. We had fun staying up doing makeovers, eating, playing very tame truth-or-dare. Of course, I am from a small rural town where everyone knows each other, so my parents knew my friends and their families.

The only bad experience I had was when some girls wanted to play with a ouiji (spelling?) board and do this thing called “light as a feather, stiff as a board,” which is supposed to make the person lying down levitate off the ground because of “God’s power.” Of course, I was terrified and didn’t participated. But then everyone started getting scared too, after a while, and we held hands and all prayed together over and over. So I guess it turned out to be a good, holy retreat!
 
When I was a teenager I had a “friend” who wanted to “stay over” all the time at my house. She would beg me to ask my mom. Come to find out she was interested in my brother, not my friendship.😦 With this experience I just simply didn’t allow my kids unless it was their cousins of course.
 
As a child myself, I have friends stay over and stay over at friends house all the time, I see nothing wrong with it and dont see any threats, of course I don’t simply meet bums on the street, tell them they are my friend, then force them to come over to my home, they have to be a good friend first.
 
As a younger child, I was not allowed to attend sleepovers. When I was a older I was allowed to attend sleepovers with only certin people.That was fine by me really. I have heard some very bad stories about sleep overs. I’m not sure I would let any children of mine sleepover anywhere. thats JMHO however:)
 
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