How do you forgive yourself?

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AnneTeresa

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If you did things that later in life you realize hurt or damaged your children how do you ever move on when you see the effects of it every day in their lives? They are now legal adults and it’s too late to correct everything I didn’t teach them. I don’t know how to let go of these things even though they are confessed. I feel guilty.

One example (there are more)… my daughter is very strong and pro-abortion. She started the pill when she was 14 due to cramps and I approved of it. I sent her to a very liberal university. I gave her Our Body, Ourselves when she was growing up. She now lives with her boyfriend (her second). How can I ever get over my guilt? How do people who have conversions late in life deal with this stuff?

Are there any saints that had late conversions who talk of this? Or does anyone have personal experience they are willing to share? I know deep down it has something to do with forgiving myself, but HOW?
 
Prayer first and foremost.

Then, consider that we are stuck in a universe where time only flows one way. You can not change the past, you must move forward. In fact, obsessing over the past is destructive if it precludes you from doing what you can in the present. Wasting your energy on fruitless worrying over the past instead of productive efforts in the present.

Learn from your mistakes. Live in the present. Witness to the truth with your children when you are with them. You can demonstrate to them that one can be wrong, admit it to it, and live differently now and into the future.

Self examination and learning never stops.
 
“Trust that you make the “right” mistakes with your children.” I heard from a counselor.

There is nothing that God can’t make right in His own timing. Once you confess your sins and surrender everything into His hands, he goes to work. Even if you did everything right, like St. Monica tried to do, she still ended up with a heathen child. But through her prayer, sacrifices, and many many tears. Her son became St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church.

St. Monica once went to St. Ambrose, who was entertaining Augustine occasionally, in tears begging him to do something about her son. She became a bother to him because of her insistence and he told her firmly, “Woman! God will not ignore your tears! Now go your way and trust God!”

It was St. Augustine who said, “God can bring about a greater good from a wrong done than if it had never been done.” He used the sin of Adam as an example, a sin that wrought us our savior Jesus.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” It is all in God’s hands now and He is a miracle worker. He knows your daughter better than you and can melt her heart in an instant. So pray and make sacrifices and shed your tears. Peace.
 
AnneTeresa said:
If you did things that later in life you realize hurt or damaged your children how do you ever move on when you see the effects of it every day in their lives? They are now legal adults and it’s too late to correct everything I didn’t teach them. I don’t know how to let go of these things even though they are confessed. I feel guilty.

One example (there are more)… my daughter is very strong and pro-abortion. She started the pill when she was 14 due to cramps and I approved of it. I sent her to a very liberal university. I gave her Our Body, Ourselves when she was growing up. She now lives with her boyfriend (her second). How can I ever get over my guilt? How do people who have conversions late in life deal with this stuff?

Are there any saints that had late conversions who talk of this? Or does anyone have personal experience they are willing to share? I know deep down it has something to do with forgiving myself, but HOW?
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Maybe talking to your priest outside of the confessional would help. I had an attack of this the other night. I have concerns that my younger son is still lying to us, that he lies when there is no need to lie, and that he may be doing some stuff that’s not legal. I ran through in my head every mistake I made with him as he was growing up. It’s really not helpful in the least. You can’t re-do the past, you can only go forward with what you have now. At the time, that was the best that you could do, you didn’t think that you were sinning nor that you were going to cause her to sin.

There is self-will here as well…Our kids are not blank slates that we can shape as we wish to. They come with a blueprint built in. It may be shaped by us, but they are each unique and have their own challenges and gifts. So you and I should not assume that we have created everything our children have become, that’s pride.

Stay on your knees! Pray out loud to God for protection and conversion for you daughter! Don’t preach to her, but live your faith in the most vibrant way you can. I think it was St. Francis who said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and use words when you have to.” (Loose quote)

:console:

I will add you to my prayers! Do not be discouraged or disheartened! Just take it to the foot of the cross. Also remember to ask Mary for help, and St. Monica! Edited to add: Fasting is VERY powerful as is the rosary.
 
I just watched a episode of Women of Grace on EWTN,The featured guest was Fr. Wade Mannasess. He spoke on this very subject. When we hang onto sins from our past,especially grevious ones,even though we have received absolution through reconcilation,this is what he referred to as “morbid guilt”. Not trusting in and feeling joy over God’s abundant mercy keeps from moving forward. He then said something that really helped me. “God is not so much concerned with where we have been,but more with where we are now.” 😉 God bless you in your healing journey
 
St. Alphonsus Ligouri said,

“… pray with confidence, feeling sure that by prayer all the treasures of heaven are thrown open to us. ‘Let us attend to this,’ says St. Chrysostom, ‘and we shall open heaven to ourselves.’ Prayer is a treasure; he who prays most receives most. St. Bonaventure says that every time a man has recourse to God by fervent prayer, he gains good things that are of more value than the whole world: ‘Any day a man gains more by devout prayer than the whole world is worth.’”

I know as a parent that I have misgivings as well, for who is perfect, for who did not make mistakes. Jesus himself who is perfect, did he not chose Judas? There are times when good parents do everything right and things come out wrong.

Our misunderstanding of God can cause us pain. God is not just Love, he is love without measure and limits, thereby never running out of patience or consideration for us because he cannot. It isn’t like he has a pool of love that keeps getting smaller with usage. The love is infinite and never shrinks or runs out. The more he gives the more he can give. You may feel like there isn’t a bandaid big enough to cover the wound you caused your children. But there is. Jesus’ love for you and them.

He once told a story of two men who owed money that were forgiven by their master. One owed a great deal more then the other. Jesus asked the crowd which man the master loved the most when he forgave them. And of course the answer was the man who owed more he loved most because he forgave him more. You feel like you owe him a lot, then that means he loves you more since his love covers you more. Those are his thoughts, not mine.

Now as far as helping your children, consecrate them to the hearts of Jesus and Mary in your own words. Give them up to their care, and pray each day thanking them and trusting them.

Now He may give you an opportunity to help out someone else. Then do it with love.

Just a thought.

Blood and water gushing forth from the heart of Jesus as a fount of mercy for us,
we trust in you.
 
It is apparent that your contrition of past events is true and should be commended,but this does not alter the repercussions of a once free-spirited life.Although your current situation may appear dismal,you have every tool to make a difference.

There is only so much one can do.It is human nature to lose control when things are out of your control.Do what you can and leave the rest to God.It’s of no consequence to ponder on what has been forgiven.

Belief in God should bring you much joy,but to have your sins absolved is the envy of all the fallen angels.Contemplate the mercy that has been shown you,be happy in Christ and know your trials are not unaided.

All the best.

JMJ
 
We will not always feel forgiven, but as was stated earlier, try talking to your priest, and pray, as well as try not to hold on to the past.

Also, you might try praying the Devine Mercy.

You have to truly want to forgive yourself, but know that God already has.

I pray you will find your forgiveness and inner peace.
 
Thank you all so much. Everything you said helped me more than I can say. I feel much comforted, especially by this…
fred_conty said:
. God is not just Love, he is love without measure and limits, thereby never running out of patience or consideration for us because he cannot. It isn’t like he has a pool of love that keeps getting smaller with usage. The love is infinite and never shrinks or runs out. The more he gives the more he can give. You may feel like there isn’t a bandaid big enough to cover the wound you caused your children. But there is. Jesus’ love for you and them.

He once told a story of two men who owed money that were forgiven by their master. One owed a great deal more then the other. Jesus asked the crowd which man the master loved the most when he forgave them. And of course the answer was the man who owed more he loved most because he forgave him more. You feel like you owe him a lot, then that means he loves you more since his love covers you more. Those are his thoughts, not mine.
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I see I have been forgiven much and am truly blessed. I will do the fasting and consecrating my children to God. Words can’t express my gratitude to all of you who responded.
 
Jeanne_S said:
I just watched a episode of Women of Grace on EWTN,The featured guest was Fr. Wade Mannasess. He spoke on this very subject. When we hang onto sins from our past,especially grevious ones,even though we have received absolution through reconcilation,this is what he referred to as “morbid guilt”. Not trusting in and feeling joy over God’s abundant mercy keeps from moving forward. He then said something that really helped me. “God is not so much concerned with where we have been,but more with where we are now.” 😉 God bless you in your healing journey
Click to expand...
Wow, what great timing! I will need to watch for that as a repeat!

👍
 
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