How do you forgive yourself?

[catechumen08]

Hi, this is something I’ve been wondering. It’s not hard for me to forgive others for their perceived trespasses; however, I’m having trouble forgiving myself for things that I’ve done, which I think may have been trespasses onto others. Nothing specific, just things in everyday life. I know God forgives, but how do you forgive yourself?

Thanks in advance!

 

[dolphinlove]

Hi, this is something I’ve been wondering. It’s not hard for me to forgive others for their perceived trespasses; however, I’m having trouble forgiving myself for things that I’ve done, which I think may have been trespasses onto others. Nothing specific, just things in everyday life. I know God forgives, but how do you forgive yourself?

Thanks in advance!

I do the same thing myself from time to time.
I can be so hard on myself and if i do something wrong, i find it hard to forgive myself.
When i do that, i just have to take a step back and have a look at myself, remind myself im only human, im not perfect, and im entitled to make mistakes.
Just take each situation seperately, look at why you got mad with yourself. Tell yourself at that time something like ‘its ok, its not the end of the world, if i failed i can just try again’.
You just have to be gentle with yourself as well.
I hope this helps you some, but bottom line is, you just have to realise you are special, and no matter what you do, you can always have a second chance to try things again!

 

[CarrieH]

I just remind myself that since God has decided that it’s OK to forgive me for what I did (assuming that I have been to confession), who am I to go against God by refusing to forgive myself?

I think part of the reason we get mad at ourselves is due to our pride. When you tell yourself, “Yeah, I’m a sinner, but I’m really not that bad” and then you do something that is that bad, it hurts your pride because your actions have conflicted with your self-image. The best way I found to get over my pride was learning to humbly admit that I’m just a poor sinner in need of God’s mercy, just like everybody else. Having come from a non-religious background, this was quite a challenge for me and it didn’t happen overnight, but it was so liberating in the end!

As far as the things that were trespasses against others, pray for the persons you wronged, and if there is something you can do to make things right, do it. But once you have confessed your sin and dealt with the situation, let it go and leave it in God’s hands. The devil likes nothing better than to keep us oppressed by reminding us of our past sins, so don’t give him that satisfaction.

 

[Coreopisis]

Baby steps.

Start like the OP said and try to do what you can to fix things if at all possible. Can you call those people and ask forgiveness?

Second start out by praying and ask God to help you to forgive yourself and meanwhile offer your suffering for the poor souls. Ask others to pray for you.

Try to combat some of those negative thoughts with some good ones. For instance when you think something terrible about yourself remind yourself that God loves you. If you are tormented by these thoughts constantly you will probably be telling yourself that God Loves you a 100 times a day. Eventually that love will sink in…I think this is sort of a retraining or reprogramming of your negative thoughts.

 

[Coreopisis]

I just remind myself that since God has decided that it’s OK to forgive me for what I did (assuming that I have been to confession), who am I to go against God by refusing to forgive myself?

I think part of the reason we get mad at ourselves is due to our pride. When you tell yourself, “Yeah, I’m a sinner, but I’m really not that bad” and then you do something that is that bad, it hurts your pride because your actions have conflicted with your self-image. The best way I found to get over my pride was learning to humbly admit that I’m just a poor sinner in need of God’s mercy, just like everybody else. Having come from a non-religious background, this was quite a challenge for me and it didn’t happen overnight, but it was so liberating in the end!

As far as the things that were trespasses against others, pray for the persons you wronged, and if there is something you can do to make things right, do it. But once you have confessed your sin and dealt with the situation, let it go and leave it in God’s hands. The devil likes nothing better than to keep us oppressed by reminding us of our past sins, so don’t give him that satisfaction.

What is “Tiber Swim Team …” I see lots of people on these threads with that footer.

 

[water]

What is “Tiber Swim Team …” I see lots of people on these threads with that footer.

I was told that there is a river “Tiber” in Rome; so if you cross the river, you get to Rome. The phrase means that the person has converted to Catholic.

 

[mangy_dog]

I’m not trying to over-simplify or make less of your concern, but here goes. If you have gone to confession (and with me it’s as often as possible), recieved absolution - then the spiritual excercise that you are left with is to believe and believe again. Put the guilt aside and believe in the Lord’s forgiveness. Lucifer, the accuser, works over-time to influence our perceptions about the Sacrament of Penance, its power and efficacy to combat the effects of sin. You my friend, continue to believe, don’t let the accuser get the better of you. Put your forgiven sins aside and continue to march.
Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

 

[cheeto1]

I say , “I forgive myself for (x,y,z)”
That’s the part I can do, God has to do the rest.
But it really does work.
Also, think about how by not forgiving yourself, you are not
forgiving everyone else who has done what you have.
Now, remember that the devil is the great accuser. Do you
want to do his work, accusing others and yourself night and day?
Be like St. Barnabas, the “son of encouragement” and do God’s
work, for yourself, and others.

 

[catechumen08]

Thank you all for your advice!

 

[blessedstar]

Like the idiot and dummy I am, I used to think it would be a good idea if that, after confession, God would wipe my memory of my sins. God knows better than me! It would be incredibly easy to fall back into the same sin if we did not remember them and were not reminded of them and our weakness. It is good to have memories of our sins and although it makes us cringe inside and shake our heads at our ‘self’ and be sorrowful all over again for committing those sins we do have to suffer living with ourselves and our past and resolve not to go the same way again.

But, and it is a very big BUT: we must drop our past as God has done. God has wiped our sins from His mind because He already knows our weakness and so He doesn’t need to recall it, but we need to be reminded in order that we do not fall into pride. We mustn’t sit there day and night in a dimly lit corner bewailing our past, that will certainly lead to not believing we have been forgiven by God and will stunt our spiritual growth. All our prayer will be fixed in the past or frettng over the future instead of looking to the day we are in.

But anytime we think we are on the up and think we have it cracked in matters of the spiritual journey then we would do well to remind ourselves just how sinful we are and look back to the past, indeed look back two hours in our lives and we’ll see sin even if it is venial. But also we will see the great work God has done for us by His grace and look at how He is recreating us and turn to praising and thanking God instead of bewailing our state as sinners because without God and His graces we would be in the pit of darkness drowning in sin.

When we are reminded of our past sins we simply turn to God and thank Him for His mercy and forgiveness and proceed on the upward calling. For anyone who is struggling over the past they would do well to dismiss negative thoughts of the past.

As I say, none of us are spiritual giants and if we think we are then we truly are not.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[TOP]

Yes, I think the key of forgiving ourselves is to really, deeply accept God’s forgiveness. I write my sins down before confession and after penence I burn them away as they have been burned away in God’s mercy. Concentrate of the act of contrition more then recalling the sins. There are people who may never forgive me. They may even hate me. But I know they only fall short of what God is capable of. I can’t fault them or linger on the loss a potential friend. But do what I can in prayer and service to God in others. Maybe it will reach them through the “6 degree’s of seperation”. And with that knowledge I can forgive myself. Tim

 

[TOP]

Another small, but possible angle is subconsciously blaming God for situations and taking it out on His creations (ourselves). In this situation taking the blame first , then the steps to forgiveness can follow. Just a theory. Tim

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Hi, this is something I’ve been wondering. It’s not hard for me to forgive others for their perceived trespasses; however, I’m having trouble forgiving myself for things that I’ve done, which I think may have been trespasses onto others. Nothing specific, just things in everyday life. I know God forgives, but how do you forgive yourself?

Thanks in advance!

I would suggest that you pick up a copy of St. Fuastina’s book on the Divine Mercy.

Once you grasp the understanding of how merciful Jesus is, you can begin to forgive yourself.

Jim

 

[blessedstar]

I would suggest that you pick up a copy of St. Fuastina’s book on the Divine Mercy.

Once you grasp the understanding of how merciful Jesus is, you can begin to forgive yourself.

Jim

Very true Jim and also it leads to quickly forgiving others and being merciful to other people in day to day life.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[The_Catholic]

It’s hard for me too to forgive myself. I had once comitted such horrid blasphemy, shouting, screaming, CURSING at God that I immedietly broke down in tears and cried harder than I have ever cried before. I still wonder why He didn’t kill me for that, as He did in the Old Testament days, where it seemed He spared no one (and none of us deserve to be spared). But then think about His Passion, what He went through for you, for everyone. All the pain and sins He bared for us? It’s mind boggling what He must of felt. What is the punishment for mortal sin…death as well as eternal torment in darkness. This is what He must have felt as He paid the penalty for us. He willingly paid it for us. How wonderful, how great is that!!

He loves you my friend, and while our sins do leave a painful mark while we are on this earth, still, realize the God of existense, of everything has forgiven you, AND loves you. Therefore, it is only right to forgive yourself.

I hope this helped. God bless you

 

[LISA_Annette]

Hi, this is something I’ve been wondering. It’s not hard for me to forgive others for their perceived trespasses; however, I’m having trouble forgiving myself for things that I’ve done, which I think may have been trespasses onto others. Nothing specific, just things in everyday life. I know God forgives, but how do you forgive yourself?

Thanks in advance!

Hmmmm Well, I could tell you what small realization I have had, but no reall breakthrough in the “forgiving myself” department. I am still working on it .
One small light: if I treat others with the courtesy of forgivenenss, then why do I feel* I *am beyond forgiveness? Do I think I am SO special that I hold myself to a HIGHER standard??? I often have to consciously think: would I readily forgive someone else for doing or saying this? What excuses would I give them for doing or saying this? Then I try ( note: try—it is a fight) to apply those things to myself.