How do you get teenagers interested in the Mass?

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relax, you know perfectly well you are doing everything you can and should, the natural state of teenagehood is rebellion, and how thoughtful of you and hubby to give them something concrete to rebel against. You have raised them, your job is just about done. Teens crave being ordered to do things they profess to hate so they always have a ready topic of conversation with peers. Sounds trite, but they will thank you one day. One or more is without doubt going to leave the practice of the faith in a more or less dramatic way at some point, which is going to hurt, but the early training will tell. You just pray and pray, and sometime they make it back.

You can’t be their travel agent on the journey of faith. When you need encouragement, read the story of Abraham and Isaac and realize that at some point you have to relinquish them to God, and it becomes His problem, not yours. Someday you may enjoy the exquisite pleasure, as my husband did recently, of having an adult child called and say, “Dad, remember when you told me thus and so? well, you were right.” She also thanked him for being so strict when she was a teenager and giving her the guidance and boundaries she needed. She feels confident in her role as new mother, she says, because of that guidance. Good luck.
 
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moira:
Any suggestions on how to get teenagers to go to Mass short of picking them up and putting them in the car and dragging them into church? I understand a lot of it has to do with their age (when I was a teen I didn’t like going either). But the Sunday morning battles are beginning to wear on me. Part of me wants to just say the heck with it; you’re old enough to make your own choice but the other part says you live in my house and on Sunday we go to Mass. And it’s my job as your mother to make you go to Mass. Period. Is there a happy medium or should I keep fighting them every week? HELP!
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YES. Perhaps go to the “Youth Mass” --(usually Sunday nites) and volunteer them for the praise band to sing or play an instrument, or to read the Scriptures!!! This will help them feel more involved!!!Then explain why you feel the Sabbath is so important and how we should give 2 hours a week min to God–when we have 24 x 7 for other stuff!!! This helped my kids --this realization!
 
My fourth and youngest is in high school now and he is the only one living at home. We plan our weekend around what mass to go to. I include him in the discussion so that he is feeling some choice. We are in an area with many parishes so we have this luxury. We also never complain about going and we make it routine. We often have a dinner out on the weekends so if it’s after mass then we can talk about the homily or some other thought provoking topic. I think it all helps, but we don’t make attendance negotiable. So far, so good.

I am not deluded into thinking that this will cinch it for them once they leave home. At some point the Holy Spirit needs to be engaged too. I also pray that my older children will find Catholic people to date and marry if they choose marriage. This is not easy times, raising children.
 
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moira:
Any suggestions on how to get teenagers to go to Mass short of picking them up and putting them in the car and dragging them into church? I understand a lot of it has to do with their age (when I was a teen I didn’t like going either). But the Sunday morning battles are beginning to wear on me. Part of me wants to just say the heck with it; you’re old enough to make your own choice but the other part says you live in my house and on Sunday we go to Mass. And it’s my job as your mother to make you go to Mass. Period. Is there a happy medium or should I keep fighting them every week? HELP!
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ask them why they don’t want to go. If they dont’ want to go, they obviously don’t care about their faith too much, so they probably don’t understand it too well. Most teens have a really whacked out understanding of Catholic beliefs…or don’t really know many beliefs at all (cause you don’t learn much dogma from homilies in mass)

I am in a Catholic band called Seven sorrows who reaches out to youth… check us out www.sevensorrows.com
 
I often wonder why, after rearing five children, not one of them ever gave me this problem.

I have no answer.

Each night we said the rosary sometimes subsituting it for a novena or because we lived far from the Church during lent we made our own stations around the house and said them. If there were missions, or any other event at Church we went. We took them to communial confession and made sure they went to Holy Days Masses even if we had to take them out of class to do so which was nearly everytime. We prayed before meals and sometimes after(teen years were hard on prayers after). We started saying the rosary with our oldest when she begged to say it with my husband and myself. After her, we just included the children they were given no choice. They each led a decade and it is how they learned their prayers. I also began from about two years of age asking them basic catechism questions. Now at ages 31,29,26,22, and 19 they all go to Mass each Sunday. I have yet to hear them say they don’t want to. It is an importand part of their life to attend Church. If they ever considered not to, they never told me.

No I have no answer why nor any suggestions for your battles. I never was in your position.
 
Ann Cheryl:
I often wonder why, after rearing five children, not one of them ever gave me this problem.

I have no answer.

Each night we said the rosary
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I think you answered your own question.

Job well done. :clapping:
 
We tell them that at their baptism we promised God to raise them in a Catholic home. We don’t want to break that promise so that’s why we:

go to mass every Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation
don’t watch bad movies
don’t wear suggestive clothing
fill in the blank

Make it an “I” message instead of a “you”. I promised GOD, so we do it. It’s all our fault. It doesn’t sound very spiritual but it is very practical and it works - for now.

Pray the rosary EVERY DAY for your children.
 
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moira:
I don’t want to force it down their throats or nag them; it just makes it worse. That’s what my mother did and I stayed away from the Church for about 10 years until I finally woke up, with God’s help.
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Have you told them how you stayed away and regret it? That could have an impact. —KCT
 
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aspawloski4th:
funny, my parents had a rule as long as your under their roof, you go to Mass period.they did back it up to, I watched one of my brothers get booted out for skipping out on Mass. as parents you cant make teens interested in everything that is good for them. you just set the rules and enforce them when broken.
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My wife and I had six children. They now range in age from 40 down to 28. Our attitude was this is our house. As long as you make it your home, we don’t care if you are 10, 20 or 30. If you live here you go to Mass on Sunday. Period end of discussion. Today when they come home and stay over a weekend. Guess what? They go to Mass. Things aren’t as perfect away from home. They sometimes have a tendency to compromise their values, but at least they seem to realize that what they are doing, like live in girl friend, is wrong. My 32 year old is getting married in April and says that when she flys in to visit him she stays at his place, but no hanky panky goes on. I think to myself, “Do I look naive?” Anyway they have visited us a couple of times and the agreement is when they are in our house, seperate sleeping arrangements are to be arranged. No discussion. Its like they know the rules in our house and honor them. When they were younger there were times they would kick like a steer about following the household rules, but they honored them. It was either that or hit the road and when they were younger we told them hitting the road at your age is not a choice, so you have no option but to obey. They did. Of course their friends had parents who would come up to us at social occasions and tell us we were being to hard on our kids. After seeing some of the piccadilos some of those kids got into, I would have to say, I think we did good.
 
I made a break through at that time of life when I discovered
that the Mass was not about how God fitted into my life but
how my life fitted into God’s plan. It was not all about me
but all about Him. The Mass is about as close to Him as
you can get on earth.
 
It’s your house, you’re the parent. You get to make the rules because in the end you are the one who is responsible for what happens. So your teenage children have to go to Mass and that’s that.

But that doesn’t make them like it, does it? Even when we’re prepared to make them go anyway, we really want our children to go to Mass of their own free will – not just because it makes Sunday mornings more pleasant, but because we hope they’ll continue once they’re out on their own.

So … how to persuade them that it’s worthwhile?

I admit that when I was young, I didn’t value the Mass for its own sake. As a child, I only looked forward to Mass when we visited my grandparents. Then my brother and I would always get to bring up the gifts at the offertory. When I was a teen, the best part of the Mass was the music. Guitar or traditional or plainsong – it didn’t matter as long as we sang all the verses.

Being able to participate, particularly in a special way, makes the Mass much more inviting. In our parish, teens can only be ushers/greeters or choir members if an adult family member is, and they can’t be lectors or cantors until they’re confirmed. But any child could be in charge of putting their family’s contribution in the basket, lighting a candle for a special intention, or dropping off the family contribution for the poor, etc.

As a pre-teen, the donuts were what lured me to Mass. After the 10:00 am Mass there were donurts served in the cry room. Most of my family usually wasn’t organized before noon, so I went to 10:00 Mass by myself or with my brother.

Now that I have my own family, we’ve always tried to do something enjoyable together after Mass. Each week a different person gets to pick the activity – going to an affordable restaurant, playing a board game, picnicking in the park, taking a walk, going bowling, etc. We go directly from Mass to the activity, so that it’s all just part of What-Our-Family-Does-on-Sundays. It’s worked so far. Our pre-teen boys never whine about attending Mass, and our 20-year old daughter not only still attends when she’s away at college, but has become the chief instigator in getting her friends to attend.

Education helps, too, but not for trying to convince them why they should go NOW. Your goal is to help them internalize why they should go after you stop making them. Your personal example is already working in this area and they know it. There are lots of books, pamphlets, etc. that can help. I like the informal route, and try to make small comments about the Mass each week – “Did you notice how reverently that old woman in the blue suit received communion? What do you suppose she’s thinking?” “That’s 2 weeks in a row that Father talked about the Holy Spirit. What do you think he’s getting at?” – to make them reflect back on it. The more they understand, the more likely that the habits they’re forced into now will stick when they’re older.

Good luck!
 
I posed this question to my own 14 year old son last night - his answer, enroll them to be Altar Servers. DS is borderline long haired (keeps it just within the limits for the servers), linebacker, hip hop music listening, the genral cool popular public school kid - and serving is very important to him. His reverence amazes me. I’m sure that being “up close and personal” during Mass has alot to do with that.

Praying for you!
 
Ann Cheryl:
I often wonder why, after rearing five children, not one of them ever gave me this problem.

I have no answer.

Each night we said the rosary sometimes subsituting it for a novena or because we lived far from the Church during lent we made our own stations around the house and said them. If there were missions, or any other event at Church we went. We took them to communial confession and made sure they went to Holy Days Masses even if we had to take them out of class to do so which was nearly everytime. We prayed before meals and sometimes after(teen years were hard on prayers after). We started saying the rosary with our oldest when she begged to say it with my husband and myself. After her, we just included the children they were given no choice. They each led a decade and it is how they learned their prayers. I also began from about two years of age asking them basic catechism questions. Now at ages 31,29,26,22, and 19 they all go to Mass each Sunday. I have yet to hear them say they don’t want to. It is an importand part of their life to attend Church. If they ever considered not to, they never told me.

No I have no answer why nor any suggestions for your battles. I never was in your position.
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Ann Cheryl,
I think you and your husband did a wonderful job of raising your kids in the faith—I so wish I had done all that with our daughter—she is in a Catholic girls school, and attended RE during Elem school, but if I did not insist she go to Mass, she wouldn’t. I do read the Bible, etc. but I wish I would have done a lot when she was little.
 
We did a couple things, I kind of ‘quizzed’ her on what she knew from her CCD classes, and I filled in the gaps of information she didn’t know, or didn’t understand. Also my husband talked to her quite a bit about how he was at that age, he didn’t want to go either. Now every week, rain or shine, whatever else we’re doing, we make time for Mass. I think she understood, that although she may not always ‘get it’ all, that she will be thankful, and that as she grows older she’ll find having her faith with her will help her in life.
 
Be understanding, but firm with your children. When I had problems, my mother just sat me down and told me that it was my responsiblity and duty to attend Mass. My fifth grade teacher told me that we may not always like to go to Mass because we may not understand everything or “get anything out of it”, but in reality we obtain so many graces and we will experience some very important things when attending Mass. Good luck

God Bless–JMJ
Laura 🙂
 
Send them on a good retreat. In my parish, the peer to peer retreats are excellent, and at my first one last year I saw a bunch of teenagers “actually” become interested in the Mass. Now I’m trying to get a friend to come to this year’s, because I think it might have the same effect on her. This year I’m on the planning team, and it’s such a great experience. Anyway, it doesn’t have to be that kind of retreat, but one with other teens is always good, especially if they have friends there. But from my perspective (as a teen, though I like Mass) they are the best if they have Adoration. Witnesses are good too. So that’s just an idea to get them interested.
 
I second the retreat option, this is a great way to reconnect and understand there needs to be time for God and not just time for yourself. You can also go to different Catholic Churches if you want, you might find an occasional visit to an different environment, helps them pay more attention and become more immersed in worship.
Knowing you are part of Christ’s Church and knowing all over the word you are participating in neverending worship, unified through space and time can be pretty spiritual.
Teenagers always will want to assert independance, they are growing up, but as teenagers they need guidance. If you don’t guide them someone else will.
 
Well, a couple of weeks ago I sat them down and told them that as long as they live with me they will attend Mass on Sunday. Then I got them a book titled “Did Adam and Eve Have Bellybuttons? and 199 other questions from teens.” One of them actually started reading it and came to me and said it made her start thinking about the fact that there is something after this life and that she was trying to be a better person because she wanted to go to heaven. I was surprised because usually when I give them something to read they don’t read it or say ‘yeah, sure, like that’s gonna help.’

Amazingly, I’ve seen changes in this child, thank God! Yesterday and last week when it was time for Mass, no one gave me any grief; they just got ready and got in the car. And I know they listened during Mass because later that night they were talking about the gospel they had heard. I think my prayers are being answered. All I can say is 'Thank You God, thank You, thank You, thank You!

And thank you all for your suggestions.
 
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