How do you go about battling a foe as elusive and mysterious as a rumor?

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How do you go about battling a foe as elusive and mysterious as a rumor?

How do you personally deal with rumors that are spread about you or people you know?
 
First, I think it’s important to keep a sense of humor. Anyone who is bored enough with their own life so as to be overly interested in yours… well, enough said.

Secondly, consider the source. Do you trust whomever is telling you about the “rumor”? What is their intention in telling you about the false information? Do they genuinely care for you or do they just enjoy furthering gossip?

Third, how far off is the rumor from actual truth? Is it a slightly twisted version or is it something patently false?

To what extent does the rumor hurt you and those close to you? (For instance, is someone spreading pure lies about you, like…You’re a drug addict, porn star or abortion regular? etc :))

Decide whether or not the subject matter is serious enough to address and whether or not you feel comfortable addressing what may or may not be the source.

If it’s something minor but annoying…like, someone supplying a false reason for why you don’t own a home yet or why you weren’t at mass last Sunday, etc…then I wouldn’t even give such pettiness the time of day.

Keep in mind also that the only thing you’re required to do is live your life in a way that pleases God, whether or not you have human approval. Take pride in His esteem and don’t worry too much about the drama surrounding you, it is only noise that steals your peace.

Also, remember that those who cause trouble generally like to see a reaction. When they don’t get one, all the fun is deflated.
 
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Princess_Abby:
First, I think it’s important to keep a sense of humor. Anyone who is bored enough with their own life so as to be overly interested in yours… well, enough said.

Secondly, consider the source. Do you trust whomever is telling you about the “rumor”? What is their intention in telling you about the false information? Do they genuinely care for you or do they just enjoy furthering gossip?

Third, how far off is the rumor from actual truth? Is it a slightly twisted version or is it something patently false?

To what extent does the rumor hurt you and those close to you? (For instance, is someone spreading pure lies about you, like…You’re a drug addict, porn star or abortion regular? etc :))

Decide whether or not the subject matter is serious enough to address and whether or not you feel comfortable addressing what may or may not be the source.

If it’s something minor but annoying…like, someone supplying a false reason for why you don’t own a home yet or why you weren’t at mass last Sunday, etc…then I wouldn’t even give such pettiness the time of day.

Keep in mind also that the only thing you’re required to do is live your life in a way that pleases God, whether or not you have human approval. Take pride in His esteem and don’t worry too much about the drama surrounding you, it is only noise that steals your peace.

Also, remember that those who cause trouble generally like to see a reaction. When they don’t get one, all the fun is deflated.
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great points!!! :yup:

i generally ignore rumors. unless they’re truly destructive, they’re not worth worrying about.
 
if it is a seriously false rumor-- confront the source with the subject matter & find out why they started the “tall tale”, then supply the facts & forgive them
 
We also have to think about whose opinion is important to us. The only one that really matters is God, and He knows our hearts and minds. If others think badly of us, and they are spreading things that are untruthful, it will eventually catch up with them and the truth will be known.

If someone makes a rude comment or asks an inappropriate question, I use my Dad’s standards:

Now, why would you say such a thing?

or

Why would you ask my something like that?

Usually stops them cold!
 
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weddy:
if it is a seriously false rumor-- confront the source with the subject matter & find out why they started the “tall tale”, then supply the facts & forgive them
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That assumes you know who said it.

My personal philosophy is that anyone who knows me and/or cares about me would know better than to believe a rumor AND could be counted on to set the person who was spreading straight.

If it was something that could be destructive in some way (like lose a job, get kicked out of school etc) I would have to deal with it. But petty stuff is better off ignored. It’s just not worth it.

Malia
 
Unless the rumor will affect your ability to do your job or your ministry, I’d ignore it. I warn you, a rumor can do more damage than you imagine. I would think before I ignored a rumor about yourself that actually came to your notice. I mean, since you are here and actually asking the question, the rumor may in fact be significant. If it is, you should tell the truth to whomever is in charge to stop whatever damage may result from the people in charge believing it.

Once a reputation is gone, it is gone.
 
if the report appeared in MSM, just disregard it, 80% false, and what has a grain of truth is likely to be exaggerated or misstated. This is especially true if it relates even tangentially to the Catholic Church, hierarchy or clergy, or to any politician or public figure not supported by the likes of Alec Baldwin or Susan Sarandon.

I remember an old story, attributed to St. Francis about a penitent who confessed spreading a rumor about a neighbor. For the penance, the priest told the person to take a feather pillow up on the rooftop on a windy day, rip it open and let the feathers fly away. Then, the priest instructed, you must go about the town and gather up all the feathers. But the penitent protested, that is impossible. Yes, said the priest, and it is impossible to recall all the damage that rumor did when it spread just like those feathers.

We got into a debate on this topic in 8th grade CCD class, and it was very hard to get the point across that whether or not the rumor is true or not is not a factor in the sinfulness of spreading gossip. Either it is the sin of lying, or the sin of detraction and calumny, or both. Gossip is a sin against both the 5th commandment and the 8th commandment.
 
Feanaro's Wife:
My personal philosophy is that anyone who knows me and/or cares about me would know better than to believe a rumor AND could be counted on to set the person who was spreading straight.
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Don’t count on it. Sometimes the ones spreading the rumors are the ones who would turn around and act like your best friends.

I had a series of nasty, false rumors spread about me by “friends” from high school. It ended up ruining my senior year and part of my freshman year of college, and losing me a lot of friends- especially in a church group to which I belonged. I think the worst was the one that I was pregnant (and I assume, since no baby appeared 9 months later, that I had an abortion as well). No one would tell me who started that one (although I could guess), but I was fielding questions about it from people I barely knew. Not fun- I believe it was one of the circles of hell. I’ve since reconciled with one of the girls who was protecting the person who started the rumor, but I don’t think we’ll ever again be close like we were. It’s unfortunate, because before a lot of this junk happened, I had chosen her to be my confirmation sponsor. I didn’t think something like this would happen and that we would grow apart the way we did. 😦

It is true that once a reputation is gone, it’s gone. Be very careful with whom you associate, and very, VERY careful what you tell people about yourself. I only have one very close friend (besides my husband and parents) who I trust with my most personal information. I just assume I can’t trust anyone else, and that people will talk and not always nicely. It’s safest that way.
 
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contemplative:
How do you go about battling a foe as elusive and mysterious as a rumor?

How do you personally deal with rumors that are spread about you or people you know?
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I don’t believe there is much to be done about rumors. I try not to care about rumors. For the most part, I wouldn’t know if there are rumors about me. But even if there are, my feeling is that it is beyond my control. If someone chooses to believe a rumor or even to view me badly, what can I do to change their mind? If they are someone who cares to view me badly, then they are probably not someone who I care to associate with anyway. I try to live my life as a faithful Catholic. I try to be a direct and approachable person. And I try to offer to God the things that I can not control.
 
Honestly, I don’t battle rumors at all. Attempts to correct rumors have always led to increased credence in the rumors and I ended up lowering myself into the muck from which they came.

I don’t answer them or address them in any way. It hurts like fire - I’m not saying that this is the easier way, by any means - but after trying many times to put down rumors, I finally learned that it’s best for me in the long run to just go on about my business as if the gossip doesn’t even exist.

You’re never going to convince anyone of anything outside their own convenience by battling or arguing against rumors. If it makes someone feel superior or otherwise gives them a payoff to think badly of you, nothing you can say will change their minds.

People who have attained some visible level of success seem more prone to attacks that are rooted in envy. But, when you get down into the muck and try to wrestle with it, the people who follow this kind of salaciousness don’t hear you defending yourself - they only see that you’ve gotten down to the level of the gossips and that you care about it! And the result is that you really ARE taken down a peg or two.

My best advice - bear it silently. You and God know the truth.
 
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