How Do You Handle Despair?

[Domino427]

My situation: Lately, I’ve been kind of stuck in a rut. I’m struggling with lots of aspects in my life, and feel like I have no idea how to break through. I’m failing in a job that I don’t want to be in. My wife and I have decided to relocate to start a family closer to my family–but I can’t seem to find a job in that area. My wife and I are going through a lot of the first-year-married struggles. I’ve been trying over the past year or so to return to practicing my faith (not just believing), and I just can’t make it happen. Recently, it’s come to a head–all I want to do is sleep during the day, but I spend all night awake because I’m so stressed/worried/puzzled.

So, long story short, how do you handle times like these? I’m looking for things like:

-What prayers do you say?
-What Scripture passages do you read?
-What Saints do you ask to intercede?

I’m usually a very optimistic, glass-half-full kind of man. But lately, I’m just really struggling.

Thanks in advance.

 

[klm120861]

One of the best things I ever heard was at our Advent Parish Mission. It was a very simple statement: If all you can do is show up, then you show up.
Sometimes our faith journey is like that. All we can do is show up. So show up. If your schedule permits, force yourself to go to daily Mass. Then Sunday will be easier. Make yourself say a decade of the Rosary. If you need to go to confession, go. Make a good confession.

Finally, two prayers:

Father,
I abandon myself into Your hands;
do with me what You will.
Whatever you may do, I thank You:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
and in all Your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to You with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands,
without reserve, and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.
-Charles de Foucald

Very dangerous prayer, if sincerely prayed over a period of time. Life changing kind of dangerous.

Secondly, if it seem like everything is conspiring against you, it probably is. That’s what Satan does. For that,

St. Michael the Archangel,
Defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
And do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host
by the divine power of God
cast into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

Remember, Satan wants to keep you from the Sacraments, from growing in Christ, from being all that God has created you to be. Don’t let him. If all you can do is show up, then you show up.

Kris

 

[LaSainte]

Tony Robbins. No joke. His books are great, his tapes are better. He doesn’t just focus on monetary success, but literally helps you change your whole mentality to affect your relationships, your job, your finances, your goals, everything. Practical and specific advice.

 

[sowinskija]

The Most Holy Rosary at least twice a day, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and the Saint Jude Novena. Don’t forget about prayers to your Guardian Angel, and finally, just Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ! For the last bit, i like to say a prayer on the back of a prayer card i have:

“Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and i together can’t handle. Amen”

Also, I would recommend devotion to Our Lady through the Brown Scapular.

 

[Jeanne_S]

Prayer to the Sacrd Heart of Jesus for peace of mind…

Sacrd Heart of Jesus,I place my trust in you.
Knowing that you love me and care for me and will never abandon me.
I want to be like your Mother Mary,who in spite of her sorrow and suffering,enjoyed peace of mind,knowing God was beside her to give her strength.
Sacred Heart of Jesus,help me to know that the trials in my life,too shall pass.
As you lead me down the right path,
Only goodness and kindness will follow me,all the days of my life.
Amen

 

[marykate2]

It sounds like your despair is coming from all the changes in your life, and not really from a place of depression. It actually sounds more like anxiety than despair. A lot of things in your life are outside of your control: you are learning to share a life with another person, you are probably worried about providing for a family, you are dealing with living in a new place.

When the anxieties start, think about all the good things in your life, and focus on gratitude. You are married; you have this person by your side now through thick and thin. You are closer to your family. You have your health. You have the gifts and talents to support a family, even if right now you dont have a job. That will change. God really does provide.

Everyone goes through a period of tremendous adjustment, and all the emotions you are feeling. Just hang in there and things will get better.

If you are living near grandparents, why don’t you ask them for a few stories of when they were starting out? Might help you to see things in perspective.

Yes, and keep practicing the faith, of course.

 

[Gertabelle]

I’ve been trying over the past year or so to return to practicing my faith (not just believing), and I just can’t make it happen.

This statement really jumped out at me. Not sure what practices of the faith you’re not able to “make happen,” so please allow me to start with the basics.

When I’ve gone through these tough times (some tougher and longer than others):

1. Get to Mass as often as possible, daily is best. Go to the sacrament of confession regularly (at least once a month) and do not receive Holy Communion if you have unconfessed mortal sin (such as missing Sunday mass without valid reason).
2. Pray the Rosary daily – especially with your new wife. Real men have love and respect the Blessed Mother, and bringing this devotion into your marriage as a daily discipline will bring untold peace.
3. Spend time praying in the presence of Our Lord in the tabernacle or in an Adoration chapel. There is one parish near us that has an Adoration chapel open during the day, and another parish whose church is open during the day. See if you can find one near you.
4. Pray one or more parts of the Divine Office. I used to always pray only the Office of Readings (Matins), some people do only Morning or Evening Prayer, and I adore Compline (night prayer – it’s short and sweet and a lovely prep for sleep). The Psalms express our human experience through prayer so beautifully. You can use divineoffice.org to pray the day’s parts of the Divine Office.
5. Do what you can to meet your family’s goals, and then LET GOD TAKE IT FROM THERE! His plans may not be the same as yours and your wife’s. But His way is the best because He alone has the long view
6. Make sure you spend recreational time with your wife and with your mutual friends, especially if you know older couples in your parish. Spending time with others who have a deep and practical faith in Our Lord has been one of the most uplifting and consoling strategies I have known for dealing with stress and grief.

Keep in mind that this difficult moment in your life will not last forever. Breathe in, and breathe out.

God bless you and your family!

Gertie

 

[cheezey]

It sounds like your despair is coming from all the changes in your life, and not really from a place of depression. It actually sounds more like anxiety than despair. A lot of things in your life are outside of your control: you are learning to share a life with another person, you are probably worried about providing for a family, you are dealing with living in a new place.

When the anxieties start, think about all the good things in your life, and focus on gratitude. You are married; you have this person by your side now through thick and thin. You are closer to your family. You have your health. You have the gifts and talents to support a family, even if right now you dont have a job. That will change. God really does provide.

Everyone goes through a period of tremendous adjustment, and all the emotions you are feeling. Just hang in there and things will get better.

If you are living near grandparents, why don’t you ask them for a few stories of when they were starting out? Might help you to see things in perspective.

Yes, and keep practicing the faith, of course.

 

[sparkiebunnie]

Whenever I feel down and alone and just hopeless, I read the Psalm that Jesus Himself was beginning to recite while hanging on the Cross. I do not know the exact name, but it is about how even though it is hard to FEEL God’s presence, He is still always there.

Plus, I start just talking to my best friend, Saint Dominic Savio. I tell him everything that is bothering me and ask him for extra prayers. Just knowing he is listening to me can help a lot. Find a “buddy saint” and talk to them just like you would any friend down here. The ones up there know a LOT more than the ones down here!

Also, they’re available 24/7:thumbsup:

 

[Domino427]

First, thank you all for taking the time to offer your advice, suggestions and kind words!

I wanted to address a few things in particular:

One of the best things I ever heard was at our Advent Parish Mission. It was a very simple statement: If all you can do is show up, then you show up.

This is a great quote. I’ll try to keep that in mind!

Finally, two prayers:

Both have been added to my “arsenal” (a little collection of prayers I just started that I’ll have available on my phone, iPad and anywhere I have internet access)

“Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and i together can’t handle. Amen”

I love this, and do try to remember a paraphrased version of this when things seem tough. I think this could be a simple, easy thing to utter each morning when I wake to start my day off right.

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for peace of mind…Amen

I also really like this one, and have added it to my collection!

This statement really jumped out at me. Not sure what practices of the faith you’re not able to “make happen,” so please allow me to start with the basics.

Gertie, it’s mostly everything–I haven’t been to Mass (regularly) in almost a decade. Most times I try, I seem to find some excuse (a lame one) not to go.

Whenever I feel down and alone and just hopeless, I read the Psalm that Jesus Himself was beginning to recite while hanging on the Cross. I do not know the exact name, but it is about how even though it is hard to FEEL God’s presence, He is still always there.

Do you mean Psalm 22?
For the leader; according to “The deer of the dawn.” A psalm of David.
I
2My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why so far from my call for help,
from my cries of anguish?
3My God, I call by day, but you do not answer;
by night, but I have no relief.
4Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the glory of Israel.
5In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted and you rescued them.
6To you they cried out and they escaped;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
7But I am a worm, not a man,
scorned by men, despised by the people.
8All who see me mock me;
they curl their lips and jeer;
they shake their heads at me:
9“He relied on the Lord—let him deliver him;
if he loves him, let him rescue him.”
10For you drew me forth from the womb,
made me safe at my mother’s breasts.
11Upon you I was thrust from the womb;
since my mother bore me you are my God.
12Do not stay far from me,
for trouble is near,
and there is no one to help.
II
13Many bulls surround me;
fierce bulls of Bashan encircle me.
14They open their mouths against me,
lions that rend and roar.
15Like water my life drains away;
all my bones are disjointed.
My heart has become like wax,
it melts away within me.
16As dry as a potsherd is my throat;
my tongue cleaves to my palate;
you lay me in the dust of death.
17Dogs surround me;
a pack of evildoers closes in on me.
They have pierced my hands and my feet
18I can count all my bones.
They stare at me and gloat;
19they divide my garments among them;
for my clothing they cast lots.
20But you, Lord, do not stay far off;
my strength, come quickly to help me.
21Deliver my soul from the sword,
my life from the grip of the dog.
22Save me from the lion’s mouth,
my poor life from the horns of wild bulls.
III
23Then I will proclaim your name to my brethren;
in the assembly I will praise you:
24“You who fear the Lord, give praise!
All descendants of Jacob, give honor;
show reverence, all descendants of Israel!
25For he has not spurned or disdained
the misery of this poor wretch,
Did not turn away from me,
but heard me when I cried out.
26I will offer praise in the great assembly;
my vows I will fulfill before those who fear him.
27The poor will eat their fill;
those who seek the Lord will offer praise.
May your hearts enjoy life forever!”
IV
28All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the Lord;
All the families of nations
will bow low before him.
29For kingship belongs to the Lord,
the ruler over the nations.
30All who sleep in the earth
will bow low before God;
All who have gone down into the dust
will kneel in homage.
31And I will live for the Lord;
my descendants will serve you.
32The generation to come will be told of the Lord,
that they may proclaim to a people yet unborn
the deliverance you have brought.

 

[Chantal25]

I was experiencing despair and when i went to the confession so i could receive the communion, the priest made a few comment to me like he knew what i was feeling or thinking. I was shock but i knew that God was speaking through him for me.

Pray to be placed the perfect priest on your path and consult with him, go see him for confession also.

In Sister Faustina diary, she talks many time about be obedient to the confession and Jesus told her that he speaks to her through priests.

Before, i discovered the confession to help greatly with despair, i know that doing charity toward others, fill this void in me.

I pray for you to be guided perfectly, for your faith to be empowered, and for you to have all the help that you need. Amen

 

[Holly3278]

I usually just pray a short prayer and ask God or Mother Mary to pray for me and try to trust that they will.

 

[johnnyjones]

My situation: Lately, I’ve been kind of stuck in a rut. I’m struggling with lots of aspects in my life, and feel like I have no idea how to break through. I’m failing in a job that I don’t want to be in. My wife and I have decided to relocate to start a family closer to my family–but I can’t seem to find a job in that area. My wife and I are going through a lot of the first-year-married struggles. I’ve been trying over the past year or so to return to practicing my faith (not just believing), and I just can’t make it happen. Recently, it’s come to a head–all I want to do is sleep during the day, but I spend all night awake because I’m so stressed/worried/puzzled.

So, long story short, how do you handle times like these? I’m looking for things like:

-What prayers do you say?
-What Scripture passages do you read?
-What Saints do you ask to intercede?

I’m usually a very optimistic, glass-half-full kind of man. But lately, I’m just really struggling.

Thanks in advance.

Yes of course pray. If we pray and take no action though, I feel not much will happen. God gave us a brain to figure things out, to shape or lives. Sometimes we have poorly shaped them and we have to make corrections. Keep showing up for life always contemplating new ideas, and pray like there is no tomorrow.

 

[sparkiebunnie]

Yes, Psalm 22. Sorry, my memory is poor as of late. But that one always helps, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.

 

[klm120861]

Pray to be placed the perfect priest on your path and consult with him, go see him for confession also.

I will also pray that the perfect priest for you comes into your life and starts messing with it. It’s most uncomfortable, but wonderful at the same time!

From your posts, I can tell you are really serious about this. Know, dear one, God has taken you seriously. If things feel upside down and you feel like you’re in the dark about most everything, it’s because he has taken you seriously. A good book would be Ascent to Mount Carmel by St. John of the Cross. I know it can be downloaded from Barnes and Noble for Nook for as little as a dollar. (I love books and I’m cheap! )

Always know God is with you in everything. Especially the times when you don’t “see” it.
Kris

 

[cheezey]

I usually just pray a short prayer and ask God or Mother Mary to pray for me and try to trust that they will.

How do I handle despair?
Not well. And so I like this post. Brief, to the point. And what a fine point it is…
thank you

 

[Lady_Love]

I don’t anymore. If I feel it coming on I renounce it immediately. "In the name of Jesus, I renounce the spirit of despair and I command it to leave me NOW!

 

[Domino427]

Again, thank you all for your kind words and great advice.

I’ve begun making an effort to pray at least one part of the Divine Office each day–usually either morning or evening prayer. I’ve found it to be a very peaceful experience.

I also picked up Scott Hahn’s book, “Lenten Reflections from A Father Who Keeps His Promises”. I was browsing about Barnes & Noble and found it, feeling it would be a nice resource to try and get the most from this Lenten season.

Finally, I’ll be sure to keep you all in my prayer intentions. Your help has been greater than you could know.

 

[englishredrose]

My situation: Lately, I’ve been kind of stuck in a rut. I’m struggling with lots of aspects in my life, and feel like I have no idea how to break through. I’m failing in a job that I don’t want to be in. My wife and I have decided to relocate to start a family closer to my family–but I can’t seem to find a job in that area. My wife and I are going through a lot of the first-year-married struggles. I’ve been trying over the past year or so to return to practicing my faith (not just believing), and I just can’t make it happen. Recently, it’s come to a head–all I want to do is sleep during the day, but I spend all night awake because I’m so stressed/worried/puzzled.

So, long story short, how do you handle times like these? I’m looking for things like:

-What prayers do you say?
-What Scripture passages do you read?
-What Saints do you ask to intercede?

I’m usually a very optimistic, glass-half-full kind of man. But lately, I’m just really struggling.

Thanks in advance.

I don’t pray with words when I am praying but just simply feel God’s Love when I am in his presence. This last week or so has been a struggle with anger of which I am processing and putting together. I have been there before but a very different anger to this week. It was close to dispair anger. But I don’t make any prayer requests because I find that doesn’t work for me at all and my priest taught me that just being with God is prayer, It is so simple it hard. He gave me a book to read with all this in and actually the author is an American Catholic called, Gratefulness of the Heart by Brother and I haven’t his name but been around a long time and you might like to read it if you can get it and probably can via Amazon. My priest loaned it me and it backed up everything he has been saying to me that much I found out where he was saying from as such.

But I like everyone else am very human with anger and this priest actually gets quite a bit from me as I trust him enough. I share it with him via email because that is my best form of communication. It sounds like you could do with chatting to your priest where you are living now and just spill out how it really is for you. Over this last year I have learned that priests are very good at meeting us in person, not just our posh sunday bests, but if we let them in our ives, then our whole beings and if we truelly let them help guide us then they will do so. They know just as much about life as we do and some are very good listeners and can give you that space to be you even if they haven’t had formal training in counselling. Sometimes that seems to make them better listeners and for that you/we really tell them whats going off, not the polite ‘how do you do stuff’ but how it is really. Naturally that still happens on a Sunday… but with priests you got a friend who’ll help and not blab.

I do the gardening and have an incinerator. I have lots of thoughts that get processed in emails. I cry and just be me with God. It don’t cure anger and don’t cure dispair but I know that am never really alone and one can be very angry with God one minute and the next minute feel Gods Love so intense that feel very calm and part of life. One just has to learn to trust God and work with people around you. Build up your trust in God and you’ll have one friend at least. above all ind a prayer style that really works for you

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I’ve begun making an effort to pray at least one part of the Divine Office each day–usually either morning or evening prayer. I’ve found it to be a very peaceful experience.

Suggestion: try Compline (Night Prayer) just before you go to sleep. The beauty of Compline and the peace praying it brought me drew me to regular prayer of the DO. My SD was not at all surprised when I told him this, and he said others have said the same thing.

Finally, I’ll be sure to keep you all in my prayer intentions. Your help has been greater than you could know.

Thank you for your kindness. You are in my prayers as well. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I have no advice to give that hasn’t already been offered by others, but I do hope things improve for you soon.