How do you handle vulgar language in public

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lots2Learn
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I have to preface this by saying I am not a saint and yes I have occasionally cussed in front of my kids, but I am not shy either and I will say something when I feel I need to. I get so annoyed with cussing and explicit talk in public around my kids. If the offender is teenish to twentyish, I usually say something like, “Please don’t talk like that in front of children” Which occasionally sparks even worse talk…usually not, but when it does, if we are somewhere that has a manager like a store or restaraunt, I ask to see the manager and let them know that I politely asked them to stop but they got worse. If the manager doesn’t do anything, I tell him that I will not be returning and I will let all my friends with children know it isn’t a kid friendly place. That usually does the trick. The thing that annoyed me the most was when my daughter was in kindergarten and I was volunteering in the school I had a 5 year old look at me and say FU you’re not my mom! I told the teacher and she said all they could do is send the kid out in the hallway or to the principals office and the principal would just tell them they couldn’t say those words in school. Needless to say, I transfered my kids to Catholic School and was amazed when I was volunteering that they couldn’t even have ketchup for their fries if they didn’t say please and couldn’t continue in the line without a yes please or no thank-you. What a difference!!! I was so glad I transferred the kids. As they got older they would correct me if I cussed…they would yell earmuffs and cover my stepdaughter’s ears if I slipped. It was really good for me, I got much better about slipping in front of the kids! To this day, I have an 18, 16, 14 and 10 yo, the older ones will ask folks not to cuss around the younger siblings…I am so proud of them!
 
Lots2Learn: (with an name like that you probably have less to learn than you claim)
Under the circumstances you handled the situation splendidly, possibly better than any words could have done.

Another approach (maybe not as good) with someone you know is to inform them that kind of language reflects poorly on them and is unbecoming. If they heed your advice and correct the habit, you are speaking with a person of full faculties. If they persist with the foul language in your presence on future occasions, you should take pity on them and say a quick prayer for them that they may see the light.

Our Saviour Jesus did comment about a tree’s fruit “For a man’s words flow out of what fills his heart” (JB Matt12). Plus if they are using the Lord’s name in vain they do not keep one of the less challenging Ten Commandments.
 
40.png
kellyb32:
But that’s just my opinion.
Click to expand...
Amen, I say to you, KellyB32, blessed are you, because your opinion happens to be true. 👍
 
If it the language is really blue, I give them a look as if possibly they might be losing their grip. (The look that says, “Um, are you going to be okay, or should I just back away slowly until I have enough distance on you to run?”) Otherwise, I ignore it… sort of like you would if a total stranger had unknowingly let a private part of their anatomy hang out. As the saying goes: the unspeakable is unmentionable.

As far as our kids go, I explain to them the real truth that language like that is stored in a part of your brain that lets things just fly out. This is absolutely true. If you visit stroke patients, you’ll find that some of them can say nothing intelligible except for reflexive use of swear words. Every once in awhile, they might excite their families by clearly blurting out a full sentence that comes to them without thinking, but that’s it.

So I tell the kids that they should not start using that kind of language, because once it gets into your head, it will have a mind of its own. Those words will own them, and since those are also the kind of words that hurt people, that is not okay. This also gives them a good reason to pity rather than condemn people who use language like that. Once a person starts, it is very difficult to stop.
 
“Thank you” to everyone for your thoughts and ideas about this issue.
I can see that alot of you handle this type of situation the same as me. About the only time I am confrontational is when I think my kids are getting a raw deal (being bullied…etc.)
It seems to me in our world today, we have become passive when we shouldn’t (vulgar language, immodest dress and realllly bad manners in public) and get our feathers ruffled over things that we shouldn’t.
I had a friend witness to me a scene she saw while shopping last week. Two boys (about 12 or 13) were wrestling around in a store…one pushed the other into an elderly woman and KNOCKED HER DOWN!!! Her sweet dh helped her up…she was crying and the mother didn’t make these boys apologize, or help her up!! My friend was attending the woman who was knocked down. She said there were some men in the area and not one of them said anything to the boys.
I thought it was so sad that there was a teachable moment for these young men. Surely a few words from a man nearby could have made a difference.
I remember hearing a story on the radio from a man who takes opportunities to “parent” if you will, kids in public. He said he and his wife were eating dinner at a fast food restaurant one time and were sitting near a your man who had a really offensive shirt on. He said he took a chair over, asked if he could sit w/them for just a minute. He said, “Ya know, I’m not your dad, but I just wanted to let you know what you are wearing is very offensive to my wife and me.” He said he visited w/the young men for about 5 minutes and the kid went to the restroom and turned his shirt inside out.
In my minds eye…that’s the kind of difference I would like to make. I also challenge my dh and all of our friends…especially men, to do the same.
I remember from my childhood, the kind, corrective words from strangers…sometimes just a look was enough to correct me and make me feel bad for what I was doing.
Anyway, I’m rambling.
Again, thanks for your suggestions and thoughts on the issue
 
I just ask quietly and politely if they would please not use language like that, if children are around I will refer to them. It doesn’t hurt to remind people that it causes offense to some people.

My children are grown but foul language was not permitted in the house or my presence.

One son earned a scholarship to a catholic boarding secondary school. His language deteriorated so badly within 10 weeks that he didn’t even realise he was swearing in his ordinary speech when talking to me. He wasn’t there after the 10th week and I let other parents know what was happening.

Oh yes, if you don’t want to confront them you can pray for them and thank God you grew up in a home that could afford soap! (Have you seen the movie A Christmas Story where the kid gets a bar of soap in his mother and then the mother tries it? LOL)
 
When someone in my office uses the Lord’s name in vain, I usually pipe up in a mild tone, “oh, are you praying?” I think it makes them more mindful of what they’re saying, but I’m afraid of sounding holier-than-thou. I think people are just so used to using certain words that they can’t always catch themselves.

My husband and I had that problem sometimes in college (not using the Lord’s name in vain, but other common curses) until we made a decision to STOP! We decided to say a Hail Mary together every time we slipped up.

And it worked wonderfully! I am so thankful, and I find I am much more sensitive to other people’s vulgar comments. I have to remember that I used to have that same problem, and still would without God’s grace.
 
When someone uses blasphemy such as “God!” I immediately jump up, turn my head looking all around and say loudly “Where?”

Then explain that as a Christian we never use God’s (Jesus etc) name as an expletive and so I thought they must be referring to the Second Coming.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top