How do you identify and remove evil from your life?

[Maeglin]

when guys get hot-headed over a man coming on to their woman, it often times has to do with a threat to their own ego and not the woman. I think your husband’s reaction shows that he is very secure in his masculinity and his marriage.

I think this is very true. I wouldn’t be offended or worried about your husband’s reaction WEG. He has probably grown more secure in your marriage as time progressed after dating. Are you sure some of the annoyance you sensed wasn’t just misdirected at you? I think any guy would be annoyed about a guy hitting on his wife no matter how secure he is in the relationship.

Still, if this had happened to my wife I probably wouldn’t have recommended inviting him over for beer and a game. If this creep has the chutzpah to hit on a married woman multiple times, he might just have the chutzpah to show up on your doorstep with an invitation in hand. That’s too awkward for my taste. I wouldn’t want creeps in my house.

 

[PilgrimSong]

Still, if this had happened to my wife I probably wouldn’t have recommended inviting him over for beer and a game. If this creep has the chutzpah to hit on a married woman multiple times, he might just have the chutzpah to show up on your doorstep with an invitation in hand. That’s too awkward for my taste. I wouldn’t want creeps in my house.

I was thinking of this, too. I would NOT want some creep at my house. I wouldn’t even want him to know where I live. If he keeps bothering you, couldn’t you tell him you and your hubby would meet him in a bar to watch hockey there? I don’t know…I just wouldn’t want this guy having my address.

As for your husband’s reaction and you feeling he didn’t show enough concern about how all this made you feel, if it really bothers you, tell your husband! I would. It sounds like you have a very close and secure marriage. Just talk to him about it. God bless!

 

[whatevergirl]

*This is getting hilarious…everyone is starting to think this guy is seriously going to come over? haha Ugh, I don’t know what I’d say if he says…’‘sure.’’ You’re right, I could say…my husband wants to meet you for drinks…do you like hockey? I could do some variation. My husband was serious in the proposal…and he said if the guys said yes, he definitely wants to meet him. I think the whole thing is so stupid, I just wish this didn’t happen. I wish people respected married people. But, whatever…it is what it is.

Pilgrim, I noticed your earlier post too…thank you, I appreciated your thoughts…I meant to tell you that. I do have a secure marriage…it’s just that my husband sometimes lacks…emotion. That’s it. I don’t want to throw him under the bus here, I love him. It isn’t right…but, sometimes, I just wish he expressed more emotion, less sarcasm, less joking around. And if the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn’t have said…’‘hey tell her I’ll go to the mall with her.’’ Ya know? I don’t know what I’d say…but, it wouldn’t have been that. I guess at the time, it seemed funny…and it seemed sensible. But, thinking it over…it just isn’t how he would have handled it when we were dating. He was more…gallant back then. Now, is it because we’ve been married so long, that he doesn’t care? I will tell him my feelings…not over the phone again. That’s another problem, he works opposite hours from me, so so much of our talks happen via the phone. Anyways…he told me last night when he got home, that a few of his friends over the years told him that if anything happens to him, they’d wonder if he’d be ok with them dating me. (apparently a joke among guys over beers) I said, what? He said, yeah…it never bothered me…so, this doesn’t bother me that much either.

I had no idea. But, glad to know the idea of other men dating me doesn’t bother my husband. In a way, it’s good this happened…I guess I can see how he really feels. Which isn’t much.

I don’t know what I’m trying to get at…thanks for bearing with me. Typing it all out…helps. Please pray for me, that I don’t let this situation hurt my marriage. Maybe this whole thing is a tool of the devil, I don’t know.*

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You’re going to think yourself into another hole in the ground.

STOP!

Take a deep breath.

He’s a man and unemotional. It’s not that he doesn’t care. But it’s like his ego isn’t threatened. In fact, the idea that you are hot enough that other men want you makes HIM feel great! You make him look good. He’s got the wife everyone wants.

He’s not going to complain about that. Though he might if you were flirting back. Then he’d have to defend your honor.

Your first worry was that he would be upset and make you quit the group. Now he’s not reacting enough… you can’t control how other people react. Or say that your husband lacks something for you because he didn’t grab his car keys and go pound a guy into the pavement.

He trusts you. It’s funny to him that other people want what he has. I bet if he actually saw you talking to one of those bar friends and planning your post-hubby life together the joke would end pretty fast though.

Don’t make this more than it is. THAT is the devil. He didn’t get you by playing with your head in one way. The other guy didn’t appear all shiny and new and interesting. So now he’s going to try to make your husband appear less than he is.

Don’t fall for it.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I remember something the running guy said, and I didn’t tell my husband this…I didn’t share every minute detail…but this comes into my mind today…when I was getting ready to leave one day after a group run, he stopped over to my car…and he started talking about whatever. And then one thing led to another, after I said no and told him I’m happy in my marriage…’‘well, if you were my wife, you wouldn’t be here.’’ I replied…’‘well, you have to have trust.’’ He said, ‘‘it’s not about trust, it’s that I wouldn’t want you as my wife around other men. Where is your husband, anyways?’’ (and he like did this face of looking all around up at the sky) I said, it’s none of your business…and he just smirked and walked off to his car. I’m not about to say…my husband is working long hours…and telling my lifestory. My husband would be in this group if he wasn’t working. Or we’d be running together.

I don’t know why that has stuck out in my mind, but I say to myself…I wouldn’t want a controlling spouse. But, at the same time, my husband seems too …no-big-deal about it. I am glad he trusts me, but I don’t know why this is sticking in my mind, today. *

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

You’re going to think yourself into another hole in the ground.

STOP!

Take a deep breath.

He’s a man and unemotional. It’s not that he doesn’t care. But it’s like his ego isn’t threatened. In fact, the idea that you are hot enough that other men want you makes HIM feel great! You make him look good. He’s got the wife everyone wants.

He’s not going to complain about that. Though he might if you were flirting back. Then he’d have to defend your honor.

Your first worry was that he would be upset and make you quit the group. Now he’s not reacting enough… you can’t control how other people react. Or say that your husband lacks something for you because he didn’t grab his car keys and go pound a guy into the pavement.

He trusts you. It’s funny to him that other people want what he has. I bet if he actually saw you talking to one of those bar friends and planning your post-hubby life together the joke would end pretty fast though.

Don’t make this more than it is. THAT is the devil. He didn’t get you by playing with your head in one way. The other guy didn’t appear all shiny and new and interesting. So now he’s going to try to make your husband appear less than he is.

Don’t fall for it.

Wow…very insightful advice. Very insightful! Especially the last part.

 

[whatevergirl]

You’re going to think yourself into another hole in the ground.

STOP!

Take a deep breath.

He’s a man and unemotional. It’s not that he doesn’t care. But it’s like his ego isn’t threatened. In fact, the idea that you are hot enough that other men want you makes HIM feel great! You make him look good. He’s got the wife everyone wants.

He’s not going to complain about that. Though he might if you were flirting back. Then he’d have to defend your honor.

Your first worry was that he would be upset and make you quit the group. Now he’s not reacting enough… you can’t control how other people react. Or say that your husband lacks something for you because he didn’t grab his car keys and go pound a guy into the pavement.

He trusts you. It’s funny to him that other people want what he has. I bet if he actually saw you talking to one of those bar friends and planning your post-hubby life together the joke would end pretty fast though.

Don’t make this more than it is. THAT is the devil. He didn’t get you by playing with your head in one way. The other guy didn’t appear all shiny and new and interesting. So now he’s going to try to make your husband appear less than he is.

Don’t fall for it.

*Okay, you are making sense, as always. I wish you were my neighbor…I could run to you every minute. Then, you’d move away. Thanks Liberano…really. This helps me A LOT. I hadn’t thought that him finding humor in it, is kind of a good thing. Thank you…I have gotten away from praying as often as I used to, and maybe this is what happens. One allows the secular world to creep in. *

 

[whatevergirl]

*One thing though Liberano…not all men are unemotional…there are some who are…my husband claims he is, but he doesn’t ‘‘waste’’ his emotions, he tells me, on stuff that won’t matter a year from now. *

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I remember something the running guy said, and I didn’t tell my husband this…I didn’t share every minute detail…but this comes into my mind today…when I was getting ready to leave, he stopped over to my car…and he started talking about whatever. And then one thing led to another, after I said no and told him I’m happy in my marriage…’‘well, if you were my wife, you wouldn’t be here.’’ I replied…’‘well, you have to have trust.’’ He said, ''it’s not about trust, it’s that I wouldn’t want you as my wife around other men. Where is your husband, anyways?’’ (and he like did this face of looking all around up at the sky) I said, it’s none of your business…and he just smirked and walked off to his car. I’m not about to say…my husband is working long hours…and telling my lifestory. My husband would be in this group if he wasn’t working. Or we’d be running together.

I don’t know why that has stuck out in my mind, but I say to myself…I wouldn’t want a controlling spouse. But, at the same time, my husband seems too …no-big-deal about it. I am glad he trusts me, but I don’t know why this is sticking in my mind, today.

Hi WG…I don’t like this guy. He reminds me of Valmont in Dangerous Liasons. He seems like the type that is very good at manipulating the situation to get what he wants.

You are not doing anything wrong by running, and your DH is not doing anything wrong by not hovering over you while you run.

But this guy is trying to play with your head. You know your DH loves you…I know it. But Mr. Hotpants running guy is trying to make you insecure. He went from plan A. “Ask out married woman…” to plan B…“make married woman insecure, then she’ll change her mind.”

He sounds like an egotistical jerk.

I really don’t like him…I bet you he wears those nylon track suits, and cologne too. (does he? )

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi WG…I don’t like this guy. He reminds me of Valmont in Dangerous Liasons. He seems like the type that is very good at manipulating the situation to get what he wants.

You are not doing anything wrong by running, and your DH is not doing anything wrong by not hovering over you while you run.

But this guy is trying to play with your head. You know your DH loves you…I know it. But Mr. Hotpants running guy is trying to make you insecure. He went from plan A. “Ask out married woman…” to plan B…“make married woman insecure, then she’ll change her mind.”

He sounds like an egotistical jerk.

I really don’t like him…I bet you he wears those nylon track suits, and cologne too. (does he? )

*Well, now that you say that…haha Kidding…no, tee shirt and shorts…nothing out of the ordinary. Nylon track suits… I needed a laugh, marygail.

I don’t really ‘‘like’’ him either, I am friendly with everyone there. He from day one, would be very…what’s the word…helpful. Telling me running tips, whatever. Then, he said we should run together sometime, without the group. Then, that led to ‘‘you’re pretty’’, etc. Still, didn’t think anything unusual. But, then he walked with me out to the parking lot, and that’s when he began his pitch. And he was very blunt…it was stunning, to me. But, before all of this weirdness, he was very charming. That would be the word I’d use. Charming and helpful. Like, run to my car to get me something when I realized I forgot something…this kind of thing. I remember on that day, a woman in the group looking at me with a smile…and then him…again, I guess I didn’t think anything of these gestures.

What saddens me isn’t this guy. It’s that I’ve allowed his words to get into my head. I say above, I’ve gotten away from as much prayer as I used to do, only so many hours in the day. I pray in the morning, and at night, but I used to make time for the Chaplet, etc. Unknowingly, it’s affected my thinking, I think. I have had men hit on me in my married life, and I didn’t give it a thought…and despite thinking this guy is just off the charts rude, his words have stuck in my mind. I guess I need to get back to staying as close as possible to Christ.

Oh man, I feel like I’ve been to confession in here with you all! *

 

[bethndanny]

WG,

You should consider reading your posts again. It seems as though you are allowing this evil in your life. You may be turning down the offers yes but you’re now comparing this man to your dh. This man would be more upset if another man hit on me than my dh is. My dh doesn’t care if other men hit on me. You’re allowing those thoughts to be entertained and that is exactly what that man wants. He wants you to think that he has something to offer you that your husband doesn’t have. But he is wrong. I DO think that your husband is bothered by this man hitting on you, but there is no sense in being angry about it. He addressed the situation in the way he thought best, the way he felt would make the man back off. He DOES care that it is happening, he does want it to end. So I am clear, I am not at all attacking you at all. I think a lot of your thoughts and feelings on this are normal. You’re making good choices turning the man down. However, that man clearly knows enough about women to plant seeds that he thinks will grow. Don’t water the seeds.

Ha! We cross posted, and it seems much of what I have said has already occurred to you. Get your prayer life back in order. I need to do so as well. In fact, this will be my motivation to do so.

 

[whatevergirl]

Beth, yes…agreed. And that’s why perhaps my anger is not at my dh (completely), but at myself. If I’m honest. I know you’re not attacking me…thank you.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Something tells me that other lady has watched him work his charm in the past. I’d hope she doesn’t think he got his way with you. I would ask her sometime “I was just being friendly with him. How do I get him off my back? He won’t leave me alone.”

The word will get back to him. This is obviously a woman who notices stuff. She may have information to share with you but won’t unless you ask.

And you could clear your image if anyone is starting to doubt and gossip about YOU.

 

[whatevergirl]

Something tells me that other lady has watched him work his charm in the past. I’d hope she doesn’t think he got his way with you. I would ask her sometime “I was just being friendly with him. How do I get him off my back? He won’t leave me alone.”

The word will get back to him. This is obviously a woman who notices stuff. She may have information to share with you but won’t unless you ask.

And you could clear your image if anyone is starting to doubt and gossip about YOU.

*That’s an excellent idea, Liberano. I think I will…I have been quiet around the group, it has been uncomfortable, even if no one makes me feel that way, I have felt that way.

So, I talked briefly with my husband; he called from work…and mentioned my feelings. He brought up the time that he had an affair with a married woman. I said, you were so young…in college…He said…’‘do you think R (our son) wouldn’t know not to sleep with a married woman right now? He would know at 17! I knew, but I did it anyway.’’ I still said, but you have confessed that sin, you need to let it go. He said…’‘it’s strange how things come back to you…now that it’s happening to MY wife…it feels a lot different. You think I don’t care? I care very much…but I am not the same man you married, I don’t want to handle things with anger.’’ We talked more, and just an aside…he recently, had an epiphany…it was around the time when the scandals were breaking out (again)…a few weeks ago. He said, ‘‘why are so many thinking of leaving the Church? This is when we should band together and stay close to the Church.’’ I bring this up, because he said tonight, ‘‘I think that God wants me to help people who have done things that I did …there isn’t a day when I wish I could take back sleeping with that married lady.’’ I was crying, it was really a surprising moment. He sounded a little choked up. He asked me to sincerely ask this guy to meet my husband for a beer, and to watch a hockey game…I said, ‘‘Honey, I do not want to hang out with this guy.’’ He said it would be just them…he said, ‘‘I can’t change what I did, but this guy won’t stop with you…maybe I can help him? He said…it’s hard to be mad at someone, when I did the same thing as him to another man’s wife.’’ I didn’t know what to say…I had no idea that that still haunted my husband? You know we can confess our sins, but there is an indelible mark that sin leaves behind…(I mean we’re talking this occured what…30+ years ago??)

I have a deep newfound respect for my husband after that chat. I mean really! I was like speechless…I said, ok. I will ask him. I said suppose he says no? He said, you can convince him…tell him I am not interested in hurting him. He laughed. I have tears in my eyes typing this…thought I would share. Not sure if this is a crazy idea, but my husband has taken a very strong leadership role in the home since the Pope has been under fire. He was even a little agitated with me that I was talking about the scandals during Holy week… He has always been strong, but silent with the faith, but he has been very verbal lately…and something must have touched him in prayer during Lent…I’m grateful for it. My husband suggested we pray for this guy…

What a past few weeks. Thank you SO MUCH for listening to me…and helping me. *

 

[Khrystyne]

Wow, thank you for sharing all of this, it’s so personal. This has really touched me. I get emotional when I see or hear of a Catholic man standing up for the faith AND his wife. It really helps me and encourages me to know that there are others who are boldly trying to change this world, one soul at a time. Your husband is truly a gem. :getholy:

Adam intercepts the serpent, protecting Eve. :knight1:

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes…thank you khrystyne. The irony is that I wasn’t going to tell him…Personally, I don’t know if I would want to help a woman who wanted to sleep with my husband. LOL Hmmm…maybe I have some growing to do. Strange how I hadn’t heard about this married woman when he was in college story for YEARS, until now. I feel bad that my husband keeps that bottled up inside…I would have listened.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You are really lucky not to be fighting the fight against evil alone.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Why am I still up? ha

Liberano, I agree…and appreciate your strong advice…and everyone else here, too. I will have to update you all …

To the thread title, I think I now know how to identify evil…it’s if you feel very uncomfortable…very scared…very off…then, that is not of God. And removing it…be open with those around you, who love you…because we’re not islands. I mean, we sometimes need to recruit the help of others…I sometimes think I need to handle my problems on my own…I forget that marriage is a partnership in all things. I still feel a little bad, though…I just have to get past that. *

 

[PilgrimSong]

Wow, just wow. I am very touched by what your husband said, and that he actually wants to help this guy, and for what he said about banding together and standing strong for the Church. You said he was not “emotional”. He’s your dh and I don’t even know either of you, but I would venture to guess he is emotional…maybe not overly so…but just does not wear them on the outside.

God can bring good out of ANY situation. You know, Romans 8:28. He can use any situation to bring us closer to Himself, and to bring two spouses closer together. Maybe this all happened for a reason…or reasons. Maybe God wants you to spend more time in prayer, and maybe you and your husband needed to talk about some things. Maybe he needs healing, still, from his past.

And Mr. Creepy Guy definitely is not creepy to the Lord. He is a wayward child, in need of conversion. He needs prayers…and who knows? Maybe you and/or your husband could be some of the ones God uses in that plan.

That guy is like everyone else…he’s searching for something. He has a yearning, a God-shaped hole in his heart but he’s trying to fill it up with all kinds of other things, which will never satisfy. He probably does not even realize what (or Who) he is looking for, or why he was created in the first place.

God bless you, Whatevergirl. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Kindness]

Whatever Girl what an icky situation. I’m sure this guy has sensed you are someone who is too “nice” to call him on his behavior. What I mean is he knows some women are socialized to feel that being a nice person is looking after the other persons feelings. I think after actively pursuing you when he knows you are married he has forfeited the right to privacy. His behavior is immoral, disrespectful and offensive. He is more powerful by being secretive and talking to you alone.

If he says another WORD to you in public (make sure there’s no opportunity for a private word) just say clearly and confidently with a smile on your face “Oh “Larry” you’re not hitting on me again are you?” and then ignore him. You are giving him way too much of your emotional energy and if you keep focussing on him he’ll be sucking up spiritual energy too. Make sure you call him out on any more of this behavior, secrecy gives evil power. Bring it out into the light,

“Meanwhile, the crowds grew until thousands were milling about and stepping on each other. Jesus turned first to His disciples and warned them, “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees–their hypocrisy. The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!
Dear friends, don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot do any more to you after that. But I’ll tell you whom to fear. Fear God, who has the power to kill you and then throw you into hell. Yes, He’s the One to fear.”
Luke 12:1-5

Don’t be so surprised that there are people out there who just do not respect the sacredness of marriage, Jesus warned us

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

After the parable of the lost sheep Jesus also tells us

“If your brother sins (against you), go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.”
Matthew 18: 15-17

In other words, there are people choosing to ignore sin and who ignore the concerns of others. You have already told him his fault “between you”. Now it’s time to take it public if he persists. You are not a terrible person for exposing him.