ted monday) and i go to confession weekly and atend the vigil mass and the mass on sundays. i spend countless hours on this site reading up on the faith, and im reading books such as, catholicism for dummies, the joy of priesthood by Fr. Stephen J. Rossetti, and im going to read the book, 101 inspriational stories of the preisthood, by sister patricia proctor, osc. ive read briefly about the Eucharstic Mircials, and its shocking.
Ive been thiking a lot about my future. so far ive had basicly a single life. no matter how much ive tryed i cant ever get a girl friend. i had one once, but it was a stupid high schol thing that lasted a month so it dosent count. however the ironic thing is, 80% of my friends are girls, and ive always gotton along better with them, and have always felt more comefortable with them. but im starting to feel like ill never get married, and no one has or wil ever love me…
the thing that got me started thinking about pristhood was midnight mass during christmas. ive had a very VERY powerful spirtual experince during mass. i mean, wouldent you when you just started comeing back to the church after 10 years, and 4 priest and 2 deacons walk up to the altar during the hym " o come all ye faithful" and kneel at the Altar at the same time? lol, that was very spirtual to me. and its left a scar on me. ive been saying to my self… “i wish i could do that” “I wish i could be as strong as him in faith” " i want to be able to help people grow spiritualy" “i want to get involved with the church but not sure how”
my heart just got so lifted up that night. and yes. from time to time its forgotton about that moment, but when i think of it now, it feels like its still there. its hard to explain…
i started praying the Rosary every night on mon-wed, and friday. im suposed to be starting meditations that my friend wanted me to do becuase she thinks it will help me grow spirutaly. my sister is getting married in a little over a year, and im really starting to wish my family would come backto he church…and…you get the idea…
ive been praying to God but i do feel kind of afraid to even try to be a priest, because im afraid of failure and i have problems with being lonlieness…but i want to be a better person… and be closer to God. our faith is all about sacrafice, what can be a better way to get to God then sacrafice one of the things you desire most in your life; to be in a relationship with someone, love.?
i obvously need spirtual direction on this, but not sure how to get it or where to go. is anyone here thats reading this already a priest? could you help me?/QUOTE
If you cannot love yourself at the moment, how are you going to love others? Think about loneliness, have you considered why? Does being closer to God make you a better person? Think about the people who died on the crosses either side of Jesus, they were very close to Jesus at the time, and so was Judas, what was different about them to others who are ‘closer’ to God?
Is being lonely a pre-requisite for being loved by Jesus? This one thing you desire most, ie to be in a relationship with someone…have you considered how much more your relationship with Jesus must be than this?
Is it a sacrifice if your desire is to be with Jesus, if not, what is the real sacrifice of priesthood? Think about the priests role and all they do during the day, how does it differ from your life at the moment? Be honest with yourself, remember a priest is not in church 24 hours of the day, they do other things. How do you react now when things impinge on your life at inconvenient times, when you are tired, tied up with something, having a bath etc? Priests often go on retreats where they spend hours alone with Christ (you can do this now or would you feel alone)
What sacrifices are you making J.O.Y. (Jesus, others, yourself) You speak of loneliness and love, who around you feels the same, do you know your neighbours ? How will being a priest change you from the person you are now into the person you perceive that you will become?
The matter of your family…pray for them, but don’t feel ashamed or guilty because they don’t match up to the expectations you may think others might have for their faith. Focus on your own personal relationship with Jesus, as this builds you will become a witness to Him and they will be drawn to Him through you.
Being a failure, being unloved, being lonely…and so forth…Why don’t you ask Jesus into your life fully and get into a relationship with Him, really get to know Him well, so that your decision to share your life with Him is an informed one and a decision made through love. If you are going to give your life to Him completely, it will be for life because He wants this for you. Knowing this, do you want to let Him down ?
God bless