How do you know if God wants you to marry?

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lovedance4ever

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Hi everyone! I’m not new to CAF, but just a little bit of background for those who don’t know me from my previous posts…

I am a 20, almost 21 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend. Everyone in my graduating class has either gotten married, engaged, or is currently dating someone; I have always been the single pringle among my peers and while I do not begrudge them of their happiness, I feel lonely and wonder when and if my my turn will ever come.

I am a very devout Catholic (or at least, I try to be), and I so want to one day marry a good Catholic man. But then there are times when I wonder if maybe that’s not God’s intent for my life? Does anyone else feel this way and/or have any advice on how to discern your vocation?

I look forward to hearing what you all have to say! God bless.

-Christa
 
Some people suggest that the desire towards a vocation is part of the calling. So if you feel a desire to marry, that’s a good sign that it may be your calling.

Do you feel any desire towards another vocation? If not, I see no need to worry too much about this, especially at your age.
 
It does not take a lot of time from the time you meet the right person until you marry, and it is not at all uncommon for people I know to have met the person they ultimately marry either after college or towards the end of college.

“…Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Matt. 6:33-34

Don’t worry about marrying soon. Concern yourself with living well and marrying well–that is, to please God. If you don’t marry young because you never had a good marriage to choose, you’ll have done well. It will leave you free to make the good marriage when the right one comes along, with no “ex” in your past.

Based on posts I have seen here, there are plenty of Catholic guys out there looking for a devout Catholic woman to marry who has, like them, never been sexually intimate with anyone else. Some of the ones I know personally are in their 30s, and they worry about whether or not anyone will want to marry them. They are out there!
 
underacloud said:
Some people suggest that the desire towards a vocation is part of the calling. So if you feel a desire to marry, that’s a good sign that it may be your calling.

Do you feel any desire towards another vocation? If not, I see no need to worry too much about this, especially at your age.
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this is 100% true
 
Honestly, I think people need to worry a bit less about what “God wants”. Not that I would suggest that we go against His will. But I do not think that it is as though one ought to worry about whether one is supposed to marry or not marry, or finding the right man that God has for you, or whatever. Simply because I think it tends more towards fear of making the “wrong” choice than actual holiness. The Lord does not make his desires of us into a guessing game!

Live rightly and focus on your own sanctification. Make friends, meet men, go on dates with those who you’re interested in and who are suitable. Pray for the graces to serve God in whatever state of life you are and whatever state you may end up in. If you meet a godly man and you two decide to marry, go for it. If that doesn’t happen, then trust that you will be given the graces you need as a single woman.
 
You are only 21 no need to rush into it. I am a 30 year old male and only now have my first serious girl friend which is 25. If you want to find someone you have to take action and well search for one. you can not seat and wait for them to come. But like I said you are still young. first live life, work and save some money and in the mean time when doing all this you might find someone.

I thought it wasn’t going to happen for me and I asked the lord more then once that if you will me to marry please put her in my life. Not in these words but similar and you know what I met a girl in an online catholic dating site and she is beautiful, calm, caring just a lovely girl to be around. Sometimes I wonder what she sees in me because I reckon she can get someone better then me.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hi everyone! I’m not new to CAF, but just a little bit of background for those who don’t know me from my previous posts…

I am a 20, almost 21 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend. Everyone in my graduating class has either gotten married, engaged, or is currently dating someone; I have always been the single pringle among my peers and while I do not begrudge them of their happiness, I feel lonely and wonder when and if my my turn will ever come.

I am a very devout Catholic (or at least, I try to be), and I so want to one day marry a good Catholic man. But then there are times when I wonder if maybe that’s not God’s intent for my life? Does anyone else feel this way and/or have any advice on how to discern your vocation?

I look forward to hearing what you all have to say! God bless.

-Christa
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God bless you for thinking about these questions and praying about God’s guidance. It sounds like your heart is in the right place!

The thing to think about is that the calling to “marriage” is not some abstract calling about YOUR individual life (and even you and your relationship with God). You can’t go to adoration, pray for 8 hours, and determine that “Yep, you are called to marriage.”

The calling to marriage is a vocation from with a particular person. It’s impossible to know you are called “to marriage” in general, until you (and your fiance) have discerned that you are called to marry each other. It’s a two (three) way street.

I say this because sometimes people will pray and reflect and have some lofty notion about being called “to marriage” in the abstract. But, marriage is a (wonderful, if you ask me!) day to day journey with another person willing to walk with you to grow in holiness (and happiness) with the Lord.

Too many people have this starry eyed abstract view of marriage in general and think they have a “vocation to marriage”, and then end up married to the first guy or girl that shows interest in them and they have any sort of connection with. Then, three years into marriage they look around and think, “What have I got myself into? This isn’t what I signed up for.”

While it is certainly important to pray and discern whether you feel OPEN to pursue the vocation marriage, you will never know for sure if you are called to marriage until you are at the altar saying your vows with another person. At that point, you and the other person will have decided it’s your vocation to be married to each other.

If you have prayed and discerned that you are open to the vocation of marriage, by all means get to know godly Catholic men, go on dates, pray for guidance. But, because marriage is a two-way commitment, you won’t know you are called to marriage with that other person until you both express your vows to each other.

God bless you in your journey! 🙂
 
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