How do you know if you have truly forgiven?

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dee_burk

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So, a little information. I went to confession today (yah) and after i had confessed my list, our priest thought for a moment and asked if I was having any problems with forgiving. I told him i didnt think so and he said i would be the one to know.
Now, the strangeness of this is that this priest is one of those with a gift in the confessional, he has stated it and has left me speechless and in awe more than once with his ability to point out something almost like he is reading your mind.
After confession and during Mass, i keep rolling that question over in my mind, “Have I truly forgiven someone or not” Like i said he is gifted at this stuff. So i didnt take communion and now i am wondering…How do you know for sure if you have forgiven?
 
dee_burk said:
So, a little information. I went to confession today (yah) and after i had confessed my list, our priest thought for a moment and asked if I was having any problems with forgiving. I told him i didnt think so and he said i would be the one to know.
Now, the strangeness of this is that this priest is one of those with a gift in the confessional, he has stated it and has left me speechless and in awe more than once with his ability to point out something almost like he is reading your mind.
After confession and during Mass, i keep rolling that question over in my mind, “Have I truly forgiven someone or not” Like i said he is gifted at this stuff. So i didnt take communion and now i am wondering…How do you know for sure if you have forgiven?
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You may not ever forgive 100% because some of the pain that someone causes you may get buried deep within the unconscious. However, I feel I have forgiven when I earnestly pray for my perpetrators and think genuine loving thoughts towards them and everybody.
 
There is forgiveness, and then there is reconciliation. People sometimes confuse or conflate the two.
For all practical intents and purposes, anything can be forgiven, but not everything can be reconciled.
 
I think my approach is similar to Robert’s. Can I want what’s best for that person? Can I pray God will bless them in every way?
 
Lucy107 said:
There is forgiveness, and then there is reconciliation. People sometimes confuse or conflate the two.
For all practical intents and purposes, anything can be forgiven, but not everything can be reconciled.
Click to expand...
Well said. Sin has consequences but our God is ever forgiving to those who repent.
Mary.
 
Robert_Sock said:
You may not ever forgive 100% because some of the pain that someone causes you may get buried deep within the unconscious. However, I feel I have forgiven when I earnestly pray for my perpetrators and think genuine loving thoughts towards them and everybody.
Click to expand...
SuscipeMeDomine said:
I think my approach is similar to Robert’s. Can I want what’s best for that person? Can I pray God will bless them in every way?
Click to expand...
I third Roberts comments.

I will add one thought of my own…Assuming that Father gave you absolution, you should perhaps gone ahead and received communion. The graces imparted therein might help you to more clearly see the answer to your question.

Peace
James
 
dee_burk said:
So, a little information. I went to confession today (yah) and after i had confessed my list, our priest thought for a moment and asked if I was having any problems with forgiving. I told him i didnt think so and he said i would be the one to know.
Now, the strangeness of this is that this priest is one of those with a gift in the confessional, he has stated it and has left me speechless and in awe more than once with his ability to point out something almost like he is reading your mind.
After confession and during Mass, i keep rolling that question over in my mind, “Have I truly forgiven someone or not” Like i said he is gifted at this stuff. So i didnt take communion and now i am wondering…How do you know for sure if you have forgiven?
Click to expand...
Regarding forgiveness, the first thing to understand is that, most of the time (probably about 80-90% of the time), if someone has hurt you, it’s not what the person said or did that was the problem - it’s your interpretation of what he/she said or did. Other times (about 9.9-19.9% of the time), the other person was stressed, angry, tired, or otherwise compromised by his/her emotions - and though he/she meant what he/she said at the time, it was mainly the emotions talking. Very rarely are we, as people, asked to forgive a truly major offense (such as adultery, outright theft, violence, etc.). There’s a reason why Jesus insisted on continuing forgiveness of wrongs - most things that we are asked to forgive are very, very small - and either not really sins at all (misunderstandings, though they cause hurt, are not sins unless we refuse to try to fix them) or venial sins (when someone’s emotions compromise his/her words & actions, his/her will is compromised).
 
Robert Sock, you have hit the nail on the head. This is where i am on most stuff. But our brains never forget. I may have a problem distinguishing forgiveness and forgetting.

PowerofK, yes, i really only question those things that hurt me emotionally and its like in a drawer in my mind where every once in a while i open it to see what i put in there and then i try to close it again really fast. I am concerned avoidance may not be forgiving enough. There are only 2 people in my life i have this issue with, hubby and mom. Both very close to me.

JRKH, i thought about it since i was absolved but wasnt sure if i was lying to myself. And i thought what if Jesus was trying to tell me something, this priest is really gifted. When people say in confession your are confessing directly to Jesus…i believe it with Fr. N. he really makes you look real close at yourself.

I do plan on trying to make an appt with this priest again and discuss this with him. but it really got to bothering my thought process today. I also went to the pew thinking why couldn’t if have been Fr. C in there, because he doesn’t get into my head as much.

Thanks
 
Lucy107 said:
There is forgiveness, and then there is reconciliation. People sometimes confuse or conflate the two.
For all practical intents and purposes, anything can be forgiven, but not everything can be reconciled.
Click to expand...
Stated succinctly. Does anyone in the church, modern or patristics, explain this distinction in more detail ?
 
MaryT777 said:
Lucy107;12734282:
There is forgiveness, and then there is reconciliation. People sometimes confuse or conflate the two.
For all practical intents and purposes, anything can be forgiven, but not everything can be reconciled.
Click to expand...
Well said. Sin has consequences but our God is ever forgiving to those who repent.
Mary.
Click to expand...
Very well stated indeed.

And I finally figured the quote within a quote thing…
 
Pray for the person. Ask God to bless that person. Each day, pray for that person. You cannot resent or hate someone for whom you are praying God to bless.

You do this and you will be right with God.🙂
 
powerofk said:
Regarding forgiveness, the first thing to understand is that, most of the time (probably about 80-90% of the time), if someone has hurt you, it’s not what the person said or did that was the problem - it’s your interpretation of what he/she said or did. Other times (about 9.9-19.9% of the time), the other person was stressed, angry, tired, or otherwise compromised by his/her emotions - and though he/she meant what he/she said at the time, it was mainly the emotions talking. Very rarely are we, as people, asked to forgive a truly major offense (such as adultery, outright theft, violence, etc.). There’s a reason why Jesus insisted on continuing forgiveness of wrongs - most things that we are asked to forgive are very, very small - and either not really sins at all (misunderstandings, though they cause hurt, are not sins unless we refuse to try to fix them) or venial sins (when someone’s emotions compromise his/her words & actions, his/her will is compromised).
Click to expand...
That is interesting. Honestly with the whole forgiveness thing everything takes time though. I understand you should forgive immediately maybe you need distance to truly move on. I do not know, that is my guess.
 
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