How do you know what's enough spiritually?

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I know we’re called to do more than the bare minimum spiritually - more than just “I go to Mass once a week and confession sometimes”. At the same time, I grew up with the mentality that we were never doing enough for God. God was so good to you, no matter what you were doing you should be doing more! Decide to read a novel? You could have spent that time reading the Bible instead! And you should be growing in spirituality, so every year you should be spending more time on spiritual activities, otherwise you aren’t growing in your faith.

I’m trying to figure out what a healthy balance is. We of course all have various responsibilities, jobs, family obligations, and so forth. There’s things that aren’t responsibilities but are still good. Leisure is good. Things like dating are good even if not required. One could work a job that serves and helps people in need, but a lot of jobs aren’t like that and it doesn’t seem like it’s inherently immoral to take one of those.

So how do you find what is a healthy balance? I’ve always heard to pray about it but too many times when I pray I feel like I’m listening to my own subconscious or the social expectations around me.

Oh and what doesn’t help is that if I do decide to do something, I’ll inevitably forget. And then I’ll feel horribly guilty because I forgot, and maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, and all that.
 
It’s OK to have hobbies, in my opinion. Some days you just want to turn on a hockey game [on TV] and just pass out on the couch. One of the things I do for fun is to go to the Prayer Intentions forum to pray for people. I enjoy banging on Heaven’s door like a battering ram. While it is true that Christianity is a way of life, you don’t have to go to excesses like a monk in a monastery. There’s no harm in playing golf with your buddies once in a while.
 
You should not worry. If you start praying everyday you will benefit spiritually as long as you really want to.
 
You should not worry. If you start praying everyday you will benefit spiritually as long as you really want to.
 
My spiritual director tells me to read 3 minutes of the New Testament and 12 minutes of a spiritual classic each day. He says that because it’s so deep, we can only concentrate on so much. He was the one who got me into classic literature, saying that in order to be supernatural, we must be very human. The Catechism says, “We must remember God more often than we draw breath,” not, “we must think only of God and never anything else.”

Partly because of saints’ writings intended for monks and nuns, and partly out of a desire to escape my past as an atheist, I thought for a long time that we were supposed to be “Stoics for Jesus.” So many of those writings teach that any affection for anyone or anything other than God is sinful, on the grounds that such affection is, as it were, stealing from God what is rightfully His–the logical conclusion is that if you love your family more than your neighbor, you’re only pretending to love God. Also, they teach how selfish it is to react emotionally to suffering–if you’re even a little bit sad because a family member dies or angry at a person who just ruined your life, then you’re not loving God or neighbor enough. These together logically lead to the conclusion that in order to love God, we must put ourselves through some kind of Catholic version of Kolinahr (the spiritual discipline by which Star Trek’s Vulcans purge all emotion), leaving only love of God.

The worst part is that such a position seems to be supported by Scripture. “Besides Thee what do I desire upon earth?” “I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but as dung, that I may gain Christ.” “Mind the things that are above, not the things that are upon the earth.” “Whosoever will be a friend of the world maketh himself an enemy of God.” “If any man love the world, the charity of the Father is not in him.” These verses and similar ones lend themselves to a Stoic interpretation if you ignore the fact that Jesus wept.

In reality, this kind of “Catholic Stoicism” assumes that we are able to love God with all our hearts on our own. God uses people and things on earth to help us love Him. Because we’re sinners, sometimes we need God’s ways to come into our hearts in a Trojan horse (I think this is why my spiritual director recommended that I read literature, philosophy, history, etc.). Sometimes I’ve been able to imitate a virtue from a literary character that I couldn’t imitate from a saint.
 
DarkLight said:
I know we’re called to do more than the bare minimum spiritually - more than just “I go to Mass once a week and confession sometimes”. At the same time, I grew up with the mentality that we were never doing enough for God. God was so good to you, no matter what you were doing you should be doing more! Decide to read a novel? You could have spent that time reading the Bible instead! And you should be growing in spirituality, so every year you should be spending more time on spiritual activities, otherwise you aren’t growing in your faith.

I’m trying to figure out what a healthy balance is. We of course all have various responsibilities, jobs, family obligations, and so forth. There’s things that aren’t responsibilities but are still good. Leisure is good. Things like dating are good even if not required. One could work a job that serves and helps people in need, but a lot of jobs aren’t like that and it doesn’t seem like it’s inherently immoral to take one of those.

So how do you find what is a healthy balance? I’ve always heard to pray about it but too many times when I pray I feel like I’m listening to my own subconscious or the social expectations around me.

Oh and what doesn’t help is that if I do decide to do something, I’ll inevitably forget. And then I’ll feel horribly guilty because I forgot, and maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, and all that.
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I will give you the advice that I received from a priest and catholic speakers that I have heard:

You need a rosary, a bible, and some kind of study aid (like a book or devotional.) Set up place that is dedicated to prayer time. You should discipline your self, because if you don’t make the time it won’t happen. Shoot for about 30 minutes.

Are you married and/or have kids?
 
robertmidwest said:
I will give you the advice that I received from a priest and catholic speakers that I have heard:

You need a rosary, a bible, and some kind of study aid (like a book or devotional.) Set up place that is dedicated to prayer time. You should discipline your self, because if you don’t make the time it won’t happen. Shoot for about 30 minutes.

Are you married and/or have kids?
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Unmarried, no kids. Live with 2 depressed parents, which has its own interesting set of family obligations sometimes. (Also don’t have any space to set up, sadly.)
 
DarkLight said:
Unmarried, no kids. Live with 2 depressed parents, which has its own interesting set of family obligations sometimes. (Also don’t have any space to set up, sadly.)
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No, for the space I just mean a quiet area you can go to. I have been using my back deck in the mornings.

You don’t need an atlar or chapel or anything. Just an area you can retreat to for a little time.
 
robertmidwest said:
No, for the space I just mean a quiet area you can go to. I have been using my back deck in the mornings.

You don’t need an atlar or chapel or anything. Just an area you can retreat to for a little time.
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To be fair, that can be a little hard to come by too.

More seriously…I grew up with “you have to have 30min of Bible Study a day, in the morning before you do anything else.” And I remember it being another chore. Now, part of that was probably the insistence on doing it in the morning (I have learned over the years that this is a terrible idea for me). But I remember it being mostly a thing I did because it was what you were supposed to do even though it was annoying.

Now I know that’s not even anything remotely resembling a coherent argument. But I’m hoping it’s helping to illustrate the balance I’m trying to strike.
 
I have a nightstand beside my bed where I keep a rosary, a Bible, and a pile of books. I try to read a few minutes of the Bible every night before bed, and then another book – maybe a spiritual one, maybe a novel. I guess it’s my quiet space.
I try to say a rosary every day but sometimes I forget. It helps if I say the first decade before I get out of bed each morning.

When we have finished our duties and responsibilities, whether it’s work, school, housework, or whatever, we have some free time. Then the question is, what do we do with it? If I feel the need of relaxation, I might watch a show or read a novel. I might do something creative. I think I should do more spiritually speaking, as you say, but don’t want it to become a chore.

I find it helps to think about people who need prayer, such as babies scheduled for abortion, or those who don’t know they will die today, and pray for them.

God bless.

.

.
 
DarkLight said:
I know we’re called to do more than the bare minimum spiritually - more than just “I go to Mass once a week and confession sometimes”. At the same time, I grew up with the mentality that we were never doing enough for God. God was so good to you, no matter what you were doing you should be doing more! Decide to read a novel? You could have spent that time reading the Bible instead! And you should be growing in spirituality, so every year you should be spending more time on spiritual activities, otherwise you aren’t growing in your faith.

I’m trying to figure out what a healthy balance is. We of course all have various responsibilities, jobs, family obligations, and so forth. There’s things that aren’t responsibilities but are still good. Leisure is good. Things like dating are good even if not required. One could work a job that serves and helps people in need, but a lot of jobs aren’t like that and it doesn’t seem like it’s inherently immoral to take one of those.

So how do you find what is a healthy balance? I’ve always heard to pray about it but too many times when I pray I feel like I’m listening to my own subconscious or the social expectations around me.

Oh and what doesn’t help is that if I do decide to do something, I’ll inevitably forget. And then I’ll feel horribly guilty because I forgot, and maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough, and all that.
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I think what might help you and what helps me is to spiritualize, supernaturalize, or turn into a form of prayer everything we do that forms a part of our daily life. Yes, we should try and find some quiet time each day to spend in prayer before God such as praying the rosary which could be prayed on the way to work each day, or reading scripture, daily mass, or spending some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. But daily living and doing the will of God at all times as perfectly as possible usually involves other responsibilities or duties such as work or job, or family responsibilities, or things such as doing laundry, preparing meals, cleaning the dishes, cleaning house or yard work. What does not involve sin, we can offer to God as a meritorious good work and growth in holiness and sanctity. By offering to God everything we do for love of Him and our neighbor, we turn our whole life into a continual prayer and praise of Him as St Paul says ‘So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God’ (1 Cor. 10:31).
 
The problem lies in seeing our spiritual or interior life as something separate and distinct from the rest of our lives. It’s a matter of perception. When we weave presence of God and prayer and praise into everything we do, that distinction vanishes. Look into the spirituality of St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei. It’s all about incorporating the spiritual life into every action. This brings joy. We’re not “measuring out” how much we give to God in order to retain the rest for ourselves.
 
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