How do you know when you are "done" having kids?

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Cathmomof6

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Ok I know we have some time to decide this, and this is completely our decision, but I need a sanity check!! I am expecting baby #7 in march. This will be a boy so our spread is now BGGBGBB!! Our first back to back boys so I am excited to watch their relationship!! I will be 37 in January and my husband will be 39 in march!!! We are getting old for this according to society. We are both generally healthy but since my last pregnancy I have developed hip arthritis that will require total hip replacement at some point!! I was once a runner so this is a cross for sure. I am almost halfway through this pregnancy, and it hasn’t seemed to have gotten any worse(maybe even a little better most days). Although I have had a couple evenings where I had to sit on a heating pad because I would get sharp pain with weight bearing!!

Anyways, I am able to stay at home with my kids. My husband is a partner at a CPA firm and supports us well! We seriously make the cutest kids in the world:D. They are all very strong willed, which can make me crazy now, but someday will be to their advantage i hope!! I have sooo much love for all of them!!! I hate to think that this may be the last baby!!! I don’t know why I feel this way!! I know by society’s standards we should have been done several kids ago and now with my hip arthritis, we probably have a “serious” reason to avoid! My husband is very wishy-washy. We may say we want to avoid, but when it comes down to it, we also don’t like to abstain when the opportunity arises:shrug: I know he feels the financial pressure with a large family, but I shoulder most of the household work.

So am I completely insane? Is this just me grieving the end of my childbearing years or is society making me feel like we should be done when we really don’t want to be?
 
I’m also 37 and feel like I’m done. I feel *really *tired and can’t imagine another pregnancy and taking care of a baby. My kids are 3 and 2 and I am so excited about stuff we can do together now that they are older, and really look forward to see them grow and develop. Maybe I’m just better with older children than with babies. Perhaps this is the reason I feel like I’m done - ready to leave babies behind and take care of growing children. It really feels like I’ve entered a new phase of motherhood and have no desire to go back, so to speak.
 
I have no idea but I’m in my 30s and haven’t even started. The post before mine gives me hope, because I want a large family, but fear I’ve waited too long. We just started trying this is our 3rd month. If I can have children up until I’m 45 I will be so grateful. I hope I am blessed with at least 4 but whatever God decides will be best : )
 
Cathmomof6 said:
Ok I know we have some time to decide this, and this is completely our decision, but I need a sanity check!! I am expecting baby #7 in march. This will be a boy so our spread is now BGGBGBB!! Our first back to back boys so I am excited to watch their relationship!! I will be 37 in January and my husband will be 39 in march!!! We are getting old for this according to society. We are both generally healthy but since my last pregnancy I have developed hip arthritis that will require total hip replacement at some point!! I was once a runner so this is a cross for sure. I am almost halfway through this pregnancy, and it hasn’t seemed to have gotten any worse(maybe even a little better most days). Although I have had a couple evenings where I had to sit on a heating pad because I would get sharp pain with weight bearing!!

Anyways, I am able to stay at home with my kids. My husband is a partner at a CPA firm and supports us well! We seriously make the cutest kids in the world:D. They are all very strong willed, which can make me crazy now, but someday will be to their advantage i hope!! I have sooo much love for all of them!!! I hate to think that this may be the last baby!!! I don’t know why I feel this way!! I know by society’s standards we should have been done several kids ago and now with my hip arthritis, we probably have a “serious” reason to avoid! My husband is very wishy-washy. We may say we want to avoid, but when it comes down to it, we also don’t like to abstain when the opportunity arises:shrug: I know he feels the financial pressure with a large family, but I shoulder most of the household work.

So am I completely insane? Is this just me grieving the end of my childbearing years or is society making me feel like we should be done when we really don’t want to be?
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The thought of having another child makes me want to hurl. 😃 Don’t worry about society and a mom should do what is right for her.
 
Agreed, no need to worry. God will decide what is right for you : )
 
First of all congratulations.

“Done” is not a number. When you and your husband decide that there is a good reason to postpone another child, you can do so. At some point, “postpone” may become indefinite. It doesn’t have to be more complex or troubling than that.
 
So am I completely insane? Is this just me grieving the end of my childbearing years or is society making me feel like we should be done when we really don’t want to be?
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Definitely society making you feel like you ought to be done when you don’t really want to be.

I had my youngest when I was 44, and would have continued except that God said No (early menopause). Ironically, I had a friend who could have had more until her 50s but didn’t want to 😦

If you and your husband think that having more is right for your family, don’t let society stop you! This is all because doctors see that there is a somewhat higher risk of having problems at later ages, or maybe just the general anti-population thing.

Congratulations!!! How blessed you are to have such a wonderful family and husband!
 
I’m 38, My wife 30. We have 4 and I hope we have many more blessings to come!
 
Congratulations on your new pregnancy. Well, I think the decision should be made by you and your husband. Don’t worry too much what society thinks.
 
Cathmomof6 said:
Ok I know we have some time to decide this, and this is completely our decision, but I need a sanity check!! I am expecting baby #7 in march. This will be a boy so our spread is now BGGBGBB!! Our first back to back boys so I am excited to watch their relationship!! I will be 37 in January and my husband will be 39 in march!!! We are getting old for this according to society. We are both generally healthy but since my last pregnancy I have developed hip arthritis that will require total hip replacement at some point!! I was once a runner so this is a cross for sure. I am almost halfway through this pregnancy, and it hasn’t seemed to have gotten any worse(maybe even a little better most days). Although I have had a couple evenings where I had to sit on a heating pad because I would get sharp pain with weight bearing!!

Anyways, I am able to stay at home with my kids. My husband is a partner at a CPA firm and supports us well! We seriously make the cutest kids in the world:D. They are all very strong willed, which can make me crazy now, but someday will be to their advantage i hope!! I have sooo much love for all of them!!! I hate to think that this may be the last baby!!! I don’t know why I feel this way!! I know by society’s standards we should have been done several kids ago and now with my hip arthritis, we probably have a “serious” reason to avoid! My husband is very wishy-washy. We may say we want to avoid, but when it comes down to it, we also don’t like to abstain when the opportunity arises:shrug: I know he feels the financial pressure with a large family, but I shoulder most of the household work.

So am I completely insane? Is this just me grieving the end of my childbearing years or is society making me feel like we should be done when we really don’t want to be?
Click to expand...
Sanity check–
Congratulations!!!

You are not* completely* insane. Not completely. 😉

Wishy-washy is hardly the word I’d use to describe a man who fathers seven children and provides for his large family, especially not in this culture. Your husband is a strong man. You’re pretty amazing too.

You and your husband may make some the cutest kids in the world, but my husband and I make the cutest. 😃

Don’t prematurely grieve what you have not yet lost. You are expecting a child. You are “only” in your late thirties. A woman’s fertility may decline at that point, but most women won’t go through menopause until a decade or so from your age.

Enjoy this pregnancy as if it were your last. It may be. Or it may not be. Embrace your baby as if it were your last–that perspective can help us to appreciate our babies even more. Several of my very adorable children I thought might be my last.

Menopause or a hysterectomy is a pretty good sign that a woman is “done” having children. Up until that point, people are only guessing. Even after menopause, we’re only assuming God won’t do something He’s been known to do in the past.
 
My 9th was born when I was 36. I never thought in terms of ‘done’ or ‘wanting more.’ I’ve thought in terms of following Catholic teaching, and I’ve been very grateful with God’s will in my life.

Due to divorce (lies, infidelity, and more), I am done, but had there been a stable marriage, I might likely have a few more.
 
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