How do you let your husband know it's ok to have marital relations?

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NurseyJ

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Fellow NFP practicing wives (who are currently postponing pregnancy), how do you let your husband know that it’s phase three (past ovulation) and therefore “ok” to have intercourse?

Do you just tell him? Does he ask? Do you put something on the calendar? How do communicate about this and who usually initiates the marital embrace?

Not sure why…but this is an awkward area in my marriage. I do my own charting on a phone app and he doesn’t know unless I announce it. Sometimes it feels weird announcing “open season.” 😊
 
I think that it’s much more personal to tell your husband rather than to read the chart.
The relationship between you both is an intimate matter, and a chart more impersonal.
If your husband wished to follow the chart he would possibly do so.
To do so could diminish the pleasant ‘surprise’!
He therefore perhaps prefers that you sweetly tell him!
God bless you both
 
A friend of mine buys some cut flowers from her local florist each month. They don’t have to be costly; they might be whatever is on sale, varying from season to season. Anyway, it’s not the type of flowers that counts, it’s what she does with them. She places them here and there in small arrangements of three or four blossoms in little vases… and anyone who is a guest to her home will see only flowers and how pretty they look… but her husband understands, and sees something more meaningful and beautiful.

If they happen to be away from home - on vacation, perhaps - she instead wears a specific piece of jewelry, a garnet ring, on her right hand. It is not a piece she wears at any other time. When he sees that ring, he knows, and no words need be said.

Best wishes.
 
When we charted, we did it on paper charts that my husband also looked at regularly. He made sure I took my temps each morning so I didn’t have to get up and fumble around for the thermometer. It was never a mystery to him.

I think the idea of flowers is very sweet, but talking about where you are in your cycle more regularly would be a very good idea.
 
Men are very clued up on this sort of thing, just put your arms around him , he will get the idea.
 
Increased communication between the spouses is supposed to be one of the practical benefits of NFP, so talking more with your husband throughout the cycle would seem to be the ideal route. If, though, he prefers a sense of pleasant surprise as one poster suggested, the “private signal” idea sounds cool.

Usagi
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
Men are very clued up on this sort of thing, just put your arms around him , he will get the idea.
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👍 Any way you would tell him you were “in the mood.”

I do in general think that it’s good for men to be able to read and interpret the charts themselves so women don’t have to feel like the gatekeeper all of the time - partly because much of the time (though not all in the time and not in all situations) men tend to be the initiators. If this is about letting him know when it’s OK to initiate, I think he should know how to read the calendar, or maybe even do the charting for you.

If either of you want to initiate, you could just “check the chart,” and know whether to proceed or not. No elaborate ritual or language required (though sometimes that can be fun. ;))
 
We don’t practice NFP (or anything else). When my wife is “ready,” she just hops in bed naked.🙂
 
WiccanWoman said:
A friend of mine buys some cut flowers from her local florist each month. They don’t have to be costly; they might be whatever is on sale, varying from season to season. Anyway, it’s not the type of flowers that counts, it’s what she does with them. She places them here and there in small arrangements of three or four blossoms in little vases… and anyone who is a guest to her home will see only flowers and how pretty they look… but her husband understands, and sees something more meaningful and beautiful.

If they happen to be away from home - on vacation, perhaps - she instead wears a specific piece of jewelry, a garnet ring, on her right hand. It is not a piece she wears at any other time. When he sees that ring, he knows, and no words need be said.

Best wishes.
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I like this idea. It seems so romantic yet simple.
 
My instructot suggested that my husband put the stickers on the chart. Therefore, he knows the situation and I don’t become the sex boss in our marriage.
 
NurseyJ said:
. I do my own charting on a phone app and he doesn’t unless I announce it.
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I have never been married so take this where it comes from. I can’t help but think it would be great to have a husband help me with the charting. It is another of sharing something intimate with only him. I probably would be the type to tell my husband every day what I wrote on the chart, I can’t see keeping it to myself

Also, I can’t help but think most men would want to see their wife’s chart because they are looking forward to ‘open season’😉
 
My husband does all the charting for me. We do BBT method and as a back up we do Billings Ovulation Method. I just take temperature with Ladycomp and he records it on Ovoview app, and tell him the consistency of the mucus for the other method. You can see him there so into it recording the symptoms, analyzing the chart, statistics and making conclusions. Haha so cute. He is the one that says “no, today we can’t, be good.” Lol

I say you should make your husband part of it too. If you want, buy a calander and mark red for no and green for infertile and put it on the fridge. He will know!

Blessings,
Elizabeth
 
Why is subtlty needed? Isn’t he participating with you, presumably with you talking about your fertility daily?

I’d just be on him like white on rice. No need to wait for an invitation.
 
WiccanWoman said:
A friend of mine buys some cut flowers from her local florist each month. They don’t have to be costly; they might be whatever is on sale, varying from season to season. Anyway, it’s not the type of flowers that counts, it’s what she does with them. She places them here and there in small arrangements of three or four blossoms in little vases… and anyone who is a guest to her home will see only flowers and how pretty they look… but her husband understands, and sees something more meaningful and beautiful…
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…with Sugar Magnolia playing…“she’s got everything delightful, she’s got everything I need…takes the wheel when I’m seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed…she’s my summer love in spring fall and winter…she can make happy any man alive”
 
WiccanWoman said:
A friend of mine buys some cut flowers from her local florist each month. They don’t have to be costly; they might be whatever is on sale, varying from season to season. Anyway, it’s not the type of flowers that counts, it’s what she does with them. She places them here and there in small arrangements of three or four blossoms in little vases… and anyone who is a guest to her home will see only flowers and how pretty they look… but her husband understands, and sees something more meaningful and beautiful.

If they happen to be away from home - on vacation, perhaps - she instead wears a specific piece of jewelry, a garnet ring, on her right hand. It is not a piece she wears at any other time. When he sees that ring, he knows, and no words need be said.

Best wishes.
Click to expand...
This is a beautiful, lovely way to expression for a special time. Love this idea.
 
My husband seems to just know. Some months before me. 😃

Early on in our marriage he would ask. But once we got the hang of it, he just seemed to know.
 
When we practiced NFP, I just told him. 🤷 He didn’t help with my chart or anything like that. It’s not like it takes that long, I’d rather do it myself anyway, and neither of us felt it would make much difference if he was any more involved. Different strategies work for different people.

I never felt like the “gate keeper”, probably because we were on the same page about avoiding pregnancy. I think when you really do have serious reasons, and both husband and wife are in agreement about it, there isn’t that feeling because it’s a decision both of you made. I think that if it’s awkward or if the wife feels like a gatekeeper, that’s indicative of other relationship problems.

I’d say that in the case where this is really an issue, probably the husband being more involved in charting would be a good idea.
 
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