How do you make a girl realize that you're not interested in her (without hurting her)?

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I really don’t have a clue about this. Often, girls have got attracted to me and I’ve sensed that. I mean, you just know she likes you by the way she looks at you or behaves when you’re around. But I’m not interested in getting hooked up at this age, so I try to avoid encounters with these girls.

Once I did a very stupid thing. I noticed that a girl was attracted to me, so I thought, “Well, let me just break the tension. I’ll make friendship with her, and slowly, she’ll know that I’m not interested.” So I made friendship with her (she was stunned 😃 ) and I thought, “Well, now I’ll slowly let her know I’m not interested.” But it had a reverse effect on her! :eek: She thought that since I approached her for friendship, I was also interested in her! It really took me a while to get myself out of the mess, but in the end, I felt as though I hurt her feelings.

Please give me some guidance as to how I can tackle such situations in the future. My main problem is that I find it difficult to handle such “tension”.
 
I really don’t have a clue about this. Often, girls have got attracted to me and I’ve sensed that. I mean, you just know she likes you by the way she looks at you or behaves when you’re around. But I’m not interested in getting hooked up at this age, so I try to avoid encounters with these girls.

Once I did a very stupid thing. I noticed that a girl was attracted to me, so I thought, “Well, let me just break the tension. I’ll make friendship with her, and slowly, she’ll know that I’m not interested.” So I made friendship with her (she was stunned 😃 ) and I thought, “Well, now I’ll slowly let her know I’m not interested.” But it had a reverse effect on her! :eek: She thought that since I approached her for friendship, I was also interested in her! It really took me a while to get myself out of the mess, but in the end, I felt as though I hurt her feelings.

Please give me some guidance as to how I can tackle such situations in the future. My main problem is that I find it difficult to handle such “tension”.
 
iaskquestions said:
I really don’t have a clue about this. Often, girls have got attracted to me and I’ve sensed that. I mean, you just know she likes you by the way she looks at you or behaves when you’re around. But I’m not interested in getting hooked up at this age, so I try to avoid encounters with these girls.

Once I did a very stupid thing. I noticed that a girl was attracted to me, so I thought, “Well, let me just break the tension. I’ll make friendship with her, and slowly, she’ll know that I’m not interested.” So I made friendship with her (she was stunned 😃 ) and I thought, “Well, now I’ll slowly let her know I’m not interested.” But it had a reverse effect on her! :eek: She thought that since I approached her for friendship, I was also interested in her! It really took me a while to get myself out of the mess, but in the end, I felt as though I hurt her feelings.

Please give me some guidance as to how I can tackle such situations in the future. My main problem is that I find it difficult to handle such “tension”.
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I’d explain your true feelings to these girls and that will both clear things up for them as well as allow you to let go of this awkward feeling. If you don’t have the intent to be more than friends, don’t put yourself in situations with these girls that would lead to perceivable notions that there could be more. Don’t act more friendly than is necessary to the situation and treat all of these girls you’re around the same, so that one or some don’t feel they hold your favor and begin attaching sentimental value to your interactions with them.

I don’t think you did anything wrong, really. You could be accused of leading her on or toying with her, but if that was the case, you could have done a better job and really hurt her feelings. This was most likely just a misunderstanding and you need to accept that. As long as you know she knows it was a misunderstanding then there’s no reason to feel bad about this.

Girls often like to see things in us young guys that might not be there. Some may be lonely and some may be plain desperate or attention starved and so see any interaction as a signal. It works the same with guys do.

I think what you need to do is realize you’re not a player and you’re not out to try and hurt anyone’s feelings. When you are confronted with a situation like this again, it’s important to tell them how you feel right away, before they get attached. Sometimes it’s hard or impossible to tell how attached they already are, so often times you either jump in too early or too late. The important thing is when it does come to that climax that you let her know how you feel in such a way that will be the least embarrassing to her and will allow her to keep her dignity.
 
Well, probably honesty is the best policy here. Explain that you think she’s nice, you’re flattered, and you would like to be friends, but that you are not interested in dating at all right now. And then stick to your word- don’t start dating someone else. I had a male friend in high school and I was very interested in him. We went to a school dance together and held hands a few times, and then he broke off everything because he wasn’t comfortable with how things had progressed. Two months later, he was full-on dating another girl in our school. :rolleyes: I can roll my eyes now, but at the time I was heart-broken.
 
iaskquestions said:
I really don’t have a clue about this. Often, girls have got attracted to me and I’ve sensed that. I mean, you just know she likes you by the way she looks at you or behaves when you’re around. But I’m not interested in getting hooked up at this age, so I try to avoid encounters with these girls.

Once I did a very stupid thing. I noticed that a girl was attracted to me, so I thought, “Well, let me just break the tension. I’ll make friendship with her, and slowly, she’ll know that I’m not interested.” So I made friendship with her (she was stunned 😃 ) and I thought, “Well, now I’ll slowly let her know I’m not interested.” But it had a reverse effect on her! :eek: She thought that since I approached her for friendship, I was also interested in her! It really took me a while to get myself out of the mess, but in the end, I felt as though I hurt her feelings.

Please give me some guidance as to how I can tackle such situations in the future. My main problem is that I find it difficult to handle such “tension”.
Click to expand...
And you’ve never had a girl do the same to you? If not, OK, but think for a minute about how you’d feel if a girl “led you on” only to tell you that she wasn’t interested in you at all.

So…it didn’t have the “reverse effect” on her…it had the expected effect. 😉

Just be nice, be friendly, and avoid giving the message that you’re interested in anything beyond that. Some will get the message, some will not.

That’s life. 🤷
 
Sometimes, you just have to tell them outright if you want them to really know you’re not interested. Of course…um…might I add that perhaps you’re being somewhat presumptuous that some girls may like you unless they tell you in plain terms as well?
 
Being honest doesn’t preclude being kind. You can explain that you like someone but don’t love him without being impolite or harsh and you can also do it in a kind way if you try. There’s no need for frantic reactions or drama and at the same time there’s no need to delay the conversation so much. Just talk to her kindly… I don’t know, if your best friend were female and you needed to let her down, you’d know how to do it, right? 😉
 
One thing I noticed when my kids were in high school (80’s and 90’s) was that if they went on one date with a girl, the girl and others seemed to believe that a single date established a steady relationship. It wasn’t that way with us back in antiquity and somehow it always seemed to me to really put a damper on the kind of fun we had dating around in high school. Why does it get so intense so rapidly? 🤷
 
Iaskquestions,

Don’t worry about your hurting girls with their feelings. Men like us with our animal magnetism often have problems with this. It actually becomes a bit of a curse.

You’ll learn finesse as you grow older and more sophisticated. As long as you honestly try not to hurt their feelings you’re doing the right thing.

I would also stay away from the “let’s be friends route”. Many people can’t handle that and it’s hard work. Especially if you say that you should follow up on that and actually be friends. If you want that great. If not don’t even mention it.

Good Luck!
 
You can’t. If she’s interested in you there will be some hurt that it isn’t reciprocated. You can’t control that; but remember she’s got hope and imagination, and little signs become source for great hope and dreams. So yes, discretion is needed. Politeness is important, but don’t display like a lyrebird or pour on …er…your obvious and undeniable charm and avoid the problem in the first place.
 
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