How do you make Catholic friends?

[Abundant]

Here is my delima: My husband and I have 2 children and we both work full time outside of the home. I usually don’t even get home from work until about 8 pm and I work Saturdays and Sundays (my days off are Monday/Tuesday). We go to mass on Sunday, but we don’t have time to do the pancake breakfast thing, and when we had, people are usually sitting with people they already know.

On Tuesday nights, I do teach Faith Formation, but because we are in a classroom alone, I don’t really get to interact with the other catechists. So…how does one go about making Catholic friends in today’s busy world??

This is becoming more important to me as my children get older. I’m already not thrilled with the choice of their Godparents (only 1 of the 4 is still a practicing Catholic), and if we have more children I would like to have good friends who I can entrust to help me raise my kids in the faith.

Does anyone else struggle with this, and what have you done to build relationships with fellow believers?

 

[chipeto]

I struggle with it! I think it might be even more difficult for me because I am a 40-something single man, and a convert.

I would suggest looking for Catholic events in your area, perhaps through the Diocese website. The people who go to such things are more likely to be devout.

You can also just walk up to those people at the pancake breakfast and ask if you can join them! It’s a bit intimidating, I know, but most people are basically friendly.

Ask one of your fellow catechists if she’d like to get together for coffee sometime. If that works out, then you could get together as couples.

Try seeing every encounter as a possibility of making a new friend. Some of them will work out, and some won’t, but it will be worthwhile.

I know you are busy with work and children, but you will have to find the time. There is no other way.

Push your boundaries a little.

 

[wendiek]

This might sound a little odd, but if you want to meet more Catholics, I think its helpful to study the parish directory, the ads in the bulletin. Know who belongs to your church. Frequent their businesses, know their faces. When you see them at the grocery store, your child’s school, the playground, the coffee shop, smile, say “hi, don’t I know you?” and introduce yourself. We moved to a new city recently, and it was really fun to watch the connections unfold between the people we were meeting in our new community that would show up at one of the four Masses our parish offers each weekend. Over time, even if you struggle to make the social events within your parish, you will become more and more connected through your community.

 

[chipeto]

This might sound a little odd, but if you want to meet more Catholics, I think its helpful to study the parish directory, the ads in the bulletin. Know who belongs to your church. Frequent their businesses, know their faces. When you see them at the grocery store, your child’s school, the playground, the coffee shop, smile, say “hi, don’t I know you?” and introduce yourself. We moved to a new city recently, and it was really fun to watch the connections unfold between the people we were meeting in our new community that would show up at one of the four Masses our parish offers each weekend. Over time, even if you struggle to make the social events within your parish, you will become more and more connected through your community.

What a great idea! I wish I had thought of that.

 

[silicasandra]

Our parish has a “young adults” group. Until recently they’ve focused mostly on events that worked best for single folks (or marrieds without children), but they’ve started having more things that work for people with children. You could see if your parish has a group like this, or even get one started!

I also got involved with is a diocese-wide moms group that coordinates through Meetup. Mine is geared towards SAHMs, but there are events on weekends, moms’ night outs, etc in addition to the daytime activities. You might see if there’s something like this for Catholic adults in your area. Does your diocese offer a Theology on Tap program?

It is definitely hard. I work part-time, but in the evenings when my husband can be home so we aren’t throwing away all my income on childcare. That does limit some of our social time. I’ve also made the effort to quit doing things and engaging with people who aren’t going to be good influences on my children. That has been really hard, but there’s no point working to maintain friendships with people who are approaching thirty and still want to sleep with a new person every weekend after getting plastered at the bar. Sometimes we can hold onto relationships that are toxic when we shouldn’t because they’re familiar so they have a certain kind of comfort, or because we have a sense of loyalty to those people. But putting effort into those relationships (if you have any of those), is going to detract from relationships that will be more fulfilling.

 

[robert_chacon]

Great question! I feel for both of you - OP and first response person! As a cradle Catholic who grew up in my current parish, I see people every week that I have known at one time or another. So, I have the advantage of knowing people already. Nevertheless, I am in a similar boat as Chipeto in that I am single male, although not a convert. While I do volunteer and am involved in my parish, I would like to develop closer ties to people at Church because I like them but also they are the type of friends that are important in ones life to enhance ones faith. While I do get invited to group events I don’t get asked invited as a single friend, which is fine. I understand people are busy and already have friends and family. So, I realized, why aren’t I inviting these people to dinner out or at my house or something like that?? So, I have the meeting people part down, but I realized the next step is like Chipeto stated, to expand my boundaries and invite others in to my life! As a single guy, I guess you want to be cautious who you invite out if you don’t want it to come off as a date or something, but I did ask a couple I like to dinner and perhaps I will bring a neighbor who is a member of the parish. Just and idea, and I cant say how its gone yet but maybe be something to think about. Good question. Please keep us posted on your efforts and Ill let you know as well. God bless!!

 

[Bataar]

I haven’t had a Catholic friend since my mom would set up play events with her friends’ kids when I was a kid.

 

[altms]

Nowadays it’s easier to make a new baby than make a new friend.

Are there some extracurricular church activities? I advise you to join up and be your charming self. I’m sure there are lots of moms in the same predicament…

 

[Em_in_FL]

I sympathize… we struggled a lot when we had a young family (we also both work full time)…

I do have to say that things got a LOT better when the kids were old enough for Catholic School at our parish. We’ve made a TON of friends who are parents at the school - we socialize a ton and volunteer together… and I’ve made two fabulous friends that are a total Godsend in my life…

Prayers for your family…

 

[KrazyKat]

I haven’t had a Catholic friend since my mom would set up play events with her friends’ kids when I was a kid.

 

[Ohana]

Is there a women’s group in your pa rise. If not, start one. The one in our parish is geared to Mom’s with children still at home. There is another couples group for older adults. At any rate, they manage to get together for a meal from time to time. and do some of the things in the parish that are child related or having to do with women’s issues. A major oneof course, is loneliness! We need relationships with other women,lets face it.

Some activities have been fundraising for breast cancer. Health awareness, managing the Easter egg hunt at Easter, and they do something with Halloween to keep it within bounds.

I agree with the last poster, stretch out a bit. You sound very busy as it is, but making some relationships can really return so many benefits.

Here’s a thought from our youth = if interested in couples get=togethers, Start a Tuesday night couples dinner. Either get together with a pot luck, do a progressive dinner, or if you are "foodies: make a dinner together using recipes you have not tried before. Ethnic dinners are fun. Good luck to you.

 

[on_the_hill]

and when we had, people are usually sitting with people they already know.

, I do teach Faith Formation, but because we are in a classroom alone, I don’t really get to interact with the other catechists.

This is becoming more important to me as my children get older. I’m already not thrilled with the choice of their Godparents (only 1 of the 4 is still a practicing Catholic), and if we have more children I would like to have good friends who I can entrust to help me raise my kids in the faith.?

Look for opportunities to interact with fellow parishoners. Maybe your church has something like a pancake breakfast. Have you thought about getting involved with the parish’s religious ed program? As your kids get older and start to attend CCD classes and other activities, you’ll cross paths with lots of other parents with children the same ages as yours.

I don’t mean to be snarky, but you answered the question. The opportunities are there, you’re just not taking advantage of them.

Go to the pancake breakfast, put your best foot forward, smile, and say, “Hello, I’m Abundant. Mind if I sit here?” None of those people knew each other until they knew each other.

Maybe you don’t get much chance to interact with the other catechists, but what about the people in your class?

 

[Abundant]

Thanks for the suggestions, and it is good to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this. I live in Houston and there are about 6500 families in my parish, so building a ‘tight knit’ community of believers is difficult.

As for the comment about ‘not taking advantage,’ that is simply not true. As I mentioned, I have to work on Sundays, so most of the time I am not able to attend the social events that happen on Sunday (like the pancake breakfast for instance). Obviously, I can’t make friends with the people in my class… they are in elementary school.

I think that I need to try to be more hospitable and welcome people into my home. I am busy, but we do eat dinner so maybe I could invite people over for dinner or prayer group.

I feel for the single men who replied that they have the same problem. I wonder…have you tried Knights of Columbus? My husband hasn’t because in our local group they all seem to be twice his age (is this the norm?), but maybe it would work for you.

 

[KellyPalmer]

We went to the only pancake breakfast ever advertised. It was poorly attended and tr small crowd that was there kept to themselves. The tables were round and seat 8. We have 5 in our family so that doesn’t leave room for another family in a similar place in life. We DID ask another group of 3 to join us as they were looking for a seat and they said NO. I don’t think it was a hateful no but their child was shy.

Any who, I don’t have a great answer. My suggestion is pray. If you are already praying about this, persist in prayer more fervently. I had started to give up and thought maybe God wanted my Catholic friends to be the Saints. So I started trying to go closer to them. Then some doors started to open up. I still don’t really have Catholic friends but my dh has one now and I have some Catholic acquaintances that may lead to friendships. It’s so easy for me to make Protestant friends but I guess that’s because there aren’t many Catholics here.

 

[Abundant]

I had started to give up and thought maybe God wanted my Catholic friends to be the Saints. So I started trying to go closer to them.

That made me smile.

 

[on_the_hill]

Obviously, I can’t make friends with the people in my class… they are in elementary school.

:doh2: I guess that does make a difference, eh?

My husband hasn’t because in our local group they all seem to be twice his age (is this the norm?), but maybe it would work for you.

I’m not a member, but yeah, from what I’ve seen that is the norm.

 

[Abundant]

I’ve also made the effort to quit doing things and engaging with people who aren’t going to be good influences on my children. That has been really hard, but there’s no point working to maintain friendships with people who are approaching thirty and still want to sleep with a new person every weekend after getting plastered at the bar. Sometimes we can hold onto relationships that are toxic when we shouldn’t because they’re familiar so they have a certain kind of comfort, or because we have a sense of loyalty to those people.

I completely understand this too. I am in my early 30’s, and I have some friends who I have had since we were kids. None of them are Catholic (even more reason for me to help my kids have Catholic friendships now, right?) and most of them just live a completely different life than I do. Even those with kids are still what I would call ‘partiers’ (i.e. drinking beer all weekend, headed to the lake or whatever), and I just don’t enjoy that.

It seems like it is so easy to meet people when you are young, but as you get older and begin to build a busy family, good friends are hard to come by. I know that if I, and all of you who responded, are out there and feeling this way, then there must be loads more in our parishes.

I had a Catholic boyfriend in Highschool. I didn’t really like him too much (haha!), but I LOVED his family. We would go to mass on Sunday morning, and every Sunday afternoon his mother cooked dinner (nothing special, just usually a salad, bread and some pasta) and people from the parish would come over and enjoy a meal, maybe watch a game on t.v. or just sit and visit. Every meal was started and ended with a blessing. Everyone present was a practicing Catholic and it was wonderful. There were kids, teenagers (us included) and even random drop ins present.

That is the life I want. I guess I’d better get out there and make it happen…

 

[IvanHR]

Church activities, lectio divina, stuff like that. Go to as many nearby church activities as you can (both for meeting new people and for the sake of attending the activity, which should in most cases be good for you).

Other than that I don’t know, but there are Catholics everywhere. We just have to find them somehow.

 

[chevalier]

How do you make Catholic friends?

You find some friends and you make them Catholic!

 

[Abundant]

How do you make Catholic friends?

You find some friends and you make them Catholic!

Now why didn’t we all think of that first?!!