How do you make the gift insanity stop?

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Stop opening the gifts. Seriously. My parents pulled this–we asked them to only get our 2 year old a book for his birthday. They were visiting the month after his birthday. He had received a Thomas train set from us, a big one, and like you our house was too small for many toys.

My mom agreed to pick out a good book for him. Then she showed up with a pile (literally) of presents. Her defense: “I wasn’t here for his birthday, and I want to see him open presents!” It wasn’t about him, it was about her. When grandparents shower grandkids with lots of presents, it’s usually not about the kids.

We didn’t make our son open them, he didn’t even want to. He wandered upstairs to play. My mom was so irritated that she insisted I open the presents. Later we returned them after a huge fight about a non-related issue. We had lots of issues.

If you have agreed among your family that there is a limit to presents, don’t even open presents that go beyond that agreed upon limit. Call them on their inability to keep a promise, and set the gifts aside for them to do what they want. Maybe suggest they can save them for a birthday later in the year. But don’t just validate their decision to do a runaround by opening them.

JMO.
 
Not a grandparent yet but my favorite gift for 3 and up are magazines! Yes, there is a great magazine for 3-5 year olds and yes it takes parental interaction to read it!

Knowing how toys can get out of hand I chose (and my husband agreed with me, a first actually) that a magazine that encompasses all the age ranges of children in his siblings families was a great idea so I did it. I got Highlights for Children for the younger sets (ages 4-8) and for the oldest I got a subscription to Sports Illustrated for Kids (he is approaching 10 and getting too old for a Highlights). Now for the newest nephew at only 3-4 months old I got him a Shape-O ball from Tupperware, it is by far one of my most favorite toys for a family because it spans such a wide range of ages from infancy (rattle to kick about with feet) to actually using as a shape sorter for up to five years old!

Brenda V.
 
puzzleannie said:
well we came down here 15 years before Medicare age, partly (or mostly depending on who’s telling the story) to get out of our kids hair. SIL sent e-mail NO large plastic toys, grandma! (we used to live next to a Little Tykes warehouse). Now they know if we come we will only get what can be taken on a plane, and furthermore, we hate to pay shipping costs to mail gifts. DD took me firmly by the ears (figuratively) and laid down the law, so what they actually do get is cards for each grandchild with a bit of cash, and family gift which is renewal of membership to local science centers in each of their towns, which are good at zoos and similar venues around the country.

then having disciplined 2 sets of grandparents re: gift giving, DD#1 turns around and brings all the large plastic toys down to DD#2 for her little ones, triggering another raging battle (described very much as OP has done). Bottom line DD#2 volunteers at Ronald McDonald house, who now has a new fully furnished playroom.
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See what nice kids you have…🙂
 
Wow, lots of great suggestions, thank you everyone!
🙂
We’re figuring out what to re-gift, what to donate, and what will live at grandma’s house (I LOVE that one!)
I really like the ideas about the non-stuff gifts - we actually currently have a zoo membership, which will run out about the time of the girls’ birthday! Yeah!
And magazines…I forgot about those! When I was little I think we got Highlights and Ranger Rick or something like that. I loved the puzzles in them! Good idea. 👍

And I am SO glad we did not get a trampoline!! 😛

And thank you all too for the perspective. I know the grandmas do this because they love their grandchildren. I appreciate it. I do. And I am grateful that my girls have two loving families to which they belong. It’s just the logistics of four people and four hundred square feet of useable space can make a person :whacky:
🙂
 
Yellowbicycle, wow, that was like reading a post written by myself. Do we have the same parents?! DH and I hardly buy our kids Christmas gifts (I bought a book, blocks and a memory game total for all three kids this year) b/c both sets of parents go way overboard all on their own. We really don’t want the holiday to turn into a festival of materialism, which is why I really liked the idea of just not opening the presents that go beyond a set limit. I have set aside a big bag full of toys that my kids opened yesterday, and it will go to Goodwill. And the kids haven’t noticed the stuff is gone. Another big pile I have put away in a high cabinet (again, no one has noticed), and I will pull out one at a time on those long rainy days when the kiddos are being whiny.

And then there’s the guilt … I know all the grands just do it b/c they love the kids, and I have been trying to stop thinking bad thoughts and just allow them to buy with abandon. It’s my gift to them.
 
whew…thanks to the lord that my family just gives us money and says “get what you want!”, which works for me cause you cant deposit stuffed animals in a 529.

EDIT: idea^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ get the relatives to open accounts for the kids and put the money they would spend into that for college and then let them give the kids a wrapped present. probably wouldnt work though,
 
We visit my mom often enough that I have convinced her to let me keep the toys she gives the boy at her house. She hears me complain enough about how cluttered my little house is that she doesn’t argue with me (her home is three times the size of my own). She does however still sneak things home with my husband when he picks up the boy from her house. 🤷 It just goes right back the next time we visit though!
 
threeangels said:
Yellowbicycle, wow, that was like reading a post written by myself. Do we have the same parents?! DH and I hardly buy our kids Christmas gifts (I bought a book, blocks and a memory game total for all three kids this year) b/c both sets of parents go way overboard all on their own. We really don’t want the holiday to turn into a festival of materialism, which is why I really liked the idea of just not opening the presents that go beyond a set limit. I have set aside a big bag full of toys that my kids opened yesterday, and it will go to Goodwill. And the kids haven’t noticed the stuff is gone. Another big pile I have put away in a high cabinet (again, no one has noticed), and I will pull out one at a time on those long rainy days when the kiddos are being whiny.

And then there’s the guilt … I know all the grands just do it b/c they love the kids, and I have been trying to stop thinking bad thoughts and just allow them to buy with abandon. It’s my gift to them.
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Seriously! All I want is to eat some ham and play Pictionary. Is that too much to ask?
 
samcarter14 said:
My mom agreed to pick out a good book for him. Then she showed up with a pile (literally) of presents. Her defense: “I wasn’t here for his birthday, and I want to see him open presents!” It wasn’t about him, it was about her. When grandparents shower grandkids with lots of presents, it’s usually not about the kids.

.
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this is I think very true, and I speak from having been on both sides (and in the middle) if this situation. However it behooves me to say when the parents of the children have issues, it quite possibly is about them, and not about the child, not about the gifts, and not about the grandparents. You very wisely recognize “there were issues”. I think in all these cases, whether it is gifts, grandparents giving food and drink parents don’t approve, grandparents criticizing parenting, this becomes the focal point for argument, but is NOT the real issue. This applies also when the shoe is on the other food–grown children criticizing or trying to control aspects of their parents’ lives: where to live, what to eat, medical care.
 
yellowbicycle said:
And I am SO glad we did not get a trampoline!!
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guess whose grandkids do have a trampoline, actually two, a small one in the basement, and the huge one with sides in the backyard. NOT guilty, it was Other Grandma
 
yellowbicycle said:
I have two children.
They are 14 months old.
My husband and I just spent a grueling HOUR unpacking our mini-van, with presents from well-meaning family members. There was hardly any room left for the children themselves.
Oh yeah, and THIS was the year that people weren’t supposed to buy gifts, and we were supposed to give money to Gleaners food bank. We gave to Gleaners food bank and STILL everyone (grandmas, I’m talking to you) LOST THEIR FREAKING MINDS and bought WAY too much stuff.
Seriously, me, hubby and two kids live in a 700 square foot house, one third of which isn’t heated. What we DON’T need is the entire Little People collection. What we don’t need are SIX new dolls per child and ALL of the Seasame Street characters. MAKE THEM STOP!!:eek:
We’ve tried saying no gifts to my husband’s mom. She just signed the cat’s name to everything and claimed she had nothing to do with the purchases. We tried saying ONE gift per child. My mom just put everything in one ENORMOUS bag and wrapped that and said it was only one gift. Sneaky, sneaky.
They just don’t listen.
And now my house is TRASHED, after I spent all week cleaning it. Yeah, yeah, I know, I can (and trust me I will) donate the toys. But this whole process will start again next year - and I DO feel terrible giving away the stuff. The grandmas meant well and wanted to see their grandchildren play with the toys. I understand that. But, it’s just TOO MUCH STUFF.
Ideas? Help?🤷
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I just don’t buy much for anyone. It’s blunt, sort of ugly, but the way I am. I’m not getting caught up in the madness.
 
Be grateful you have grandparents who care this much - I suppose you’ll be complaining in reverse when you become a grandparent?? 😉
 
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