How do you plan a no-kids vacation?

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JLCecilia

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My GF invited me for a big-girls-only weekend for a fleamarketing thing several hours away. We could easily crash at my folks’ house for the evening and I REALLY wanna go, but:
  1. I would need to take off work early Friday to get on the road (no biggie), BUT
    a. DH would ALSO have to take vacation to watch all the kids after school/sitter and such Friday evening.
  2. I would have to come home the very next day (same day as the event) to ensure my children get to mass on Sunday.
I think this all my be a little premature for me. I COULD take my 1yo, but it wouldn’t be as enjoyable. At the same time, leaving him behind would be tough on DH who isn’t used to getting up at night for feeding. Maybe in a few years when all the littles are a bit bigger I could swing something like this? I’d say my apprehensiveness is all the answer I need.

BUT, DH and I have sort of talked about this in terms of US getting away together. We could split the kids up btwn his folks and brother for just one or two nights. We’ve never taken a REAL family vacation (short of staying with my folks) and I have the feeling that any vacation we take from here forward is going to be all or nothing (all of us go, or nobody goes). I don’t really mind this so much, I WANT to go out as a family, but whether we all go, or just DH and I go, or I go myself with my GFs, I think our littlest is going to have to be at least 2 or 3yo.

How do y’all with many little ones plan for grown-up time for more than just a few hours of an evening?
 
Didn’t God make grandparents for this reason?😃

Seriously, although I don’t know how many kids you have, it would seem to me that your husband could watch the baby/children.

Also, if possible, I think it critical that husbands & wives get alone time, hopefully in the form of an overnight date every few months or so, particularly if grandparents are in the picture. IMHO very few small children don’t love a sleepover for 1 nite at “Camp Nana.”
 
I tend to agree with PolarGuy. If you and your husband can make it work, then I think you should - deciding that you’re not able to go do anything even for a day without at least some of your kids, for a period of years, seems like unnecessary strain. It might be harder for your husband for a single night, but if he can handle it and you’re be willing to do the same for him some time, that doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.
 
Leave the children with grandparents. Go. Have fun. Think of it as an investment in your marriage. The kids will be fine. There’s whole world out there beyond the front door.
The in-laws can sleep over your place if you worry the kids won’t sleep well. Everyone will be blessed by it. It’s not like you’re leaving them for 3 weeks or something.
Go together. Have some time alone. Peace.
 
No-kids vacation? This is a modern invention as if kids are somehow infringing on their parents social lives, if your kids are at the age where they know you are gone this will bother them. I also think if your husband wants alone time you should honor that considering that is your primary vocation. Frankly a stay-cation with your family is probably the most fun for everyone. Plan a whole day of fun things to do together. I can’t imagine the Blessed Mother telling Joseph and Jesus that she was going to Jerusalem for a girls weekend.
 
KP3243 said:
No-kids vacation? This is a modern invention as if kids are somehow infringing on their parents social lives, if your kids are at the age where they know you are gone this will bother them. I also think if your husband wants alone time you should honor that considering that is your primary vocation. Frankly a stay-cation with your family is probably the most fun for everyone. Plan a whole day of fun things to do together. I can’t imagine the Blessed Mother telling Joseph and Jesus that she was going to Jerusalem for a girls weekend.
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A no-kids vacation is only a modern invention in the sense that a vacation is a modern invention. Certainly parents haven’t always taken all of their children with them every time they travelled somewhere. The lives of parents did not revolve around being with their children every moment. More to the point of the women’s vacation, women who are the primary caretakers for their own children are probably more isolated from each other now than ever before. (Surely you have heard of a quilting circle?)

Women spent far more time together in groups in Our Lady’s time than they do now. They sat with each other at synagogue, for instance, and not with their husbands. That is why it is noted in the Gospel of John that the woman at the well was there alone, and the hour was about noon. (John 4:5-6) Women would normally go to get water as a group, and they’d do it early, while it was still cool out. The story implies that the woman at the well had been shunned from the company of the “decent” women.
 
EasterJoy said:
A no-kids vacation is only a modern invention in the sense that a vacation is a modern invention. Certainly parents haven’t always taken all of their children with them every time they travelled somewhere. The lives of parents did not revolve around being with their children every moment. More to the point of the women’s vacation, women who are the primary caretakers for their own children are probably more isolated from each other now than ever before. (Surely you have heard of a quilting circle?)

Women spent far more time together in groups in Our Lady’s time than they do now. They sat with each other at synagogue, for instance, and not with their husbands. That is why it is noted in the Gospel of John that the woman at the well was there alone, and the hour was about noon. (John 4:5-6) Women would normally go to get water as a group, and they’d do it early, while it was still cool out. The story implies that the woman at the well had been shunned from the company of the “decent” women.
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You can have lunch or dinner with your girlfriends or join a women’s Bible study if you are looking for first century type female companionship which the OP was not, honoring the vocation of married life and motherhood trump the girlfriends. Besides that first century Israel was all about the family they were tribal and family was everything.
 
If I had to choose between a no-kid girl’s vacation or a no-kid vacation with my husband, it is a no brainer. I would choose my husband just like I would expect him to choose me over his hunting trip with the guys.

I am going with the assumption that you can’t do both.
 
JLCecilia said:
My GF invited me for a big-girls-only weekend for a fleamarketing thing several hours away. We could easily crash at my folks’ house for the evening and I REALLY wanna go, but:
  1. I would need to take off work early Friday to get on the road (no biggie), BUT
    a. DH would ALSO have to take vacation to watch all the kids after school/sitter and such Friday evening.
  2. I would have to come home the very next day (same day as the event) to ensure my children get to mass on Sunday.
I think this all my be a little premature for me. I COULD take my 1yo, but it wouldn’t be as enjoyable. At the same time, leaving him behind would be tough on DH who isn’t used to getting up at night for feeding. Maybe in a few years when all the littles are a bit bigger I could swing something like this? I’d say my apprehensiveness is all the answer I need.

BUT, DH and I have sort of talked about this in terms of US getting away together. We could split the kids up btwn his folks and brother for just one or two nights. We’ve never taken a REAL family vacation (short of staying with my folks) and I have the feeling that any vacation we take from here forward is going to be all or nothing (all of us go, or nobody goes). I don’t really mind this so much, I WANT to go out as a family, but whether we all go, or just DH and I go, or I go myself with my GFs, I think our littlest is going to have to be at least 2 or 3yo.

How do y’all with many little ones plan for grown-up time for more than just a few hours of an evening?
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It does sound like the timing is off for the girls’ trip (for one, aren’t your finances kind of shaky?), but it’s good that you’re starting to plot a getaway with your husband.

My husband and I have never been away from all of our kids at the same time (although we’ve often split them up for trips or occasionally sent one to grandma and grandpa at a hotel), and we’re currently plotting a 20th anniversary trip, which would be in 4 years. At current population numbers, they would need to take care of a 15/16-year-old, a 13-year-old and a 5/6-year-old, which doesn’t sound crazy.
 
KP3243 said:
You can have lunch or dinner with your girlfriends or join a women’s Bible study if you are looking for first century type female companionship which the OP was not, honoring the vocation of married life and motherhood trump the girlfriends. Besides that first century Israel was all about the family they were tribal and family was everything.
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Ay yay yay.

I think it’s probably 1) a little too early for the OP to do this trip if she has a 1-year-old and 2) I believe her finances are in such a state that it wouldn’t be a good idea for both her and her husband to miss work and 3) a trip with her husband is probably the first order of business, but in principle, there’s nothing wrong with her wanting to do 24 hours away from her family. She’s home the rest of the time, after all.

In the past, I’ve left my husband with a toddler and met relatives in another city who were visiting a second cousin at college. I’ve left my husband with both kids (5ish and 2ish) and visited an old Peace Corps buddy. I’ve taken each of my kids one at a time to see my family. My husband has also taken one kid at a time to visit his family. This summer and last summer my husband took our two oldest kids to visit his family and it sounds like they had a blast. It’s much more pleasant, do-able and affordable to fly alone or with one kid rather than for all of us to go everywhere together all the time, especially as I believe that ideally, 10 month old-3-year-olds shouldn’t fly.

Being a member of a family is not the same as being on a chain gang.
 
The only way to do this is to have very trusted friends and family take care of the kiddo’s.
Having some time, even two days to your selves is not a bad idea.

Down the road, then yes, the vacations will all or none I am sure. My family went on many vacations together and they are among my best memories. My memories go back to the age 3 or 4 as far as vacations. So don’t think they won’t remember a good time. And you don’t have to go the route of expensive Disney Trips and the like.

We drove across country to visit relatives, and in doing that got to see many of the States of this country. Lots of camping too. It was all wonderful, and a bit cheaper for mom and dad compared to trying the Disney Land and Disney World attractions. I would take our travels and camping any day of the year.

Even short two and three day trips to different States in your area could be fun. So give it a thought for down the road and start saving now.
 
KP3243 said:
And yet we wonder why the family is in crisis in the West. I assume that you didn’t mean this how it comes across.
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We don’t have to spend every waking moment with every one of our family members in order to avoid “crisis in the West.”

Also, people enjoy each other’s company more if they aren’t together all the time.

Anyway, children eventually grow up and leave, so it’s worthwhile to give them some experiences of fluttering out of the nest now and then.

Grandma is not the Anti-Christ (usually). A night or two spent with grandma and grandpa will not destroy a child’s mental health. I loved my sleep-overs with my grandparents, and I bet my parents did, too!
 
Xantippe said:
We don’t have to spend every waking moment with every one of our family members in order to avoid “crisis in the West.”

Also, people enjoy each other’s company more if they aren’t together all the time.

Anyway, children eventually grow up and leave, so it’s worthwhile to give them some experiences of fluttering out of the nest now and then.

Grandma is not the Anti-Christ (usually). A night or two spent with grandma and grandpa will not destroy a child’s mental health. I loved my sleep-overs with my grandparents, and I bet my parents did, too!
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This^^^, absolutely.
 
Xantippe said:
We don’t have to spend every waking moment with every one of our family members in order to avoid “crisis in the West.”

Also, people enjoy each other’s company more if they aren’t together all the time.

Anyway, children eventually grow up and leave, so it’s worthwhile to give them some experiences of fluttering out of the nest now and then.

Grandma is not the Anti-Christ (usually). A night or two spent with grandma and grandpa will not destroy a child’s mental health. I loved my sleep-overs with my grandparents, and I bet my parents did, too!
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Now you are going to extremes and using hyperbole, you likened close families who spend a lot of time together to that of prisoners, maybe you feel that way but most people I know don’t. I never said anything that would make anyone conclude I think grandma is the anti-Christ either. Maybe because my family came here on asylum and I didn’t grow up like a lot of other kids I see the family in a different way but I just find it odd that American women have this desire to ditch their husband and kids for time with their girlfriends to me it’s just weird.
 
KP3243 said:
Now you are going to extremes and using hyperbole, you likened close families who spend a lot of time together to that of prisoners, maybe you feel that way but most people I know don’t. I never said anything that would make anyone conclude I think grandma is the anti-Christ either. Maybe because my family came here on asylum and I didn’t grow up like a lot of other kids I see the family in a different way but I just find it odd that American women have this desire to ditch their husband and kids for time with their girlfriends to me it’s just weird.
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Well to be fair, you did suggest that if one was a good mother, like Our Lady, one wouldn’t even consider a night away from one’s children. That was a pretty big stretch. What about women who have to be away for an overnight in the hospital? I don’t think for a second that the OP wants to “ditch her husband” as you say. She wants one night away, preferably with HIM.

We’ll do well not to judge people. It’s not an American thing. It’ s healthy thing.
Women can have lives, opinions, and experiences that don’t necessary make them out to be bad moms.
 
pianistclare said:
Well to be fair, you did suggest that if one was a good mother, like Our Lady, one wouldn’t even consider a night away from one’s children. That was a pretty big stretch. What about women who have to be away for an overnight in the hospital? I don’t think for a second that the OP wants to “ditch her husband” as you say. She wants one night away, preferably with HIM.

We’ll do well not to judge people. It’s not an American thing. It’ s healthy thing.
Women can have lives, opinions, and experiences that don’t necessary make them out to be bad moms.
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Yes.

A couple nights away with her husband while the kids are sent to their grandparents’ should be fun for everybody.

While we’re playing the game of “What would Mary and Joseph do?”, the story of Jesus at the temple suggests that Mary and Joseph did not keep an eagle eye on Jesus at all times.
 
pianistclare said:
Well to be fair, you did suggest that if one was a good mother, like Our Lady, one wouldn’t even consider a night away from one’s children. That was a pretty big stretch. What about women who have to be away for an overnight in the hospital? I don’t think for a second that the OP wants to “ditch her husband” as you say. She wants one night away, preferably with HIM.

We’ll do well not to judge people. It’s not an American thing. It’ s healthy thing.
Women can have lives, opinions, and experiences that don’t necessary make them out to be bad moms.
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As if there is no difference between a hospital stay and a no-kids weekend with just your girlfriends, really, you don’t honestly believe that? Also read my previous posts I encouraged the get a way with her husband and for the record, our Lady is thee example, I hardly think imitating her is such a bad thing and when is expressing an opinion judging someone? Are you judging my Americanness because I included that I was not from here originally because there is really no other reason for you to have included that if it wasn’t.
 
KP3243 said:
Now you are going to extremes and using hyperbole, you likened close families who spend a lot of time together to that of prisoners, maybe you feel that way but most people I know don’t.

**Here’s the thing–if one had no choice but to be with one’s family at all times, one might indeed start to feel like a prisoner.

If one is freely choosing to be with one’s family all the time, of course one feels better about it.

And yes, your personal circle may feel differently, but lots of women appreciate a chance to get away from “work” and to have fun with friends occasionally. It makes them much more fun to be around.
**
I never said anything that would make anyone conclude I think grandma is the anti-Christ either. Maybe because my family came here on asylum and I didn’t grow up like a lot of other kids I see the family in a different way but I just find it odd that American women have this desire to ditch their husband and kids for time with their girlfriends to me it’s just weird.
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And sometimes dad goes out with his friends to do fun things without mom and the kids.
 
KP3243 said:
Now you are going to extremes and using hyperbole, you likened close families who spend a lot of time together to that of prisoners, maybe you feel that way but most people I know don’t. I never said anything that would make anyone conclude I think grandma is the anti-Christ either. Maybe because my family came here on asylum and I didn’t grow up like a lot of other kids I see the family in a different way but I just find it odd that American women have this desire to ditch their husband and kids for time with their girlfriends to me it’s just weird.
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It is more common for men to “ditch” their wives in order to go golfing, hunting, and fishing. While it can be excessive and damaging to the marriage and the family, I think everyone here is talking about something that doesn’t happen more than a few days annually. When my dad went off hunting with his friends and relatives (this was a big trip across state, so it was 4-6 days), Mom made sure there was a holiday atmosphere at home, too. We’d have dinners that Dad didn’t like and do things that we enjoyed more than he did. When Mom and Dad were gone together, we weren’t left home just mooning over them. We were making memories with whoever was taking care of us. It was very much OK, because they never gave us the impression they were “ditching” us. They were spending time alone, which they needed, doing things that weren’t the sort of thing that kids like to do.

We have twin boys, and they like it very much when we split up and each parent goes a different place with only one of them. It is not that we are each “ditching” our spouse or (in the case of the boys) our twin. Instead, we are getting to talk with one particular person in a way that we don’t when we choose the topics to suit the whole group. The conversations, even on the same topic, are different. There is nothing wrong with that, and nothing “exclusionary” about that. It is just a different way to be with each other.
 
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