i guess now my question is really, how do i convince her that this is the right way to go, the right way to think, and yes, i know that condoms are intrinsically wrong…but how do i say all of these things in a loving caring way, so as not to look like i am forcing all of this on her?
You might start with the pragmatic reasons to use NFP.
For example, she might appreciate being able to tell 14 to 16 days ahead of time when her cycle is coming, if she has irregular cycles (more on this further down). This was a huge benefit of NFP for me, even before we married. I will teach my daughters NFP solely for this purpose as soon as they reach puberty, so that they don’t have to get surprised by irregular cycles for years, like I did.
There are also health benefits to knowing more about her body. Lots of the women I know who use NFP have used it to help them diagnose a health condition.
Finally, NFP is highly effective when learned and used properly. Much better than condoms. Women who cannot use any form of NFP are pretty rare.
If her fears about NFP are soothed and she can see its usefulness, she might be less defensive and more open to hearing about the theological reasons to use NFP.
I think that encouraging her to try a method before you get married is a very wise idea. At the very least, encourage her to start taking temperatures when she wakes up (at the same time each morning). Most women will see a clear one-degree shift in their temperature for the last half of their cycle. You should definitely take an NFP class together before you get married to learn all the details, but the temperature shift is fairly easy to record and see, and she can benefit within a couple of months by knowing when her period is coming. The luteal phase, the period of time between ovulation and menstration, is consistently the same number of days for most healthy women . . . so once she knows how long her luteal phase is (usually 14 to 16 days, if I recall), which she’ll know after one full cycle, she can watch for ovulation - then count forward the right number of days to figure out when she will start menstrating once she sees it. That might be enough to convince her that she wants to understand NFP better, and you can schedule a class that teaches a method that uses thermal signs. The Sympto-Thermal Method (STM), taught by the Couple to Couple League, is probably the most common choice.
Also, Christopher West is a speaker about the Theology of the Body. Most people find that he gives very accessible explanations about the writings of Pope John Paul the II and the Catholic church’s teachings on sexuality and contraception. You might want to take a look at his book, “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” to get ideas on how to discuss the topic with your girlfriend - or even better, ask her to read it or read it together.
