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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Forgot to mention- If my husband gets upset in a car andhe is driving, I insist he pull over. I then get out and walk alongside the road. He has been known to do the same to me.
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miguel
Guest
But? Are you saying the Irish aren’t known for that? (I’m Irish BTW and won’t be offended unless you really p*** me off.)
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miguel
Guest
There are lots of good suggestions here. I struggled with losing my temper and yelling. People need to understand that anger is an emotion that God designed into us. It is part of our defense against aggression, injustice, etc. That’s a good thing. And it can motivate us to struggle calmly and rationally against these things. But the improper use of anger (raging, etc.) is sinful and it damages our relationships. My assumption (bad) was that my family knew me well enough that I meant no harm. Whether I meant harm or not, people on the receiving end were wounded and I needed to recognize that. And I had to get control of it and stop, PERIOD. That wasn’t easy. No struggle against sin is. (BTW, I don’t claim complete victory yet.) People suggested confession. Absolutely. God gives us his grace in the sacraments to enable us to fight and win the struggle against sin. I also found a book “Make Anger Your Ally” to be very helpful. BTW, it doesn’t mean the people in my family were all Angels all the time. I just had to find a better way to deal with them when they weren’t. It takes time and forgiveness, but when they see you actually trying not to lose it, you are building trust back up where the rage tore it down.
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Anne1964
Guest
I think that often particular styles of arguing come from what we experienced in childhood. In my family, when I was a child, my father would say very hurtful things to me when he was angry. In my husband’s family, his parents yelled (and still do) when they argue.
When my husband and I first got married and had a few arguments, he would yell, which made me angry, and in retaliation I would say things to hurt his feelings. Neither of us was happy with the situation and we spent a lot of time discussing it.
We agreed that when either of us feels too angry to continue the argument it is ok to tell the other that we need time to cool off and then walk away. This has helped a great deal. We also agreed that we do not want to yell or hurt each other’s feelings.
The cooling off period has greatly reduced the incidents of my husband yelling at me, and confession has helped me to stop saying things that hurt my husband’s feelings.
When my husband and I first got married and had a few arguments, he would yell, which made me angry, and in retaliation I would say things to hurt his feelings. Neither of us was happy with the situation and we spent a lot of time discussing it.
We agreed that when either of us feels too angry to continue the argument it is ok to tell the other that we need time to cool off and then walk away. This has helped a great deal. We also agreed that we do not want to yell or hurt each other’s feelings.
The cooling off period has greatly reduced the incidents of my husband yelling at me, and confession has helped me to stop saying things that hurt my husband’s feelings.
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cimbie
Guest
“You might be right.”
A simple, but real saver for me. Not just my marriage, but numerous relationships. I am very insecure about disapproval. I was worried if you saw me as ‘wrong’ you would also see me as unworthy or stupid. I learnt to say: “You might be right.” In my mind I heavily emphazied the might. In the beginning, I would mentally add phrases like, “in a galaxy far, far away” or “in your own fantasy world” or “you might be, but your aren’t.”
But it stopped the argument. It is pretty hard to argue with someone whom is agreeing with you. Then, if it was of importance, I could talk with the other person after they had a chance to calm down. This sounds simple, but it wasn’t for me. It took a lot of praying, practice, and self-denile. But it has worked wonders.
In a situation where you can’t physically remove yourself, you can mentally and spiritually. Say the Rosary. You can very subtly keep track on your fingers, while repeating between prayers and at appropriate pauses, “you might be right”
And of coarse, offer up your ‘suffering’ during his tirade for the conversion of his heart, to become on ‘on fire’ Catholic.
A simple, but real saver for me. Not just my marriage, but numerous relationships. I am very insecure about disapproval. I was worried if you saw me as ‘wrong’ you would also see me as unworthy or stupid. I learnt to say: “You might be right.” In my mind I heavily emphazied the might. In the beginning, I would mentally add phrases like, “in a galaxy far, far away” or “in your own fantasy world” or “you might be, but your aren’t.”
But it stopped the argument. It is pretty hard to argue with someone whom is agreeing with you. Then, if it was of importance, I could talk with the other person after they had a chance to calm down. This sounds simple, but it wasn’t for me. It took a lot of praying, practice, and self-denile. But it has worked wonders.In a situation where you can’t physically remove yourself, you can mentally and spiritually. Say the Rosary. You can very subtly keep track on your fingers, while repeating between prayers and at appropriate pauses, “you might be right”
And of coarse, offer up your ‘suffering’ during his tirade for the conversion of his heart, to become on ‘on fire’ Catholic.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
And Irish temper is different than an Italian temper, surely you must realize.
His Italian temper comes because he tries too hard to stuff it in and then WHAMO. Irish temper builds and has little snides and sarcasms and dry humor lines to attempt to avoid the burst before it comes down with BOOM.
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
You’re welcome (and we’ll be happy to claim you. We claim just about everybody).I never knew I was Irish! Thanks
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