Not how do you believe He is, but the image you tend to have of Him even if you know it is not right. Personally, I sometimes see God as someone:
-who doesn’t speak to me very often;
-who spies on me to see if I will fail;
-who, if I will serve with my whole heart, will make me suffer more and more, because those who loved Him the most also suffered the most;
-who seems very far away…
And I know that for the most part this is untrue, that I project on God some of my struggles and frustrations. I think it is important to have a realistic view of God and not no to mold Him according to our mind.
The majority of my thoughts about God are negative. Ultimately, I see him as the source of my problems simply because his will was that it was a grand idea that Robertanthony should be born, even though Robertanthony would experience life as a bitter pill that is just not worth the trouble. I see him as a possessive tyrant who gives us no choice but to love him or to suffer eternally, given that, his “gift” of life is really something radically different from a gift, unless you love him madly. Last thing, how would you call someone who goes around screaming that he loves and cares about you, has the power to help you and it’s not gonna take him any effort at all, could easily get you rid of all that torments you in a flash, yet doesn’t? That he created me out of love* (oh please) knowing loving him would not be possible for me is the icing on the cake. That he chose eternal hell instead of simple annihilation also speaks volume about him, you know, we all agree that a couple of mortal sins should be paid for by billions x billlions of years of despair and torment, right? The prodigal son story was just a way to endear us, let’s call it propaganda.
Lastly, I’d love to be in a position to swap places with God so I could enjoy hearing him crying and begging me thinking I cared, and I’d laugh hysterically, thinking, “You really believed all this talk about my love for you!?!” We could have had a truly loving and just god that would have punished final impenitence with death/eternal sleep/annihilation, but we have a harsher version, sadly. If this God is perfect, then most people’s concept of perfection falls apart.
*If “love” is defined by willing what is best for the other, then God did not create any of the souls currently in hell out of love, because he knew beforehand that being created would be their demise. Free-will is just a smoke-screen argument, you create someone who will utlimately be in horrendous torment and despair forever, and you’ll be the one sustaining them to experience said torment and despair. And you knew all that yet created that person out of “love”…There are things that just don’t add up about this God, perhaps it’s the marketing team, or perhaps God is incoherent.
