How do you share your faith with others

[cmscms]

I have always felt more comfortable in prayer by myself. And I LOVE going to church alone. I have actually gone to mass alone and had strangers ask me to sit with them. As polite as it was, I did not feel comfortable. I just feel that my relationship with God is very personal. Pardon the expression but here is my analogy. Everyone knows everyone else uses the washroom but you do it alone because some things are private. Well, to me it is the same with God. I know a lot of people bring all their struggles to God, but sometimes one needs to face God by themselves.

Well, I have recently met some REALLY good Catholics. They are a good group to spend time with. Finally I am not mocked for wanting to wait until marriage and people are welcoming to others. I have noticed it is making me more outgoing and less judgemental of others.

Here come the but… sometimes, I feel resentful that I can not confide my struggles to them because I just don’t think I would like the reaction they would give me. And I think if they were secular people, I would be able to accept we have different religious beliefs. But since they are Catholic I am secretly hoping for more.

Sometimes, they will ask what they think are innocent questions (but to me they are really hitting a soft spot). I assert myself and say ‘This is a bit too painful for me to talk about’. I then I feel guilty. They seem to respect the boundary (which is all I can ask for) but I still struggle with setting it.

So the question I have is ‘Is it normal to go to church with people and still keep a wall up?’. In a way, it distracts me from really pouring my soul out to God when I am silently praying in church. Is it normal for me to say ‘I will sit alone but after church we can go for brunch?’

If anything, I miss the uniqueness I had when I was a ‘lone Catholic’

CM

 

[_Gemma]

I feel closer to God on my own, but I like going to church to be with other Christians. I’m not from a Christian family and don’t have Christian friends outside of church so that’s why i like going and of course being part of a community.
It’s good to have alone time with God but the way I see it is that in heaven it will have many people, not just me and him, so I love everyone around me and we can love God together.

 

[roveau]

I have plenty of ‘alone time’ in prayer at home. I go to Mass about 35 minutes before Mass to spend time with God saying the Rosary. I can socialize after Mass if I want.

I spend most of my time surrounded by people at work and this gives me a lot of opportunity to share my faith ‘by example’. Everyone knows I am religious and read the ‘Good Book’ and I have never been criticised for my faith. I’ll talk about almost anything. I answer questions about the faith only if asked… the same thing with my several friendly neighbours a few of them are Catholic so we have a bit of a Catholic enclave going on. One of the anti-‘God botherer’ neighbours said she has time for me because I don’t ram religion down people’s throats… and she feels free to ask me questions about my faith because she knows I won’t try to ‘convert her’.

It’s probably strange then that there are only about two Catholics in my life that I feel free to fully discuss my faith related thoughts with.

 

[Dorothy]

It is very supportive to have Catholic friends.

Respect yourself for wanting boundaries right now. Perhaps in time when you get to know some individuals better you may trust them to be understanding. We don’t have to discuss everything about ourselves with everyone.

I have certain friends that I can share in the Lord about things I would appreciate their insight about, and vice versa. This is usually in a very small group, or one on one.

 

[JRKH]

"In my father’s house there are many mansions. (John 14:2)

In the Church there are many spiritualities.
Do not be concerned that you feel drawn toward a more contemplative type.

The group that you describe sounds wonderful. The fact that they are respectful of your boundaries is a mark of grace. If and when you feel comfortable sharing more, either with the group or with some individual within the group, you will know and it will be very natural.

As for how I share my faith…I have few opportunities at present. Mostly I try to share by example. When topics of faith come up, I simply respond as my faith prompts me. Others have always seemed to be respectful and I am respectful of them…
The Holy Spirit takes it from there.

Peace
James

 

[Paddy1989]

I feel the exact same as you so i can relate. All of my friend’s are secular however but me desiring to keep my faith personal mean’s i have no social contact with Catholic’s, the only activities where they are involved in require praying together openly (prayer group) etc and i feel uncomfortable with this. Opening up would be even harder. Sometime’s though i wonder if it’s worth it, i mean i am living in a havily secularised world with secular friend’s but i do feel out of place at time’s and lonely due to my entire world-view being different from the cultural norm in the west. To be honest i think you are lucky to have these friend’s and the fact they know your boundaries mean’s they understand and respect you, only open up if you truly wish to and are comfortable with it

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Here come the but… sometimes, I feel resentful that I can not confide my struggles to them because I just don’t think I would like the reaction they would give me. And I think if they were secular people, I would be able to accept we have different religious beliefs. But since they are Catholic I am secretly hoping for more.

Sometimes, they will ask what they think are innocent questions (but to me they are really hitting a soft spot). I assert myself and say ‘This is a bit too painful for me to talk about’. I then I feel guilty. They seem to respect the boundary (which is all I can ask for) but I still struggle with setting it.

This sounds healthy. You either need to know them better before you can trust that they won’t react badly, or you need to know them well enough to say, “I really need you to be gentle with me, even if you disagree” before you can share certain things. Makes sense to me. And they seem like good people to respect that boundary with the potential to become trustworthy. It’s just not there yet for you, which is fine, regardless of how long it takes the “average” person to open up.

So the question I have is 'Is it normal to go to church with people and still keep a wall up?

It is normal to have “walls up” at the beginning of friendships, and for good friendships to gradually bring those walls down. Friendships are unlikely to grow if you don’t gradually let them down. But the friendships might not be real if you let them down too quickly either. You know yourself well enough to trust your comfort level.

Is it normal for me to say ‘I will sit alone but after church we can go for brunch?’

Who care’s if it’s normal? It is what makes you comfortable. My guess is that most people prefer to have someone to sit with. You don’t. No biggee. As you get to know these folks better, you’ll be more comfortable sharing your quirkiness with them. They’ll understand that CMSCMS cares a lot about them and is a great friend, but just prefers to sit by herself in the pew. The only time I’d say this isn’t ok is if you have a friend who is suffering and really feels better with other people. In that case, it would be the kind thing to do for a friend, so set aside your preferences and sit with them. But all things being equal, where you sit at Mass is just a preference. Not everyone looks at it the way you do, so you run the risk of offending someone if you turn them down. Just find a way to explain that it’s not personal, and that you like them, but that you have this little quirk. We all have quirks. My friends know mine, and while I do laugh about them, I expect them to respect me and my quirks.