How do you "submit to your husband"?

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I am very Chauvinistic, but when I was married, I always gave in to my wife to keep peace in the Family, but if it was the wrong decision, she couldnt blame me…LOL

Now that I am single? Thats another story. 😃
 
I don’t think anyone here is saying you have to put up with abuse- you’re allowed to leave if your husband is abusive. We are talking about decisions that may seem foolish (perhaps because they are.) I won’t go into details, but when I was married about a year, I left my husband for two weeks- mind you I was pregnant with our second child and had no money or job- until he could convince me that he was going to treat me properly. It was the first time he had ever behaved in such a manner and he knew if it ever happened again, I would be gone for good.
 
kbharbert said:
**i feel for you and all women who go through what you did.
too often though, the word ‘submission’ gets tied up with the immaturity and irresponsiblity of the supposed men in question.
the truth is: when the man is truly a God fearing ‘MAN’ and really wants what is best for his family, submission isn’t a chore.
yes…we women ARE given brains AND we are expected to use them.
being a helpmate to our husbands; being a good mother; making a house a home isn’t easy nor is it mindless work.
just as a king must take into account all the problems, wishes and hopes of his subjects, so must a husband take into account his wife and children.
‘submission’ is often thought of as a ‘do this; do that; it will be MY way’ sort of thing and it isn’t.
in a truly submissive marriage, the wife freely gives her opinions and has full trust that the final decisions made by her husband are A) spiritually led and B) in her and their children’s best interests.

**
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Thank you for your thoughtful advice, I am taking it to heart. 🙂
 
Fidelia said:
I agree. men and women are equal in dignity and worth, …
…
Also, as far as I know, the word “obey” is not in the marriage vows.
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When I was an altar boy, in the 1960’s, EVERY woman promised to “love, honor, and obey” her husband. No one composed their own vows.

The encyclicals by Pope Pius XICasti Connubii and by Pope Leo XIIIDivinum Arcanum Sapientiae are perfectly clear. Today few submit to Christ as Lord, to His commandments, to His Church, to the Magisterium, or to the Pope. Catholics forget the “assent of Faith” defined in Canon Law:

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Can. 750 §1. A person must believe with divine and Catholic faith all those things contained in the word of God, written or handed on, that is, in the one deposit of faith entrusted to the Church, and at the same time proposed as divinely revealed either by the solemn magisterium of the Church or by its ordinary and universal magisterium which is manifested by the common adherence of the Christian faithful under the leadership of the sacred magisterium; therefore all are bound to avoid any doctrines whatsoever contrary to them.
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outfctrl said:
I am very Chauvinistic, but when I was married, I always gave in to my wife to keep peace in the Family, but if it was the wrong decision, she couldnt blame me…LOL

Now that I am single? Thats another story. 😃
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**i had a friend once who tried tirelessly to convince me i should be insulted when she called me ‘mrs. cleaver’.
quite frankly, AS a wife, ‘i’ don’t WANT to be ‘head of the house’.
i have ENOUGH problems doing MY job.😃
**
 
kage_ar said:
Interesting, here is the text of the TLM Wedding Mass, only obey I see is in reference to God 🤷

fisheaters.com/holymatrimony.html

(Rite of Marriage, it is down the page a bit…)
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**when i got married in 1980 (a protestant service) we were given a choice whether to leave ‘obey’ in or replace it with something like ‘cherish’.
‘I’ chose for the word ‘obey’ to be used.
**
 
I’m not sure I want to get married because of this “submit to your husband” thing. -_-
 
Only an affluent, decadent society like ours could sit here and quibble about things like this.

This discussion (as is the usual course of this topic in general) now sounds like little children stamping their feet and simply saying, “Well I’m not gonna!”

Look to the Catholics of the third world. They need to be our guide. Ask them what they think of this issue.
 
Young engaged man (31) here. My take:

Men have the greater obligation and responsibility. Loving your wife as Christ loved the church means that you will die, literally if necessary, for her benefit and protection. Not only that, but a man must at times obey his wife as Christ obeys the church in that He is called down into the Sacrements of confession and Holy Eucharist. Love demands it.

Ephesians is not a crutch or an excuse to desire your wife be a slave. Obeying your husband does not give him the right to be petty and controlling. But when someone is in charge, they get the final say. As the centurion says, “I am subject to authority as I have soldiers subject to me.” I am a junior officer in the military and realize that; I live it.

The responsibility of being in charge is a heavy burden and the decisions that effect the family will have to be accounted for before the Judgement Seat, just as a junior officer is sometimes held accountable for his men’s actions.

Just my take, I’m probably a bit too young to be doleing out advice, but my fiancee and I have discussed this a bit and I thought I’d contribute.
 
Alphonsus_John said:
Young engaged man (31) here. My take:

Men have the greater obligation and responsibility. Loving your wife as Christ loved the church means that you will die, literally if necessary, for her benefit and protection. Not only that, but a man must at times obey his wife as Christ obeys the church in that He is called down into the Sacrements of confession and Holy Eucharist. Love demands it.

Ephesians is not a crutch or an excuse to desire your wife be a slave. Obeying your husband does not give him the right to be petty and controlling. But when someone is in charge, they get the final say. As the centurion says, “I am subject to authority as I have soldiers subject to me.” I am a junior officer in the military and realize that; I live it.

The responsibility of being in charge is a heavy burden and the decisions that effect the family will have to be accounted for before the Judgement Seat, just as a junior officer is sometimes held accountable for his men’s actions.

Just my take, I’m probably a bit too young to be doleing out advice, but my fiancee and I have discussed this a bit and I thought I’d contribute.
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**and that is exactly (imho) what a true ‘submissive’ wife (and husband) understand.
on the flip-side, it’s how my own marriage works so i am biased. 😃 ******
 
kbharbert said:
**i had a friend once who tried tirelessly to convince me i should be insulted when she called me ‘mrs. cleaver’.
quite frankly, AS a wife, ‘i’ don’t WANT to be ‘head of the house’.
i have ENOUGH problems doing MY job.😃
**
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Amen to that!
 
Cat said:
kittery, I’ve been married 28 years, and my husband and I are crazy in love with each other.

No, it’s not just spiritual.

The husband is the head of your household. He makes the final decisions.

Now he can defer those decision to YOU if he chooses. I know a lot of couples where the WIFE takes charge of the finances because she has a better understanding of money and is more frugal.

But the husband is still the head. In all things.

I would suggest that your husband needs to join a male accountability group in your church or find an accountability partner (an older, mature man) and bounce all those issues off of these men. He naturally resents a “female” telling him what to do; to put it bluntly, he feels “henpecked” or “nagged.” This is deadly to a marriage.

But if another man or men gives him advice, he won’t feel henpecked. It’s just the way men are.

I can assure you that mature men would have given him advice that would have led to the same decisions YOU made. However, they might have come up with even better alternatives. For example, they might have been able to give your husband leads (male networking) to a better, higher-paying job. Or they might have gotten together as a group, come over to your fixer-upper, and fixed-it-up in one weekend! Men are like that–they think differently than women and often, those thoughts are pretty good!

As a wife, I advise you to do everything in your POWER to affirm your husband’s masculinity and his role as the head of the household! If you continue to think that you are the “wise” one and that he is kind of “Everybody Loves Raymond stupid,” then the marriage won’t last. He will run. Ask him to get together with other men and form good male friendships and acquaintances so that he can bounce things off of them before making his decisions.
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This is really beautiful! Thank you for posting this. 🙂
 
reganq said:
I am a recovering rebel. I thrive on being contrary and a control freak (just ask DH). However, this quote from Ephesians has helped me on my journey to holiness. The marital relationship is one of the most beautiful gifts that God has given us. Unfortunately, our society has bought into the lie that obedience and service are bad things.

When you break apart the word “submission,” you have “sub-” and “mission.” Part of the etymology of “sub-” is “close to.” The final definition of “mission” is “vocation, calling.” But my favorite one is this: “a specific task with which a person or a group is charged.” (This info I obtained from Merriam Webster online.)

All submission means is that we, as wives, are cooperating with our husbands’ vocations. IMHO they have a much harder job than we do. Their calling is to keep us holy and without blemish so that we can get to Heaven.:heaven: All we are to do is to follow their guidance (i.e. obey) and serve them. This is no different from what our Church expects of all of us.

Now, all of that is obviously a (very lofty) goal. When it comes to real life for DH and myself, there are more arguments than I would like. I am still learning that I don’t always have to share the last word with my DH. Sometimes (and I don’t do this enough) I let God have my last word(s). :crossrc:

In a nutshell, I am learning that service and obedience are not bad things. God expects it from us. We expect it of our children. What is wrong with lovingly offering service and obedience to our DH’s? Granted I am still working on the “lovingly offering” part…:whistle:
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This made me great tears in my eyes. 👍
 
Eliza10 said:
Also I tell you my story to warn you from getting caught up in any Evangelical teaching about husbandly-headship. *The Evangelical way of teaching this supported my husbands selfishness and my copperation with the same. *And it will make a mess of your marriage and your life and your husband’s!

So I urge you: look to solid Catholic teaching on husbandly headship. There you can’t go wrong.

…http://www.optimalearning.com/images/artposters/pamela.jpg
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Your church at the time should have stepped in and tried to assist you and held your xdh accountable. (((hug))) I am so sorry that you had to experience this.
 
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