How do you survive after you learned that your daughter is homosexual?

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Do you think it’s possible homophobia is a genetic trait induced to ensure survival of the species? 😉

If everyone was homosexual there would be no reproduction and civilisation would end. 😉

There’s also the matter of HIV as nature’s way of eliminating people with the abovementioned disorder. 😉
It has been observed in other species that homosexuals do serve an important purpose in nature. Gay penguins have been observed caring for the chicks of other penguins who have died or otherwise cannot care for their young.

Also world wide more than 75% of all adult HIV infections are from heterosexual intercourse.
 
Gay penguins have been observed caring for the chicks of other penguins who have died or otherwise cannot care for their young.
Ahh, the gay penguins argument. How expected 😛

Does it not strike you that most mammals whether male or female will care for a vulnerable youngster?

What did you think would happen, the penguins would rip the baby penguins to pieces and feast on them? Honestly, what has happened to common sense.
 
Ahh, the gay penguins argument. How expected 😛

Does it not strike you that most mammals whether male or female will care for a vulnerable youngster?

What did you think would happen, the penguins would rip the baby penguins to pieces and feast on them? Honestly, what has happened to common sense.
First off penguins are not mammals, and second while penguins would not kill the babies, most mammals would. Adult male chimpanzees will often kill the children of other males and male lions have ben observed ripping cubs to pieces and feasting on them.

Honestly, what has ever happened to researching your arguments.
 
You love her unconditionally but also make it clear you do not approve of her lifestyle. You also pray for her unceasingly

To be honest once you get past the initial awkwardness it is not a major issue UNLESS she chooses to make it one. She shoul d not expect you to accept her “partner” as anything other than her friend and respect you enough to not engage in overt signs of affection with her partner in your presence.
This says it best.
 
Whoa you guys. Would I be welcome here if I was gay? Or bisexual? My mother would never, ever disown me or think of me less than her daughter. I know that because we had that talk a long, long time ago. But it doesn’t matter anyway, she’s dead now.
I can’t accept this immorality.
Honestly, the term *immorality *pains me. Too bad if that makes me an outcast. I wonder how many people here think I’m gay now?
 
I am a strong conservative Catholic, also was her. She is 20 and her father told me a week ago. I feel rejection, pain, sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality. How do I move on I do not even want to talk or see her anymore. I need help
Thanks
You are in shock . This will pass. Go online and get on the Encourage list and talk to the people there. Start reading up on how to navigate your relationship with your daughter. She’s your daughter. You can still love her.You not want to cut her out of your life because you are disappointed. How will you help her then? Who will pray for her? You are not the only parent who has suffered this.
Some book recommendations that I know others have found helpful are-

amazon.com/Where-Does-Mother-Go-Resign/dp/0871236060

amazon.com/Someone-Love-Gay-Friends-Respond/dp/0830819827

amazon.com/When-Homosexuality-Hits-Home-Theyre/dp/0736912010

Some articles-

catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0039.html

usccb.org/laity/always.shtml

:gopray:
 
First of all, do you know that your daughter is living a “gay lifestyle”. It can’t be assumed. Even if she is, you need to separate that from the idea that she is attracted to women, which is a situation she found herself in, not one she chose. It has nothing to do with you.

Consider that she likely knew how upset you would be, and has also very likely struggled with it herself before telling you. She thought it was important for you to know this because she wants you to continue to be close, and this looms quite large in her life right now. It likely would have been easier for her to say nothing. You are now in a position to be a great Catholic resource to her in how to deal with her situation, if she asks for your help. Not if you alienate her however.

I think it is unlikely that she is just experimenting. Girls who do this don’t usually identify as gay, and don’t tell their Catholic moms about it unless the hate them. There is good evidence that homosexuality is related to differences in brain structure in many cases, and if that is the case with your daughter she is unable to change that, even if she wants to.

Remember that many Catholics make it very difficult for homosexuals to live a Catholic life, and be conscious of not letting this happen to her. Catholic homosexuals can feel very alone and rejected, even when they are living a celibate life - celibacy in general can lead to loneliness. Some leave the Church because they cannot deal with the isolation.

If your daughter is living a participating in homosexual activity, I would be inclined to treat it just as if she were involved in an unmarried heterosexual relationship. You can tell her you think she shouldn’t, but don’t harp on it, it won’t convince her. Remember that young people often have to experience things before they really work through them - many kids try promiscuity before they realize why it is a problem, or partying before they realize drunkenness is bad. Even if they know it at an intellectual level before, it often takes more to know it in your bones. She will mature and change over the years.

In the end, if she decides on living her whole life in a way you don’t agree with, that’s what free will is about, and part of what parenthood is about. It not very likely she is trying to be, an immoral person, she is trying to figure things out like the rest of us.
 
I am a strong conservative Catholic, also was her. She is 20 and her father told me a week ago. I feel rejection, pain, sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality. How do I move on I do not even want to talk or see her anymore. I need help
Thanks
There is strong evidence of a biological component to homosexuality. If so, it’s not her fault her brain did not develop correctly. Don’t hold it against your daughter, but support her and love her. The Church does not teach that homosexual attraction itself is a sin, just homosexual acts.
 
Worried Mother, you are getting a lot of bad advice on this forum.

I know you must be devastated by your daughter’s actions. As a faithful Catholic who believes all the tenets of our faith, I know you are worried she is not going to make it to Heaven. Trust me, that is the **truest form of love **a mother can have for her child.

Offer sacrifices, prayers and fasting for the conversion of her soul.

I don’t know if I would cut her out of your life completely. I know it is very painful for you to see her right now but offer the pain up to God. Remember, her sins grieve Him much more than they grieve you. But you are united to God in grief for these actions.
 
{{{hugs}}} and prayers of peace for you. What strikes me first is that she is still your daughter. She is still that innocent little girl you rocked to sleep and saw off to school on her first day. You still have all the same history and experiences with her. None of that has left you. Try to concentrate on that when you think of her. She is still the same girl she was the day before you knew her sexual preference (if this is indeed her path, it very well may be, like was mentioned, an experiment).

**Ask St. Monica for support. ** Don’t let what may be an immature decision permanently scar your relationship.
Storm heaven on your daughter’s behalf. Love her still, but do not accept her sin (if she is acting out on this belief). And please do contact Encourage since they will have much more specific help and resources than we can offer.

I will be praying for you and her.
 
I want to thank everybody who took the time to write and comfort me. I will follow your suggestions. I feel the world will never be the same, my only support is praying and wait for the miracle of reverting her situation
God bless you all and thank your for your prayers
 
Adult male chimpanzees will often kill the children of other males and male lions have ben observed ripping cubs to pieces and feasting on them.
Excellent point - animals that don’t rip their young to pieces *must *thereforebe gay. 😛

If it could be shown that two male penguins actively engaged in sexual relations and biologically produced offspring then that would be an acceptable argument. However, we all know homosexuals can not produce their own offspring, so whilst they despise heterosexual couples as their ‘opposite’ they have to rely on them in order to ‘have’ a child (i.e. adopt).
 
I am a strong conservative Catholic, also was her. She is 20 and her father told me a week ago. I feel rejection, pain, sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality. How do I move on I do not even want to talk or see her anymore. I need help
Thanks
Well, if you’re really a strong conservative Catholic it should be extremely easy to envision yourself sitting among the weeds on your picnic blanket at the Sermon on the Mount. Can you see Christ? Can you hear Christ? His left hand is softly extended up toward God and His right hand is gently extended out toward us and He is slowly, clearly, thoughtfully, and gently explaining to us exactly how we are to conduct ourselves in this world: “Blessed be those who…” (I won’t repeat it here because I’m sure you well remember it all by heart!)
Blessed be to God.

Now that you have this beautiful sacred image anchored firmly in your mind, imagine what this world would have been like, what your own life would have been like, if rather than saying those words to us all, He had instead said this:
“I feel rejection, pain sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality!!! I do not even want to talk to or see you people anymore!!!”

You know how to move on. He told you.
 
That’s rubbish. There is anecdotal evidence that suggest women can kid themselves into being lesbian due to a bad experience with or mistrust of men. Maybe this girl has had a bad experience with someone which makes her feel her own gender will be a ‘safer option’.

You aren’t born gay. That’s nonsense. I could start wearing pink shirts and act like a girl, call myself gay and claim to be oppressed by anyone that doesn’t employ me (hmm actually that doesn’t sound like a bad plan!) but that doesn’t make me gay, indeed the thought of being gay disgusts me.
that is a bit harsh!! and anyway after some research i have found that that they dont know if you are born gay or become gay?? they have tested parts of the brain in a streat person and found they werent similar to that of a gay person its not proof of why it happens we may never know but who are you to say you arent born gay no one but god himself knows that for sure??
 
I want to thank everybody who took the time to write and comfort me. I will follow your suggestions. I feel the world will never be the same, my only support is praying and wait for the miracle of reverting her situation
God bless you all and thank your for your prayers
You’re right. The world is not going to be the same. But there can still be joy in it .
 
First of all, do you know that your daughter is living a “gay lifestyle”. It can’t be assumed. Even if she is, you need to separate that from the idea that she is attracted to women, which is a situation she found herself in, not one she chose. It has nothing to do with you.

Consider that she likely knew how upset you would be, and has also very likely struggled with it herself before telling you. She thought it was important for you to know this because she wants you to continue to be close, and this looms quite large in her life right now. It likely would have been easier for her to say nothing. You are now in a position to be a great Catholic resource to her in how to deal with her situation, if she asks for your help. Not if you alienate her however.

I think it is unlikely that she is just experimenting. Girls who do this don’t usually identify as gay, and don’t tell their Catholic moms about it unless the hate them. There is good evidence that homosexuality is related to differences in brain structure in many cases, and if that is the case with your daughter she is unable to change that, even if she wants to.

Remember that many Catholics make it very difficult for homosexuals to live a Catholic life, and be conscious of not letting this happen to her. Catholic homosexuals can feel very alone and rejected, even when they are living a celibate life - celibacy in general can lead to loneliness. Some leave the Church because they cannot deal with the isolation.

If your daughter is living a participating in homosexual activity, I would be inclined to treat it just as if she were involved in an unmarried heterosexual relationship. You can tell her you think she shouldn’t, but don’t harp on it, it won’t convince her. Remember that young people often have to experience things before they really work through them - many kids try promiscuity before they realize why it is a problem, or partying before they realize drunkenness is bad. Even if they know it at an intellectual level before, it often takes more to know it in your bones. She will mature and change over the years.

In the end, if she decides on living her whole life in a way you don’t agree with, that’s what free will is about, and part of what parenthood is about. It not very likely she is trying to be, an immoral person, she is trying to figure things out like the rest of us.
This is the best answer I’ve read. I’m the gay daughter in my family and I have been BLESSED with parents who love me unconditionally. I know how they feel about homosexual relationships, just as I know how they feel about sex outside of marriage, drug use, alcohol abuse, smoking and missing Mass. Even though I know all those things, I also know that even if I do them, they still love ME. They might not approve of my choices, but they do not stop loving ME. I feel the same way about them, if they were making a choice that I knew was wrong, I wouldn’t stop loving them.

I agree that the OP should try and find other Catholic parents through Courage, they might be able to help. I would also suggest talking to a Priest or Sister. I know my parents got a lot of help from our Pastor back in the day, and from one of the Sisters who taught me in college.

I know how hard it was for the OP’s daughter to tell her, it’s probably the most difficult thing she ever did. She knows in her heart that it’s not a phase, and it’s probably something she’s known for a long time before working up the nerve to talk about it. I knew my whole life, I never “chose” it and it’s likely she didn’t either.
 
I haven’t read through the whole thread yet, but the only way to “survive” anything is to trust God and pray.

Also, please do not reject your daughter. She is a gift given specifically to you from God. Ask God to give you the grace and love necessary to love her as Christ would. Loving her does not mean accepting her sin. God made you, out of all the women in the world, her mother and He also made her and knew that this would be something she would struggle with. Your abandoning her will only harden her heart towards God. God loves you even though you sin and He calls us to love each other even though we are all sinners. Pray for her and love her. Please, please do not deny her your love, as a daughter, I can tell you that I know no greater earthly fear or pain than losing the love of my parents. Plus, know that since she is struggling with this sin her soul is in turmoil. Have pity and mercy on her for this battle and pray for strength for her to find wisdom. It may be that this is a cross she has to bear, an opportunity she has to deny herself for the Lord.
 
I am a strong conservative Catholic, also was her. She is 20 and her father told me a week ago. I feel rejection, pain, sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality. How do I move on I do not even want to talk or see her anymore. I need help
Thanks
God bless and good day to you! HANG IN THERE! Keep praying, sometimes it’s just a phase, I know of a lot of girls that in their early 20s to their early 30’s do this kind of stuff, yes it’s immoral, yes it’s wrong, yes it is devastating to hear or even learn about such things but sometimes it can pass…I have a friend whom wasn’t homosexual whom after she went to jail for a few years after defending against her exhusband was found guilty because he had money and she was some poor woman with 2 kids, and he kept raping her and everything else they sent her for I believe 5 years in minimum security, and there she found many women willing to comfort and make her feel loved. She started having homosexual partners…After she got out she was round 25 years old, and she was still attracted to men, but can’t help herself around women either…She fights and she tried starting her life over, met this great guy and they were together for 2 years, they were engaged and she ended up getting pg, right after the baby was born he just split for no reason! I couldn’t believe it, I felt so bad for her…A single mom of 3 kids now looking for love and found it in another woman…Today I haven’t heard that she’s with a woman, it’s been a few months since I have spoken with her but she tells me that if she would have never gone to jail she would have never even thought of wanting women…

I know of several girls that did this during college and right after college stopped being bi…OR even homosexual…

Other times girls get confused because their best friends are there and they are so close or they get influenced by the wrong people to think it’s ok…when it really isn’t and soon they realize how wrong it is and they get out of their phase…

I have another couple of friends whom are BI, and were together for a long time, even got married. I wasn’t going to stop talking to them because of what they did, one is Catholic and I began reminding her of her doings since she was still attracted to men and so was her wife… I know horrible does it sound…BUT she caught her wife with a man one time while she was away on business, and left her…She decided to stick with men…And said she couldn’t believe how childish she was about getting with her best friend and marrying her when that’s all they should have ever stayed as…

I think that as long as you continue being there for her, advise her as much as possible, speak to her about the word of GOD and hopefully soon the Holy Spirit will guide her through this and she will be a dedicated child of Christ…

Don’t stop praying and keep your head up! Keep fighting for your daughter, not against your daugther…Keep praying and still remember to love her no matter what… AND keep speaking to her about GOD and his eternal love…Hopefully things will go well for you soon!
 
OUTSTANDING answer. You made me realize I have to forgive, love and give… I will try to talk to her, still can’t do it.Thankk you

QUOTE=former Catholic;5479366]Well, if you’re really a strong conservative Catholic it should be extremely easy to envision yourself sitting among the weeds on your picnic blanket at the Sermon on the Mount. Can you see Christ? Can you hear Christ? His left hand is softly extended up toward God and His right hand is gently extended out toward us and He is slowly, clearly, thoughtfully, and gently explaining to us exactly how we are to conduct ourselves in this world: “Blessed be those who…” (I won’t repeat it here because I’m sure you well remember it all by heart!)
Blessed be to God.

Now that you have this beautiful sacred image anchored firmly in your mind, imagine what this world would have been like, what your own life would have been like, if rather than saying those words to us all, He had instead said this:
“I feel rejection, pain sorrow. I can’t accept this immorality!!! I do not even want to talk to or see you people anymore!!!”

You know how to move on. He told you.
 
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